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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by tryingtobewise on January 18, 2006, at 21:48:36
In reply to Re: I'm just not feeling too well, posted by madeline on January 18, 2006, at 21:18:40
Oh...I like Madeline's idea of doing something nice for yourself. A little reminder that therapy is not the *only* option out there for taking care of ourselves is always a good thing in my book.
Hang in there Dinah. Are you able to walk (as in around the block or something)? Maybe that would help alleviate some stress & help with sleep.
Peace,
Kim
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 21:59:56
In reply to Re: I'm just not feeling too well » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on January 18, 2006, at 21:02:13
Mostly work.
I'm so used to doing the same sort of work, and I am pretty good at it. But with the hurricane, my work is going to be quite a bit different than usual over the next few months. And I have no confidence whatsoever that I will be good at it.
I'm trying to see it in small segments. I'm trying to start off with things I feel confident in doing. I've set some limits on the amount of work I can take on. But there's only so much I can do to make this more bearable. Short of winning the lottery, these next five or six months will be the worst work months of my life. The horror would have already started, except that I have been wrapping up the stuff I know how to do well.
So I'm having horrible anxiety attacks at night, only dimly remembered the next day. And that's with klonopin and Risperdal. My poor husband has to sleep with his wife draped over him clutching him tightly.
I'm growing more and more despairing as I finish the familiar work and am left with the unfamiliar. My bosses say not to worry, just do my best.
If I thought I could in any way afford it, If I weren't such a d*mn spendthrift, I'd quit my job of twentyfive years.
The stress of taking care of my mother's two dogs on top of my own four is getting to me too. They're very nice dogs, and it's certainly not their fault that their "mom" has abandoned them with us for five months and counting. But they're old and poorly housetrained (ok, not housetrained at all), and it's just an extra stress.
I guess most of all, I need what I used to have with my therapist. A place to feel safe, a way to bring home some of that safety to last until the next session, a really effective place to *feel*.
I spent today at the office again, and it is just so immensely draining to me.
I'm tired and need to go to sleep, but I dread it. So much that I'd almost rather force myself to stay awake.
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 22:07:10
In reply to Re: I'm just not feeling too well, posted by tryingtobewise on January 18, 2006, at 21:48:36
I've been thinking of trying a yoga tape. But to tell you the revolting truth, there's not a big enough spot in my house that I haven't recently cleaned up an "accident" of one of the dogs. And somehow that makes all that floor work seem unappealing. :) Even with Lysol wipes, bless the inventors of those things.
Maybe I'll try the exercise bike.
Outside exercise is still a bit iffy. There aren't as many piles of debris, but now there's FEMA trailers everywhere. :)
I wonder if I'd feel better if I could work up a healthy indignation instead of amused resignation, mixed with irritation and disappointment...
I've always said reduced expectations were the key to happiness, but I wonder if that's not quite correct.
Posted by annierose on January 18, 2006, at 22:15:33
In reply to Re: I'm just not feeling too well » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 21:59:56
Dinah -
I'm sorry your T didn't follow through with your phone chat nor calling you for the extra appointment. That is bothersome. It does sound like you have resigned yourself that this relationship has changed. Another loss.
Why are you dreading sleep? Are you able to stay asleep? Are you still seeing your T twice a week?
I hope the work gets better. I try (not always successful mind you) to do the worse part of my job first, so as my day progresses, I can look forward to more enjoyable tasks. As I say, the "don't want to do" pile sometimes gets a tad thick. I always feel better when I do tackle the yucky, sometimes brain draining tasks.
Time for bed myself.
I hope you go to sleep. Rest is good for the soul.
Annie
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 22:23:58
In reply to Re: I'm just not feeling too well » tryingtobewise, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 22:07:10
Maybe I feel a bit angrier than I can recognize.
I'm finding myself thinking of things to say to him should he recall Sunday that he was supposed to have called me. Things that could only be described as thinly veiled hostility.
"Oh, don't worry about it. I had no real notion that you would call anyway, regardless of what you said."
