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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Amanda29 on October 17, 2008, at 19:29:37
In reply to Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 17, 2008, at 19:08:08
I was adopted into my family and so I do not know if I got my mental illness from my parents or what not. I do know that in the family I am with now, depression and anxiety are pretty strong. But, I present with major depression, severe anxiety, Borderline personality,OCD, PTSD, and Bipolar Disorder...plus severe issues of abandonment.
My T does use the DSM to diagnose..BUT...he doesnt believe in labels...so he never really tells his patients their diagnosis. I just know because of previous therapists... I didnt understand for a while why he didnt want to be completely honest with his patients and tell them what was wrong with them, and he told me that there is more to it than labels. He didn't want me to spend my life living under a label and feeling like it was a death sentence and that I couldnt enjoy my life because I was "mental". So he told me he likes to focus on the symptoms and not the label and to target the symptoms that are causing me trouble and help me to make things easier.
Anyway, that is my 2 cents... :)
Posted by Dinah on October 17, 2008, at 19:44:08
In reply to Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 17, 2008, at 19:08:08
My mother has some mental illness on her side of the family. Either schizophrenia or bipolar I. I'm not sure which. Two siblings and a niece and nephew. Another sibling with anxiety and depression. Other siblings that appear to be just fine, and maybe even better than fine.
My father's family has a strong family history of alchoholism and other addictions, and while the mental health history isn't well documented, from what I've seen there's major depression and anxiety.
I think it might be hard to find a family of any size without mental health problems.
On the other hand, both my parents themselves show signs of mental illness, although neither sought help. My dad was probably an alchoholic even tho he rarely actually appeared inebriated. But I think he was self medicating for anxiety and especially depression. My mother at the very least has OCD based on her hoarding. But also her grasp on reality is not always that strong.
I wish they had been more open to seeking treatment.
Posted by Amanda29 on October 17, 2008, at 20:11:07
In reply to Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 17, 2008, at 19:08:08
I just posted something and my computer messed up ..so if this shows up twice...sorry...
I wanted to say, my mom definately shows signs of mental illness but she is to stubborn to admit it. It makes me crazy because she goes around accusing me of being the one that is sick and she told me when I was 23...I am now 29...that well, first, she was mad because I was in therapy and I was telling my therapist more than I was her..and I was developing a good relationship with my T and my mom was jealous and told me that she thought it was just great that I could pour my life out to a complete stranger but not to her. And anyway the fight went on and I asked her why she didnt want to go get help from a therapist and she told me...she believes in GOD..and that God will heal her...that she doesn't need to be paying money to a person to tell her what he/she thinks is wrong with her...she said that God will heal her.
BUT..I was obviously the one that was clearly sick and I am the person that needs therapy. She told me that therapy is for the sick..and I definately fit that mold.
There has not been a day that has gone by that my mom has not let me forget that I am sick.
I have accepted the fact that I am "sick". I am ok with it. I don't like it, but it is what it is, and with good help...FROM MY THERAPIST...and from people who love me...I am becoming a stronger, better individual.
Posted by muffled on October 17, 2008, at 20:28:00
In reply to Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 17, 2008, at 19:08:08
ummmm I think its a very rare family indeed that doesn't have some mental illnees or addictions in it somewhere....
Its just noone talks bout it.
M
Posted by llurpsienoodle on October 17, 2008, at 21:28:06
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your...., posted by muffled on October 17, 2008, at 20:28:00
Funny,
I was just talking with T today about older brother. I had never really given T a good idea of the depth of disorder that surrounded me growing up. He was rather amazed to hear that older brother was in psychiatric hospital for a year.He did help me reframe something, however. Since my older bro is functional bipolar I without any treatment, just by sheer willpower, it demonstrates a lot of resilience in my family. Not that my older bro doesn't suffer any, not that he couldn't benefit from treatment... BUT...somehow he manages to support his family, and his kids are absolutely hilarious clever little gems, with nary a noncompliant bone in their body.
just because I have an older brother with Hx of severe bipolar1, (and dad with aspergers, and uncle with schizo and ... and and...! the list just goes on and on!) it doesn't doom me to a life of misery.
