![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 35. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 13:11:47
I always call mine Dr. (last name). He is a psychiatrist.
He always refers to himself by his first name though and when he leaves a message he always says "Hi, it's Bob," and then after a pause "Bob Jones" just in case there's more than one Bob in my life I guess (as if I wouldn't recognize his voice) but he never says Dr.
I think that he probably does want me to refer to him by first name but I don't feel comfortable and he's never told me that directly.
What do other people call their therapists?
Posted by Jen Star on July 5, 2005, at 13:29:45
In reply to What do you call your Therapist?, posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 13:11:47
When I was seeing mine, I called her by her first name. She's not a medical doctor, so she didn't introduce herself as "Dr. So-and-So". Sometimes when I meet doctors, they say, "Hi, I'm Doctor XXX" and reach out to shake hands. It makes it pretty clear what you're suppposed to call them.
I always like it when someone uses their first name. It seems more personal. :)
JenStar
Posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 13:43:21
In reply to What do you call your Therapist?, posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 13:11:47
Seriously, not using names is a major deficit of mine in general. But oddly enough, few people use my name either. If my husband or my therapist uses my name, I know what they're saying is important to them. My therapist says the same about me.
On those rare occasions that I do use his name, I use his first name. That's how he refers to himself.
I have a lot more trouble with my son's play therapist. She's a PhD, and refers to herself as Dr. XXX, and my therapist refers to her as Dr. XXX. But my son calls her by her first name, so I think of her by her first name. Therefore I make extra sure not to call her anything at all.
Posted by happyflower on July 5, 2005, at 13:52:34
In reply to Hey you, posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 13:43:21
My therapist is a Phd., he has never said what to call him so I really don't know. His voice mail says Dr. B, but when he leaves a message on my machine he uses first and last name but with no title. I call him Dr. B...., at least until he says it is okay to call him by his first name.
Maybe we think about it more than they do! lol
Posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 14:00:57
In reply to Re: Hey you, posted by happyflower on July 5, 2005, at 13:52:34
I've read that there are those therapists who use what their patients call them as a diagnostic. If they're a PhD and the patient calls them by their first name, then it's a message that they don't wish to consider their therapist as being more important than they are, or some such nonsense.
I think that's slightly sadistic of those therapists who do that. In today's society, it's most proper to call people what they want to be called. And for someone with a doctorate, it's especially considerate to let the client know what they prefer.
Posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 14:45:09
In reply to Re: Hey you, posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 14:00:57
Yes, I worry that my therapist uses everything as a diagnostic. When I first walk in, he always takes notes furiously, even before I've said a word so I figure it must be all based on my appearance. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. But then as he would say sometimes my appearance is the only thing he has to go on for a whole session.
Posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 14:51:48
In reply to Hey you, posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 13:43:21
> Seriously, not using names is a major deficit of mine in general. But oddly enough, few people use my name either. If my husband or my therapist uses my name, I know what they're saying is important to them. My therapist says the same about me.
>
My therapist uses my name alot, especially lately. I think he stumbled upon the fact that it can be effective in pulling me out of my trances. But the more he uses it the less effective it becomes and sometimes I just feel bombarded. Cricket? Cricket. Cricket! CRICKET!!!
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 5, 2005, at 14:57:52
In reply to What do you call your Therapist?, posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 13:11:47
Dr. lastname. He's a Phd clinical psychologist. When he calls he says "This is firstname lastname."
I like the formality of calling him Dr. lastname. I guess it makes him seem more important in my mind if I call him that.
Posted by Tamar on July 5, 2005, at 15:09:41
In reply to What do you call your Therapist?, posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 13:11:47
I called my therapist by his first name because he left a voicemail message fairly early on in my therapy in which he called himself by his first name.
I’m familiar with the issue outside of therapy because I have a PhD and I teach college. Some of the students call me by my first name; others use Dr T. I know what Dinah means about using what people call you as a diagnostic: sometimes there’s an obvious attitude behind the choice of address. It’s very obvious to me when students use my first name as an attempt to establish themselves on an equal footing, and equally obvious when other students use Dr T as a way of showing respect and maintaining distance. The former are usually senior men; the latter are usually young men, but that’s a bit of a generalisation.
I find both of these approaches uncomfortable because I don’t want to set myself up as a superior but I also don’t want students to speak to me as if my PhD (and hence my experience and knowledge) were irrelevant. I guess I feel that some senior men are using my first name as a way to put me in my place, and some young men are using ‘Dr T’ to show more respect than is really necessary. Women don’t usually seem to have an attitude, but usually address me by my first name.
I’ve never told my students what to call me. When I talk to students about my colleagues I refer to them as Dr H or Professor J or whatever, but I leave it up to my students to call me whatever they’re comfortable with.