"It's ok. It's not like I care as much as I used to."
"Hey, don't worry about it. I could use the extra $5000 a year from seeing you only once a week."
"You abandoned me for six weeks. I think I can manage one with no trouble."
"Oh goodness, you've done worse than *that*. Remember postpartum?"
"It's just as well. If we have to move, I'll be lucky if I can manage to see you once a week. Weaning off is probably best."
"Don't think twice about it. I laughed and laughed, thinking of what you told me Sunday about forgetting things you didn't feel like doing."
"Didn't you call? I didn't notice."
"It worked out ok. I didn't really feel like bothering to drive fifteen minutes to see you. I like to relax in the evenings."
"No, no, I'm glad you didn't call. You know I'd been worried about how attached I was to you. It's so thoughtful of you to help me with that."
"Oh, you poor thing. When you didn't call, I realized that you must have just been swamped with your new job." (followed by a statement with just enough invitation that he could choose to tell me all his troubles if he wishes to, poor dear.)
Anyone care to help me with some other passive aggressive comments that he just won't get?
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 22:29:55
In reply to Re: I'm just not feeling too well » Dinah, posted by annierose on January 18, 2006, at 22:15:33
I'm too busy at work to justify driving to see him.
He offered to see me last week, but called very late the night before the proferred appointment, and I turned him down because it would have meant inconveniencing my son.
And he offered to see me every other week in the evenings when he's in town with his new job. But to tell you the truth I thought he was being overoptimistic about his schedule. The best I was hoping for was a phone call from him, telling me he couldn't manage to work out his schedule. But I guess he didn't really want to make a phone call saying he couldn't do what he had promised, so he chose to forget to make the call at all.
So I've only been seeing him once a week, and a reasonably unsatisfying once a week at that.
But hey. Who'd have thought I'd have dealt this well with being partially abandoned by my beloved therapist/mommy. It's just great that I'm dealing with it so well.
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 23:02:36
In reply to Chuckle, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 22:23:58
If he brings it up, I'll tell him.
"I remembered our conversation Sunday about your forgetting something, and then admitting that you hadn't really wanted to do it, and that's probably why you forgot.
So when you didn't call, it occurred to me to wonder.
Did you forget because you didn't want to call me and let me know that you couldn't fit seeing me in your schedule (and letting me down)?
Or did you forget because you didn't want to see me?"
And if he has the wit to choose the former, I'll remind him that it wasn't letting me down to be unable to see me. It was letting me down to neglect to call and tell me so.
D*mn it. Taking the high road really stinks.
Posted by JenStar on January 18, 2006, at 23:08:55
In reply to Nope. I've got it., posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 23:02:36
hi Dinah,
your passive aggressive comment ideas made me laugh - you're quite creative! :) But in the end, I guess taking the high road will probably lead to better/quicker closure for you, and less stewing in the future...maybe?Since this is upsetting you, maybe you SHOULD bring it up, whether he does or not? Although he's busy and stressed, he still has an obligation to his clients, and he should be reminded if he's not meeting it. And if something he did/didn't do is p*ssing you off, it's only fair to bring it up and let HIM wriggle for a while. It's not good for you to have to wonder and stress about this on top of everything else.
I hope the sleep gets better, the stress too.
take care!
JenStar
Posted by daisym on January 18, 2006, at 23:27:12
In reply to Chuckle, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 22:23:58
Can you send him a bill for the time you waited for the phone call? That might get his attention.
I'm sorry for how this is turning out. You are remarkably strong. Progress might suck but what is your choice?
Wit and cynacism work for me.
Posted by littleone on January 18, 2006, at 23:39:28
In reply to Chuckle, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 22:23:58
I'm sure you could add one about T3 in there.
I think the best option is to type them all up with a little box beside each one and he can read it at your next session and tick the one he wants.
I wish things were going better for you.
