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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happykat on November 30, 2006, at 20:41:45
Did you disclose any transference issues to your T and how did he/she handle it?
Thanks,
happykat
Posted by Declan on November 30, 2006, at 21:22:17
In reply to Disclosure of Transference to T, posted by happykat on November 30, 2006, at 20:41:45
I didn't 'disclose' them to my T as much as she revealed them to me. Or, just as likely, we fought about it, or, she interpreted and I fought. But you mean like 'I want to tell you that I love you?'. I suppose the difference between a young man and a mature female T and a young woman and a mature male T, is that sex is not on the agenda so much in the former case. There are breasts to feed off, but no such equivalent in the other case.
Posted by Dinah on December 1, 2006, at 7:57:07
In reply to Disclosure of Transference to T, posted by happykat on November 30, 2006, at 20:41:45
I did. It took forever and a day for us to work it out, because even I wasn't sure what was going on.
But we eventually did, and now I can talk about it freely.
Mine is a maternal transference, and my male therapist grew ok with hearing himself described in feminine terms, and I grudgingly accepted feeling love and dependence towards someone I paid and who didn't feel as intensely about me.
I would definitely advise discussing it, although with the caveat that there have been a few therapists over the years who didnt' take it very well. So maybe go slow and test the waters as you go? But don't let that keep you from doing it.
Posted by happykat on December 1, 2006, at 12:06:29
In reply to Re: Disclosure of Transference to T » happykat, posted by Declan on November 30, 2006, at 21:22:17
Declan,
Thanks for responding.
>But you mean like 'I want to tell you that I love you?'<
Not exactly. I have maternal feelings and growing sense of dependence on my T and have at times found myself idealizing her. Although she has toppled off the pedestal I put her on enough times to know shes human.
I was unnerved when I found myself feeling twinges of jealousy while she was talking about her grown kids. The fact that I'm starting to feel emotionally attached to her also scares the h*ll out of me.
I fled therapy last month partly because of this but have never told her. Fortunately she let me return to therapy but things have been strained. I think she was pissed that I quit without notice or discussion. Not a cool thing to do.
Maybe it will help her understand why I quit if I tell her. I just feel embarrassed to admit that on some level I feel the need for her to be my mom.
I'm curious as to how other therapists have reacted when clients bring up these issues.
Posted by happykat on December 1, 2006, at 13:06:27
In reply to Re: Disclosure of Transference to T » happykat, posted by Dinah on December 1, 2006, at 7:57:07
Dinah,
Thanks for your post!
I took a cue from earlier threads and ordered "In Session" by Deborah Lott. I also read the threads from when Lott visited Babble. Very helpful!I think I'm experiencing some sort of maternal transference. I have strong feelings towards my female therapist and feel jealous when she talks about her kids. (Gotta tell you that makes me feel a little weird) I like to keep my distance emotionally with people so I'm thrown off by these feelings of neediness and attachment.
Talking it over does sound like a healthy direction to go in. I think I'll take your advice though and tread slowly.
Thanks,
happykat
Posted by Lindenblüte on December 1, 2006, at 14:18:41
In reply to Transference » Dinah, posted by happykat on December 1, 2006, at 13:06:27
Hi Happykat,
The fact that you recognize the transference is a really good thing. It makes it a lot easier if you're already able to recognize these feelings and use some words to describe them.I had some transference issues towards my old T.
I'm 27 and he's perhaps 55?
First he reminded me of my college thesis advisor, so I tried to use the same kind of joking tone.
I was getting more and more anxious every time I saw him for a while. I felt more and more out of it after sessions where we actually talked about my past. working on the present was fine. I actually had panic attacks before several sessions. not good!
By this point, he was reminding me more and more of Hannibal Lecter. Of course, it didn't help that he referred to his work with the criminally insane at some institution.
By the time I realized what was going on, it was too late for me to deny that I was terrified of any and all men who see my vulnerabilities. Flashbacks, nightmares, etc... I told him about how terrified I was, and that I had something important to tell him. Would he help me say it?
You bet he helped me say it. Afterwards he said that I was probably reliving the trauma every single time I came to therapy, and that I might be more comfortable working with a female T (you think?!?).
After THAT session (whew) he told me that this was very satisfying to him as a therapist, because it meant that I was ready to work on deeper issues. He said that no matter how hard I tried, the feelings of terror "it's just transference, you know?" would make continuing therapy with HIM unnecessarily unpleasant. He said that he was really proud of me, and other nice things. and then referred me to my current T. (great referral, btw)
so, I think that admitting the transference first to yourself, and eventually to your therapist provides a real opportunity. You can figure out why you are feeling these things, how to understand them, and how to use them to make you stronger and wiser.
best to you,
-Li
Posted by happykat on December 1, 2006, at 18:22:53
In reply to Re: Transference » happykat, posted by Lindenblüte on December 1, 2006, at 14:18:41
Hi Li,
>>>>By this point, he was reminding me more and more of Hannibal Lecter. Of course, it didn't help that he referred to his work with the criminally insane at some institution.<<<<<
Not a soothing visual for a T. It sounds like the outcome was good though. It sounds like he steered you in a good direction. I can see how it would be a problem if you were being triggered everytime you went to therapy. Your current T sounds like she's really good too. It sounds like discussing may be beneficial. Thanks for your input.
happykat
Posted by Declan on December 1, 2006, at 20:06:49
In reply to Re: Disclosure of Transference to T » happykat, posted by Dinah on December 1, 2006, at 7:57:07
You've got to discuss it. I mean you don't *have* to discuss it, but what's the point of therapy without that?
After all, are you not trying to recreate a loving dependance?
The best way to start on that is to tell your T that you quit because you were envious of her children.
I would enjoy the vulnerability.
And you can judge your T on how she handles it, you can talk about all that stuff.
Posted by happykat on December 2, 2006, at 17:12:20
In reply to Re: Disclosure of Transference to T, posted by Declan on December 1, 2006, at 20:06:49
This is the end of the thread.
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