Also, knowing my family's mental health history helped me figure out how best to manage my mood disorder. So, the only med that ever helped my older bro was lithium. Well, it kind of makes sense that I do better on a mood stabilizer as well.
-Ll
Posted by onceupon on October 17, 2008, at 22:23:18
In reply to Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 17, 2008, at 19:08:08
This is a tough one for me. Not in the sense of disclosing mental illness in my family. Yes, there is. I *think* my mother and sister both struggle with depression. And my sister has also had an eating disorder. And I suspect my grandmother was depressed too. But I know this only by inference because *no one* has ever talked about it. Of course, I'm included in the conspiracy of silence. I'm not yet ready to broach that with my family of origin, but I hope against hope that I can talk about it with my son.
The other reason this is tough for me is that I swore up and down in my early 20's that I would never have children, because I would never want to pass on what I was experiencing (unrelenting depression) to anyone. And now I have a son. It's too early to tell whether he will be influenced by depression in the same way as I have. But I worry.
Posted by turtle on October 17, 2008, at 22:54:20
In reply to Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 17, 2008, at 19:08:08
I've thought about my parents quite a bit lately with the mental illness question.
Both of my parents have severe issues. But what? If I had to pick the things out of the DSM that were closest to how they are I would not be able to do it. I'm not a pro, admittedly, but I've adsorbed quite a bit in the past few years of trying to figure out my own stuff that it seems I should be able to define things better? I agree, it's not all about the DSM.. It's not always easy to put things into categories.
What bothers me the most though is my father. Maybe this isn't a good thing to say, but I've always thought of both of my parents as beyond help. I just can't imagine either of them in therapy. My dad was mandated to go to therapy briefly once and he totally manipulated the situation. The disturbing thing though is that as I have worked on becoming more self aware in my therapy, I began to use many of the same terms to describe myself as I do when I think about my dad. I see many similarities between us, both in our struggles and in the messed up ways that we cope. What does that mean for me? If I am to acknowledge that my father and I are similar, one of these views has to shift. Am I as beyond hope as he is? Or do I re-examine my judgment of him? (Understanding and forgiveness?) I'm not ready to go there at all.
Ok, I just upset myself. I need to go spend some time remembering all of our differences now! The choices you make play a part in this too!
Turtle
Posted by Kath on October 17, 2008, at 23:21:37
In reply to Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 17, 2008, at 19:08:08
Daughter & son - depression
Son - also schizophrenia (but I think drugs were the thing that filled the barrel just TOO full; don't think it would have materialized if drugs hadn't been abused to such a great extent)I think my Dad's Mom might have had depression or anxiety. I know she was a worrier.
Mom's sister had mental illness. She was in the "mental hospital" in Toronto, Ontario, back in the days when it was called "999 Queen Street" & she had shock therapy there. Her daughter had mental health problems.
Me - anxiety & depression & I guess some selective obsessiveness.
:-))))))) but I can still give you a nice smile!
(today, anyway!!!)
Kath
Posted by seldomseen on October 18, 2008, at 8:02:26
In reply to Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 17, 2008, at 19:08:08
My mother has bipolar I. My father has intermittent explosive disorder. I probably have strong bipolar tendencies and major depression. My brother is an alcoholic, god only knows what lies under that addiction.
Seldom
Posted by Suedehead on October 18, 2008, at 9:24:08
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your...., posted by seldomseen on October 18, 2008, at 8:02:26
mental illness abounds on both sides of my family, i think, though no one ever talks about it. various aunts and uncles have struggled/are struggling with alcoholism, cocaine addiction, major depression, etc. my maternal grandmother is probably schizophrenic, but is undiagnosed. two of my cousins are battling anorexia, one is severely depressed and addicted to various stimulants. the list goes on. however, my parents are surprisingly 'healthy'--i think that my dad has some problems with anxiety and mild depression, and my mom has some obsessive tendencies, but that's about it. according to my official diagnosis i'm dysthymic, but my t has never talked to me about this--i assume that he just had to put something down for insurance purposes. still, it's probably about right.
