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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by RealMe on September 5, 2007, at 23:14:15
It is late and so most people are probably already in bed. Anyway, I had therapy today (Wednesday), and as much as I suggested I might get angry with my T, I did not intend to once I arrived. Then, the time started passing, and again we started late. I went back to sitting in the chair furthest away from him which of course he observed. I did not want to tell him why I was upset until it was verified---that here we go again, start late and end on time which says to me there is something wrong with me that he would rather not see me for the entire session. Previously, not that long ago, when I said it was happening every session or most sessions, he ended up not charging me for a sesson. That was not my point, and he was not sure why it happened. I am his first appointment of the day at 6:45 a.m. And he has some right after me, after we end at 7:30 a.m.
So, he was five minutes late with us getting started, and the whole session was a disaster with him trying to find out what was wrong, and me saying "I'll tell you on Friday." Of course he wanted to know know. Then he tried to joke with me, and he said, "RealMe, come out and play with me." He does not know yet how much that ended up being a trigger becuase my mother would always say that you don't go knock on someone's door to ask if so and so can come out to play. If they want to play with you, they will see you and come out. How warped is that. So I grew up thinking no one really wanted to play with me and thought I had to watch to see if anyone came outside, and then run outside. My mother's motto was "You don't bother other people with anything." She was a bit paranoid. So when my T said to "come out and play with him," I started sobbing. What a dope; I hate to do that. So, then at the end of the session I looked at the clock, and he had given me the extra time over our normal quitting time. I was shocked and told him when I went out the door what it was about and how upset I was that I wasted a whole session. Thing is if I told him I would never know if he gave me all my time because I notice we started late, or was it because he noticed we started late. Later, I was crying to myself as I decided this is so juvenile and stupid. How could I let one person mean so much to me and have so much influence. I felt like I acted like a child who doesn't get as much ice cream as the other children in the family.
Now I know what Friday will bring, and I am so embarrassed. I just wanted to share as I know most people will understand.
RealMe
(OzLand)
Posted by muffled on September 5, 2007, at 23:48:04
In reply to Therapy session disaster, posted by RealMe on September 5, 2007, at 23:14:15
Posted by widget on September 6, 2007, at 7:30:27
In reply to ((Realme))sorry it sucked, but ya I 'get' it (nm) » RealMe, posted by muffled on September 5, 2007, at 23:48:04
It sounds painful but was it really wasted? You touched some close to the core stuff and of course you would be triggered. I hope your therapist assured you you hadn't wasted the session. Could you talk more about your feelings around this whole thing on Friday? You gave me such good advice about talking to my therapist and it was very fruitful. I had misunderstood him. This led him to tell much more about his "boundary" issues, in depth, more personal than I have ever heard from him. I have you to thank for that. Remember, you told me to write it all down? Well, he was an hour late(!) and I wrote for an hour. I did help organize my thoughts. I was tempted to pull out my tablet but it seemed like I would be initiating a note taking contest with him always jotting into my file and consulting the file. I know, silly. But, didn't matter. I think you were seriously touched in sensitive places and maybe he doesn't get it. But, then, I wasn't there. You are great with you advice and I thank you for it. Good luck! Oh, maybe you could write him a short note explaining how he had inadvertantly triggered such misery. Sometimes, I have to write down a scary sentence in order to talk about it (and then show him, of course!) Thinking of you....
Posted by Dinah on September 6, 2007, at 8:07:30
In reply to Therapy session disaster, posted by RealMe on September 5, 2007, at 23:14:15
I agree. It doesn't seem wasted to me. It should lead to a very productive session next time, since it brought up so many old feelings.
This is a huge issue with me because my therapist never gives a minute over fifty (well, maybe a handful of times in twelve years, and only if I was trying to leave). Yet he often starts late and there for a while was often ending on time, catching up time on me. It all blew up one time when I was late for the second time in however many years I'd been going, and he ended as if he would have started on time had I not been late. And he *never* starts on time. Ten minutes late is the norm.
I went ballistic, accused him of catching up time on me, listed all the times he'd done it, etc. etc.
It still comes up from time to time, and since he's so often late I don't usually bring it up at the beginning of session. I just very significantly look at his clock and my watch. And if I don't feel like leaving when he picks up his pad, I fold my arms and shoot thunderbolts at him from my eyes. And he responds appropriately. It really rarely needs to be mentioned anymore.
I think it's great that you brought it up as early as you did, and are addressing it openly. Over time maybe you can begin pointing out at session beginning if he's starting late (since yours doesn't habitually do that) so that there's no problem at the end. My way of pointing it out at the end of the session doesn't work nearly as well, since once I fold my arms, the session is essentially over and I'm just keeping him there like a mean teacher on the last day of school until the bell rings. :)
But definitely not wasted. Not only did it bring up the old feelings of not bothering anyone, but perhaps some lingering mistrust about his doing this in the past.
Posted by RealMe on September 6, 2007, at 8:08:13
In reply to Re: ((Realme))sorry it sucked, but ya I 'get' it, posted by widget on September 6, 2007, at 7:30:27
Your are right. He said, "Oh THAT was what this was all about, and he did assure me it was not a wasted session. Yes, I will talk to him about it tomorrow. Thanks
RealMe-(OzLand)
Posted by RealMe on September 6, 2007, at 8:12:34
In reply to Re: Therapy session disaster » RealMe, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2007, at 8:07:30
Wow; I am not sure what my therapist would do if I just sat there and maybe said, "It's not time yet." And yet, he did give me a free sesson when I pointed it out as happening frequently a month ago. I feel so much like a child, though, as he did give me the extra time. He didn't forget. I find it all so embarrassing to say the least.
