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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 12:24:11
And it just happens to fall on a therapy day. :)
When I mentioned it to my therapist a few sessions ago he asked if I wanted to do something to celebrate. I kind of let that one slide.
It's not one of the multiple of five years, so I probably won't do anything. Although it is the year we made it back from Katrina, so maybe a small writing to that effect and a dozen cookies might be in order.
I asked him if he felt like a failure, to have been seeing me twelve years and here I was not fixed yet. And he laughed and said no, not at all. Did I consider myself a failure? And I think not really.
I went into therapy functioning well enough on a certain level, with only OCD and panic attacks. I got a lot worse before I got better again. Partly due to life circumstances, partly due to medication trials, and partly due to therapy itself. But now that I'm reorganizing myself from that mess, I find that I'm not the same as when I started. And in good ways.
Who knows what would have happened without therapy with things like my father's death and the stresses of motherhood. I can venture some good guesses. I would have probably gotten through. But I wouldn't be the me I am now. And I think I'm glad about that. I'm not sure if my husband is, but I am.
I like anniversaries. They're good times to look back and assess the journey. And to look forward I suppose too. Although who knows what forward will bring.
Posted by Poet on March 27, 2007, at 17:43:08
In reply to Twelth anniversary next Tuesday, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 12:24:11
Hi Dinah,
I like the idea of a dozen cookies, one for each year you've been together, especially becuase it falls on a therapy day.
I wonder what your therapist wanted to do to celebrate? Maybe he would bring a treat? I made my T bring me a bagel and cream cheese a few sessions ago because she canceled my appointment to take her son out to breakfast (it was his birthday, I can't be that selfish.)
Poet
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 18:00:05
In reply to Re: Twelth anniversary next Tuesday » Dinah, posted by Poet on March 27, 2007, at 17:43:08
That was nice of her. And you!
I'm not sure what he would have suggested. I was afraid he'd suggest something that would make me uncomfortable, since my levels of comfort are fairly narrow. I've been known to dive behind objects to keep from having to ride in an elevator with him, and one worry I have about bringing food is that he might invite me to eat one with him or he might eat one himself, and that would feel funny to me. I dunno. Maybe in addition to considering him a Ken doll with breasts, I also don't like to think of him having any other working parts (such as a mouth) or at least don't want to see the parts in action. He drinks coffee or water, or a soft drink. But I've only seen him eat once, and it was when I was hiding behind something to not have to join him in the elevator and he was wolfing down a candy bar which was probably his entire lunch, and I still haven't gotten over that...
Posted by madeline on March 27, 2007, at 19:23:18
In reply to Twelth anniversary next Tuesday, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 12:24:11
Does one ever really "get better" with therapy? Or do we just learn to "get used" to ourselves?
I mean, there is no cure for abuse, or OCD or so many of the other things that bring us to therapy.
So what is it about therapy that works? What is it exactly that therapy does?
I know what you mean as I too have been changed by therapy - and it good ways. But also, like you, I would have still been here without it.
Maybe anniversaries make me nostalgic, or maybe it's just I'm a little retrospective as my therapy comes to a close.
Congrats on your 12 years and the events (good and bad) that have transpired during that time.
Maddie
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 19:53:58
In reply to Re: Twelth anniversary next Tuesday » Dinah, posted by madeline on March 27, 2007, at 19:23:18
One of the things therapy did for me was to make me self aware. That's how it worked for me. It's not that the same things don't happen, it's more that I can say "Ok, this is happening, and this is what has worked for me in the past, so I'll do it again, and even if I don't feel better right away this too shall eventually pass." Or I might fall into the same paths of reacting to external events or people, but this time I stop somewhere along the line, see that I am falling into old patterns, and am able to laugh at myself and decide whether or not I want to react that way this time.
In those ways I think I'm as fixed as I ever will be.
Or maybe I'm just in a good mood.
Posted by Honore on March 27, 2007, at 21:12:55
In reply to Re: Twelth anniversary next Tuesday » madeline, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 19:53:58
It's great to hear you so open and even a bit celebratory. Twelve years is a good round number-- plus this last year or more has held a lot of trials, and you've weathered them so well.
I remember some of the times when you were more distressed-- and it is quite cheering to know that you're feeling so much better and can even recognize changes and growth-- and the possibility of more.
Maybe a balloon and a couple of sparklers.
I'd bring my T some cake. He loves cake. --But then I've seen him wolf down a whole chicken sometimes-- and even watched him trying to get out a piece stuck behind a tooth. (yeek) So I can handle his eating, I guess--
But how about a symbolic cupcake with a small message-- or some special decoration-- and a candle. Then it would be downright unseemly for him to eat it-- plus he can always eat it later.
Happy twelfth therapy birthday, Dinah!
