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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on January 9, 2006, at 15:25:42
on how it feels. General info from personal experience. Good descriptions of it. Control of it?
Muffled
Posted by littleone on January 11, 2006, at 20:46:22
In reply to Dissociation the curse of confusion, comments?, posted by muffled on January 9, 2006, at 15:25:42
Hi muffled,
I was going to reply to this, but I know that I've completly misread one of your posts in the past and posted something totally way off base.
So I just wanted to clarify. Do you want to know about other people's experiences with dissociation and you'd like some useful websites? Is that right?
There are different types of dissociation. Are you interested in any in particular?
Also, I was just wondering why you called it the "curse of confusion" if that was something you read somewhere or if that is something you believe.
Posted by muffled on January 11, 2006, at 21:11:48
In reply to Re: Dissociation the curse of confusion, comments? » muffled, posted by littleone on January 11, 2006, at 20:46:22
> So I just wanted to clarify. Do you want to know about other people's experiences with dissociation and you'd like some useful websites? Is that right?
**that'd be good. Cricket wrote something on the writing board.
>
> There are different types of dissociation. Are you interested in any in particular?**Yeah I've read about them.
>
> Also, I was just wondering why you called it the "curse of confusion" if that was something you read somewhere or if that is something you believe.***I call it the curse of confusion cuz it causes alot of confusion when you blank out and miss stuff. I swear, the first 6+ months of therapy was just a puzzle to me cuz I'd blank so much and when I got home not remember or be able to make sense of what happened in therapy that day.
I'm glad to say that is much better. I remember alot of my sessions now. Well, a fair amt. anyways.
Thats what I meant. Thanks for your reply littleone.
I've read some of your stuff. You are very thotful.
Thanks for reply.
Nice to meet you.
Muffled
Posted by B2chica on January 12, 2006, at 9:09:08
In reply to Re: Dissociation the curse of confusion, comments? » littleone, posted by muffled on January 11, 2006, at 21:11:48
hi muff. i don't have really severe dissociation but enough to cause problems. sometimes i'll be talking about some hard stuff and i'll stop and my mind is TOTALLY blank. i don't know what i was saying, what context, i swear the harder i try the harder it gets. my T often has to pick up where i left off. Other times it's like everything will get really fuzzy, it works going from the ouside inward till there's a little speck in the middle i can see clearly, then that dissappears too. i can stay in that state for 10 seconds or at the longest an hour, then i'll snap out and think it was for only a few seconds. sometimes i don't know what happens all i know is that the time is later and don't know what i was doing or where i went. sometimes its as simple as just dazing off, like daydreams or other settings and such.
people dissociate all the time such as driving to work, getting there and not remembering how, or go through a stop light not knowing if it was green or not. at the other end the worst is dissociative identity disorder (used to be multiple personality disorder) where due to the abuse your mind actually splits into personalities that you need to survive, they are a 'protective barrier' when you go through the abuse however become a hinderence when they are no longer needed.
sometimes it's like my 'little girl' comes out i know shes the one that curls up and won't talk and is super needy but it's not DID because i know she's present but i still curl up and only say what she can handle.
before i always thought i could control it, i guess cuz growing up it happened when i needed it to. but now it happens at work, at home and in session. and believe me, i understand the confusion it causes. sometimes its just really high levels of anxity that can cause this confusion also.
sorry so long.
HTH
b2c.
Posted by muffled on January 12, 2006, at 9:37:58
In reply to Re: Dissociation the curse of confusion, comments?, posted by B2chica on January 12, 2006, at 9:09:08
I just feel like I'm such a weirdo these days, it really helps to hear from others. Your dissoc. sounds much like mine. Maybe I'm not so strange.
It makes it hard sometimes cuz I can only remember bits and pieces of therapt sessions. Frustrating. But its getting much better. I can remember much more of my sessions now.
Thank you. Sorry to hear bout your T. Sounds like your handling it carefully.
Take care,
muffled
Posted by littleone on January 13, 2006, at 18:51:57
In reply to Re: Dissociation the curse of confusion, comments? » littleone, posted by muffled on January 11, 2006, at 21:11:48
Okay, when I started learning about the dissociative disorders, I had a lot of trouble understanding where I fit in. So I found the following article really helpful with that.
http://www.m-a-h.net/library/did-general/mpd-spectrum.htm
I think that I have a lot more problems with dissociation that what I ever realised (and maybe even realise now). I've only been looking at all this relatively recently and I think I still have a lot to learn about myself around this issue.
I do know that I have very few childhood memories. I remember hardly nothing, I just *know* stuff. Like I know my 3rd grade teacher was Mrs ___, but I have no recollection of her at all. Even looking at my grade 3 school photo with the teacher still brings back no memories at all. I have a few images in my mind from childhood. Like photos. But I can't see them clearly and I can't hold on to them or concentrate on them for very long at all. And there are years where I just have nothing at all.
However I do think that different parts of me hold different memories. And even though I'll say that I have no memories at all from this time period, I think that if you ask me again tomorrow when I'm feeling differently, then I may remember one or two things.
I've written an autobiography for my T before (considering it had my whole life in there, it was pretty short), but I think it was mainly written by the adult. So I've been meaning to make up a time line that I can keep adding to as I remember stuff.
Another dissociative problem I have is with my emotions. They get very compartmentalised. I can cut them right off very easily and it often happens without me wanting it to. It's not really something I can control, but by the same token, if I want to do it I can. It's hard to convey just how much they are cut off. I really am totally devoid of emotion. I know some times I feel "nothingness" and I suspect that is the emotions cut off. Other times I feel "empty" and I'm a bit worried that is different. More to do with core self issues.
I also have dissociative problems with my identity or self. But I can't really talk about that at the moment. I think the best I can do is to say that I read a book once "Coping with trauma" and it talks about this:
Imagine your "self" as a big circle and within that circle there are lots of smaller circles. One is for workmate, one is for daughter, one is for friend, one is for wife, one is for birdlover, etc. This is how a normal person is. They may be different in different situations, but they still feel part of one "self". They still feel unified.
If you were diagnosed with DID, then those smaller circles wouldn't just be circles, they'd be blacked out poka dots. Even though they are within the larger circle, they are completly cut off from it.
I think my smaller circles are circles with big thick heavy outlines. Not completely cut off like the poka dots, but still not as accessable as normal people's circles.
I also have trouble seeing inside me. Working out what I'm thinking or feeling. My brain glances off stuff. Sometimes it's like my brain is like one of those super bouncy rubber balls inside my head. And I can see other things inside my head that I want to look at. But my brain has been bounced and it's rebounding back and forth so fast I simply can't see the stuff I want to look at. I can see it's there, but I can't focus on it.
I was gonna talk more about dissociation, but I think I'm talked out now.
I did want to add that lately I have been working on trying very hard not to "go away" during sessions (I get all foggy and can't think and, I can't remember, other stuff) and also to try and not cut off my emotions. I don't know what it is I do to do this, but I know I've been writing a lot more and I try to write really hard stuff that is bothering me deep inside that I don't normally let out. And I have tried to never deliberately cut off. At first it was still happening anyway and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get them back. But then I think when I stopped trying they would come back on their own.
But it's been very hard and it was definately something that I had to be ready for and had to consciously decide to do. Cause it's hard and scary. But I think I've really taken some giant steps forward in therapy recently. Which is good.
Posted by muffled on January 13, 2006, at 20:25:07
In reply to Re: Dissociation (sorry very long) » muffled, posted by littleone on January 13, 2006, at 18:51:57
This is the end of the thread.
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