RealMe
(OzLand)
Posted by Dinah on September 6, 2007, at 8:23:52
In reply to Re: Therapy session disaster » Dinah, posted by RealMe on September 6, 2007, at 8:12:34
You shouldn't feel embarassed!
Your belief as to what was going on was based on his own actions. It's reasonable to expect people to behave as they did in the past. I'm certainly glad he remembered and adjusted. But it doesn't always happen, and it usually takes a while for my therapist's self corrections to sink in.
I really couldn't say what my therapist is *thinking* when I more or less tell him I won't be budged before time is up. I suspect he's amused. But he also acknowledges that it isn't time by stopping the closing ceremonies and going back to a listening stance.
It's not so bad to be assertive, even with your therapist. Especially with your therapist. And it's more than possible to do it far more politely than I do it. ;)
Posted by JoniS on September 6, 2007, at 8:56:06
In reply to Therapy session disaster, posted by RealMe on September 5, 2007, at 23:14:15
Hey RealMe(Oz)!
Sorry you feel so down. I understand why you feel the way you do. I promise I'm not being flippant(?) about it.
Don't know why I'm looking at it this way, but it occurred to me, as I chuckled to myself, that you are describing what probably 95% of Babblers have done before:
"...Later, I was crying to myself as I decided this is so juvenile and stupid. How could I let one person mean so much to me and have so much influence. I felt like I acted like a child who doesn't get as much ice cream as the other children in the family..."
-WE CRY AND DECIDE -THIS IS SO JUVENILE AND...
-WE SAY HOW COULD I LET 1 PERSON MEAN SO MUCH AND...
-WE FEEL LIKE WE ACTED LIKE A CHILD...Isn't it funny how we keep repeating this and then talking about it, and then finding comfort telling others about it and hear that they understand and...
[I'm certain I'll do it again w/in the next 4-6 weeks!]
You've gotten some encouraging posts from others before me, and I agree with them. It wasn't a waste, dont be down on yourself.
I think Friday will be good. I hope it's full of intense feelings and lots of growth and that you come away with a very satisfied feeling about it!
:) :) :0 :)
Joni
Posted by RealMe on September 6, 2007, at 9:56:57
In reply to Re: Therapy session NOT disaster : ) » RealMe, posted by JoniS on September 6, 2007, at 8:56:06
Thanks Joni
I know; I laugh now too, today, and yet I say to myself, "You're supposed to be an adult professional woman," which I am at work. I hate for someone to see that side of me. He is really the only one, and I keep telling him I am not really like this, and he keeps saying, "I know you aren't, and it is okay here."
RealMe
(OzLand)
Posted by Honore on September 6, 2007, at 11:19:34
In reply to Therapy session disaster, posted by RealMe on September 5, 2007, at 23:14:15
Hi, RealMe.
Thanks so much for your response to my dream.
I have to run this minute-- but I wanted to add my thoughts to others who have said that the session really wasn't wasted at all-- you learned a lot-- about your own feelings, and your T's, too-- that he was seeing you for the entire time--which, if you'd mentioned it, you'd never have known. Maybe unconsciously, you needed to know what he would do without your putting him up to it.
I don't think he did it because of you-- I think he did it because of how he feels about you-- that is-- but I think he wants to see you and let you know, and also live up to his commitment and caring for you.
But I do understand the feeling embarrassed-- and yet it's great that you did confide in him what you felt-- even if it isn't resolved and feels awful for the moment. I hope you're feeling better today. Your next appointment won't be bad, I think-- you may even find that you feel much better afterward. You really really didn't do anything bad, or anything that all of us haven't done hundreds of times-- ourselves.
((RealMe,Ozland))
Honore
Posted by DAisym on September 6, 2007, at 20:26:28
In reply to Re: Therapy session disaster » RealMe, posted by Honore on September 6, 2007, at 11:19:34
I agree that this wasn't a wasted session. You and he both learned loads of things about perceptions and misperceptions in the room. This will be valuable in the future. I think it is great that you were able to spit out the words before you left, and it is understandable that some parts of you felt young and like having a tantrum.
I know it doesn't feel like it, but I think you proved something to yourself today and when it sinks in, a tiny bit more trust might have been built.
Don't beat yourself up too much. Let us know how it goes tomorrow.
Posted by RealMe on September 6, 2007, at 21:24:43
In reply to Re: Therapy session disaster, posted by DAisym on September 6, 2007, at 20:26:28
Thanks everyone. This is what is so great about this site, the support and insight others have to offer. I will certainly let you know how 6:45 a.m. goes tomorrow.
I am still embarrassed, and I know I will go in there probably not able to look him in the eye; well it doesn't matter as I am getting cataracts from my stupid pulmonary med's and see the eye doctor tomorrow too. Only stop off at work to turn in my keys; HOORAY. Or if my stuff is not all out of there, then I may hold on to the keys until Monday. When I can really see my T, I might freak out!!! LOL. Actually, I could when I sat closer. Now if I go in there and sit closer again......UGH; I hate this dance. I have to remember to tell him about the whole issue too re "RealMe, come out and play with me." So, in some ways I think he was suggesting I WAS acting like a child. Oh crap.
I think I will go to bed soon for a change and not stay up until 2 a.m. and then get up at 4:15 a.m. Wednesday I was awake at 3:30 a.m. after going to bed at 12:00 midnight. I stayed up last night until 2:00 a.m. and so I was up for almost 24 hours. And no I am not bipolar. If I don't go to bed by 10:30 p.m., I get a second wind that would allow me to stay up all night.
Later, RealMe
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