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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Shortelise on November 23, 2005, at 15:23:30
I guess I haven't been around much, and haven't had much to write when I have been here, but I'm doing pretty well. Today I am migraining, but that has nothing to do with my general emotional state, and the vicodin I just took will surely adjust my emotions in an interesting manner :-).
The change in me seems to be that I am taking things in stride. I can have moments of upheaval, but they are just that: moments.
I still want the safety of having my psychiatrist, and seeing him once every three weeks seems to be ok, though for a few days after I see him, I miss him intensely. I stillwonder if he likes me, I wonder if I will ever be able to be without him, but my sense of myself is pretty secure. I mean, I am myself. No one else, but myself.
My dreams are vivid again afer a period of a couple of months of less vivid dreams. I dream of flying, of long gone friends, of children and longing.
Everything is ok. I wish I weren't so overweight - I could lose 30 pounds and still not be very thin. That weighs on me, so to speak.
Now I'll put a movie on and wait for the meds to kick in. This is an especially nasty migraine, but it will pass within a few hours as they all do.
I care a great deal about many of you.
ShortE
Posted by annierose on November 23, 2005, at 16:17:27
In reply to I'm pretty well, posted by Shortelise on November 23, 2005, at 15:23:30
Thanks for checking in and letting us know how you are doing. I hope your migraine went away and the movie was good : -)
Once every 3 weeks just doesn't seem enough. I think that's true, immediately after seeing someone important, you would long to see them again. Then you adjust, move on, and when you see them again, you remember how fond you are of their company and miss them all over again.
Lucky dog ... dreaming of flying. I love those dreams. Only happens once or twice a year for me. It's just amazing to fly, although in the dream, I'm still scared to fly sometimes, hoping I can land easily. Are you flying with your body, or on a plane? I've done both.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Annie
Posted by daisym on November 23, 2005, at 17:22:14
In reply to I'm pretty well, posted by Shortelise on November 23, 2005, at 15:23:30
You sound sort of sad, melancholy almost, even as you say you are doing pretty well. Maybe it is the head ache? I hope so, and I hope it leaves quickly.
I call the aftermath of a session "therapy hangover." I think opening ourselves up to someone we trust so much leaves us feeling vulnerable and tender for a while afterwards. I'm sure you do miss him a lot. But it seems that you are working together better now, or perhaps you've adjusted to the new style? Or both?
Do you ever talk about losing weight in therapy? I must say this is an area we haven't touched much. Body imagine is a loaded (really, really really) loaded subject for me. I just lost 15 lbs (stress, new medication) and when I mentioned it as part of a laundry list of side effects of the medication, he said, "is that a good thing?" Given that I should lose 35 more, yup, I think so. But I couldn't talk about it, so I said, "you can never be too rich or too thin." He didn't pursue it. Just curious, hope this isn't too personal a question.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Daisy
Posted by Voce on November 23, 2005, at 19:39:37
In reply to I'm pretty well, posted by Shortelise on November 23, 2005, at 15:23:30
<I care a great deal about many of you.>
And we for you.
Thank you for always understanding when I wrote about pain and longing, and thank you for wanting to take that pain away, somehow. You make me feel less alone.
Voce
Posted by fairywings on November 23, 2005, at 20:41:16
In reply to I'm pretty well, posted by Shortelise on November 23, 2005, at 15:23:30
I feel for you shorte, I've had a migraine for 4 days now. Vicodin can really help when they're that bad, can't it? It's good that you seem to be living in the moment, and appreciating yourself for just being you. That's good. As for pdoc, I know how that feels, probably a lot of us do. I'd like to bask in the warmth of some people's kindness, to put my arms around them and melt into them, but my walls get in the way.
As for weight, I'm in the same boat. Always too much.
fw
Posted by Shortelise on November 23, 2005, at 22:16:02
In reply to Re: I'm pretty well, posted by annierose on November 23, 2005, at 16:17:27
The Movie was Danny Deckchair, an AUstralian romantic comedy and it was distracting, if not a great film.