I think I find it best to tackle really awful jobs in the morning when I'm relatively fresh. Then when they become too much later one, I can fall back to more comfortable jobs for the rest of the day. I realise that won't be an option for you down the track, but could it work in this interim period while you've still got comfortable work at hand?
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 1:59:36
In reply to Re: Nope. I've got it. » Dinah, posted by JenStar on January 18, 2006, at 23:08:55
I guess I'm at least hoping he has the grace to remember he forgot. If he doesn't I'll no doubt explode and emote all over him.
As it is, I'm still up, hours later, imagining all sorts of things about how he has *really* felt about me all these years, and resisting a very strong urge to leave a much pithier message on his machine.
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 2:04:23
In reply to Re: Chuckle » Dinah, posted by daisym on January 18, 2006, at 23:27:12
You'd think money would get his attention. He likes it well enough. But apparently the thought of losing my lucrative income stream isn't enough, coupled with basic decency, to have him be thoughtful enough to call.
:(
I'm having one of those delayed reactions. I guess I thought in the end he'd come through and call with some lame excuse at the last minute.
I think that maybe he doesn't like me much, and I'm just a big nuisance to him.
Or maybe since I expressed sympathy for his "forgetting" to call someone else, he's testing my sincerity.
I guess I wasn't all that sincere.
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 2:08:51
In reply to Re: Chuckle » Dinah, posted by littleone on January 18, 2006, at 23:39:28
I might give that a good try. Although with the various tranqulizing drugs I take before bed, it's sometimes hard for me to be fully awake before noon.
:(
I think I'll throw a good old fashioned pity party tomorrow with my son. Complete with "Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day", and the rainy day plate, and too many sweets, and howling in self pity. Those usually cheer me (and him) up.
Posted by happyflower on January 19, 2006, at 4:04:27
In reply to Re: Chuckle » littleone, posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 2:08:51
((((((Dinah)))))))
Well you have every right to be upset with your T. In fact I would be mad as h*ll, if it was me, I would call him up and tell him he is one big jerk, oh, wait, I already did that! ( I love your passive aggresive ways, a bit nicer, kinda sarcastic (which I love, it takes talent). If he is not keeping his obligations, then he isn't doing his job. Not calling is a horrible thing to do to a client.
I wonder what is really going on with him. He seems to be depressed or very stressed. Not that he should be allowed to let that effect your therapy. He better call you, or I would make him get on his knees and tell you how sorry he is for letting down such a sweet client(that has put up with enough of his sh*t already) He should hang his head in shame. (((((Dinah)))))))
Posted by madeline on January 19, 2006, at 6:42:43
In reply to Chuckle, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 22:23:58
How about:
Oh no,it's okay really. I decided to leave my husband and kids and I think it's the best thing for me anyway.
Worry not at all, I just went on a crime spree - and you know what? money really isn't an issue for me anymore. How wonderful is that?
Please, like I care whether you call or not.
You know, since you didn't call, I decided that reaching out for help is kinda stupid anyway. From here on out, I'm just going to take everything I feel and wad it into a little ball and keep it in the pit of my stomach. I think it is a really good life plan for me.
I just called 911. My kids really loved the lights on the ambulance.
Oh, I just figured you had decided to send me a letter instead. Postage did go up you know.
See if any of these work.
Take care,
Maddy
Posted by fallsfall on January 19, 2006, at 7:29:20
In reply to Chuckle, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2006, at 22:23:58
I love the thinly veiled hostility. How healthy to recognize your anger.
I love the idea of typing them up with checkboxes next to them. Somehow having them in writing makes them more concrete.
You need his help, but instead of helping, he is making your life more difficult. This is not what therapy is supposed to be about. He is being a boor - you (rightfully) expect more from your therapist.
Let me know if I can help with your work issues. I'd be happy to help you figure out a plan and encourage you along the way. The work stuff seems separate from the therapist stuff (though the therapist stuff makes the work stuff harder).
Good for you for telling us about your pain.