Posted by Nadezda on October 18, 2008, at 10:27:13
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your...., posted by Suedehead on October 18, 2008, at 9:24:08
Hmm. No one that I know of in my family had any particular mental illness.
Maybe they weren't the most sociable, friendly, open-hearted people one could imagine. But they seem to have functioned with fairly unremarkable effectiveness.
I wish there was a history of something. Maybe somebody was a bit depressed-- my mother vaguely says-- but it wasn't enough to become family lore handed down-- or to have caused that much of a stir, or to have landed anyone in a hospital, a psychiatrist's office, or a jail.
Well I did have an uncle who was a lawyer who embezzled money from his clients. But no one said he was mentally ill. Just unethical, and undisciplined, and given to indulging his impulses, without regard for the law, or perhaps decency. Anyway, our family fortune, such as it was, was dispersed in paying back his clients.
I seem to come from long line of undistinguished, lumpen proletariat, slightly unsuccessful, itinerant peddlers, plumbing suppliers, and dry goods salespeople. My grandfather invented a bunch of plumbing contrivances. He never seems to have invented anything that caught on, though.
Nadezda
Posted by JayMac on October 18, 2008, at 12:39:33
In reply to Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 17, 2008, at 19:08:08
Wow, thanks for all the responses!!!
In terms of my own family, the one that kills me the most is that my mom developed schizophrenia 10 years ago. It's a late onset, which is rare. Most people develop it in their late teens, early twenties. That was (and continues to be) difficult. During the beginning stages, I was in denail that anything was wrong. I had way too much going on with myself: major depression! She would acknowledge that I was unhappy, but that was the extent of it. Given the severity of her state (she became suicidal) I had to move out and live with other family before starting high school. I was told, "Oh, maybe you can go back and ilve with your mom in a couple weeks." Then it became, "Well, maybe a month or two." After several months, I slowly began to realize that my mom was no longer present in my life. She will never be the same again. It's sad. I want to cry. With the help, support, and comfort of my T, I'm in the middle of grieving her. Thank God I have an amazing T!During that time, no one knew what was wrong. After a few months, I was given the information that she was schizophrenic. I had no idea what that label meant. I only knew that it was scary living with her and it was scary living without her. But that meant I could never live with her again. I didn't begin to understand schizophrenia until my first year of college, and even then, I intellectualized its meaning.
Anyhow, about my other family members: I have a grandmother who should really be on anti-anixety medication. My dad has many signs of a narcissistic personality as well as anxiety with hints of paranoia. My brother deals with a low grade depression here and there. I'm sure there's more, it's hard to tell because much of my family I don't see that often. Like many families, family is great at keeping secrets.
Myself: I've dealt with anxiety since I was 7 and depression since I was 11. I've also battled against an eating disorder. Currently, I have many diagnoses, but I pretty much don't care about the labels, they do not define my personality and my character. They only describe, in little detail, symptoms.
There's a whole lot of denial in my family. We didn't speak of such unplesant things. Much of my family tires very hard to make sure everythings looks normal and everyone seems okay. And they really haven't witnessed my own distress.
So....yeah......it's hard to talk about my mom. It brings back a tremendous amount of memories of what she used to be like, and all the good times we had together. Then I think about what she's like now and how medication barely relieves her pain.
It feels better to know that I am not alone.
Peace,
JayMac
Posted by nellie77 on October 18, 2008, at 14:43:50
In reply to Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 17, 2008, at 19:08:08
There is mental illness in my family as well. A lot of it was never diagnosed and it was rather late when I began to realize it. Growing up without knowing one is mentally ill is hard enough, but having additional family members' severe symptoms taken for granted only adds to the confusion and leads to inevitable, mutual negative effect.