I always dream I am flying without a plane,t hat I myself can fly. I love these dreams, even when they are scary.
Happy Thanksgiving to you, too. We didn't do a turkey here this time (TG was last month in Canada) and I am craving a dressing sandwich. No small wonder I'm roly poly.
ShortE
Posted by Shortelise on November 23, 2005, at 22:18:54
In reply to Re: I'm pretty well » Shortelise, posted by daisym on November 23, 2005, at 17:22:14
Yes, I am melancholic, a bit. I am tired all the time, I have only very short moments of energy, and it's hard. I know if I were to lose weight, or I believe if I were to, I would feel more energetic.
I am ashamed of my weight, ashamed that I eat too much, and that's why I am heavy. I can't bring myself to talk about it in therapy - I think it's vanity. Help!
ShortE
Posted by Shortelise on November 23, 2005, at 22:20:39
In reply to Re: I'm pretty well, posted by Voce on November 23, 2005, at 19:39:37
Voce, you break my heart. I really do care, and you *are* less a alone as long as I am in this world.
ShortE
Posted by Shortelise on November 23, 2005, at 22:25:58
In reply to Re: I'm pretty well » Shortelise, posted by fairywings on November 23, 2005, at 20:41:16
Today was the first time I tried vicodin. I usually take percocet, and the vicodin didn't work nearly as well. I ended up taking a second one after a couple of hours, and the mig still lingers. It usually goes right away with percocet, and doesn't come back. I'm sorry to hear you've had a mig for four days. Do you ever go to Ronda's migraine forum? The people are not always very nice, but the info is great.
I feel safe with my therapist, though there is some danger there too, but there is more safety than danger. That doesn't make sense,does it? But that's the way it is.
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on November 23, 2005, at 22:46:52
In reply to Re: I'm pretty well » fairywings, posted by Shortelise on November 23, 2005, at 22:25:58
> Today was the first time I tried vicodin. I usually take percocet, and the vicodin didn't work nearly as well. I ended up taking a second one after a couple of hours, and the mig still lingers. It usually goes right away with percocet, and doesn't come back. I'm sorry to hear you've had a mig for four days. Do you ever go to Ronda's migraine forum? The people are not always very nice, but the info is great.
Do you have a migraine specialist? I'm so grateful to mine, I can't begin to tell. The Lamictal has turned out to work so well that I rarely have them anymore. But it took a few tries to find that.
>
> I feel safe with my therapist, though there is some danger there too, but there is more safety than danger. That doesn't make sense,does it? But that's the way it is.
>
> ShortEIt makes perfect sense to me.
Thanks for bringing us up to date, although I'm sorry you're still feeling sad. It sounds as if you're coping pretty well, all things considered. Do you ever wish you could increase the frequency any?
Posted by Dinah on November 23, 2005, at 22:50:12
In reply to Re: I'm pretty well » daisym, posted by Shortelise on November 23, 2005, at 22:18:54
> I am ashamed of my weight, ashamed that I eat too much, and that's why I am heavy. I can't bring myself to talk about it in therapy - I think it's vanity. Help!
>
> ShortEI'm really struck with how many of us struggle with this. And how many of us who don't blush at telling our therapist the mostly wildly intimate or personal details balk at discussing this subject.
Maybe we ought to make a club to encourage ourselves to bring up this important point in therapy.
Posted by 10derHeart on November 24, 2005, at 0:51:03
In reply to Oops! I forgot! » Shortelise, posted by Dinah on November 23, 2005, at 22:50:12
>> Maybe we ought to make a club to encourage ourselves to bring up this important point in therapy.
Oh, yes, we probably *should.*
But, if we went by who felt the most shame, the most shrinking away, the most avoidance...I would probably be elected president of such a club
:-( :-(
And I think I'm yet (still) too scared. Cr*p.
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2005, at 12:15:00
In reply to Re: Oops! I forgot! » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on November 24, 2005, at 0:51:03
I wonder if a disproportionately large percentage of us have male therapists? It just seems like something that would be easier to discuss with a woman.
