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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 31. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on June 24, 2005, at 1:22:24
It's late so I'm apologizing for my spelling:
I went into my session today and said, "I don't know how you want me to play this. Do you want me to be "fine" or do you want me to tell you how upset I am?" Of course he said he wanted to hear about the upset. He said it would be so much harder to have a bad session and leave frustrated about not getting to say what needed to be said. For me and for him. So I said I was feeling sort of grief stricken. That I thought I was more prepared this year for the separation but I was still just as scared as always that he wouldn't come back. He said he was coming back (he said this over and over and over again) but he also said that he didn't expect me to be OK with this. He knew this is hard for me because my attachment to him is fragile and tender and still very new to me. He said he hoped that I wouldn't close down completely while he is gone and that I would allow myself to feel our connection. He reminded me that I had his picture and asked me if I remembered what he wrote on the back last year. I nodded and told him, "you wrote, 'I'll be back!'" and the tears showed up. We put the picture into his talisman and I have "permission" to keep it in my pocket, like a transitional object. I feel like such a little kid!
We also talked about what I would do to cope and he suggested that I write to him about things. I threatened to bury him in paper when he got back and he countered with, "yeah, but I'll make you read it all to me." I had the last word though, I said, "at least I'd get to stay longer..." He laughed. He did offer to call me half way through but I said no. I just can't stand the thought of being that much trouble. So he left me a voice mail full of reassurances to play when I need to and a reminder that I did have his cell number if things get too out of control.
He also said, "And you have your friends on the board. Don't forget to let them support you. I'm counting on them to keep you safe until I get back." So I guess I'll have to figure out how to pay you guys a consulting fee. :)
Oh, and I'm apologizing in advance for what a baby I'm going to be over the next two weeks. I feel sad and lost and completely disgusted with myself for having no internal fortitude or pride. I'll try to keep most of it under control. I better go buy some more cream of wheat. And liver worst. And cheese cake. And...
Posted by Shortelise on June 24, 2005, at 5:05:55
In reply to My therapist is counting on you guys., posted by daisym on June 24, 2005, at 1:22:24
I feel fully able to meet the challenge, Daisy. I never had children so I have some leftover maternal stuff available. :-)
A good friend of mine who is a counsellor always says to me, remember to breathe. I take lots of big breaths in hard moments. It helps.
((Daisy))
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 7:12:26
In reply to My therapist is counting on you guys., posted by daisym on June 24, 2005, at 1:22:24
>He reminded me that I had his picture and asked me if I remembered what he wrote on the back last year. I nodded and told him, "you wrote, 'I'll be back!'" and the tears showed up. We put the picture into his talisman and I have "permission" to keep it in my pocket, like a transitional object. I feel like such a little kid!
He is an awesome and SO thoughtful T Daisy, no wonder you're going to miss him. It's so wonderful that you have his picture. How many T's would do that? I can't imagine! Don't feel like a little kid, it was so brave of you to go in and tell him how you really feel, when the temptation might be there to try to get him to mind read. You did what was best for you and asked for his help. Remind me again, how did you get his picture? I remember it came up not too long ago, but I can't find the post.
>
> We also talked about what I would do to cope and he suggested that I write to him about things. I threatened to bury him in paper when he got back and he countered with, "yeah, but I'll make you read it all to me." I had the last word though, I said, "at least I'd get to stay longer..." He laughed.LOL, you have such a fun and playful relationship! I think writing is an awesome idea. I tend to fantacize, which is fun too.
>He did offer to call me half way through but I said no. I just can't stand the thought of being that much trouble. So he left me a voice mail full of reassurances to play when I need to and a reminder that I did have his cell number if things get too out of control.
Aw, that was so sweet and thougtful of him! Does your husband get jealous at all, or does he understand? My husband doesn't really get the therapy thing, but he's supportive.
>
> He also said, "And you have your friends on the board. Don't forget to let them support you. I'm counting on them to keep you safe until I get back." So I guess I'll have to figure out how to pay you guys a consulting fee. :)LOL I hope you do post a lot to work through your feelings. I'll be here. It's great that he knows about the board, do you think he reads it? Would you want him to?
