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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by star008 on December 26, 2007, at 19:29:00
i tried and i got through the holdiays they are over, almost. I am so tired and so discouraged and it is hard to think of going through another year of this. i don't see any way out right now. I try to hope that things will change but i have been waiting and hoping for soooo long now. I am so depressed. I went out to the store and was looking at things for next xmas cuz they're so cheap now but part of me just isn't sure i am gonna be here next year.. I'm sorry, that is really depressing, isn't it? I see my P doc in a couple of weeks..htat discourages me too since nothing seems to work for me. Sometimes a med works for a little bit and I think I can get my life together and then it just poops out on me.
don't want to call my T because i have nothing to say except I am so tired and so depressed. And it is embarrassing to be me . I just can't get it together. I want to take a bunch of pain pills and forget everythng but i don't have any.. I want to disappear and not feel anything. I have been alone in my house for close to a week..
thanks for lsitening to me complain..
Posted by Maxime on December 26, 2007, at 19:36:46
In reply to . i've had enough. how long can i go on like this, posted by star008 on December 26, 2007, at 19:29:00
I wish I could be upbeat and tell you everything is going to be okay. But I feel the same way you do.
On the positive side you do have a T and a psychiatrist and I think together, they can help you get out of your depression.
Meds don't work for me either, so I know how discouraging it is for you.
And you aren't complaining - you are hurting.
xxx
Maxime
Posted by nfc on December 26, 2007, at 20:01:03
In reply to Re: . i've had enough. how long can i go on like this » star008, posted by Maxime on December 26, 2007, at 19:36:46
Hang in there guys!
I can relate when I was going through depression and the suicidal thoughts and hopelessness.
Fortunately it got better for me. I'd say keep coming to these forums and we can all keep each other occupied w/ the messages. We all get support by give and take. Try and see if your pdoc can see you more frequently and T also. If not hopefully another one is within reach in your area.
Hang in there! I'm new here and have come to realize how caring everyone here is for each other.
nfc
Posted by star008 on December 26, 2007, at 20:17:32
In reply to Re: . i've had enough. how long can i go on like this » star008, posted by Maxime on December 26, 2007, at 19:36:46
maxime
they haven't brought me out of it yet. i wish i knew what to do.. ihave been seeing my t for over ten years. the P doc is a new one.. the old one moved too far way. I don't like the new p-doc much but i think it is my own bias. i don't have faith in anything he says. the old one told me there was nothing left to try but VNS and I am not into that
why is it that someone can be in mental anguish for months and it is okay?? are we supposed to grow through feeling this stuff?? If there was a purpose i might agree but senseless suffering doesn't make snese to me..i even tried to cut to nite.. not one of my things.. but then i realized it hurt..lol.. damn thx for your support.. i know you feel as i do.. i wish you didn't
Posted by star008 on December 26, 2007, at 20:19:30
In reply to Re: . i've had enough. how long can i go on like this, posted by nfc on December 26, 2007, at 20:01:03
people here do understand and are amazingly caring and supportive. they took me right in when i came and i appreciate it more than i can tell you. i wish the feelings of hopelessness and suicide were a thing of the past. it just gets me sometimes. i think my p-doc does need to see me more often.. he is so busy ihad to wait 6 weeks since my last apt.
Posted by rskontos on December 26, 2007, at 21:19:41
In reply to Re: . i've had enough. how long can i go on like this » nfc, posted by star008 on December 26, 2007, at 20:19:30
Star, have you let him know how much you are hurting? Maybe if he knew how bad, i mean really bad you are hurting he would make time. I mean the new pdoc i called did that and i had never seen him. i asked him why he call me back this time when the previous message he hadn't yet. he said i heard in your voice your pain. so let it out when you call and maybe you will get better results. sometimes you know that greasy wheel thing. and i know we hide our stuff when we shouldn't.
i am sorry you are hurting if i was closer i would brave your yucky sickies and come sit with you anyway.......
