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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on June 21, 2005, at 20:34:10
Well, as my current therapist thinks so little of herself that she walked around with pneumonia for a month before collapsing and having to be hospitalized; and that she trivialized her husband's collapse two weeks later as being caused by "a stroke, or a TIA, we're not sure, he couldn't talk or anything, it was really strange" (strange? would you say your spouse's possible stroke was strange? it made me very uncomfortable to hear her characterize it this way); followed by a 2 week vacation with no "here's how to get me if you need me" instructions... well, I am pretty sure she's well on her way to closing her practice if her husband's health isn't already dictating this a necessity. In the meantime, she did not suggest, over a month ago, that we make another appointment.
So it's back to the drawing board. That's 2 therapists in 6 months to drop out on me. Good thing I can deny til I'm blue in the face that I've any attachment to these women I've dumped my heart out to, only to have them burn themselves out with overly full schedules and self neglect.
I see one this week and one next. The pickings are rather slim and the distances are long. I only know that I don't want to rely solely on medication to treat my depression and anxiety; and that my therapy to date has been a good start, but I'd like a real game plan with a panoramic view of this life I've got ahead of me.
I'm sure people have asked before, but do you have suggestions for the kinds of questions I can ask before I invest myself again? I don't want more pain in my life, I'd like to reduce it.
Thanks for any and all responses.
pc
Posted by Jazzed on June 21, 2005, at 21:04:57
In reply to Interviewing therapists (poss TRIGGER?), posted by partlycloudy on June 21, 2005, at 20:34:10
Hi PC,
I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of this. I agree, your T's attitude toward her own health, and esp. that of her husband is disconcerting.
I think I'd just lay it on the line for these new T's and tell them how you've been affected by the loss, and lack of caring, with the 2 previous T's, and ask if they will be around, and if you can count on them. Seems reasonable to be able to expect it. I think I'd look at their age - with regard to retirement too. Have you tried a male T? I'm not saying they're more reliable, just maybe a diff. perspective.
Good luck with the interviews.
Jazzy
Posted by gardenergirl on June 22, 2005, at 7:26:23
In reply to Re: Interviewing therapists (poss TRIGGER?) » partlycloudy, posted by Jazzed on June 21, 2005, at 21:04:57
Hi PC,
Sorry to hear of your T woes. How awful. But it sounds like moving on is the right thing to do for you. And of course you want someone who is committed to helping you look forward.Can I share (Are you sitting down?) my husband's approach to finding a T? (WOO HOOO!!!!!!) Okay, just a little giddy there.
At any rate, I started the process by going to my state psych association's site nad using their online referral program. You can put in a ton of parameters such as different disorders, hours available, gender, location, orientation, specialty areas, etc. and it spits out a list. I compared that to our insurance panel and gave him some names, making sure to cross out anyone I know professionally.
He took it from there and basically did the same thing, LOL. I had no idea he would run his own search, but maybe he had a criteria I am not aware of. He also then checked the person's license with the State Board to make sure she is in good standing. Jeepers, he does that with all of his docs. I never do that, although for a T I would. And then he called a few. He based his decision on how responsive on the phone she was, as well as available late in the day.
At any rate, he plans to tell her that I suggested he come (cringe) because of my depression. I reframed that for him (can't help it) to suggesting he come to get support for himself since I cannot always provide it. At any rate, he knows that the first session is important to establishing a connection. I tried to talk with him about empathy and caring, and how this is communicated, but is someone who is not a people person, so I don't think he quite "got" what I was saying. And he brought up the "she's being paid to care" issue already. Cracked me up. Um, does he think I only care about my clients because I get paid a pittance to see them? Sheesh.
Okay, enough about me. I would tell anyone to ask about orientation and general ways of doing things. I would ask how long they might anticipate you being in therapy based on what they know so far. I would ask what kinds of cases they have most success with and which do they find more challenging.
Falls has that wonderful post from the past, which I keep meaning to bookmark.
And of course I would talk about your recent experiences. Any good T wants to know how previous therapy went. What worked and what didn't, how you feel about it, etc.
Sorry for this to be so long, and more about me than your question. I just found all this out from hubby last night during our first "marriage meeting."
Woo hoo!
Good luck with your appointments. I hope you find a dynamite T.
gg
Posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2005, at 11:31:53
In reply to Interviewing therapists (poss TRIGGER?), posted by partlycloudy on June 21, 2005, at 20:34:10
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031213/msgs/290414.html
When I was interviewing therapists, I decided that I was going to jump right in and see how they handled the real issues of the day.
So I told them about how I was dependent on my therapist, and how I had googled her and she flipped out, and how I was frantic. And I waited to see what they would do. There were very different reactions from the different therapists. I can send you the notes I took after the sessions if you would like - so you can see how different they were.
