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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 10derHeart on July 10, 2008, at 19:59:54
It's been 64 days since I moved. It's still really hard to accept this is a permanent condition, never seeing my T. in person, and having that be, well, in essence - forever. Okay, *maybe* some day I can afford to go back where I used to live for a brief visit, but that is just a dream right now. Besides, to start the pain of leaving him all over again....hmm. I'm pretty sure I would do it, that it would be worth it, but then I imagine walking away again as I just had to and wow.... So, I try to remember this is life now.
He answers my emails all the time. We arrange a phone call every other week or so. Once, about 5 weeks back, he called me out of the blue one day, and said it was because he had the time and though it would be "nice." Well, DUH - it was more like freakin' amazing! He also called me when my cat died and when I was unexpectedly in the hospital last week. He's so wonderful, and yet....nothing is *ever* enough when you've had that close relationship, in person, for a long time. And, well, when I had to move (okay, I *chose* to move) I was hardly "done" with therapy, not even close :-( sigh.
And my kitty who was my best buddy for 17+ years had to go to heaven on 6/24. It was really sad, and definitely before I was ready, but he was really, really sick. Mostly, I'm alright, but some days..... I know missing animals and wonderful therapists is only a measure of how much they mean/meant to you, and I wouldn't really want to stop the feelings of understandable grief. But they can get so strong.....they about take my breath away for a minute.
Not sure what made me post this today. I mean, what's to complain about? This man is 100% rock solid to his word about staying in touch, and he tolerates every sort of email you can imagine kindly and calmly. Wouldn't so many posters - past and present - whose therapists "don't believe in" contact after therapy is concluded (I don't use the Other T. word) or have been firmly trained it wouldn't be therapeutic to stay in touch - wouldn't they love to be in my shoes? Still, as I've pointed out to him and he totally agrees, in a twisted way it hurts to still talk so often as it reminds me he's there and I'm not, and it sort of keeps the wound open. It's an evolving relationship that we can't explain - not therapy, not friendship - stuck in between, yet really valuable and worthwhile for us both, it seems. One time, after I wrote some angst-filled email about things like: "WHY do you talk to me, I'm not paying, I'm nothing, I'm an ex-client, WHY - are you obligated? Are you sick of me yet? Does this have a time limit? What is this, anyway" And more, etc., etc. - he wrote back and [in part] said; "Nope. None of that stuff. I care about you, 10derHeart, the person. I continue to be concerned that you are so sad and hurt sometimes. It matters to me, too, that you left and I call & write because I WANT to, and I think I will keep doing it." Like I said, he's awesome and he "gets" it and me.
This is just a confusing transitional time in my life, I suppose. At least my name isn't Cheer Bear, or I'd really sound ridiculous today....
Posted by Annierose on July 10, 2008, at 20:33:39
In reply to I miss my T. and my kitty, posted by 10derHeart on July 10, 2008, at 19:59:54
Thank you for posting today. I'm glad you did. I often think about how you are doing. Your relationship with your therapist is wonderful. Thank goodness he is comfortable with writing and calling ... he does care and wants you to know he still thinks about you and your well being.
I love what he wrote to you. Print it and keep it on your bathroom mirror.
I'm sorry to hear your kitty died ... as if your heart wasn't already aching.
Keep checking in when you have time.
Didn't you move in part to be closer to your daughter and/or granddaughter? How is that going?
Posted by Dinah on July 11, 2008, at 9:05:44
In reply to I miss my T. and my kitty, posted by 10derHeart on July 10, 2008, at 19:59:54
((((10der))))
You have an amazing relationship with your therapist.
Posted by Lucie Lu on July 11, 2008, at 9:12:18
In reply to I miss my T. and my kitty, posted by 10derHeart on July 10, 2008, at 19:59:54
I second Dinah's comment. This may sound strange but our relationships with our Ts and pets share a similarity - they are both limited but can be some of the deepest bonds we can possess with another being. And once you've formed that sort of bond, it hurts like hell to lose it. But they've changed your life and you'll never forget them, they'll always be with you.Lucy
Posted by Phillipa on July 11, 2008, at 11:05:19
In reply to Re: I miss my T. and my kitty, posted by Lucie Lu on July 11, 2008, at 9:12:18
10derheart google Rainbow's Bridge musical one about pets death as four years later I grieve my two little dogs and still now have two more not the same although I love them it's not the same. It's a very emotional site. Great about your therapist and I do relate about your kitty. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on July 11, 2008, at 11:51:23
In reply to Re: I miss my T. and my kitty, posted by Lucie Lu on July 11, 2008, at 9:12:18
>
> I second Dinah's comment. This may sound strange but our relationships with our Ts and pets share a similarity - they are both limited but can be some of the deepest bonds we can possess with another being.Lucy, I really like that analogy. When it's written that way, I can really see how it's always been a factor in my attachments. Maybe the limits in some areas allow the depth in others. Like a river that is surrounded by levees.
