![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by annierose on October 6, 2006, at 19:31:16
Sometimes when I hit the wall, I wonder if this is bound happen. Of couse I often stumble along the way, but when I crash head-on at an impass, I think, does this have to happen to make forward progress? In order words, (in my psychodynamic therapy) do I have to suffer the perils of transferance?
Early on in today's session I was quiet. I didn't like her vibe (for lack of a better expression) or her tone, "So how are you doing today?". It took some time before I could reply and then more silence. I shared a story about yoga, more silence from her; I shared another story, again silence.
Finally I said, "I feel like this silence is building a barrier between us."
Snotty t reply - (paraphrasing) "I don't have any comments to make at this time. When I want to share something I will."
Me: "Well --- I guess I feel the same. We will just both sit here in silence until one of us wants to share something. (pause) God this is ridiculous."
T: Let's reframe this feeling. I am not pushing you away, I really wanted to know how you are doing today and instead you feel like I don't care. I say, you are reacting to a memory, a very early memory. AND ... if you could put into words how that felt to be shut out, I think it would be productive.
Me: Been there, done that. We both know how I felt as a child, we have gone over that time and time again. Maybe I'm reacting to you being a hundred miles away from this room.
T: I'm right here.
Golly, I hate sessions that this. I do think I did pick up on something in her mood. Yes, I made more of it than was probably there, but her snotty comments got my defenses engaged. I wanted to run out of there a few times but decided to hang tough and try to work this out ---to no avail.
Now I go back on Monday to face this again. UGH! Did I hear "cancel"????? Nahhh, that would be too easy.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2006, at 23:35:28
In reply to I hated my session today BIG TIME today..., posted by annierose on October 6, 2006, at 19:31:16
hmm...
and some t's call clients manipulative
lol.
do you feel like strangeling her occasionally?
Posted by Daisym on October 7, 2006, at 0:29:55
In reply to I hated my session today BIG TIME today..., posted by annierose on October 6, 2006, at 19:31:16
Canceling is not the answer. But, boy, I do know that urge! I hate, hate, hate having bad sessions at the end of the week too. It is the worst feeling to leave disconnected and unhappy.
I'm sure what you were feeling was both her being distracted and old stuff in the room with you. I would have reacted the exact same way to snotty comments. But we both know that we have to go over and over and over and over and over those early feelings before we can really understand how much they drive us and our relationships. And then we have to go over them some more in order to change the power these old feelings have. I wish there was an easier way.
All that said, don't you wish you could ask your therapist: "who do I remind you of in your past? You seem to be reacting to something else in here today..." (think she'd answer?)
Posted by annierose on October 7, 2006, at 6:46:32
In reply to Re: I hated my session today BIG TIME today..., posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2006, at 23:35:28
>>>do you feel like strangeling her occasionally?
That's exactly what I felt like doing!! Thank you. I wanted to tell her I hated her when she was behaving like this but I didn't want to be mean.
Posted by annierose on October 7, 2006, at 6:57:58
In reply to Re: I hated my session today BIG TIME today... » annierose, posted by Daisym on October 7, 2006, at 0:29:55
And I only shared the one snotty comment ... the other one she made was in reaction to my early silence. After I repeated that the silence on her part was felt punishing, snotty comment #2 was, "I can't help you when you don't talk."
Gee t, maybe you could try another tatic to help me talk ... to make the room feel safe today.
And I walked into the session in a really good mood.
>>> don't you wish you could ask your therapist: "who do I remind you of in your past?<<
Yes, I think she would give me some sort of answer, maybe not the one I'm asking for. At the very least, I think when left she would ponder her own feelings in that room.
She just wasn't the t I've come to know and love.
How can I talk about my early childhood experiences when what happened to me was largely before I had words? I was child #4 out of 5. After I was born, we pretty much guessed my mom (who only likes babies --- to this day) ignored me when baby #5 was born 20 months later. Yes, I was fed and clothed and bathed. But I was a burden. And a demanding one at that (according to my mom).
