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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on July 27, 2007, at 19:16:57
Sometimes I wonder why I do this. I am in so much pain. I cried in session. I want caring from my parents. I want...
My T told me he was proud of me today. And he said that I deserved to feel proud of myself for all the hard work I did today. And that therapy is a slow painful process. And he said that's why I'm brave. And when he said that, I thought he was going to cry he sounded so much like he meant it.
But sometimes I hate this...
sunnydays
Posted by Phillipa on July 27, 2007, at 19:52:34
In reply to therapy is so painful, posted by sunnydays on July 27, 2007, at 19:16:57
I know just finding this out. Love Phillipa
Posted by Maria01 on July 27, 2007, at 20:07:04
In reply to therapy is so painful, posted by sunnydays on July 27, 2007, at 19:16:57
I don't know how to respond.....
I'm glad my T emphasizes a more balanced approach to therapy. We had discussed this the other day. She had explained to me that while therapy can be painful, it can be counterproductive if it's too painful, or interferes with the client's ability to function outside the office. She does a lot of work with depression/DV/PTSD and likes to go slowly. She told me that if she and I feel that I'm getting to the point where it's hard to function outside the office, she might ask if it's OK if we ease up a bit and maybe discuss something else in order to regain some balance. There's always a chance to go back and talk about the "hard stuff"I really have a lot of respect for that approach, so much unlike my ex-T who would want to plow through regardless of how much if was affecting my work, relationships, etc. Such a relief to hear of an alternative point of view!
Just my .02 worth....=) It's just too counterproductive for me otherwise....
Posted by DAisym on July 27, 2007, at 20:58:11
In reply to therapy is so painful, posted by sunnydays on July 27, 2007, at 19:16:57
(((Sunny)))
Of course you want. You should have had the caring all along. And yes, it is hugely painful to recognize what you didn't get, might not ever get and can't find elsewhere. This is why we grieve and grieving takes awhile. It sometimes feels like you can drown in these waves of pain -- but you won't. You are strong and you'll struggle through it. And you have such a great therapist to help you.
The pain will subside. Use the tools that work - distraction, writing here, talking with friends, tears, etc. to help it ease off. It is OK to work on it and then put it away. My son calls it "therapy hangover" and I've always loved that. The intense pain usually calms down, at least for me, after some sleep or after a discussion with friends.
And I have to say, "of course he meant it!" Your therapist cares about you and I'm sure it breaks his heart to see you want what you should always have had. I have absolutely no doubt that he does believe that you are brave and strong and that he is proud of you.
Take care of yourself.
Posted by sunnydays on July 27, 2007, at 21:48:00
In reply to Re: therapy is so painful » sunnydays, posted by Phillipa on July 27, 2007, at 19:52:34
What part are you finding out Phillipa? That therapy is painful or that you hate it? Sorry, I was just confused by your post. Either way, I'm sorry you're going through it too.
sunnydays
Posted by Phillipa on July 27, 2007, at 21:52:38
In reply to Re: therapy is so painful » Phillipa, posted by sunnydays on July 27, 2007, at 21:48:00
That it's hard to know how to get the emotional strength to try and do what the therapist recommends . Love Phillipa
Posted by sunnydays on July 27, 2007, at 21:52:41
In reply to Re: therapy is so painful » sunnydays, posted by Maria01 on July 27, 2007, at 20:07:04
> I'm glad my T emphasizes a more balanced approach to therapy. We had discussed this the other day. She had explained to me that while therapy can be painful, it can be counterproductive if it's too painful, or interferes with the client's ability to function outside the office.
**** I absolutely agree and am pretty sure my T does too. He really tries to make sure I have lots of coping skills and support when we get into the painful stuff. What I'm talking about is this tremendous pain of not having had what I should have that gets stirred up sometimes. It can't possibly be gone by the end of the session. I know it will pass, it's just something I don't like feeling. I don't like feeling much of any emotions.
She does a lot of work with depression/DV/PTSD and likes to go slowly. She told me that if she and I feel that I'm getting to the point where it's hard to function outside the office, she might ask if it's OK if we ease up a bit and maybe discuss something else in order to regain some balance. There's always a chance to go back and talk about the "hard stuff"
**** We do this too. My T is really good about asking me if I'm getting overwhelmed or if it's getting hard for me to think (a sign I'm either already dissociated or going to soon). And then he tries to guide the conversation in a different direction, although I have a hard time with that sometimes too because of some of my own issues. I have the most negative self-talk sometimes.
>
> I really have a lot of respect for that approach, so much unlike my ex-T who would want to plow through regardless of how much if was affecting my work, relationships, etc. Such a relief to hear of an alternative point of view!**** Yes, we do the same thing as you it sounds like. I just sometimes come back after a session and am still feeling the pain. I wrote that less than an hour after getting back from a session and I just wanted a hug. But I'm doing somewhat better.
>
> Just my .02 worth....=) It's just too counterproductive for me otherwise....*** Agreed.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on July 27, 2007, at 21:56:01
In reply to Re: therapy is so painful » sunnydays, posted by DAisym on July 27, 2007, at 20:58:11
> (((Sunny)))
>
> Of course you want. You should have had the caring all along. And yes, it is hugely painful to recognize what you didn't get, might not ever get and can't find elsewhere. This is why we grieve and grieving takes awhile. It sometimes feels like you can drown in these waves of pain -- but you won't. You are strong and you'll struggle through it. And you have such a great therapist to help you.*** Thanks for saying I deserve to have caring Daisy. I know I do, but I forget sometimes.
