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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by linebored on April 18, 2006, at 17:44:16
Hello everyone in this forum,
It is been my latest comfort to read some of the posts and realize that I am not alone in this Lalaland world.
Some feelings described in the posts reflect my present moment of huge despair.I felt madly in love with my psychiatrist and told him exactly that by another words…
Have anyone done the same?
LineBored
Posted by madeline on April 18, 2006, at 17:58:58
In reply to Unhappily in love, posted by linebored on April 18, 2006, at 17:44:16
welcome to babble linebored. I think you've come to just the right place. You are most definately not alone. In fact, here I think you are normal (at least that's what I've found).
One thing I know is that it is perfectly understandable, reasonable and all together appropriate to fall madly in love with your therapist.
I did, just about everyone here has in some form or another.
And why not? They are unconditionally nice to us, they listen and they can be very very gentle with all the hurt that just lives inside of us. For me at least, my therapist is the first person in my life that I have trusted - ever.
It's such an important relationship, but sometimes it hurts too, but somehow in the wash it all just ends up so very very healing.
As you feel more comfortable with us, I hope you will share your experience more. I hope you therapist was open and willing to accept your love and didn't become defensive as some can.
Again, the love is the good thing, the hurt needs to be talked about and talked about and talked about some more.
Again, welcome to babble. This is just my two cents.
Maddie
Posted by orchid on April 18, 2006, at 18:30:14
In reply to Unhappily in love, posted by linebored on April 18, 2006, at 17:44:16
Welcome :-)
I couldn't help but laugh and say "Ah one more" when I read your post.
You have come to the right place :-). It is far too common here and just read the posts on any particular day or week and you will find plenty (I mean *plenty*) of posts about feelings for therapists.
In short, it is all too common, and many many people go through it and it is part of the therpy relationship.
I hope you will get plenty of support here.
Take Care
Orchid
Posted by linebored on April 20, 2006, at 5:04:37
In reply to Re: Unhappily in love » linebored, posted by orchid on April 18, 2006, at 18:30:14
Thank you so much for the insight,
I couldn’t help but cry when I read your replies to my post, I felt understand and it gave me a deep comfort.
This “love” or transference love is such a secret that I cannot tell anyone, I’m ashamed of it, because it feels pathetic and real at the same time.
So, besides my psychiatrist, you are the only people that I could share this feelings, and I know I shared little, but the main part of it.
Hope I develop the confidence to share more when I am ready…
Meanwhile I’ve read the former posts about this kind of love that feels so real … it can’t be a coincidence that so many people feels this love at the same circumstances.But.. I´m developing a new idea about the transference issues:
It can well be a replay of a previous emotional situation (of the past).
Nevertheless, who knows if it can be a projective (into the future) emotional stimulus?
A self inside of us that wants to develop and wake up for life, so the pulses are awakening and prospects such a deep feeling, meaning at the end that we’re ready to love and by transference it proposes a energetic reaction?Sorry, it’s confuse (like I’m now in every way)
Thank you from my heart,
Linebored
Posted by happyflower on April 20, 2006, at 7:23:59
In reply to Re: Unhappily in love, posted by linebored on April 20, 2006, at 5:04:37
((((((Linebored)))))))))))))
I feel love is love is love is love. I doesn't matter to me how, why, or what, it is what it is. I am sure you have read my post by now about my feelings for my T, it is real, and his feeling are real too. We can't help what we feel and who we fall in love with. And that is a quote from my T . Please keep posting, it helps talking to people who care and understand what you are feeling. Babblemail me anytime.
Posted by linebored on April 20, 2006, at 8:40:44
In reply to Re: Unhappily in love, posted by happyflower on April 20, 2006, at 7:23:59
The thing is that only now (a lot because of this love) I feel I have a mental problem…
Love is love, you are right, but it is a mad love, I wonder how the T feels about me.I’ll ask him to intern me next week, I feel I’m becoming crazy and I want to be next to him and I feel like a child and I don’t know what the heck has happened to me!
He is lovely, charming and very interesting and brilliant and seems to know how to deal with this.
I know I would fall in love for him even outside the T room
Only last session I told him about my “erotic transference.. I used this term…
I was very technical and I was kind of doing his job by interpreting myself in front of him.. never used the word love.. but I was really nervous and sweating and thinking of what was going on in his headIt made me feel better after I discharged my feelings in the room
Have anyone done the same? How did you told him exactly about your love for the T.?
Tank you again and again for your availability,
Linebored
Posted by happyflower on April 20, 2006, at 8:54:38
In reply to Re: Unhappily in love, posted by linebored on April 20, 2006, at 8:40:44
I think you are not crazy, you are normal. Love feels so good, who wouldn't want to wrapped up in a blanket of good feelings our T's bring to us all the time?
But it can make you stop and think, that maybe what it is telling you is that you NEED to have this in your life, love from someone who can love you fully without all the boundries of therapy. We can't talk to our T 's anytime we want, but needing love all the time isn't abnormal. It is real! Everyone needs love. Knowing you need love is a good step in getting what you need and want.
You are so brave to talk to your T about this, I am sure he will help you work through it, and let love come into your life. Love that can make you feel safe all the time, not just 50 minutes at a time. Even though the 50 minutes can feel soooo good especailly if you don't have love in your personal life. I think you are in love. Most people who fall in love, think about the other person all the time. It is normal. It is wonderful. But it can hurt trying to love someone who can't return it back to you in the way you want. That is what is hard about therapy. I think a lot of people feel the same way as you. You are not crazy.
Posted by madeline on April 21, 2006, at 7:43:41
In reply to Re: Unhappily in love, posted by linebored on April 20, 2006, at 8:40:44
I think it is great that you feel an awakening inside you about the prospect of love and being open to it.
For me, that's what therapy has all been about.
I have expressed my feeling for my therapist enumerable times. I "get over it", the feelings come back, then I get over it again.
When I first told him, I did exactly what you did. I called it simply transference and said that I thought it was just an artifact of therapy. He was not too receptive to that interpretation.
Then I told him that I wanted him to be my father etc...
Then I told him that I hated him for making me feel this way - like dangling a carrot in front of me while he got to stay perfectly safe.
Then I finally told him that I was absolutely afraid of the way I felt and that I was afraid of him, I was afraid of trusting and loving him. I almost quit therapy several times.
Now, I'm beginning to accept the way I feel and let myself get wrapped in the warmth I feel from him. It's okay that I have these feelings and they aren't going to screw everything up, he's not going to run out of the room screaming and the hurt is leaving, only to be replaced with the a lot of hope.
Our therapists care about us a lot, of that I'm convinced. But, when you are ready, I think it is important to realize that THEIR experience of therapy is quite different from ours. Good therapists share in your emotional intimacy, but they do not become emotionally intimate with you. Their love for us comes from the shared experience I think, but not from some deep place were they have bared their souls as we have.
I know my therapist loves me, but we share different kinds of love for each other. And that's okay. As happyflower said, love is love is love.
This is the end of the thread.
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