((((((((((star)))))))))))))).
rsk
Posted by star008 on December 26, 2007, at 22:26:00
In reply to Re: . i've had enough. how long can i go on like t » star008, posted by rskontos on December 26, 2007, at 21:19:41
thks rk
i think the yucky sickness is gone but i feel so crummy that i can't tell. I could try to call and get in sooner i guess but i am so discouraged i just don't even want to bother. i will leave a message and see what he has to say. the problem is that to get on another antidepressant, i have to wean off this one and then i have to wait for the new one to work.. there just isn't an easy way to get out of all this pain.That p=doc wan't to shock me too.. he just doesn't get it that i can't afford memory loss..People depend on me to breathe at work.. i can't be forgetting things.. i have enough trouble with evryday memory...And i have no other income and am alone right now.. so, i don't even ahve anyone to help me out while i recover.. it just isn't an option for me.
thx for caring rsk
Posted by nfc on December 27, 2007, at 8:09:41
In reply to Re: . i've had enough. how long can i go on like t » rskontos, posted by star008 on December 26, 2007, at 22:26:00
hey star,
this is an old post but in case u didn't see it, here it is:
This might be useful for some. Not sure but I was on google.com and typing:
mental health (state you live in)
where state you live in is your state of course.
anyway I found alot of states provide some kind of assistance(i didn't experiment w/ typing in all 50 states lol) and thought that this would be good for those who are seeking psychiatric treatment and not sure where to start. Perhaps you can get referrels especially when you don't have insurance, maybe get a case manager who can assist you etc.
6 weeks is too long to see a pdoc. He's just too busy I'd say. Try to see if the above link gives you an alternate pdoc to see. I feel for you, you're a strong person having endured for quite some time. Hang in there. We here care about you.take care and talk to you later.
nfc
Posted by star008 on December 27, 2007, at 10:25:01
In reply to Re: . i've had enough. how long can i go on like t, posted by nfc on December 27, 2007, at 8:09:41
Thanks for the suggestion.. but i have to go where ever my insurance says I have to go.. i can look up providers and try to find a new one.. i just hate to go through it again and i really don't want to talk to anyone new.. but i guess i have to do what i have to do
Posted by nfc on December 27, 2007, at 19:11:30
In reply to Re: . i've had enough. how long can i go on like t » nfc, posted by star008 on December 27, 2007, at 10:25:01
yeah changing from pdoc to pdoc is a hassle. I've been through 4 already. First 3 weren't that great. the fourth one wasn't gonna be covered under my insurance so here I am with the 5th one. try the link to find other sources of treatment in your area. like maybe get a case manager if possible. might be free of charge perhaps.
hope you find one soon. take care.
nfc
Posted by muffled on December 29, 2007, at 18:36:36
In reply to . i've had enough. how long can i go on like this, posted by star008 on December 26, 2007, at 19:29:00
Well you've had alot of whammys...
-isolation
-physical illness
-nasty holiday
-winter blahs
-?
So I suppose its reasonable enuf you feeling especially down :-(
You been w/same T 10 yrs.....
Any chance you trying a new T? Something different? Just at least its not physically invasive to try new T.
One day my T said to me, well, she kinda muttered it to herself aloud, and she said, 'I wish i could just make you mad', or something like that. I think she gets tired of my always being so emotionally controlled.
But she don't do it. She kinda skirted round it a time or two, but EP comes and calmly tells her to back off if she got any brains....
And she got brains, so she backs off.
But I wonder sometimes.......
What if she DID get me to break free?
I honestly don't think I would ever physically harm her. Not unless she came after me, which I can't know why she ever would.
So I dunno star, but I wonder. Mebbe a new T, or mebbe can you 'shake up' this old T, and say "HEY", and mix it up a bit? Say, 'this is it!', we gotta change stuff, we goto try something new....
Just some thots...
I been thinking this bout my T!
Everyonce in awhile we do get crazy, and its usu a good thing.
