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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on March 13, 2006, at 12:15:21
I have read "In Session" a million times, I have it by my night stand. I bought it when it first came out. I've always had such a strong attachment to my T. Sometimes it drives me nuts, and sometimes I'm ok with it. Whenever she leaves town for any amount of time, I feel like I'm being abandoned by her and my attachment fear kick into high gear. This last Thurs. - Sunday she was gone out of town. She called me from the airport before she boarded her plane, and left me 2 voice mails. I called her back so I could tell her what I was feeling. It was that my 14 year old daughter and I had gotten into a HUGE fight. I took 2 Klonipin's to make sure I went to sleep and didn't have to feel the pain of what was said to me. It hurt me to the core!!! Anyway, I panicked because I was tipping over. She was leaving me and wouldn't be available. What could she possible do for me? She can't come to my house and fix me or my daughter.
She's back in town, I know it cuz her voice mail is set back to her "normal" message. I want to call her to tell her I missed her, but I'm trying not too. I don't see her till Thurs. night. I want to understand my attachment better, so if anyone of you knows of any good websites, or books about attachment please let me know. I appreciate you all so much for all that I learn from you. Daisy, you led me to a great website a few months ago about different kinds of attachment. I did't bookmark it so I can't remember it.
I'm kinda the silent type, I read but I don't post very often, probably because I think what I say is dumb.
You guys are awesome, thanks for being here for me.
LadyBug
Posted by Susan47 on March 13, 2006, at 15:56:06
In reply to Anyone Know of good Attachment Websites or Books?, posted by LadyBug on March 13, 2006, at 12:15:21
You'll get lots of good referrals now. I think Lott's book was helpful for me, but I don't remember what else I've read on the subject. Yalom gave some interesting reading, but I had a different kind of transference I guess, I don't know, but I liked his stuff, once you get past the old-boy-patting-self-on-back syndrome he seems to carry around. In writing anyways. I admit I haven't met the man, only read a couple of his books and I do not hereby negate anything legitimate with which he has provided the world, including offspring. But I mean honestly, really, he's a tad swolled-up for me .. don't know if this has been said, but imo anyways, Lott's book should be required reading for all potential clients of any therapist, it ought to be written into a formal contractual agreement that every client and therapist make at the first visit .. no such thing, though, no such thing.
Posted by pegasus on March 13, 2006, at 22:18:06
In reply to Anyone Know of good Attachment Websites or Books?, posted by LadyBug on March 13, 2006, at 12:15:21
The book that has helped me most with understanding attachment is "A General Theory of Love". It's heavy on the neurobiology science at the beginning, which isn't a problem for me, but I know it can be annoying for some. But if you stick it out, the payoff is big. The chapter about how attachment can heal, and they specifically talk about therapy, among other attachments, just made everything about my therapy experience finally click. I've read the book twice now, and plan to read that chapter again.
Good luck. There is a lot known about attachment, and a lot of it is really good news, in terms of a therapy attachment being very helpful.
peg
Posted by LadyBug on March 14, 2006, at 1:09:50
In reply to Answering then a bit offtrack, sorry ... » LadyBug, posted by Susan47 on March 13, 2006, at 15:56:06
Susan,
I have read some of Yalom's books, I have the one called The Gift Of Therapy. I like him. I am also searching on the internet for stuff on anxious, ambivalent attachment which seems to be my issue.
I'm up way late and I need to get my sorry butt to bed so this post is short.....sorry, I really do appreicate you and the time you take to post to me. As for the post above about my daughter I will write a reply as soon as I get a chance. What you wrote to me was very insightful. No my husband isn't the same as I am as far as parenting goes. He's the addict, and so what does that tell you? I'm the co-dependent, want to be fixer, but I can't fix anyone but myself. Yes, he is her father, and my husband. Thanks so much! I will write more later. I'm soooo tired and I will hope to write more tomorrow if I get a chance while I'm at work.
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on March 14, 2006, at 1:12:34
In reply to Re: Anyone Know of good Attachment Websites or Boo, posted by pegasus on March 13, 2006, at 22:18:06
peg,
I checked the book out and it looks awesome. Ya know I'm always thinking about love and all it intails. I will get a copy of it and study it. Thanks for the info. I appreicate it so very much.
LadyBug
Posted by Daisym on March 14, 2006, at 1:21:15
In reply to Re: Anyone Know of good Attachment Websites or Boo » pegasus, posted by LadyBug on March 14, 2006, at 1:12:34
I'm not sure if you want theory or not so I'll give you a couple.
My absolute favorite book that deals with this is "A Shining Affliction". But it can be triggering and very hard to read. It is worth it. I go back to it often because I see myself.
For theory I like a couple of basics. I've recommended "Treating The Self, Elements of Clinical Self Psychology" before. Good basic information. Also "A Secure Base" by John Bowlby is THE classic on the subject. Read almost anything by Dan Stern or Dan Siegel.
Some others that I found helpful but are similiar to lots of other stuff out there are listed below. Don't be put off by the titles! And they aren't all about attachment but rather the overall experience of therapy. Good luck with this. I struggle every single day with this.
Posted by LadyBug on March 14, 2006, at 10:01:32
In reply to Re: Anyone Know of good Attachment Websites or Boo, posted by Daisym on March 14, 2006, at 1:21:15
Oh Daisy, I appreciate this so much! I am going to get a hold of these books and do some reading. I have accepted the fact that I will always have issues with attachment, but I hope to be able to deal with it better in time. We all have our "stuff" to deal with don't we? I know I will have a struggle with attachment but I'm hoping I can make the best of it so it doesn't hurt so much sometimes. My T has done some good work with me in this area, she knows I struggle. I know she can't magically "fix" me. I want to understand it more even though I'll always have times when it's more than I can bare.
Thanks soooo much! Your so awesome!
LadyBug
Posted by Susan47 on March 14, 2006, at 15:44:35
In reply to Re: Answering then a bit offtrack, sorry ... » Susan47, posted by LadyBug on March 14, 2006, at 1:09:50
Yes I really enjoy reading Yalom's books too, because he has a style of writing I understand and can relate to, I just struggle a bit with what I perceive to be his large ego, but that's to be expected I suppose maybe I'm just falling into thinking about him as a type, I'm typing him I guess ... which may be interfering with my getting all of his messages ... I loved Momma and the Meaning of Life, BTW I'll bet you've read that .. I should get it out again. I lent the Gift of THerapy to a friend and haven't gotten ut back as she's passed it onto someone else, so that tells us a lot, right?
About your personal stuff, yeah I know, when I posted on the thread above I wasn't sure whether I came across as understanding that it wasn't you who's addicted, it's your hubby, because I got very personally involved in remembering the interactions between myself and daughter .. I don't think my girl is talking about my drug use, because she doesn't see how it negatively impacts my life. She doesn't see how I struggle to put things together when I'm at work, she doesn't see how I freak out when I'm by myself and overcome by anxiety and feeling unable to act, and BEING unable to take my life's reins, then I NEED to toke .. she means I think more of the reject-my-mother-because-she-disappoints-me thing.. but one day if I keep this up, it'll interfere dramatically, probably ... and then that pain added to what she's already feeling .. it's important to me that I don't let her down any more than I already have, to keep a career, even if it isn't what I want, so she can have guitar and voice lessons added into the choir, she's already getting pretty darn old for that stuff, but it isn't too late. What I need to do is get it together and lose my fear and do my job, no matter how abhorrent it is.
This is the end of the thread.
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