Posted by vwoolf on October 18, 2008, at 15:50:43
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 18, 2008, at 12:39:33
That sounds very painful, JayMac, awful to witness and live through your mother's disintegration. I am really sorry.
Posted by rskontos on October 18, 2008, at 16:21:05
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your.... » JayMac, posted by vwoolf on October 18, 2008, at 15:50:43
If I had to dx my mother I would say either Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar. I think she had delusions or pychosis but my p-doc argues with me which then just makes her cruel. I was trying to give her delusions so she would have been so cruel.
My father is distant and aloof totally. He told me when I was younger and again now that I am older he never wanted me or my sisters. Nice man huh. But if I was to say something to him right now about that he would deny it. So I am not sure what i would label him or than someone who did not seem to know how to love his children nor did he give a damn. He still is this way.
My mother's brother was an alcoholic. It eventually killed him.
My mother's other brother will not have anything to do with his family especially my mother due to stuff she did to him. My mother is dead now but he still stays away. He did not attend my mother, his sister's funeral. I don't really know him. Just a few memories of him as a child. Probably the only happy ones I have were hanging with him.
I suspect there were others.
rsk
Posted by lucie lu on October 18, 2008, at 16:27:56
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 18, 2008, at 12:39:33
Jay,
My family is a classic study in genetics. Nearly everyone in my family (for three generations at least) has had 3 or more of the following: alcoholism, depression or mood instability (incl bipolar), ADHD, SAD, fibromyalgia, sleep or eating disorders, school phobia. We really should be in some study, there is such a strong genetic component. I know many studies have strung many of these factors together, and they do seem to come together in our family. Clearly there is a neurological basis for most if not all of these conditions. Then of course IRL, living among these conditions doesn't exactly lead to optimal family dynamics either! It's hard to know what's normal when you grow up in such an environment.
I am so sorry that you have had to deal with your mother's schizophrenia when you were growing up. I really can't imagine the pain it must have caused. Your story reminds me of a chapter of the book "In Session" in which the daughter of a schizophrenic mother tries to work through her years of pain with a T who eventually serves as a mother substitute and enables her to complete her growing up, in therapy. Have you read it? It made me cry, it is so very moving.
Bear hugs and love to you, friend.
Lucie
Posted by JayMac on October 18, 2008, at 16:54:02
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your.... » JayMac, posted by vwoolf on October 18, 2008, at 15:50:43
Yeah....it was difficult. Thanks for your response =)
Posted by JayMac on October 18, 2008, at 16:56:21
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your...., posted by lucie lu on October 18, 2008, at 16:27:56
I have read that book! I read it this summer when I was having some major trouble with understanding my transference. It's amazing!! I recommend it to ANYONE: Patients and therapists.
Hugs right back! Thank you =)
Posted by Phillipa on October 18, 2008, at 20:10:42
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your.... » lucie lu, posted by JayMac on October 18, 2008, at 16:56:21
How old was your Mom when dx'd and what triggered the diagnosis and of course don't have to answer but sometime scizophrenic is mistaken for bipolar so curious. Love Phillipa and so sorry.
Posted by obsidian on October 18, 2008, at 22:37:36
In reply to Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 17, 2008, at 19:08:08
you know it is a good question, and I often try to put pieces together to understand what might be considered some type of illness within my family.
Truly, I don't know. I can see that there is some "strangeness" for sure, and I can even say that yes, I believe that there is to some extent what might be called "mental illness" in my family, but poorly understood..
let me jot down a few of the things that have made me wonder....my father- a generally strange guy, we don't know what it is with him, but apparently he attacked the cops that he believed were making fun of him and then he was arrested. He then saw a court ordered psychiatrist and was put on depakote.
He apparently then focused his energy on having his writing published which would expose their wrongdoing. This happened just a few years ago. He is also an alcoholic, but I believe he no longer drinks. I am estranged from him.