>
> Oh, and I'm apologizing in advance for what a baby I'm going to be over the next two weeks. I feel sad and lost and completely disgusted with myself for having no internal fortitude or pride. I'll try to keep most of it under control. I better go buy some more cream of wheat. And liver worst. And cheese cake. And...You're awesome daisy! Give yourself a big break and know that whatever you're feeling is okay. It's valid and acceptable, and we don't think you're a big baby!
Jazzy
Posted by fallsfall on June 24, 2005, at 7:16:52
In reply to My therapist is counting on you guys., posted by daisym on June 24, 2005, at 1:22:24
We're here.
I'm here.
The falls keeps falling.
And he will be back.
Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2005, at 7:43:41
In reply to My therapist is counting on you guys., posted by daisym on June 24, 2005, at 1:22:24
I find that when my therapist is gone, I pull back into superrational mode. I hope you give yourself permission not to do that. I hope you feel free to use the board as much as you need to, and we'll do our best to make your therapist proud. :)
Therapist absences are the worst, but I guess it's what keeps them able to do their best with us.
Posted by LadyBug on June 24, 2005, at 7:54:01
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys. » daisym, posted by Dinah on June 24, 2005, at 7:43:41
(((((((DAISYM)))))))
I'll do my very best to be here for you. You just babble away. I know how hard it is for you as I've had to go through the same thing lots of times.
Oh that longing is so intense sometimes.
Keep his picture in your pocket. That will help a lot. I have a picture of my T. too. I keep it by my night stand and when I need to "see" her, I get it out and look at it.
I love to have a voice mail to listen to. It keeps her voice near by and gives me comfort. So I'm glad you have one to listen to.
And the writing part!! That will help you so much. You can write as if you are talking to him. And you can plan what you'd like to talk about when he returns. Keep that connection strong. Remember he will be back. He's in your heart and mind and he won't go anywhere else. This too shall pass and you're going to be ok.
Post all you need to!
Gentle Hugs to you
LadyBug
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 7:59:44
In reply to My therapist is counting on you guys., posted by daisym on June 24, 2005, at 1:22:24
>> OH, Daisy post all day long everyday and we will help you get through this. You can count on us! If we don't hear from you we will be asking about you so don't be too surprised! Your T can count on us! :)
>
> . I better go buy some more cream of wheat. And liver worst. And cheese cake. And...
>
> I hope you don't eat this all together! lol What a combination! I love all 3 but, it sounds like you are preganant! lol Maybe you could add a pickle to the liver worst! lol I love cream of wheat, it is such a happy memory of my childhood sitter. But I like the real stuff, not instant, made with milk! yum! I might have to buy some! :)Anyways, you can do this Daisy, please lean on us, okay?
Posted by daisym on June 24, 2005, at 10:08:28
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys. » daisym, posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 7:12:26
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377002.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377075.htmlI've linked last year's posts about vacation above, but I think you'll have to cut and paste. It was in the week of Aug 12, 04, one has a subject line of 'More.' I'm a little chagrined that I wrote so much of the same thing. You'd think there would be more progress in a year. *sigh* I think I'm a a therapy snail. However, it was fun to run into the Therapist On Vacation club again. I'd forgotten about that.
As far as my husband - no, he doesn't know the extent of my attachment. But he is trying to be supportive because I've scared him a few times. Other times he says unflattering things about therapists as a group and thinks "this guy is playing with your head." I call him Archie when he starts to do this, after Archie Bunker.
I don't think my therapist reads here. I think he would tell me, but I'm not sure. I don't refer to Babble by name, just "the board." He does think a book on termination is a great idea, btw, but he said to call it something else, he hates that word. I don't want him to read here. It would stifle me. I already feel like I do too much "he said" then "I said" etc. Sometimes I feel like I'm writing about boys in high school. (sheepish grin.)
I hope I remembered all your questions.
Posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 12:47:19
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys. » daisym, posted by Shortelise on June 24, 2005, at 5:05:55
Funny that you put it that way, ShortE, I sort of wailed at Falls last night that "I was sad and lonely and needed a mommy."