Oh well. This session is stuck in my head. And I know Monday won't be any easier. I have a full weekend so I'm not sulking (yet).
Thank you. I hope you have a pleasant weekend.
Me, I'm rooting for my Detroit Tigers!!
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2006, at 10:13:57
In reply to I hated my session today BIG TIME today..., posted by annierose on October 6, 2006, at 19:31:16
Ugh.
In general, does she respond to inquiries about what's going on with her when you're detecting a difference in her?
My therapist generally gives the question due consideration and answers thoughtfully. Which is good, because that's sometimes enough to pull him back to me. Not always, but sometimes.
I hate just plain bad sessions. I've had several lately. :( (My fault in my case.) It really stinks.
Posted by annierose on October 7, 2006, at 20:46:33
In reply to Re: I hated my session today BIG TIME today... » annierose, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2006, at 10:13:57
I'm sorry you have had some bad sessions lately --- they are not fun at all. I wonder when we tell our Ts the session is hard/hurtful/irritating/etc that it is hard on them too.
She never came back to me in that session. But I couldn't give her any of myself either.
I'm not looking forward to Monday one bit.
Posted by Dinah on October 8, 2006, at 11:52:10
In reply to Re: I hated my session today BIG TIME today... » Dinah, posted by annierose on October 7, 2006, at 20:46:33
Well....
If it is of any comfort at all, I usually find that the most awful sessions are followed by pretty good ones. Just like the very best sessions are usually followed by mediocre ones.
Or at least that's our pattern.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 9, 2006, at 4:51:23
In reply to I hated my session today BIG TIME today..., posted by annierose on October 6, 2006, at 19:31:16
> Sometimes when I hit the wall, I wonder if this is bound happen. Of couse I often stumble along the way, but when I crash head-on at an impass, I think, does this have to happen to make forward progress? In order words, (in my psychodynamic therapy) do I have to suffer the perils of transferance?
I think so. I found this online, maybe it applies:
> many psychotherapists do their best to put the patient at ease in the first session. [Then the] aim is not to lower the initial anxiety, but to use it to help the patient to break through his defensive wall and to get to the core of the problem... anxiety-lowering explanations will be kept to a minimum.
Maybe she is pushing you... To see how you resist.
>I didn't like her vibe (for lack of a better expression) or her tone, "So how are you doing today?". It took some time before I could reply and then more silence. I shared a story about yoga, more silence from her; I shared another story, again silence.Maybe she thought the stories were defences and you weren't really talking about what was going on for you?
> Finally I said, "I feel like this silence is building a barrier between us."
> Snotty t reply - (paraphrasing) "I don't have any comments to make at this time. When I want to share something I will."How did you feel? Rejected / uncared for? Is that why this happened:
> Me: "Well --- I guess I feel the same. We will just both sit here in silence until one of us wants to share something.> (pause) God this is ridiculous."
lol. That's funny. You must have a pretty good relationship for you to have gotten to there fairly swiftly.
> T: Let's reframe this feeling. I am not pushing you away, I really wanted to know how you are doing today and instead you feel like I don't care. I say, you are reacting to a memory, a very early memory. AND ... if you could put into words how that felt to be shut out, I think it would be productive.So I guess she is trying to get you to feel that really feel that with her in the present.
> Me: Been there, done that. We both know how I felt as a child, we have gone over that time and time again. Maybe I'm reacting to you being a hundred miles away from this room.Because you can go over it and over it and over it, but I think to progress beyond it you have to re-experience / re-live it in the present. So maybe... She was trying to *trigger* or *provoke* you (gee, that sounds terrible) but trying to get you to make some progress with that.
> T: I'm right here.
Did you feel angry with your parents when you felt that they ignored you / didn't care?
Posted by muffled on October 11, 2006, at 22:30:08
In reply to Re: I hated my session today BIG TIME today... » Dinah, posted by annierose on October 7, 2006, at 20:46:33
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.