Maybe it would help to start a thread here to discuss it just enough to desensitize us sufficient to talk about it with our therapists.
I'm not sure you'd be the president. I've been known to stab out myself in those rare photos where I allow myself to be pictured.
Posted by Shortelise on November 24, 2005, at 12:17:11
In reply to Oops! I forgot! » Shortelise, posted by Dinah on November 23, 2005, at 22:50:12
It is strange. Why so much shame? Maybe I will have to broach this with my T. Maybe it's really important. I have mentioned it in passing, and he asked me, ever ever so carefully, if others in my family are overweight. Man, was he ever cautious, so there's a hint that he knows what a touchy subject it is. He asked that surely because as we know, weight is largely based on genetics. But hey, I know my weight is based on how much I eat and how little I exercise. It might help if I had better genes, but they would have to be mighty good ones for me to be slim.
Posted by Dinah on November 24, 2005, at 12:21:08
In reply to Re: Oops! I forgot!, posted by Shortelise on November 24, 2005, at 12:17:11
I suspect it *is* really important. I suspect that a lot of other feelings about ourselves have their underpinnings in that shame and self hatred.
I remember a time when I was so thin and not able to picture myself otherwise. I knew I could exercise and watch my calorie intake.
I wonder when feeling ok, not feeling that itchy jumpiness that comes with not feeling sated, became more important than looking ok.
Posted by Shortelise on November 24, 2005, at 12:23:21
In reply to Re: I'm pretty well » Shortelise, posted by Dinah on November 23, 2005, at 22:46:52
THanks DInah, it's good to know at least someone finds sense in what I say.
Yes, I have a neurologist, but I don't see him. I use Percocet when they're bad ones, and the others I just live with. I've tried everthing (except diet and exercise!) and nothing changes much. Wait, I did cut out dairy and chocolate for about six months, but it made no difference. ANd various meds. And various treatments.
I am sick with a sore throat today, so I think the mig must have been a harbinger of this.
ShortE
Posted by Shortelise on November 24, 2005, at 13:18:41
In reply to Re: Oops! I forgot! » Shortelise, posted by Dinah on November 24, 2005, at 12:21:08
I was lucky not to have to think about this until I was about 25, and until about ten years ago, I was, to anyone's standards but my own, a good weight.
I am afraid it's laziness. That's something to be ashamed about, isn't it?
Posted by daisym on November 24, 2005, at 17:10:59
In reply to Re: Oops! I forgot!, posted by Shortelise on November 24, 2005, at 13:18:41
I think Dinah is right, it is probably something to talk about in therapy because I'm sure it is related to many of the issues we face in different ways. I've read that it is common for foks who have suffered trauma of some kind to build a barrier around themselves in an unconscious way by gaining weight. It isn't that you want to be unattractive intentionally but it does make sense that you create more personal space by keeping yourself large.
Do you think this would be harder to talk about with an overweight therapist? Mine isn't, he is actually quite slim. Maybe if his wife was heavy? She's not either...
I guess either way it would be hard. I'll join the club, btw. I'll be in charge of refreshments. :)
Posted by Shortelise on November 24, 2005, at 18:43:30
In reply to Re: Oops! I forgot!, posted by daisym on November 24, 2005, at 17:10:59
My T is very fit, despite a neck problem that prevents him from running as he used to. He says he bikes now. He eats citrus fruit a lot. When I am a couple of minutes late, he is often eating oranges or grapefruits. What a nice smell.
I have faith he'd be capable of helping me figure it out. What if nothing changed. That's what I hate about these things, about any new thing, be it a new cosmetic, or hair dryer, or regime: what if nothing changes? Before I try it I can live with the fatasy that "I'll just lose 40 pounds and I'll look like I'm 20 again". Or "If I want to lose 40 pounds, all I have to do is _____". And if it doesn't work??? Crash!
Refreshements? That's my kind of club...
I had a birthday party for myself (and about 20 other people) and served cupcakes (from a fabulous store here called Cupcakes) and champagne.
This is the end of the thread.
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