![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Poet on December 7, 2005, at 10:15:53
Now hanging above my desk is a sign saying Please Don't Secret Santa me. It's in a nice font with clip art of a figure holding a do not enter sign. It's not mean spirited, though I suppose giving away the gift left on my chair to someone else probably will be thought of as being crabby (not word I would use, word I use would be censored) but I did it anyway.
When someone asked what I got, I said I don't know I need to give it back, I don't want it. She took it *I love Christmas, I'll take it.*
That's when I put the sign up. Things like secret gift exchanges cause me anxiety. Crying in the store anxiety. I don't bake. I can't just run home and whip up a batch of cookies. I could buy candy, but don't know what kind and I'll stand in the candy aisle talking out loud, crying and looking like a crazy person. I shouldn't have to go to pdoc for more meds to be able buy a Secret Santa gift, but I would have to.
I went through this at Halloween when they did something like this at work. I thought I was so clear that I don't want to participate in anything like this again.
Too much anxiety. It's not a simple fun thing to me. I think I do everything wrong and that includes buying gifts, even small ones.
This is not fun. This does not make me merry.
I'm bulimic I don't need candy or cookies-they will only make me hate myself more if I eat them.Pray my sign works. I wish it could say. I need to be left completely alone. Please.
Poet
Posted by annierose on December 7, 2005, at 11:07:21
In reply to Not a Scrooge, I'm Depressed, can't they get it?, posted by Poet on December 7, 2005, at 10:15:53
Oh Poet -
They don't "get it". It would make them feel better if they thought they were doing something "cheerful" to brighten your day. They don't understand the anxiety, the pain.
I'm sorry. I hope your sign works too.
At my work, since I'm the boss, I let the staff decide if they want to do this sort of thing. I never make the decision. AND THEN ... we have a sign up sheet for those who WANT to participate. No one has ever been made to feel bad because they said "no". I don't care for it myself, but I try to go with the flow.
I don't bake cookies either. But my daughter has turned into Miss Suzy homemaker. Where did she come from? She is always making treats for her younger brother from scratch. Thank goodness for the Food Network. It has inspired her to cook. I told her if she can manage to cook dinner twice a week, I'll clean her room once a week without complaining. Sounds like a good deal to me!
Posted by Shortelise on December 7, 2005, at 13:27:26
In reply to Not a Scrooge, I'm Depressed, can't they get it?, posted by Poet on December 7, 2005, at 10:15:53
I would leave you alone.
It's hard for us to see past ourselves - the people at your job are thinking, gosh, if I were acting like Poet is acting, I would love it if someone did (whatever).
The nice thing is, Poet, that they like you enough to include you. So as grumpy and depressed as you are, you are still a person people like. If'n I were you, that would be the silver lining to this stuff.
I am so sorry we're all such bumbling fools. I wish they had a sign-up list as suggested (my holey brain can't remember the name I read 30 seconds ago).
Poet, I wish I could hug you; just a nice, safe, warm, ShortE, maternal, make-everything-better hug.
I worked in an office once and when I saw stuff happening around me, I'd hunt up related articles and post them on the bulletin board.
ShortE
Posted by muffled on December 7, 2005, at 20:23:59
In reply to Not a Scrooge, I'm Depressed, can't they get it?, posted by Poet on December 7, 2005, at 10:15:53
> Now hanging above my desk is a sign saying Please Don't Secret Santa me. It's in a nice font with clip art of a figure holding a do not enter sign. >
> That's when I put the sign up. Things like secret gift exchanges cause me anxiety. Crying in the store anxiety. I don't bake. I can't just run home and whip up a batch of cookies. I could buy candy, but don't know what kind and I'll stand in the candy aisle talking out loud, crying and looking like a crazy person. I shouldn't have to go to pdoc for more meds to be able buy a Secret Santa gift, but I would have to.
>
> Too much anxiety. It's not a simple fun thing to me. I think I do everything wrong and that includes buying gifts, even small ones.
>
Pray my sign works. I wish it could say. I need to be left completely alone. Please.
>
>((POET))
Sorry to hear how ahrd this is for you. I have a similiar problem in some ways. What I have done in the past is
1. I liked the sign up sheet idea, could you suggest that or send a letter regarding it or something?
2. When you get your gift, take THAT gift and give it to whoever you were supposed to get a gift for. Just pass it on.
3. Have someone help you by buying AND wrapping a gift for you to take, you would never even know what it was.
And as for the gift you recieve, give it to a street person or charity, again keep it wrapped, don't open it. You can even tell the givee thats what you did. Give 'em some good line about it.