Having said that, I prefer it when students call me by my first name but without the attitude! Dr T sounds very formal in this day and age. I like being addressed by my first name as long as I don’t feel the student is using it to make a point.
I think teaching can be similar to therapy in that there’s often a high degree of transference. I don’t think I realised how much transference goes on in the classroom until I did therapy and read up on transference!
Posted by LadyBug on July 5, 2005, at 15:31:25
In reply to What do you call your Therapist?, posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 13:11:47
I call her by her first name.
This is an interesting question though. When she calls to leave me a message, most of the time she say's "this is first name". I like that.
Once in a while she will call and say "this is first name, last name". I give her a hard time about it when I call her back to return a message, I will say "this is first name, last name" and start laughing and tell her I know who she is without her telling me her last name. But now that I think about it, I'm sure when she says her last name she is trying to make it more professional.
I know a few people with the same first name as her so I always thought she was trying to distinguish herself from them. But duh, I know her voice well by now!! I'll have to ask her about it when I see her next.
Good for some thoughts.
LadyBug
Posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 16:01:38
In reply to Re: What do you call your Therapist?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 5, 2005, at 14:57:52
> Dr. lastname. He's a Phd clinical psychologist. When he calls he says "This is firstname lastname."
>
> I like the formality of calling him Dr. lastname. I guess it makes him seem more important in my mind if I call him that.Yes, I understand. And I would certainly never refer to my therapist to outsiders as firstname. He's Dr. lastname.
Posted by Shortelise on July 5, 2005, at 16:09:44
In reply to What do you call your Therapist?, posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 13:11:47
I call mine by his first name but didn't know what to call him until he telephoned one day and called himself by his first and last name.
I think I called him you until then.
I wish I'd talked with him about it.
SHortE
Posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 16:18:53
In reply to Re: What do you call your Therapist?, posted by Tamar on July 5, 2005, at 15:09:41
Thanks Tamar for the response. It is tricky and I think therapy is similar to teaching in that way.
It reminds me of an amusing therapy story. I came to therapy and my therapist's door was open but he was on the phone (very typical) so I sat down in the waiting room as I always do. It looked like he accidentally double booked that session because two minutes later this young woman (cell phone pressed to ear, scarf billowing out behind her in the breeze of her wake) comes right in and plops herself down on his couch. My therapist gets off the phone, brings her right back out to the waiting room where he makes her sit beside me as he apologizes to me about double booking and if I can come back in an hour, he will only charge me half price.
So the point of this story is that I think this young woman would be one of the ones who use his first name with attitude.
Anyway, Dr. T does sound formal, especially since I am only a few years younger than my therapist. And there may be some distance that I am trying to maintain by using it. And last session he was complaining that he sometimes felt like this was a Victorian marriage :) so perhaps it's time to give it up.
Posted by caraher on July 5, 2005, at 16:25:40
In reply to Hey you, posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 13:43:21
Like Dinah, I'm a name-avoider. Mine is a PhD psychologist and uses "Dr. XXX" on her answering machine message, but if she leaves a message she drops the "Dr." I wrote to her recently and after much cogitation went with "Dr. XXX" in the salutation, followed by a remark joking about that choice.
Tamar, the issue of form of address in teaching can be complicated for me. Where I am now the students are very traditionalist and pretty much call ever faculty member "Dr. XXX" (less often "Professor XXX"). In two years I don't think I've ever heard a student address a faculty member by first name, and in front of students faculty tend to refer to other faculty by title and last name (though I forget and use the first name quite often!). In my own case, teaching while ABD, every time I get called "Dr." is one more reminder that I need to defend my dissertation!
What I'm accustomed to from grad school is first names. I'm starting at a new school this fall and was on campus today and met a student. I introduced myself by first and last name and I believe he "Dr."ed me back. I guess I just want them to be in their comfort zone and will conform to the de facto school standard.
Posted by Tamar on July 5, 2005, at 16:40:02
In reply to Re: Hey you, posted by caraher on July 5, 2005, at 16:25:40
> Tamar, the issue of form of address in teaching can be complicated for me. Where I am now the students are very traditionalist and pretty much call ever faculty member "Dr. XXX" (less often "Professor XXX"). In two years I don't think I've ever heard a student address a faculty member by first name, and in front of students faculty tend to refer to other faculty by title and last name (though I forget and use the first name quite often!). In my own case, teaching while ABD, every time I get called "Dr." is one more reminder that I need to defend my dissertation!
That's interesting. I often wonder if there's a male/female difference at work sometimes. I'm female and still fairly young (compared with my colleagues) and I wonder if that makes me more of a first-name kind of person. Did you mention once that you teach physics? I'd guess you don't have lots of female colleagues, so you might get 'doctored' more often.