Wednesday I had a huge triggering incident and I let go completely in my therapist's office. It didn't last long, but as I quieted down, he said, "how are you calming yourself right now?" My answer was "air. Just air. Just breathing." I believe in the power of deep breaths but I'm a shallow breather. So I've trained myself that every time I look at a clock, I take a deep breath. I'm sure people think I'm absolutely nuts. :)
Posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 12:50:11
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys. » daisym, posted by fallsfall on June 24, 2005, at 7:16:52
Promise? :(
I'm bouncing between thinking it is stupid not to admit how sad I feel and feeling stupid for feeling so sad.
I'm glad there is no drought and that the Falls will keep falling.
Posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 12:54:09
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys. » daisym, posted by Dinah on June 24, 2005, at 7:43:41
Thanks for the reminder that it will be good for him, Dinah. Somewhere inside I know that.
I do have tons and tons of work to do. I hope to catch up. I'm going to try to not completely isolate myself, even if that is what my instincts tell me to do. Maybe we should invent a resort for folks whose therapists are on vacation. A retreat into a soothing atmosphere where you would have support and lots of ice cream.
Hmmm...maybe I just hit on my million dollar idea.
Posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 12:56:40
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys.daisym, posted by LadyBug on June 24, 2005, at 7:54:01
Thanks Lady. How did you end up with a picture of your therapist? I'm glad I'm not the only one who uses these things to keep the connection alive. I know from your previous posts that you have a great therapist and you do understand how intense it feels to miss them.
I'll probably write more than I should. Just yell "stop" when it is too much.
Posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 12:58:56
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys., posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 7:59:44
Bite your tongue, Happy. Pregnant! God forbid, I'm almost done. I'm glad you like COW too. I get a lot of flack for that here.
I always wonder if I've picked comfort foods that are bad for me as a way of rebelling against something. I'll have to think about that more.
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 13:13:17
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys. » happyflower, posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 12:58:56
> Bite your tongue, Happy. Pregnant! God forbid, I'm almost done. I'm glad you like COW too. I get a lot of flack for that here.
>HeeHee! Could you be? lol Just kidding! So why do they give you flack for COW? They don't know anything! lol My husband wouldn't touch the stuff before we were married, and now he likes it as much as I do. But being about 98 degrees in Indiana, I think it is too hot to eat right now.
> I always wonder if I've picked comfort foods that are bad for me as a way of rebelling against something. I'll have to think about that more.
>
Well cream of wheat is good for you unless you are on a low carb diet, cheesecake, good source of calcium, and well the other (liver pate) is good for something I am sure, I don't know what, but it has to be good for you! :)
>
Posted by Shortelise on June 24, 2005, at 13:15:18
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys. » Shortelise, posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 12:47:19
Daisy, that's a great idea - a deep breath when you look at the clock. I will now try to do the same.
When I was going through a very deep attachment, Mommy type, with my T, I got a very sweet Piglet, so soft and ever so cute, and I carried him around with me. He sat in my handbag, and people could see him, and they were so nice! That I had this little guy with me seemed to soften people, they smiled at me, were friendlier ... it was as though Piglet were saying, hey, this is a nice person, a gentle vulnerable person you don't have to be defensive with so it's ok to be nice.
It changed everything. It was the beginning of learning that how people treat me is largely dependent on me. I know, that has nothing to do with you here and now *except* that I was treated very kindly during a time when I needed to be.
ShortE
Posted by Tamar on June 24, 2005, at 15:01:47
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys., posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 13:13:17
I was reading here for ages before I realised what COW was. I had visions of people eating an actual cow...
> Well cream of wheat is good for you unless you are on a low carb diet, cheesecake, good source of calcium, and well the other (liver pate) is good for something I am sure, I don't know what, but it has to be good for you! :)
Anything with liver in it will be full of vitamin A. Very good for you indeed, unless you're pregnant, in which case don't touch it!
