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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on December 8, 2005, at 14:26:17
I just turned 24 yesterday, but I think my mind is more like an 18 year old. I don't feel like an adult. I never feel like a "woman". I feel like a girl. Does anyone else experience this?
I think my development is delayed or something. Are there defined steps for development? I sort of remember something about development in my intro to psychology class. I don't think I've reached the adult phase yet.
I asked my pdoc if I was immature and he told me that he doesn't like to use the word "immature." He said that people have different deficits that they must learn to live with. I think I have a lot of deficits.
I think I need to grow up more. I don't know how to do that. My parents are still very much my parents right now. I'm not independent at all. I still depend on them for everything.
I don't know how to survive out in the real world. In the real world people are expected to be able to do things like call people on the phone and not be anxious about it.
I think on some level I'm actually doing badly in school on purpose because I'm afraid to graduate and have to go out in the real world. Does anyone know what I mean?
The world is so scary. I wish the world were more like the online world. I can talk and be myself online. I'm much more confident online. I would never in a zillion years do something like participate in the small groups thing (see thread about APA meeting) if it weren't for Babble.
I need to find a job, a career. I still don't know what I want to do. I want to work in a lab, but I'm afraid I don't have the experience or training needed. I think I need to do some post graduate training somewhere.
I'm so late in starting life! I can't believe I'm 24 already.
Deneb
Posted by muffled on December 8, 2005, at 16:09:21
In reply to I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings), posted by Deneb on December 8, 2005, at 14:26:17
I'm still not grown up! I am 42. Actually I did grow up alot when I had kids, not right away. I think I finally felt sort more adultish when my older kid was about 6. So I would have 'grown up' at 39.
Actually, I still act like a kid and its hilarious cuz I think my 9 yr old and his friends think I'm rather COOL!!!!!HAAAAAAAAAA!!!Gonna run with it while it lasts!!!!!
Posted by gardenergirl on December 8, 2005, at 17:17:39
In reply to I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings), posted by Deneb on December 8, 2005, at 14:26:17
>> I think on some level I'm actually doing badly in school on purpose because I'm afraid to graduate and have to go out in the real world. Does anyone know what I mean?
Absolutely! I've been there. Sometimes I'm afraid I still am. That's a great insight, deneb.
gg
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 17:34:29
In reply to I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings), posted by Deneb on December 8, 2005, at 14:26:17
Me Me Me!!!
I lived at home till I married my husband (who can be a bit parental himself). And in college, I cut out and saved a Drabble cartoon that had Norman realizing that he would soon be graduating and going out to be a grown up in the real world, only to hug a tree and cry that he didn't want to be a grown up in the real world.
My body may shriek old, with my droopy breasts and (gasp!) course grey chin hairs. But I utterly refuse to be a grown up. They can't make me. No way.
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 17:35:39
In reply to I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings), posted by Deneb on December 8, 2005, at 14:26:17
P.S. I still depended on Daddy till the moment he died. But of course, he depended on me too, and had since I was little.
Posted by sleepygirl on December 8, 2005, at 18:56:01
In reply to I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings), posted by Deneb on December 8, 2005, at 14:26:17
your time figuring it all out is well spent, that is one thing I can say, and I don't know how "ready" people get. Wherever you end up it won't be forever and you will get experience along the way. Field placements as part of schooling offer some "real world" work experience and focus on the learning part of it. Be gentle with yourself, and do what you love. Don't ever grow up (too much).
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 18:59:31
In reply to Re: I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings), posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 17:34:29
One or another of my new meds is causing me to have the same degree of word substitution difficulties I had while on Luvox.
I apologize to all who find my posts difficult to read. :( Just substitute words that sound alike or mean something similar or that just somehow struck me as being interchangeable for anything that doesn't make sense.
Sigh.
Posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2005, at 2:01:53
In reply to I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings), posted by Deneb on December 8, 2005, at 14:26:17
What would happen ifyou told your parents that you don't feel you have the skills to live independently and asked them to help you by giving you some responsibility at home? Things like paying bills, getting groceries, making appointments, calling the plumber? It sounds silly, but that's a lot of what being an adult is about. It's not about knowing what to say, it's about getting dinner, paying the light bill, taking the bus or getting you car fixed.
The world is scary. But aren't you a part of it? You go to school, get to and from school, buy a bag of chips when you want one, buy shoes, go to the library, don't you? THat's the real world. I wish it were something more exciting, but it's not, not really. It's mostly trying to get from one place to another without tripping over the furniture, as a French poet once put it (Georges Perec).
Part of a parent's job is to help us learn the little skills we need to make it all easier. I hope you have parents who are willing to do that.
I didn't feel like a woman until I was 30. I was out there, lived on my own for many years, was as street wise as they come, but although I called myself a woman, I didn't really feel I was mature enough to deserve it.
ShortE
Posted by ClearSkies on December 9, 2005, at 7:34:28
In reply to I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings), posted by Deneb on December 8, 2005, at 14:26:17
Why don't you take lessons and learn how to drive? That will give you a great sense of independence.
ClearSkies
Posted by fairywings on December 9, 2005, at 9:07:31
In reply to I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings), posted by Deneb on December 8, 2005, at 14:26:17
Hi Deneb,
I know how you feel. I feel very immature, and as though all the other moms are so mature and so much more confident. I just don't feel my age at all. I have 4 kids, and sometimes I feel more like I'm a teenager than an adult. My daughter says I'm not like the other moms, but in a good way according to her.
I have been more fearful over the past 3 years. I started back to school, but take it online because I can't go there. Lately I can't do anything social, and I try to have my husband do all the school stuff with the kids, which of course makes me feel really guilty.