Honore
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 22:35:36
In reply to Re: Twelth anniversary next Tuesday-- Dinah, posted by Honore on March 27, 2007, at 21:12:55
Yeah, when I feel good, it's hard to remember feeling otherwise.
Unfortunately, my mother called. I think I'll be taking a Risperdal and heading for bed.
Posted by Daisym on March 27, 2007, at 23:05:29
In reply to Re: Twelth anniversary next Tuesday » Honore, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 22:35:36
I'm so impressed and glad that you and your therapist have such a strong bond. I want my therapist to promise me to hang in there for at least 12 years, or as long as it takes.
I vote for a dozen donuts. :)
And maybe a list of 12? Why spending 12 years in therapy has been OK for me...
(((Dinah)))) I'm glad you have him and him you and us both of you.
Posted by annierose on March 28, 2007, at 17:50:13
In reply to Twelth anniversary next Tuesday, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 12:24:11
Congratulations - he has come a long way - he asked how you wanted to mark this occasion. Very sweet.
The human mind is constantly evolving, learning, forgetting, distracting itself, etc. A person is never "fixed" because you are not broken. You would like to feel better. And you work very hard at figuring out why you feel the way you feel. It's hard work. And sometimes we get stuck, or sad, or frustrated. But we are still in one piece although we might feel scattered about.
I like Daisy's idea of dozens of things.
I hope you enjoy the anniversary session.
Posted by LadyBug on March 30, 2007, at 9:27:31
In reply to Twelth anniversary next Tuesday, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 12:24:11
Congratulations! I'm thinking I will have an anniversary like this in a few years too. I'm on my 10th year. Amazing how time flies when we're learning and growing through all the tears and pain of therapy?
The 12th of never right?????? Keep up the work Dinah!
LadyBug
Posted by All Done on March 30, 2007, at 16:00:25
In reply to Twelth anniversary next Tuesday, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 12:24:11
Dinah,
I'm so glad you've had your therapist and been able to form such a strong bond that's gotten you through so many life changes.
I know over the past couple of years, you've both struggled to keep that bond intact. Good job to both of you for your hard work with that.
Remember that thread where we all wrote letters to your T after Katrina? I don't know why, but this thread made me think about that. Maybe because I like the idea of using therapy anniversaries to kind of celebrate and be grateful for the relationship and the hard work both people put into it.
Let us know how Tuesday goes.
Laurie
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2007, at 16:32:03
In reply to Re: Twelth anniversary next Tuesday » Dinah, posted by All Done on March 30, 2007, at 16:00:25
He did two of the things that most annoy me.
He got mad at me for crossing my arms and refusing to talk. (And maybe he had a point.)
I have been fighting the urge to call and cancel for Tuesday. I still might, but I'll give myself time to cool down first. I definitely would if it weren't the anniversary.
How about a dozen rotten eggs?
Of course, I also am having urges to hurt myself even stronger than they were when I showed up for therapy today, and they were already strong. I guess it's the flip side of trying to keep my promise not to hurt myself to please him.
Too much stress right now, and I'm hormonal besides.
Posted by Poet on March 30, 2007, at 16:47:32
In reply to Chuckle. Of course we fought today. Trigger., posted by Dinah on March 30, 2007, at 16:32:03
Hi Dinah,
My T tells me not to cross my arms which makes me cross them as hard as I can. Sometimes I hug a pillow, too. T's should not mess with our defense mechanisms.
Sorry you're stressed, hormonal and fighting the need to SI. I hope the first two go away, but keep fighting the third one.
Since I have sensory issues with smell, I wouldn't go near a dozen rotten eggs. I would give him a dozen of those plastic easter eggs smashed to bits. Before I smash 'em I'd write his name on them.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2007, at 23:17:05
In reply to Re: Chuckle. Of course we fought today. Trigger. » Dinah, posted by Poet on March 30, 2007, at 16:47:32
Chat has remarkable powers. I'm not feeling as many urges to SI.
I think I held myelf off by telling myself that hurting myself would give my therapist more importance to me than I wish to give him right now. Although the original urges had nothing to do with him.
I wanted to call and tell him I wanted to cancel my next session, but refrained for the same reason. I just don't want to give him that much power right now.
I want him to be totally irrelevant to me.
Which is a slight overreaction given his offense. It must be the hormones.
Posted by gazo on April 1, 2007, at 11:56:58
In reply to Re: Chuckle. Of course we fought today. Trigger. » Poet, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2007, at 23:17:05
I'm sorry Dinah, i've been pretty self absorbed lately. Just now getting around to trying to catch up. i am a little envious of your aniversary though, it would be so meaningful to me if my new T were willing to stick around even a year.
i am sorry he upset you. you're a strong lady though and i have every faith that you'll be ok. i believe in you.
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