When do you defend your dissertation?
Posted by Tamar on July 5, 2005, at 17:17:06
In reply to Re: What do you call your Therapist? » Tamar, posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 16:18:53
> It reminds me of an amusing therapy story. I came to therapy and my therapist's door was open but he was on the phone (very typical) so I sat down in the waiting room as I always do. It looked like he accidentally double booked that session because two minutes later this young woman (cell phone pressed to ear, scarf billowing out behind her in the breeze of her wake) comes right in and plops herself down on his couch. My therapist gets off the phone, brings her right back out to the waiting room where he makes her sit beside me as he apologizes to me about double booking and if I can come back in an hour, he will only charge me half price.
Ooooh, grrrr! I know she has mental health issues too, but still, grrr!
> So the point of this story is that I think this young woman would be one of the ones who use his first name with attitude.
Oh *yeah*!
By the way, I love how you described the part with the scarf billowing out behind her. I’ll be growling at her all night! Grrr!
> Anyway, Dr. T does sound formal, especially since I am only a few years younger than my therapist. And there may be some distance that I am trying to maintain by using it. And last session he was complaining that he sometimes felt like this was a Victorian marriage :) so perhaps it's time to give it up.
Wow! A Victorian marriage as in enormous emotional distance between two people who have little in common and married to please their parents? Or a Victorian marriage as in a profound but largely unspoken connection between two people who have discovered a means of finding harmony against all odds? Or something else entirely?
I think names are particularly significant for a woman in therapy with a man. Wherever there are social differences, I think it’s a good thing to challenge them. I guess that’s why it annoys me if older men talk down me, and why I find it uncomfortable when young men show too much respect for me. I think it’s particularly important in therapy to feel able to get close to the therapist. Therapy is often complicated by differences of sex, race, age, class, and orientation. Finding ways to cross those (if not other) boundaries seems important to me.
Just my two cents.
Tamar
Posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 18:37:26
In reply to Re: What do you call your Therapist?, posted by Tamar on July 5, 2005, at 15:09:41
It's funny. I would never have dreamed of calling my professors anything but Dr. Smith. I know there might have been a few students who called them Joe. Well, no, I don't think I ever heard any call them anything but Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones.
I don't know why therapy should be different for me. Well, maybe I do. I never was all that intimate with my professors. They called me by my first name, for the most part, although a few called me Miss Doe. They were up at the front of the class. I was in one of the many chairs facing them.
But I reveal my innermost self to my therapist. It would feel weird to call him Dr. Too clinical. But I'd never not call him Dr. without his permission.
Actually, it doesn't come up, because he's only got a Masters, but that's the way I feel with my son's therapist. Who shall forever be known as "hey you".
Posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 18:40:21
In reply to Re: What do you call your Therapist? » Tamar, posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 18:37:26
Come to think of it, I also call my bosses Mr. Smith and Mr. Jones, although they've asked me numerous times to call them Joe or Bob.
I just can't bring myself to call them anything else since I knew them since childhood.
And also come to think of it, my father was a bit disconcerted that I called him "Daddy" at work. But I could never remember to call him "Mr. Doe".
No wonder I never call anyone by name. :(
Posted by Tamar on July 5, 2005, at 18:51:47
In reply to Re: What do you call your Therapist? » Tamar, posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 18:37:26
> It's funny. I would never have dreamed of calling my professors anything but Dr. Smith. I know there might have been a few students who called them Joe. Well, no, I don't think I ever heard any call them anything but Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones.
It was the same for me when I was a student. But in a few short years (while I was writing my dissertation) it seems things changed...
> I don't know why therapy should be different for me. Well, maybe I do. I never was all that intimate with my professors. They called me by my first name, for the most part, although a few called me Miss Doe. They were up at the front of the class. I was in one of the many chairs facing them.
Even though students all sit in the chairs, the teachers know who you are! It's like a panopticon. It's easy for the students to feel anonymous among other students, but the teachers can see everything! We know who's asleep, who's doing homework for another class, who's falling in love (OK, I made up that last part)...
> But I reveal my innermost self to my therapist. It would feel weird to call him Dr. Too clinical. But I'd never not call him Dr. without his permission.
>
> Actually, it doesn't come up, because he's only got a Masters, but that's the way I feel with my son's therapist. Who shall forever be known as "hey you".I think 'hey you' is a great name for a therapist. If I ever see mine again, I'll call out "Hey, you!" I bet he'll look round!
Posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 19:13:11
In reply to Re: What do you call your Therapist? » Dinah, posted by Tamar on July 5, 2005, at 18:51:47
Chuckle. I don't know. Our high school teachers were very much involved in the romance between my husband and I and the younger woman and my husband. :D
And the professor in some deadly dull economics class, who read straight from the book, who spent the first part of the semester at my side rapping on my desk as he lectured. He told me a couple of years later that he thought I wasn't paying attention until the first exam, and then he realized it just *looked* like I wasn't paying attention. rofl. I never disillusioned him.
So yeah, I know we weren't really anonymous. Not to most of them anyway. One or two of the auditorium classes maybe.
Posted by happyflower on July 5, 2005, at 19:15:52
In reply to Re: What do you call your Therapist? » Dinah, posted by Tamar on July 5, 2005, at 18:51:47
Posted by cricket2 on July 5, 2005, at 19:36:05
In reply to Re: What do you call your Therapist? » cricket, posted by Tamar on July 5, 2005, at 17:17:06
> Wow! A Victorian marriage as in enormous emotional distance between two people who have little in common and married to please their parents? Or a Victorian marriage as in a profound but largely unspoken connection between two people who have discovered a means of finding harmony against all odds? Or something else entirely?
>
No, more because I am completely passive in therapy. I never ask for anything. I wait quietly in the waiting room until he comes and gets me and have never complain even if he is 15 or 20 minutes late. I made one 3 minute phone call in 3 years of therapy. I never have any topic that I want to discuss and am perfectly content if he rambles on the whole 50 minutes. In fact those are my favorite sessions - no kidding. Despite repeated offers, I never eat or drink anything in his presence while he sort of slurps and crunches away. I never ask questions, always say the room temperature is fine (not sure why he keeps asking).So he says that he wants me to learn how to take the lead sometimes. I have no idea how to do that, not in there, not with him.
> I think names are particularly significant for a woman in therapy with a man. Wherever there are social differences, I think it’s a good thing to challenge them. I guess that’s why it annoys me if older men talk down me, and why I find it uncomfortable when young men show too much respect for me. I think it’s particularly important in therapy to feel able to get close to the therapist. Therapy is often complicated by differences of sex, race, age, class, and orientation. Finding ways to cross those (if not other) boundaries seems important to me.
>
>
You are so right. I mean we have the innate power imbalance of therapist vs. patient and then we have the fact that he is rich, white and male and I am none of those things. So sometimes I feel like I have centuries of cultural conditioning that I am up against (not to say anything about a horrendous childhood) in trying to cross all these boundaries and make a connection. Sometimes I don't think he appreciates the difficulty of that. I mean I know how to passively resist - always arrive late, a polite shrug serves many purposes, bolt off the couch when he gives the nod that I can go - but all those tactics do more harm than good.Anyway, on his part, I think he is trying his best. He probably reveals far more about himself than most therapists. I think primarily to try and find common ground with me. I get everything from "Oh I was an angry adolescent too" to "I like peanut butter sandwiches too."
So it seems that what I call my therapist is just the tip of a very large and complicated iceberg.
PS - Thanks for the grrrr. I needed that.
Posted by annierose on July 5, 2005, at 20:02:45
In reply to What do you call your Therapist?, posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 13:11:47
Interesting thread. Something I ponder too. When I first saw my T 20 years ago, she wasn't a Dr., and I just called her by her first name. Although, I didn't have reason to address her much at all. And she would call me by my first name too.
Now, years later, seeing her again, she is a PhD and refers to herself as Dr. lastname. But I never call her that. When she calls me, she'll ask for "Mrs. lastname" which cracks me up. I'll reply, "This is Annie." Stop the formality.
So, I call her nothing. Refer to her as "you" most often. Maybe this could be a conversation in therapy one day.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 5, 2005, at 21:22:44
In reply to What do you call your Therapist?, posted by cricket on July 5, 2005, at 13:11:47
I work at a University and always refer to Deans, faculty members as "Dr. X" I do so until I am told otherwise by that particular person. In my mind, if one has a PhD, one has worked really hard for it. And I think they deserve to be called "Dr." as sort of a badge of honor.
I don't know though, I feel I may be the only person left on earth who really enjoys formality. Can't you tell by my name????!!! There's something really nice in calling someone Mr. or Ms. when you don't know them. That's why I love all those 18th and 19th century stories where people call eachother mostly by the formal. I lament the lack of manners these days, so perhaps I try to overcompensate.
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 5, 2005, at 22:18:00
In reply to Re: What do you call your Therapist? » Tamar, posted by cricket2 on July 5, 2005, at 19:36:05
> So it seems that what I call my therapist is just the tip of a very large and complicated iceberg.
As far as what you call yourself :-) I see "cricket" by itself works again. If "cricket2" comes up automatically, could you just change it back? Thanks,
Bob
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.