Thats things I have done.
Muffled
>
Posted by fairywings on December 8, 2005, at 12:09:31
In reply to Not a Scrooge, I'm Depressed, can't they get it?, posted by Poet on December 7, 2005, at 10:15:53
Hi Poet,
I'm so sorry the holidays cause you so much anxiety. Do you have any idea where that started? I hope your sign works, and people just leave you alone. I think the sign up sheet is a great idea. No one should have to participate in things like that.
It would be easy to say it doesn't matter what they think, but I know it hurts to think people wonder what's up. It's too complicated to explain, and it's no one's business anyway.
All of the holiday stuff causes me a lot of anxiety, and makes me so tired I just want to go to bed. I appreciate your post, but I'm so sorry you're miserable. Before I read what you had to say, I didn't know what was wrong with me. I see now that it was because my mom had to have everything SO perfect that she was a total b*tch, and made everyone miserable.
I hope you get through all of this, and that people will be more sensitive next year.
fw
Posted by Poet on December 10, 2005, at 17:59:59
In reply to Re: Not a Scrooge, I'm Depressed, can't they get it? » Poet, posted by annierose on December 7, 2005, at 11:07:21
Hi Annierose,
Thanks for getting it. I didn't go to the holiday party last week and then I don't want to do the gift thing, so I know that nobody I work with gets it.
My T says that I need to do things that reduce my anxiety which nobody I work with would understand. Glad you do.
Poet
Posted by Poet on December 10, 2005, at 18:03:20
In reply to Re: Not a Scrooge, I'm Depressed, can't they get it? » Poet, posted by Shortelise on December 7, 2005, at 13:27:26
Hi ShortE,
The office I work in does food sign up lists, but not gift sign up lists. I suppose it's because few of us put down what we're bringing to potluck lunches or celebrations.
I have anxiety over what kind of cheese and crackers to bring. This give a gift thing is just too much for me.
Thanks for the safe cyber hugs and for getting it.
Poet
Posted by Poet on December 10, 2005, at 18:08:35
In reply to Re: Not a Scrooge, I'm Depressed, can't they get it? » Poet, posted by muffled on December 7, 2005, at 20:23:59
Hi Muffled,
I wish they did sign up sheets, then if I don't sign up no worries. This stuff causes me too much anxiety and my T says to avoid things that do it to me, so my sign in the long run will help lessen my anxiety.
I probably should have just taken the gift left for me and gotten rid of it later, but it was an upsetting day and well, it's too late now.
Thanks for your ideas. I'm sure the office will do this again. They did it at Halloween and now Christmas.
Poet
Posted by Poet on December 10, 2005, at 18:11:30
In reply to Re: Not a Scrooge, I'm Depressed, can't they get it? » Poet, posted by fairywings on December 8, 2005, at 12:09:31
Hi Fairywings,
Said with bitterness holidays are supposed to be filled with fun and positive things. Not my family holidays. They are anxiety ridden fight fests.
Not doing the secret santa thing will lessen my anxiety which is good for me. My co-workers already think I'm nuts, so what's one more thing. Besides my T thinks it's a positive step that I didn't just do something that would cause me worry and anxiety.
Poet
Posted by fairywings on December 12, 2005, at 10:18:11
In reply to Re: Not a Scrooge, I'm Depressed, can't they get it? » fairywings, posted by Poet on December 10, 2005, at 18:11:30
>>Besides my T thinks it's a positive step that I didn't just do something that would cause me worry and anxiety.
>
I agree with your T it's a good step. I hope you're feeling better, and that the work stuff has died down.
fw
Posted by Poet on December 15, 2005, at 12:37:01
In reply to Re: Not a Scrooge, I'm Depressed, can't they get it? » Poet, posted by fairywings on December 12, 2005, at 10:18:11
Hi Fairywings,
No one has given me a gift, though they seem to be going out of their way to make sure that I am included in free lunches and treats. Which is kind, but I am bulimic and they have no clue as to how dangerous the words *take as much as you want* are to me this time of year.
At least *sticking to my diet* is an acceptable excuse.
Poet
Posted by fairywings on December 15, 2005, at 20:40:09
In reply to Re: Not a Scrooge, I'm Depressed, can't they get it? » fairywings, posted by Poet on December 15, 2005, at 12:37:01
Yeah, I can see where that would really be difficult, and with all the stuff around at this time of year, even more difficult than normally. I"m sorry it's such a painful time Poet.
fw
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.