>
> The pain will subside. Use the tools that work - distraction, writing here, talking with friends, tears, etc. to help it ease off. It is OK to work on it and then put it away. My son calls it "therapy hangover" and I've always loved that. The intense pain usually calms down, at least for me, after some sleep or after a discussion with friends.
>**** Yeah, I took a nap and it got better. I totally understand therapy hangover. That's definitely what I have.
> And I have to say, "of course he meant it!" Your therapist cares about you and I'm sure it breaks his heart to see you want what you should always have had.
*** The way you put that "breaks his heart", touched me really deeply Daisy. I had never thought of it that way, but that's what it is, that's what I was seeing when he was talking. Thank you Daisy.
I have absolutely no doubt that he does believe that you are brave and strong and that he is proud of you.
*** I'm actually able to believe that a little bit too tonight.
>
> Take care of yourself.*** I'm trying.
sunnydays
Posted by OzLand on July 27, 2007, at 22:58:45
In reply to therapy is so painful, posted by sunnydays on July 27, 2007, at 19:16:57
Gosh; I know what you mean. It CAN be so painful to get into stuff. I have a therapist who knows how to make sure it is not too much at one time too. Today, though, I felt so detached from therapy and then angry because I think my therapist believes I might need the hospital too, and I told him it would be a cold day in hell before I told him if I was considering suicide as he would try or want me in the hospital, and if I wsas truely thinking of suicide I would not want anyone stoping me. So, I left the session angry. I still feel angry; is this the only answer? Let's put you in the hospital! Bull. I just want to be left alone, and he asks if I notice that when I need him to most, I pull away. Well I didn't think of it, but I guess it is because I don't trust him. I think he would try to put me in the hospital. I guess I can tell him that, and I can just hear it; becuase I care; because you are not thinking clearly,etc. etc. Oh crap on that sh*t.
Posted by sunnydays on July 27, 2007, at 23:11:16
In reply to Re: therapy is so painful (trigger) » sunnydays, posted by OzLand on July 27, 2007, at 22:58:45
Sounds like you're still angry Ozland. Can you tell your T about it?
sunnydays
Posted by OzLand on July 28, 2007, at 0:16:27
In reply to Re: therapy is so painful (trigger), posted by sunnydays on July 27, 2007, at 23:11:16
I think he knows I am angry, and yes I can say it again. Thanks.
OzLand
Posted by muffled on July 28, 2007, at 22:21:49
In reply to therapy is so painful, posted by sunnydays on July 27, 2007, at 19:16:57
but like someone said, you got a good T and are doing good work. Someday you will be more free to live to your fullest potential.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by sunnydays on July 28, 2007, at 23:26:30
In reply to I hate it too (((SD))) » sunnydays, posted by muffled on July 28, 2007, at 22:21:49
Gosh I hope so, muffled. Because I feel like my life has been wasted and I'm only 21. How am I supposed to overcome everything that has happened and then go on to have a good life? I really all I want is a nice, normal, ordinary life. I want to meet a guy, get married, have kids, have a job, just normal things. And everything but the job feels so in question for me right now. Will I ever meet someone who will put up with how screwed up I am? Who knows. And will I ever trust someone enough so even if they could put up with me they'd ever get to know me well enough to be interested?
Uggggh.
Thanks for responding, it means a lot muffled. I was hoping someone wrote something tonight because I'm feeling sad tonight.
sunnydays
Posted by Phillipa on July 29, 2007, at 20:03:15
In reply to Re: I hate it too (((SD))) » muffled, posted by sunnydays on July 28, 2007, at 23:26:30
Sunnydays be thankful you're not married yet and are free. As I had a child at age l9 and my advise to to live your life before becoming involved.Dating is fine but really you're so young. Love Phillipa
Posted by sunnydays on July 29, 2007, at 20:34:03
In reply to Re: I hate it too (((SD))) » sunnydays, posted by Phillipa on July 29, 2007, at 20:03:15
Phillipa, I've never even had a boyfriend, never been kissed, so that's where my fears about never being married come from. I don't see marriage happening for years if I've never even dated yet.
sunnydays
Posted by Phillipa on July 29, 2007, at 21:53:19
In reply to Re: I hate it too (((SD))) » Phillipa, posted by sunnydays on July 29, 2007, at 20:34:03
Sunnydays being nosey any reson you haven't dated? Love Phillipa
Posted by sunnydays on July 29, 2007, at 22:05:43
In reply to Re: I hate it too (((SD))) » sunnydays, posted by Phillipa on July 29, 2007, at 21:53:19
I had an opportunity in high school, but an incident of sexual abuse happened with my brother and I was so upset that I isolated myself for a while and wouldn't make a date with the guy that liked me because I didn't want to see people. And then the next year, within a month of each other, my mom got really sick (she's fine now) and my grandmother died. So I isolated myself much of that year as well. The guy I really liked senior year was gay, and when I went to college I was so anxious the first year I'm lucky I even made any girlfriends. And it's been a bumpy road since then. I've never been asked on a date, and I so want to. I'm way too shy to ever ask anyone because I couldn't stand it if I was rejected.
sunnydays
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