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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by annierose on August 24, 2005, at 8:07:12
That is the question I ponder. I think I've falled in this deep abyss. After I shared my dream, I feel so vulnerable, so naked and it's too painful to go into that room and expose myself again.
My T told me this is hard. I told her that I felt I was a stranger to her (all of a sudden). She reflected that this is how I must of felt as a child to my mother. Imagine your first important relationship, your mother, and she doesn't know who you are, how to love you, indifferent. That my T was here for me. I quickly added, I'm here too, coming 3x per week. I do want to feel better.
Why does it suddenly feel so different? On top of therapy stress, my husband's brothers family is in town till Sunday, with one extended family event after another, and I already want to SCREAM, and run for cover. My mother-in-law is driving me NUTS.
Can camp comfort provide a safe hiding spot from real life and therapy?
Posted by fallsfall on August 24, 2005, at 11:59:07
In reply to Aaarrgh! Does therapy have to be so hard?, posted by annierose on August 24, 2005, at 8:07:12
Camp Comfort can provide comfort for reallife things and therapy things - but it can't be an escape from them. Escaping doesn't help.
It sounds to me like the dream was the tip of an important iceberg. Remember that these icebergs are mixed blessings - they can be pretty painful, but if you can get through it, you will end up at a better place. I'm wishing you strength to keep working on this topic.
And I'll be there at Camp Comfort with my guitar to sing folk songs when you want to come visit.
Posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 12:30:51
In reply to Aaarrgh! Does therapy have to be so hard?, posted by annierose on August 24, 2005, at 8:07:12
But it's not nearly as productive when it's not.
As far as your inlaws though, Eeeek. Count down the days and say your blessings you don't live closer.
I love my inlaws dearly, and I still wouldn't want too much togetherness.
Posted by Daisym on August 24, 2005, at 14:35:50
In reply to Aaarrgh! Does therapy have to be so hard?, posted by annierose on August 24, 2005, at 8:07:12
Annie,
I wish it wasn't hard. Or painful. Or confusing. But...
I agree with Falls, it sounds like the dream touched off something that needs to be explored yet feels so unconsciously dangerous that you've pulled in and put your therapist outside the wall. I've had that happen due to some big external stressors, and it feels so horrible. It took me several weeks to get back to a place where I could talk about what was going on at all. I think I spent all my time lamenting the lost connection.
What helped me was to finally focus on the issues again, connection or not, and force myself to be honest and open. The connection came back on its own. Do you journal? Perhaps you can write the dream down, with as many details as you can remember and see what it stirs up for you. Pose questions against it, etc. This seems important since it feels like the dream started all of this.
I would guess you feel like a stranger to her because you aren't sure what is going on with you. These new and confusing feelings, and as you said, feeling so naked and vulnerable, can really be hard to push through. You might have to make a few withdrawals from the trust savings account here, but it seems like you've made enough deposits there from the past to cover your current deficit.
I hate being invaded by family. It always feels like the timing is wrong. I hope you can sneak away for awhile to be alone. Or take everyone to the movies, they can't talk to you there. :)
Posted by cricket on August 24, 2005, at 15:19:26
In reply to Aaarrgh! Does therapy have to be so hard?, posted by annierose on August 24, 2005, at 8:07:12
(((((AnnieRose))))
I hope it gets better soon. I know how hard it is to feel so vulnerable.
Posted by annierose on August 24, 2005, at 19:28:05
In reply to Re: Aaarrgh! Does therapy have to be so hard? » annierose, posted by fallsfall on August 24, 2005, at 11:59:07
I love folk music fallsfall. Can you bring your guitar on the next babble outing? I promise to stay longer this time.
Iceberg - yes. Just hoping I'm not part of the Titanic! And I am not giving up. Just hate living with the pain.
Posted by annierose on August 24, 2005, at 19:34:59
In reply to No, it doesn't have to be. » annierose, posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 12:30:51
To clarify: my in-laws do live nearby, but my brother-in-law's family came into town to celebrate my in-laws 50th Wedding Anniversary, tonight being the first of FIVE long "family" days of togetherness. A couple of screaming, crying, complaining children .... luckily, not mine!! On the car ride home, I praised my children for their good manners and proper attitudes.
I just wish it wasn't necessary to go down this yucky path filled with weeds and pesty bugs. I get so irritable. Speaking about therapy of course, and not my in-laws (giggle).
My T asked twice, "why wouldn't I like you?". AARRGGHH! I hate questions posed as a negative.