I completely understand about wanting to fail so you won't have to take on responsibility. It can be really scary to get out there. I guess though that the more we do this kind of stuff, the worse it gets. I guess if we can find a way to take baby steps it will get easier.
A virtual world, where you can work and earn money, as well as socialize online would be wonderful for people like us, wouldn't it?
fw
Posted by Deneb on December 9, 2005, at 11:13:27
In reply to Re: I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings) » Deneb, posted by muffled on December 8, 2005, at 16:09:21
> I'm still not grown up! I am 42. Actually I did grow up alot when I had kids, not right away. I think I finally felt sort more adultish when my older kid was about 6. So I would have 'grown up' at 39.
That's something I didn't know. I though people grow up when they have kids. It's kind of nice to know that not all do. :-)
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on December 9, 2005, at 11:16:13
In reply to Re: I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings), posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 17:34:29
>I utterly refuse to be a grown up. They can't make me. No way.
Me too. :-) It's nice to know that I'm not alone in not wanting to grow up and that there are many adult like me out there.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on December 9, 2005, at 11:28:51
In reply to Re: I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings) » Deneb, posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2005, at 2:01:53
> What would happen ifyou told your parents that you don't feel you have the skills to live independently and asked them to help you by giving you some responsibility at home?
I don't know what would happen. I don't think they would trust me to pay the bills. I don't know how to drive so I wouldn't be able to get many groceries. I do call to make appointments though, since my parents don't speak English well. I end up reading bills and things like that for them. I guess that is sort of some responsibility.
> The world is scary. But aren't you a part of it? You go to school, get to and from school, buy a bag of chips when you want one, buy shoes, go to the library, don't you? THat's the real world. I wish it were something more exciting, but it's not, not really. It's mostly trying to get from one place to another without tripping over the furniture, as a French poet once put it (Georges Perec).
I never thought of it that way. Thanks. I guess I am in the real world. I think what I really meant to say was that I'm not independent. I depend too much on others.
> Part of a parent's job is to help us learn the little skills we need to make it all easier. I hope you have parents who are willing to do that.My Mom doesn't want me to move away. She didn't want my sister to move away to go to school either. My sister is naturally independent, I'm not. I don't have the confidence.
> I didn't feel like a woman until I was 30. I was out there, lived on my own for many years, was as street wise as they come, but although I called myself a woman, I didn't really feel I was mature enough to deserve it.
I think I still might be living with my parents at 30 at this rate I'm going. I think a big problem is that I don't have a social life. All I have are my parents. I don't feel particularly social most if not all of the time.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on December 9, 2005, at 11:34:35
In reply to Re: I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings) » Deneb, posted by ClearSkies on December 9, 2005, at 7:34:28
> Why don't you take lessons and learn how to drive? That will give you a great sense of independence.
> ClearSkiesI've already taken lessons. I was too afraid to take the driving test and now I'm afraid I've forgotten everything. I'm absolutely terrified behind the wheel. I don't know how to get over my fear of driving. Instead of it being fun, I dread driving. I think I'm doomed to take public transportation for the rest of my life. Maybe it is a good thing. It sure is better for the environment.
I should learn to drive though. Public transportation can't take me everywhere and it's not all that reliable sometimes. Just a few days ago we narrowly escaped a bus strike. I don't know how I would have gotten to school without the bus.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on December 9, 2005, at 11:38:17
In reply to Re: I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings) » Deneb, posted by fairywings on December 9, 2005, at 9:07:31
> A virtual world, where you can work and earn money, as well as socialize online would be wonderful for people like us, wouldn't it?
> fwYup, it sure would! That's exactly what I need. I find I can do things online that would be vitually impossible in the "real" world. Without Babble, I would never be able to do a thing like go the the APA meeting in Toronto. Lets see...are there any jobs that only involve contact online?
Deneb
Posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2005, at 12:40:24
In reply to Re: I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings) » Shortelise, posted by Deneb on December 9, 2005, at 11:28:51
My dear, learn to drive. Get your driver's license. I know I'm saying it in a very directive way, not suggesting as I ought, but dammit, if you live in North America, you need to know how to drive.
I learned when I was 28. :-)Deneb, a social life is what you want it to be. It might be going to school, and sitting with others to eat lunch. It might be taking a walk with a neighbour. I get the feeling that you are judging yourself by someone else's standards, as though you don't know or respect your own.
Tiny goals sometimes get me through the day. Have you tried setting those? If you want easy contact with people, try saying to the woman next to you on the bus: your scarf (hat, coat, teeth, hair, whatever) is such a pretty colour. Wherever did you find it? Then ask questions. Oh,at Wallmart? Was that the only colour? Do you always were blue - it looks so good on you.
WHen in doubt, compliment. Especially women. It's a - what's the word - primitive thing. I look at you. I smile. You smile back. I tell you you have beautiful hair. You feel safe because you know I am not going to be mean. You thank me, and say you found a great new product. And we're off.
Deneb, people are so scary. They really are. You never know when someone is going to be hurtful. But there are lots of people who are gentle, and if you learn to read the signs, and can show that you are also gentle, it's easier to make contact.
Maybe one of the things I learned was not to prejudge people. I thought they were making assumptions about me, when in fact I was the one making assumptions.
This is life as ShortE sees it today. Now I have to go clean the bathroom or the things growing in there might evolve enough to take over the world.
SHortE
Posted by Dinah on December 9, 2005, at 17:10:22
In reply to Re: I'm stuck in childhood (ramblings) » ClearSkies, posted by Deneb on December 9, 2005, at 11:34:35
Perhaps the anxiety would be manageable now you're on Risperdal.
This is the end of the thread.
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