Apparently his cousin takes medication for bipolar disorder.my grandmother (paternal)- apparently spent some time in psych units, tried to kill herself by sticking her head in the oven, severe alcoholic
my grandfather (paternal)- severe alcoholic, managed to become sober after his doc said he was going to die otherwisemy uncle (maternal side)- apparently many years ago he was diagnosed with "paranoid schizophrenia"
He was an odd, isolated and paranoid guy, and as per my mother he did believe that neighbors were spying on him and that the radio was talking to him. He also became paranoid about my mother at some point which frightened my mother.
Other relatives said that he had "episodes". He was in a psych unit more than once. His "pills" were kept in sight of my mother who knew that her mother made sure that he took them. My uncle's father said that "the devil got him"
He lived in squalor as we finally found out after he died and had to go through the incredible filth and clutter that he left behind in the house he lived alone in.my mother - she can be one seriously labile person, problems with alcohol
my grandmother (maternal) - my siblings have told me she was diagnosed with something that began with a "b", they don't know what, she could be quite nasty
my sister- at least one episode of major depression
my brother- depression, don't know if he's gone for meds, has taken st. john's wort, a little heavy on the drinking
who knows....
Posted by obsidian on October 18, 2008, at 22:50:20
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your...., posted by JayMac on October 18, 2008, at 12:39:33
I am so sorry JayMac that your mom is ill.
I am very interested in how people deal with psychosis. I hope you don't mind me asking, but what is her understanding of what has happened with her?
be well,
sid
Posted by JayMac on October 19, 2008, at 13:33:26
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your.... » JayMac, posted by Phillipa on October 18, 2008, at 20:10:42
My mom was diagnosed when she was about 40. My mom is more schizoaffective than schizophrenic. Schizoaffective includes depressive symptoms along with delusions. She's not bipolar (good question!), but I display some bipolar symptomology when I'm not on a mood stablizer.
Posted by JayMac on October 19, 2008, at 13:54:22
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your.... » JayMac, posted by obsidian on October 18, 2008, at 22:50:20
Great question! Honestly, I'm not sure if she fully understands her state of mind. Without medication she is gravely disabled-meaning that she unable to take proper care of herself (basic stuff like showering, eating, and such). Even with medication, she is unable to drive more than 5-10 minutes from her home, so basically to her doctor's off, to her mom's house, and to the grocery store. She also has trouble with both long and short term memory, she'll forget how to get to places that she frequents. She has trouble remembering my age. She'll make up a lot of stories about herself and other family members. For example, she'll call me and tell me, with the upmost conviction, that my brother is having another baby. I'll call my brother and he'll tell me that our mom is having crazy thoughts (in a jokingly and loving way, we try to make light of the situation). My mom is single(divorced my father 20 years ago), and it's devastating to hear her stories (delusions) that she met a wonderful guy and they are spending time together. She has a male roommate, but it's not a romance, it's more of caretaking friendship. He's got his own issues, but he makes sure my mom is generally ok. Her mom, my grandmother, lives close by, but their relationship is up and down.
Anyhow, that's more than what I can handle to write right now. Even writing that brings up a whole lot of stuff that I've pushed away.
I appreciate your interest =)
Posted by obsidian on October 19, 2008, at 17:44:21
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your.... » obsidian, posted by JayMac on October 19, 2008, at 13:54:22
thanks JayMac for sharing that...
we shouldn't have to go through such things should we? I also tend to think that loss comes in many forms.
I guess I continue to grapple with my own and other people's limitations and being ok with them.
it's not easy
((((you))))
sid
Posted by Phillipa on October 19, 2008, at 18:58:46
In reply to Re: Mental Illness in Your.... » Phillipa, posted by JayMac on October 19, 2008, at 13:33:26
JayMac thanks for the explanation so you can be schizoaffetive and not show signs til that late in life. Thanks again and btw a great thread!!!! Lots of alcholism and anxiety in my family. Phillipa
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