Posted by annierose on August 24, 2005, at 19:43:53
In reply to Re: Aaarrgh! Does therapy have to be so hard? » annierose, posted by Daisym on August 24, 2005, at 14:35:50
Good suggestions, thoughts and explanations. I feel I am pushing forward even though I'm so lost in her room. I kept talking, telling her how I was feeling.
I felt so ickly after sharing the dream, that maybe it freaked her out. Of course she assured me that wasn't true. The dream revealed how important she was to me, the longing I wished for as a child, etc. etc. ... therapy mumble jumble.
Funny thing, I wish I could have finished this dream. I want to know what happened after the UPS man left. I wish my brain could go back there and reveal more to me, maybe then I'll understand what I'm missing.
RE: family. Tomorrow we are going to a major league baseball game. I'm driving my kids seperately ... I'm not sure I can sit through 9 innings. Besides, I'm hosting dinner. Better plan that menu and get the placed cleaned up. I'd rather be at my regular Thursday appointment!
Posted by Shortelise on August 24, 2005, at 20:15:56
In reply to Aaarrgh! Does therapy have to be so hard?, posted by annierose on August 24, 2005, at 8:07:12
I love to take the camp comfort ball and run with it.
Yes indeedy, there is a place for the family and therapy plagued at camp comfort. It's a room in a corner of the house, and it's round, and has a long view. A person can see anyone coming from almost all directions, so there's no sneaking up on you in that room.
When we're at camp, MIL can't say anything to faze us. Why? Because we feel so safe, and loved, and surrounded by like-minded people. We know exactly why she says what she says, and we just feel sorry for her. She's mean? She's critical? She's jealous? Poor MIL. But you can see her coming, and without guilt, snap the lock on the door and turn up the headphones.
My T has had to prove to me again and again that he isn't going to hurt me when I'm in that vulnerable place. The habit of expecting to be hurt can be old and very deep.
Annierose, I do think it has to be difficult sometimes. It's slogging through the caca that makes us better, isn't it?
I wish you could all sit here with me and watch my cats wrestle. They are so funny, and without complication. They bite each other, pin one another down, lick each other for a while, then leap away and pounce. They understand each other perfectly, and are a riot to watch.
Aren't family visits stressful? My entire family wants to come to visit for my birthday, and I don't know what to do...
ShortE
Posted by annierose on August 24, 2005, at 21:29:32
In reply to Re: Aaarrgh! Does therapy have to be so hard? » annierose, posted by Shortelise on August 24, 2005, at 20:15:56
Thank you ShortE -
Re: your birthday ... Run to camp comfort and join me in the round room so you can lock the door and turn up the music :)
Your words (and everyone's elses) have been very comforting. I think babble spared my husband all this therapy-speak. Tonight at "family dinner #1", my sister-in-law and I were privately talking about therapy (in general, not like here). She's in therapy, and told me that she had a phone session prior to the day's activities. I shared with her that I was having some difficult sessions, centering on a dream. My husband was nearby, but I didn't think he was listening. He came over and put his arm around me, "why didn't you share your dream with me, or that you were upset?". I didn't think he liked hearing about dreams and digging up past wounds. Surprised me, even after 14 years of marriage. I may share the dream with him tonight. It'd be interesting on his take. He is rather reflective.
"My T has had to prove to me again and again that he isn't going to hurt me when I'm in that vulnerable place. The habit of expecting to be hurt can be old and very deep."
--- so true. My T keeps going over this point over and over. I just expect people to react a certain way, assuming the worse. Although I don't think it's a global response, something sets me off, a pause, a furrow in the brow --- that sets my "WARNING! DANGER!" alarm system in play.Animals certainly bring a smile to my face. Same with my children sleeping.
I don't know much about your T situation. What is your T's orientation? And how long have you been with him?
Posted by gardenergirl on August 25, 2005, at 5:59:25
In reply to Re: Aaarrgh! Does therapy have to be so hard? » Daisym, posted by annierose on August 24, 2005, at 19:43:53
> Funny thing, I wish I could have finished this dream. I want to know what happened after the UPS man left. I wish my brain could go back there and reveal more to me, maybe then I'll understand what I'm missing.
You can always do this while awake. Just write out how you think it could end.
>
> RE: family. Tomorrow we are going to a major league baseball game. I'm driving my kids seperately ... I'm not sure I can sit through 9 innings. Besides, I'm hosting dinner. Better plan that menu and get the placed cleaned up. I'd rather be at my regular Thursday appointment!It's hard to sit through nine innings of that particular team when they are not playing well.
:(Plus, I'd miss the old stadium.
Hope the family stuff goes relatively (hee hee) smoothly. Can you escape to work for a bit?
And things will get better in therapy. It seems like they always do when you have a good working alliance.
Take care,
gg
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