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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by moonlightsonata on October 21, 2007, at 19:24:49
I've been in therapy with a wonderful psychiatrist who has helped me tremendously, and I dread having to leave her when I move away in a few months. She is the second therapist I've had, and I came to her when my relationship with my former therapist fell apart....by "fell apart," I mean that a lot of boundaries were crossed, and the first therapist finally realized we couldn't continue. In the final months of that therapy, she started talking me into going with her to meet a faith healer, who she believed would cure me of an illness (I was seeing her to help with feelings of depression surrounding this chronic illness). She was this prim, proper, incredibly intelligent, sharp as a razor, well-read, highly professional woman in every way....everything about her seemed together, and she couldn't be crazy. Normally, I would be the last person open to seeing some faith healer in the desert, but the fact that this professional woman I trusted completely and admired with all my heart....the fact that it was her idea...somehow it seemed okay. Well, needless to say, I was not cured, and entered an even more profound depression. And I guess because I'd traveled with this woman, and shared a hotel room with her, and the fact that she kept telling me I was "like the child she never had"....I became far too needy. When we returned, I'd call her too much, and always ask for sessions, just too needy overall....because I couldn't deal with the intensity of my depression and despair at having to accept (yet again, as if from square one) that I'd never be cured of my disease. And at some point, this therapist got overwhelmed by my neediness, and she just cut our relationship off....saying that she felt she couldn't help me, that my problem was far grander than she could deal with, etc.
Now, I was a college student in my mid-20s at the time (a girl) ...but on some strange level, I think I "fell in love" with this first therapist." Not "in love" in any sexual way, but I fell in love with her intellect, her professionalism(I wanted to be like her), and with the promise (however irrational) that I could be cured of my disease. When she terminated so abruptly, I felt I would literally die.
So then I found this other therapist (the one I'm currently seeing and afraid of leaving), and she helped me get over the trauma (b/c that's what it was) and the despair of letting myself believe in a miracle that would never happen. Having heard the story about my previous therapist, she probably created firmer boundaries with me. We've never hugged, none of that.....but it was an incredibly healing and supporting relationship, and one I'm vey scared of leaving.
I've always been rather an introvert, never very social, and I've devoted so much of my time to studying and career. Friendships always took the back burner....this is something I'm starting to regret. One of the issues I've dealt with with this current therapist is my immense sense of being alone in the world. In some ways, this therapist is a central figure in my life. Sometimes I'm ashamed of this....thinking it's abnormal to feel closer to yout therapist than your friends. Some weeks I feel like I live for my sessions, like I can't wait to get there....and when I see her, I feel safe and protected and less alone.
Now, I'll be horrendously alone when I move away. And before I go, all I want to do is hug this current therapist....something I've never done, and something I long to do for reasons I dont' understand. i feel I'll be devastated if I don't but I'm afraid she won't allow it, that it'll be "against her rules," and I couldn't deal with the rejection of asking her and having her say no.
I know I've written a ton, and all over the place, but I was wondering if anyone else ever felt any of these things, and if so, please write.
Posted by TherapyGirl on October 21, 2007, at 20:32:15
In reply to moving away from therapist, posted by moonlightsonata on October 21, 2007, at 19:24:49
Absolutely.
And I'm wondering if you could show her your post (or at least part of it) and see what she says. I suspect the boundaries might be slightly relaxed since you are leaving.
But you'll never know if you don't ask and then you'll always wonder if you could have had the hug.
I'm sorry you're losing your T. I feel the same way about my T.
Posted by moonlightsonata on October 21, 2007, at 20:59:52
In reply to Re: moving away from therapist » moonlightsonata, posted by TherapyGirl on October 21, 2007, at 20:32:15
Thanks,
It's really helpful to have the reassurance. I honestly don't know why it means so much for me to get a silly hug, but it does. Do you think it's weird to feel so attached to one's T, almost not normal? Sometimes I feel like I have a personality/character/social functioning disorder....that she's more important to me than my friends.
Anyway, as you may have seen, I posted the same post under a different subject "allowed to hug"....it's my first time on this site. I hope it wasn't rude to do that. I was just hoping maybe more people would read it with that other subject.
Again, many thanks.
Posted by I need a hug on October 22, 2007, at 5:47:08
In reply to Re: moving away from therapist, posted by moonlightsonata on October 21, 2007, at 20:59:52
Thank you for your posts. Sometimes, I think a hug from my therapist would do more for me than a lot of the medications I've taken over the years. A hug can mean a lot when you're feeling all alone.
Posted by TherapyGirl on October 22, 2007, at 6:41:15
In reply to Re: moving away from therapist, posted by moonlightsonata on October 21, 2007, at 20:59:52
I don't think it's weird to be this attached to your T and to need/want the hug so much. Been there, done that as they say.
I've been with my T for 22 years and I don't know what I'll do when she retires, which will happen in the next few years. I'd rather spend time with her than just about anybody else in my life. But I don't think that's an indication of a personality disorder -- I think it's the result of her being there for me and with me through the years in ways that no one else ever has. And helping me to grow and learn.
Hang in there, okay?
Posted by llurpsieNoodle on October 22, 2007, at 17:12:57
In reply to Re: moving away from therapist » moonlightsonata, posted by TherapyGirl on October 22, 2007, at 6:41:15
Thanks for posting, moonlight. Welcome to pbabble and nice to meet you
I'm so sorry for your first therapy experience. It sounds absolutely crushing, and you were very brave to seek out a second go-around. I hope that this parting is gentle. I parted from my T over this summer (I moved) and started with a new one. It was a really tough transition, but it helped me a lot to have a referral for a new T. Is there anyway that you can "audition" a few therapists before you leave your current therapist? It might make you feel more secure.
best wishes,
-Ll
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