(((Dinah)))
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 9:21:21
In reply to Re: Chuckle, posted by happyflower on January 19, 2006, at 4:04:27
I did call him actually, and left a marginally polite message that I figured that since he hadn't called me, either something horrible had happened to him that had made him incapable of fulfilling his promise, or that he was really busy and just hadn't felt like it.
And that if it were the latter, that's fine. But could he call and let me know that nothing horrible had happened to him so that I knew whether or not I should go out to his office on Sunday.
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 9:22:19
In reply to Re: Chuckle, posted by madeline on January 19, 2006, at 6:42:43
:-)
I especially liked the last one. lol.
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 9:27:16
In reply to Re: Chuckle, posted by fallsfall on January 19, 2006, at 7:29:20
Yeah, the work stuff is just why I need my therapist especially. But I'm glad I'm not seeing him, since seeing him when he's stressed and crabby is worse than not seeing him at all.
Actually, he just called. And I thanked him for the way he's handling things, because it's making things a lot easier for me.
Posted by annierose on January 19, 2006, at 9:56:30
In reply to Re: Chuckle » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 9:27:16
Making things easier how??? You were being nice?
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 10:26:26
In reply to Re: What? » Dinah, posted by annierose on January 19, 2006, at 9:56:30
I've spoken to him many times about how parts of me tries to sabotage the therapeutic relationship. So he understood that that's what I meant. Although to be totally honest, I didn't say that from the part of me that wanted to sabotage the therapeutic relationship. I said it because I was mad and wanted to hurt him.
He politely said that it had in fact hurt him.
He called back, even though I'd asked him not to, and apologized and took responsibility for not calling me when he said he would. And he talked me into seeing him tonight, although I took three Risperdal after the original phone call, and I'll probably be an emotional zombie still tonight.
He also had the intelligence to say that while he forgot the other phone call because he just hadn't wanted to do it, that didn't mean that was always the reason, and it certainly wasn't the reason with me.
Sigh. I don't believe him, but it was polite of him to say.
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 10:51:26
In reply to Re: What? » annierose, posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 10:26:26
That lets me keep being hurt when I *know* he does this frequently and can't be relied on to do things like call when he's said he will.
If I *know* that he does this stuff all the time, not only with me, but with others, why do I expect that any particular time will be any different?
Shouldn't I expect that he won't call and be pleasantly surprised when he does?
I went through this with my mother too. So I know what I need to do. Never ever ever rely on her for anything whatsoever. Never ever ever expect her to behave like a rational human being. And then you can have an adequate relationship with her.
Posted by JenStar on January 19, 2006, at 11:27:17
In reply to Re: What? » annierose, posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 10:26:26
hi Dinah,
I'm glad he's taking responsibility! And it's true that he might have "forgotten" something else b/c he wanted to, and forgotten you just out of stress/etc.I do that sometimes. There are things I sort of forget-avoid out of a desire to avoid, and other things that I truly feel BAD about forgetting, and wish I hadn't.
I wish I had advice about reliance and how to handle it. I know things have changed since the hurricane - he's just NOT the same T he used to be for you.
I don't know if that means you have to stop relying on him entirely, though? Maybe there's a happy medium? Or is that impossible (asking myself here, too..)
Is it possible to "sort of" rely on someone, or is that basically the same thing as "not" relying on them? Interesting question to ponder...
JenStar
Posted by fallsfall on January 19, 2006, at 11:28:49
In reply to I wonder what pathology it is in me, posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 10:51:26
That does defeat the purpose of therapy.
You can't get a new mother, but...
Posted by JenStar on January 19, 2006, at 11:29:43
In reply to I wonder what pathology it is in me, posted by Dinah on January 19, 2006, at 10:51:26
hi Dinah,
it doesn't sound like pathology, though...just human nature.Is it possible that he's reliable long-term even if he messes up once in a while? I know he missed the call, which sucks, but is it possible that he still truly cares about you and your therapy, and intends to be there for you as long as you need?
I know it's a tough time right now. I hope you feel better.
JenStar
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