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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by spalding on July 25, 2005, at 15:44:20
Recently, my pdoc said "I want to see you happy."
Happy is a loaded word for me. I don't even know how to define it. My mom would torpedo every happy family moment. My dad told us to be happy, darn it, and always present a happy face to the world. Thus "happy" to me is forged and false.
Shortly thereafter my pdoc's comment, my T. said, "I think you're ready to start feeling better."
So I told them both that I'll talk about feeling "better" but not feeling "happy."
I'm starting to define "better"...though I'm a long way from it. Right now, I can think about "better," try it on, see how it fits.
Not happy, though. No way.
spalding
Posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 15:47:57
In reply to Happy, ugh., posted by spalding on July 25, 2005, at 15:44:20
Maybe "Just not Negative" would work??
I used to have the same feeling about "Happy" - It used to terrorize me - the word. It meant being like my father - arrogant, proud, aggressive, hurting others, downplaying others, calling others sad and depressed etc. My father all the time used to claim he was happy and he didn't like to look at my mom's face because she was so unhappy.. I remember I used to think, if that is what being happy means, well, I don't want it.
MAybe you can think of some other term - you can even choose "joyful", "optimistic", "cheerful", "pleasant" "nice" etc.
Posted by AuntieMel on July 25, 2005, at 16:37:07
In reply to Happy, ugh., posted by spalding on July 25, 2005, at 15:44:20
Right. I wouldn't know happy if it bit me in the posterior.
I think we all would settle for 'better.'
Posted by spalding on July 25, 2005, at 16:50:15
In reply to Happy, ugh., posted by spalding on July 25, 2005, at 15:44:20
Thanks pinkeye and AuntieMel.
When my T. said "better" it was like a light switch was flipped. Happy was never on the table anyway...but better can be considered...and I can define it and revise it. As has been said here before, baby steps.
Funny how some ideas/concepts/etc. just pop out and take hold in your brain. Sometimes it's disturbing, sometimes kind of OK.
spalding
Posted by Poet on July 25, 2005, at 19:09:05
In reply to Happy, ugh., posted by spalding on July 25, 2005, at 15:44:20
Hi Spalding,
Happy is an unknown concept for me. Better is less of a reach. May we all feel better.
Poet
Posted by JenStar on July 25, 2005, at 19:41:57
In reply to Re: Happy, ugh. » spalding, posted by Poet on July 25, 2005, at 19:09:05
hi Spalding,
I think the concept of working on it is a good one. If it were that easy to be happy (or better) I think we'd all be doing it, all the time! :)That being said, I think I'm happy lots of the time, even if it's just for flickering moments. I'm unhappy too, and anxious, but I try to really enjoy things and enjoy life when I can. Things that make me happy are:
coffee on Sat. morning with my husband
petting my kitty and having her purr loudly for me and bat me gently with her paw
Setting down into my comfy chair for a nice long read with a can of diet soda and no commitments in sight
a letter from my sister in the mail
getting a compliment on my cooking
lying in bed and realizing that I don't have arthritis, I don't have cancer, I don't have heart disease -- in short, I'm pain free! I can move my body and relax in the fan and feel no pain. (Maybe that's a morbid one, but it makes me feel good, so I count it!)
What are some little things that give you momentary sparks of joy or bring a smile to your face?
JenStar
Posted by happyflower on July 25, 2005, at 19:53:22
In reply to Re: Happy, ugh. » Poet, posted by JenStar on July 25, 2005, at 19:41:57
Posted by Declan on July 25, 2005, at 20:28:32
In reply to should I change my name to peppyflower? lol (nm), posted by happyflower on July 25, 2005, at 19:53:22
What did Freud say? That the aim of psychoanalysis was to exchange the misery of the neurotic patient for everyday human unhappiness? By the time it got to America the aims had become more optimistic, as befits the national character. But I always liked his therapeutic pessimism.
Declan
Posted by Shortelise on July 26, 2005, at 0:22:00
In reply to Happy, ugh., posted by spalding on July 25, 2005, at 15:44:20
Happy is a relative term.
I have had *moments* of happiness in my life. Happiness where my hear felt so light, and there was pure ... brightness in my heart. It has lasted from a few minutes up to an afternoon.
Then there have been periods where I would have said I was "happy" but what that meant to me was that there were no black moments, only light grey ones, and there were more calm times than not calm times, that I would wake in the morning and feel pleased to face the day, not want to crawl under my bed. I would in fact say I was more content than happy.
Words. If you are ready to start feeling better, that's GREAT!!!! You may not be ready to be happy until you are in a moment when you look around inside yourself and recognize you are happy.
I don't think happiness is anything to strive for. It's too ... too.
But I do think we have to reach a point when we give ourselves permission to feel better. I think I said to myself, I am going to let the balckness go, and try for something else.
ShortE
Posted by spalding on July 27, 2005, at 0:02:51
In reply to Re: Happy, ugh. » Poet, posted by JenStar on July 25, 2005, at 19:41:57
Hi JenStar, I enjoyed your post. Here goes...
-My kitty Sam and all her neuroses give a punch up to my day. We have lost 2 kitties in the past few years, so I'm very grateful to have my tiger-striped Sam around.
-I feel "happy" -- see, I resist the word -- when I write something good. I want to eventually become a professional writer, so this gives me particular satisfaction.
-My DH, who has really come into my corner, considering the BPD and my doctors and therapy...well, I'm very grateful for him and what he brings to my life.
Being able to enjoy these things point to the "better" road. I still can't give in to "happy" -- my T. tells me I'm very cautious, with cause. In any case, these are some good things, and your post has definitely made me think.
spalding
Posted by spalding on July 27, 2005, at 0:06:25
In reply to Re: Happy, ugh. » spalding, posted by Shortelise on July 26, 2005, at 0:22:00
ShortE, I feel the same way, about giving permission to enter certain doors.
So far, I have only been able to admit that when I'm not completely depressed, I'm cautiously feeling OK at best. Like all those qualifications? :)
Start feeling "better"? Even that is a big leap. But it's creeping into my mind now. It's kind of scary at times. But I agree with you..."happy" is indeed "too...too"...
Thanks for what you wrote.
spalding
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