Daisy, come and write here as much as you need to. We’re here until your therapist gets back, and after too... Keep posting.Tamar
Posted by gardenergirl on June 24, 2005, at 15:13:32
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys. » Dinah, posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 12:54:09
OMG, I think you did hit on it! It could be a requirement for therapy. :)
Ice cream, massages if you want, shoe shops galore with no cash register, sleep overs in each other's bungalow...
Oh and btw, gg reporting for duty. :Dgg
Posted by antigua on June 24, 2005, at 15:43:43
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys. » fallsfall, posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 12:50:11
I have plenty of strength. I've been holding my breath for three weeks--my T just came BACK from vacation. Funny thing, this year was harder than others in the past, maybe because our relationship has shifted this year. But I made it. And you will too!
So I'm here, Daisy, ready with lemonade and chocolate chip cookies!!
antigua
Posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 16:12:45
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys. » Daisym, posted by gardenergirl on June 24, 2005, at 15:13:32
I'm so glad you said bungalow. I hate camping, so no tents, please! But sleep overs sound nice. We could play truth or dare...hey, kinda like REAL therapy.
Oh, sorry, I guess that is "truth if you dare..."
Posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 16:17:29
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys., posted by Tamar on June 24, 2005, at 15:01:47
I'm hoping we can continue "talking" in the thread above. I'm working on a reply, it is too long to post just yet.
Everything gets shortened here. It took me forever to figure out what LMAO meant. I kept thinking it was "Let me at ??" or "little more action oriented" or...well, you can see how it gets confusing.
Posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 16:32:42
In reply to I'm here, posted by antigua on June 24, 2005, at 15:43:43
Gee, Antigua, three weeks and you didn't even whine once. I wish I was as strong. I'm sure you missed her a lot because you've had so many shifts lately. I'm glad she is safely back.
I think little daisy is still pretty out and I'm feeling very 9ish. I called my therapist's office a little bit ago, just to "prove" that he is really gone. I knew he'd have a message up about being away and his back up, etc. Well, (gasp!) imagine my face when it wasn't his voice but rather his wife's on the message machine. I know they share the phone line but it has always been him saying, "push 1 to leave a message for 'her'" and for him to wait for the beep. Now she says, "we're gone, blah, blah, blah, push 1 to leave a message for me and wait for the beep to leave a message for him." So he isn't on there anywhere. It is silly and infantile and yet it feels like another blow -- he's completely gone! I'm so glad he left me a voice mail. I can't imagine what it would feel like if he hadn't. (OK, chapter 3 or 4 of "In Session" - ascribing inordinate importance to little things. I know, I know...)
I can't help it.
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 16:43:44
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys. » Shortelise, posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 12:47:19
>Just air. Just breathing." I believe in the power of deep breaths but I'm a shallow breather. So I've trained myself that every time I look at a clock, I take a deep breath. I'm sure people think I'm absolutely nuts. :)
Deep breathing is awesome, isn't it? When I get anxious deep breathing sometimes saves me.
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 16:46:10
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys.daisym » LadyBug, posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 12:56:40
>
> I'll probably write more than I should. Just yell "stop" when it is too much.Keep talking, keep talking, it keeps you busy and occupied! ; )
Jazzy
Posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2005, at 17:18:38
In reply to My therapist is counting on you guys., posted by daisym on June 24, 2005, at 1:22:24
go ahead, I am on of the biggest babies of them all.
Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2005, at 20:09:03
In reply to Re: My therapist is counting on you guys. » Dinah, posted by Daisym on June 24, 2005, at 12:54:09
He'll be on vacation for one week. I'll be on vacation the next. So two weeks.
I was trying to be so grownup today when he told me. I reminded myself how much less my dependence has gotten. And how I feel so much more secure now that he'll be there.
But inside I was sitting there feeling a big hole in my gut, saying "two weeks...."
It isn't possible for me to cancel my vacation, thank heavens. Because it would really be selfish of me to do that to my family. We almost never go away. I'd be tempted.
But...
Two weeks...I was wondering why I had a forgetting sleep this afternoon. I wonder if that was it.
So let's get this resort up and running.
:((((
I just want to burrow into his side and never leave.
Summers. :(
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