Posted by Lucie Lu on July 11, 2008, at 12:17:05
In reply to Re: I miss my T. and my kitty » Lucie Lu, posted by Dinah on July 11, 2008, at 11:51:23
My T once told me that (although he is not an analyst himself) when he was just starting out, he went through full analysis, 4x per week, for years. He said that the bond with his analyst was incredibly deep, perhaps deeper than any bond outside of therapy could *or should* be. This must be what he meant. Maybe boundaries and the therapeutic frame really do serve us well in some respects, enabling us to love as deeply as we are able to.-Lucie
Posted by 10derHeart on July 12, 2008, at 0:19:13
In reply to Re: I miss my T. and my kitty » 10derHeart, posted by Annierose on July 10, 2008, at 20:33:39
> Thank you for posting today. I'm glad you did.
How sweet. You are a doll.
> I often think about how you are doing.
That's amazing. It's hard to grasp being *known* much here, especially since I hardly ever post any more :-( Makes me feel.....special.
> Your relationship with your therapist is wonderful. Thank goodness he is comfortable with writing and calling ... he does care and wants you to know he still thinks about you and your well being.
All true. I know what a huge blessing he is to my life.
> I love what he wrote to you. Print it and keep it on your bathroom mirror.
That's an excellent idea! Easier than searching back through emails, you know, when I totally forget who he is, or that he's *real*.....
> I'm sorry to hear your kitty died ... as if your heart wasn't already aching.Yes - moving, losing T. I love (well, not totally lost, but a significant blow to end actual therapy abruptly), and then the cat couldn't hang on - all in about 6 weeks...it's hard. But not too hard....I am getting by and keeping my perspective....
> Keep checking in when you have time.
> Didn't you move in part to be closer to your daughter and/or granddaughter? How is that going?I'll try but I find it awfully hard to post. I've been twisting that problem around and around in my head for months and have still never figured out the root of the posting paralysis...
It's wonderful seeing my family many times a week. We live about 10 mins apart. I can't imagine life without that little girl - she is almost 18 months old and she and I are best buddies :-) I have serious case of grandmother-head-over-heels in love with her! My D and SIL helped each other out with lots of different moving in problems and adjustments. And then I needed unexpected surgery last week (minor) and my daughter was right here to go to the ER and all that. It's priceless. So, I have no regrets, really. Thank you so much for asking, Annie.
Posted by 10derHeart on July 12, 2008, at 0:20:08
In reply to Re: I miss my T. and my kitty, posted by 10derHeart on July 12, 2008, at 0:19:13
Posted by antigua3 on July 12, 2008, at 11:00:16
In reply to Re: I miss my T. and my kitty, posted by 10derHeart on July 12, 2008, at 0:19:13
Posted by 10derHeart on July 12, 2008, at 14:30:17
In reply to Re: I miss my T. and my kitty » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on July 11, 2008, at 9:05:44
Posted by 10derHeart on July 12, 2008, at 14:33:05
In reply to Re: I miss my T. and my kitty, posted by Lucie Lu on July 11, 2008, at 9:12:18
Wow....I never thought of it that way. I really like that - so simple yet profound. It's about differnt sorts of boundaries, I guess, but then, what's "left over" that the two beings can share - the nature of the loving relationships - is even more precious sand deeper somehow.
But you already said it better :-) Thanks for 'talking' with me.
Posted by 10derHeart on July 12, 2008, at 14:48:44
In reply to Re: I miss my T. and my kitty, posted by Phillipa on July 11, 2008, at 11:05:19
Thanks, Phillipa :-) I do know about that website - think I went on it a while back, around 2001 when I lost kitty #1. It is really intense there, and I may not be ready for that yet, but I'm glad you reminded me. Maybe when enough time goes by I'll check it out again.
I know you do understand. Lots of animal lovers here on Babble, I've noticed :-)
Posted by Phillipa on July 12, 2008, at 19:19:02
In reply to Re: I miss my T. and my kitty » Phillipa, posted by 10derHeart on July 12, 2008, at 14:48:44
I understand and unconditional love from a pet that no human can provide In my opinion. And they need us and I like to feel needed. Love Phillipa
Posted by 10derHeart on July 12, 2008, at 22:42:46
In reply to I'm always happy to see you too! (nm) » 10derHeart, posted by antigua3 on July 12, 2008, at 11:00:16
This is the end of the thread.
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