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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 28, 2007, at 19:34:17
I saw her for the last time today. I couldn't tell her how much she meant to me (but I told her that I couldn't tell her how much she meant to me ~shaky voice~).
I bought her a phlox for her garden and gave her a mini quilt square. I felt like saying "see you next time" but there is no next time.
And so ends an era of my life.
Posted by wishingstar on June 28, 2007, at 20:45:57
In reply to my last session with newT, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 28, 2007, at 19:34:17
(((((((llurpsie)))))))
I think she knows. I really do.
Sending you the biggest, most comforting hugs I can. Hope to see you in chat soon? Thinking of you...
Posted by LadyBug on June 28, 2007, at 21:17:07
In reply to my last session with newT, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 28, 2007, at 19:34:17
(((((lurpsie)))))
This makes me sad for you.
I want you to know I'm thinking about you.
Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by Phillipa on June 28, 2007, at 22:30:47
In reply to Re: my last session with newT, posted by LadyBug on June 28, 2007, at 21:17:07
Lurpsie there is no where to go from here except up and I know you will. You will tackle these feelings in a positive way. But okay to mourn for a while. Love Phillipa
Posted by DAisym on June 30, 2007, at 15:19:41
In reply to my last session with newT, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 28, 2007, at 19:34:17
I want to sit next to you in the porch swing and just rock. I want to feed you soup and grill-cheese. I want us to open a new box of crayons and color pictures of flowers. I feel so sad with you, somehow.
I agree that she knew how much you care for her and how important your work together has been. You pushed yourself and you leaned on her and you even went through a hospitalization with her. These kinds of shared experiences change a person - you and her -- and aren't to be forgotten. It might be an ending but you will take pieces of her with you as you continue your healing journey. And I'm sure she will use what she learned from you to help many more people.
I know you feel sad to your toes. I would too.
Gentle hugs,
Daisy
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 30, 2007, at 16:28:54
In reply to Re: my last session with newT » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by DAisym on June 30, 2007, at 15:19:41
I guess I'm not really feeling sad yet. Only for a little while on Wed night before my last session, and at the beginning of our last session. She helped me get perspective on some of the big themes we talked about. The important stuff. I guess it's a good sign that what I consider important she considers/ed important too. We were on the same page for the big stuff, and most of the small stuff too. One exception- she accepted me more than I would accept myself. Loved me for who I am, not who I should be.
Mostly just numb. It hits me sometimes though. So many reminders. I just want to stay busy busy bee, yet so tired inside. I let my cat out to enjoy the nice weather, and he didn't come back when I called him. I looked all around, and still didn't see him. He showed up 2 hours later with cobwebs in his whiskers, exhausted and happy to see me. I was afraid I had lost him.
I can't find a broom anywhere, and I'm sick of washing dishes by hand. I want to plant some herbs, but the final load of stuff hasn't arrived.
Waiting, and I don't have my box of craft supplies with me. I got a package yesterday, the first mail I've gotten at my new place. It was a box from my aunt, who knows my family better than my mom does. Sent me a package with two thoughtful and delightful books, some relaxing bath salts, a flowered blue jaquard robe for lazy days (with pockets), godiva truffles, and some herbal tea for "wise women".I took a walk today, just down the block. Sat on a bench for about 3 minutes and then came back home. Played the 2nd mvmt of Tchaik Violin Concerto. Made a salad. ate some blueberries and yogurt. Lay down on the couch in the sunroom for an hour.
Still waiting. For what?
I asked newT if it would be okay if I sent her letters every once in a while to tell her how I'm doing. She looked really happy and said she'd really like that. I added the disclaimer that I wouldn't write to her in the middle of a crisis or anything. I guess knowing that I have some tiny thread of contact with her feels reassuring.
-Ll
Posted by muffled on June 30, 2007, at 20:09:15
In reply to Re: my last session with newT, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 30, 2007, at 16:28:54
Not sure, but for some reason, that post made me feel good...I am glad you doing OK mostly.
M
Posted by Phillipa on June 30, 2007, at 21:23:48
In reply to Re: my last session with newT » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by muffled on June 30, 2007, at 20:09:15
Sounded so relaxing I want to swing on the porch too. But Lurpsie remember there are no shoulds. Love Phillipa
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 1, 2007, at 18:16:23
In reply to Re: my last session with newT, posted by Phillipa on June 30, 2007, at 21:23:48
Hi Phillipa,
I guess there are no "shoulds" but I still have these moments when I panic and think "wait, my dissertation's not ready yet... I HAVE to get working. Enough time on vacation." Then I realize that there are enough vacation days for me. Maybe more vacation days than I will have until I retire.That familiar surge of panic.
I told my newT after I handed the diss in that I couldn't sit still for more than 30 seconds, that I was SO tempted to take a couple of klonopin and zone out for an evening. Her response- "Isn't that what you "need" right now? I told her I'd think about it. new pdoc Rx'ed me another 30 days of klonopin. I guess I have enough stored up to help me get the 11 hours of sleep a day that my body seems to be requiring.
Babble is intellectually stimulating. I'm not sure when I'll feel up to reading a book. I don't even feel like watching TV. Too much to process. I don't want to write any posts that could get into deep philosophical discussions. simplicity. life is chaos enough. boxes everywhere. big shopping trips. keeping track of the cat who feels like roaming the neighborhood given any opportunity.
And moments when I find myself slipping into that familiar pattern (familiar by now, anyways) of depressive thinking. Anxiety, Depression, Numb.
Thanks for your support, Phillipa- means a lot to me
-Ll
Posted by Phillipa on July 1, 2007, at 21:28:53
In reply to Re: my last session with newT » Phillipa, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 1, 2007, at 18:16:23
Lurpsie not that it even compares. But when nursing school was over I didn't read a book for a year. Could barely look at pics in magazines. Your body is depleted and tired I need that ll hours too. So sleep away and energy will return much faster. Love Phillipa
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