But I completely understand why my T is careful, cuz one of these times I could die, or even just seriously injure myself, and I guess, understandably, she don't want feel like she precipitated me going that way.
But what she proly don't get, is that I gonna end up doing it ANYWAYS eventually. Cuz I GOTO stop this damn sh*t in my head. So mebbe I get crazy, whether I triggered by T, or just by my own buildup of headshit. I *WILL* get crazy, one way or another. Sometimes I just have to do something to make it STOP.
I dunno.
I just write this cuz mebbe it'll give you some ideas.
Take care you.
M
Posted by star008 on December 30, 2007, at 15:23:38
In reply to Re: . i've had enough. how long can i go on like this » star008, posted by muffled on December 29, 2007, at 18:36:36
I told T we need to jumpstart this sh***..Told him we have to do something cuz this is not working. I wouldn't want to leave him cause it is so hard for me to trust and gt close.. It would take so long. That, and it is so hard to find a good T..Some of them just don't have a clue with me.
yeah.. i got all the whammy's for xmas..;( It is so hard..then the kid had the flashbacks and they were so real. Absolutely, not like a memory but right there in front of my face. So maybe i spiraled down from there.. that and feeling so sorry for myself being all alone when everyone else is so "happy" with their holiday..
Yeah, t's will only go so far..They don't want to drive you right over the edge.. You are going to go nuts.. You only think you are.. Well. if you go nuts then I coming too!!!!! We can be nuts together and talk to lightbulbs and mutter and stuff
Posted by muffled on January 1, 2008, at 14:11:43
In reply to Re: . i've had enough. how long can i go on like this » muffled, posted by star008 on December 30, 2007, at 15:23:38
> I told T we need to jumpstart this sh***..Told him we have to do something cuz this is not working. I wouldn't want to leave him cause it is so hard for me to trust and gt close.. It would take so long. That, and it is so hard to find a good T..Some of them just don't have a clue with me.
*do you let your parts talk to T?
All of them?
How do you do it?
I tried to directly let a part speak, but that freaked me too much. Now if I do it, it gotta be THRU me.
> yeah.. i got all the whammy's for xmas..;( It is so hard..then the kid had the flashbacks and they were so real. Absolutely, not like a memory but right there in front of my face. So maybe i spiraled down from there.. that and feeling so sorry for myself being all alone when everyone else is so "happy" with their holiday..*Flashbacks :-( I've heard bout those :-(
I don't have those I don't think. I think I can stop stuff pretty quick. I am very fortunate.
I myself tend to do that. Spiral down for a bit after a trigger. I am actually doing better at that too. Recognizing that I have been triggered and trying to stop the downward spiraliing that results.
Ya, I just kinda get thru it. I don't like holidays. I am hoping one day that I will...> Yeah, t's will only go so far..They don't want to drive you right over the edge.. You are going to go nuts.. You only think you are.. Well. if you go nuts then I coming too!!!!! We can be nuts together and talk to lightbulbs and mutter and stuff
*yeah. Actually I told my T bout what daisy said bout T's sometimes being too careful of us cuz they don't like to see us hurting. My T admitted that was proly sometimes the case with her.
Sigh. Nuts.
LOL!!OK, if I go to looneyville you can come too. Hey!
I already mutter!!! But I can mutter LOUDLY! LOL!
Ya, we can talk to trees and stuff. We can say we the prime minister! We can chew with our mouths open too! Ha!
We'll live on the street. I'll call you dent(short for dented head!) and you can call me fist. Those'll be our street names.
We can stand on bridges and drop weird stuff on peoples heads!
We'll eat LOTSA beans and f*rt LOUDLY and laff!!!
Yup.
We be good crazies together.
HA!
We have fun OK!
Hope you can feel better some.
Posted by star008 on January 2, 2008, at 7:25:42
In reply to Re: . i've had enough. how long can i go on like this » star008, posted by muffled on January 1, 2008, at 14:11:43
This is the end of the thread.
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