So I guess my attitude was "Here I am, and this is my problem. You have 50 minutes to prove to me that you can help me".
Notably, the therapist I chose started the session by asking what I thought was most important in therapy (I answered "being understood"). And at the end he checked to see if I had felt understood.
There is chemistry in the room. You need to find out what kind of chemistry. Try to ignore the fact that you don't know this person. Don't worry about making a fool out of yourself - if you don't like them you will never see them again. Maximize the amount of information you can get from them by refusing to let the walls get in the way. At least that was my goal.
I was amazed at how quickly I knew whether I clicked with them or not. And there were some who I clicked with on a personal level, but they were doing CBT, and I didn't want that.
DO do phone interviews. And if they say "I think I should refer you to my collegue..." don't say what I said (which was "I was given your name specifically, so I want to talk to you"). She was trying to tell me that she didn't do Psychodynamic therapy anymore... I could have saved us both a visit (though I did learn some things about myself in that session).
And absolutely talk about how your therapists don't seem to be able to take good care of themselves and see what the response is.
Posted by partlycloudy on June 22, 2005, at 11:37:53
In reply to Re: Interviewing therapists » partlycloudy, posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2005, at 11:31:53
Great ideas. I'll try not to leap into therapy in desperation this time.
pc
Posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2005, at 5:45:00
In reply to Re: Interviewing therapists » partlycloudy, posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2005, at 11:31:53
She has a little dog named Sigmund in her office. My best former T's have had dogs in their office. They break the ice for me, I guess. And she was quite maternal-warm-smart-wise feeling, if that's a quality!!
'Nother interview next week with another T.
Posted by fallsfall on June 24, 2005, at 7:09:09
In reply to I liked the one I met yesterday, posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2005, at 5:45:00
Good for you! It is always nice to find someone who is possible early on. Makes you feel like even if all the rest are awful that you will be OK.
(((PartlyCloudy)))
Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2005, at 9:42:38
In reply to I liked the one I met yesterday, posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2005, at 5:45:00
I'd love to have a dog in the office. It would give me somewhere to focus, instead of looking at shoes, etc.
Do therapists with dogs let you pet them during sessions?
Posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2005, at 10:05:03
In reply to Sounds very promising, posted by Dinah on June 24, 2005, at 9:42:38
The dogs I have met in therapy have been "greeters" - they kind of hunkered down and snoozed while we humans got down to business. It's funny that I like seeing a dog in a therapist's office, since I'm not a doggy person; but I think I like what it says about the T's priorities!!
pc
Posted by Shortelise on June 24, 2005, at 13:01:33
In reply to I liked the one I met yesterday, posted by partlycloudy on June 24, 2005, at 5:45:00
I'd love a dog in the office. This seems to be a trend. Three psychiatrists in the clinic I go to have dogs.
ShortE
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 13:05:18
In reply to Re: I liked the one I met yesterday, posted by Shortelise on June 24, 2005, at 13:01:33
So what happens if they have to relieve themselves during your session? Will they hold it, or does the T have to interupt your session? lol Or does the dog get upset and come to you when he senses you are upset? My pets do that at home! (cat and dog, and kids, lol)
Posted by gardenergirl on June 24, 2005, at 14:27:55
In reply to Re: I liked the one I met yesterday, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 13:05:18
I was just thinking how nice it would be to have my dog with me when I start a practice. But she would not hunker down. She would do the nudge thing wanting to be petted. A definite nuisance.
gg
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 14:35:21
In reply to Re: I liked the one I met yesterday, posted by gardenergirl on June 24, 2005, at 14:27:55
Or worse, it would smell your clients in an uncomforable way! lol I say get a cat! Or fish. I like dogs, I have one, but they can be naughty!
Posted by antigua on June 24, 2005, at 15:12:45
In reply to Re: I liked the one I met yesterday » gardenergirl, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 14:35:21
My T's dog is just like another kid. She greets me and hunkers down or gets up and has to go out, etc. so T spends lots of time dealing with her dog. She barks when someone comes to the door, she snores, you name it. One time she did offer comfort when I was upset, but that was unusual. As I said, she's just like another kid and wants her T's attention, especially if my T is just back from a vacation (this week) and she has stayed at the doggy kennel.
antigua
Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2005, at 19:28:37
In reply to Re: I liked the one I met yesterday, posted by gardenergirl on June 24, 2005, at 14:27:55
I'd love to have a dog that wanted to be petted in therapy. I'd love to bring one of my own little ones. They'd never even touch the floor or furniture, but I'd have something to pet and to bury my face in.
But maybe that would be a bad thing. It might distract me from the work.
(I often want to go curl up on the floor by his window and touch the glass. But my therapist isn't the curling up sort. And he'd worry about smudges.)
This is the end of the thread.
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