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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 34. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 13:44:48
Ok so here I go......I know I need to deal with some crap, but I really never ever hit it off with the whole therapy thing. I dont like to talk sad stuff or talk about the stuff that really bugs me, I guess. I dont really like to be serious at all for that matter. I could go to therapy for ever and by the end of it have accomplished nothing becasue I talk about everything but the problem or make jokes about anything that bothers me....well that is what happened when I tried in the past. So Im wondering from people in therapy, I dont like feeling 'attached', or needy towards soemone....is that my problem? Is that why this didnt work for me? Cause I would be really happy if I could just do it and get it over and live my life to the complete fullest. but this little something stops me a bit. Or are some people just not made to be therapized?
Thanks!
Posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 14:32:29
In reply to Just curious about therapy failures LOL, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 13:44:48
Hi Rainbowbrite,
I consider myself to be a therapy failure and I've been in therapy for almost three years. I have a fear of failure, which makes it very silly that I keep telling myself that I can't do therapy.
I can do therapy, just at my own pace and style.
My T keeps telling me that I can't fail therapy, and that if only I'd realize how good at it I am, how much progress I've made.For me, therapy is slow and full of denial and with holding emotions, but am I truly a failure, I'll just whispher it- no.
BTW you are not a klutz, I saw that margarita shaker top fly off. I'll bet you aren't a therapy failure either, you just need to do it your own way.
Poet
Posted by pinkeye on June 5, 2005, at 16:21:55
In reply to Just curious about therapy failures LOL, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 13:44:48
You don't have to be attached to do therapy. You can be unemotional and get helped at the same time.
If you are not able to talk stuff, can you write? Writing down here might be a good start.
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 17:32:05
In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL » rainbowbrite, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 14:32:29
>>BTW you are not a klutz, I saw that margarita shaker top fly off.
thanks Poet!! It was so classic for it to have happened to me LMAO the waiter rigged it! im sure of it...he lifted the lid a little LOL
>>I'll bet you aren't a therapy failure either, you just need to do it your own way
well see Im wondering if I should even try again. Like how do you know if you need it I guess that is where Im stuck. Any time the T said something, like "you have an issue with that" Id be like "yeah I think so...but how do i make it go away? oh yeah and did you hear about the guy who blah blah blah....."
I make it a social thing and completely steer clear of anything that could potentially bring a tear to my eye. I laughed a lot when I went...just didnt seem 'normal'
So now I think maybe I should just let the whole thing go and deal with being a little screwy. but there are some things I need to unscrew for sure. I can tell Im confused becasue of what Im saying LOL
Thanks
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 17:35:02
In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL » rainbowbrite, posted by pinkeye on June 5, 2005, at 16:21:55
Well see I hate talking about stuff that bugs me UNLESS it is currently a problem. I have thought about writing but?? when I write or talk about stuff I get down. Im starting to think I maybe am an emotionally detached person and that might be my problem. I hate any feeling of discomfort. does that make sense?
Thanks
Posted by shrinking violet on June 5, 2005, at 18:16:09
In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL » rainbowbrite, posted by pinkeye on June 5, 2005, at 16:21:55
i'm the biggest t failure there ever was, or will be.
causing the one person who said they'd hang in there with you to suddenly terminate, and thinking back, i remembered recently it was technically her idea b/c she said it was too 'painful' for her and apparently difficult for me. Ergo, bad, bad, BAD client.
She didn't know I tried, I guess. She didn't know that what I showed her wasn't what I felt. I hurt her terribly when I had no idea I was doing it, when I didn't mean to at all. She didn't know. And now she'll never know. And it's better for her, this way. And I'll always regret never being able to fix it, or discuss what was really going on with her/me/us/therapy. And I'll never expose anyone to the likes of me again.
So, yeah, I'm one. But I don't really want to discuss it anymore. I just thought I'd 'fess up "answer the call," as it were.
Good luck.
sv
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:23:02
In reply to i'm the biggest, posted by shrinking violet on June 5, 2005, at 18:16:09
Aww sv that sounds so awful! Im really sorry, I imagine its so hard.
Posted by pinkeye on June 5, 2005, at 18:24:12
In reply to i'm the biggest, posted by shrinking violet on June 5, 2005, at 18:16:09
Maybe the key is finding someone who is able to get things out of us. Some of us suit some of us. Maybe it was really not your fault. Maybe her style and your style didn't match. Mabye if you go to someone else - older, younger, male - maybe then you would have opened up more.
Therapy relationship - like any other depends on both the parties. Sometimes they are just not the right fit for us.
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:35:16
In reply to Re: i'm the biggest » shrinking violet, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:23:02
lets try this again.....I shouldnt have put failure in the subject.
What my question is....is that I DONT want to go to therapy, I really do not enjoy it...I dont like dwelling, i freak out when people know too much about me.It happens on a daily basis for me here when I say something and then Im like sh*t I wish I hadnt said that, with all the people Ive met here that I am close with I am getting used to it but I tend to have freeflowing thoughts that blab their way out of my mouth or fingers. Maybe cause I dont talk about it to anyone I dont know??
So what Im getting at with is that I dont like to reveal my vulnerable side and probably will do so less now that I 'know' some people here. Am i screwy? Yes!! No denying that. But I know I *need* therapy but it all turns into more of a 'friendship' relationship...ugh. Maybe I dont absolutely need it. I dont know. I just figure there must be others that understand what Im saying. I dont like therapy, I dont care if I have it, but I know its needed. Make sense?yeah right!...Its probably all the sugar talking cause I lost myself LOL
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:50:31
In reply to For some reason I talk in circles, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:35:16
I just got a very firm email from fallen4myt who says that I need a T and to listen to her and get my a** in some serious therapy becasue I avoid everything with laughter HAHAHA!!! thats so funny. Me? yeah right. I hope you see this Dr fallen
Fallen you are the greatest BTW the boards miss you!!
how do you stop laughing??? i heard somewhere that laughter was the best medicine.
Posted by shrinking violet on June 5, 2005, at 19:43:08
In reply to For some reason I talk in circles, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:35:16
>>I just figure there must be others that understand what Im saying. I dont like therapy, I dont care if I have it, but I know its needed. Make sense?
--Yep, a lot of sense.
Posted by annierose on June 5, 2005, at 21:23:48
In reply to you know what......, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:50:31
Rainbowbright -
Agreed that we all missed Fallen -- COME BACK!
I guess it is scary to let someone get close to you. For me, the theraputic relationship also seems selfish. I am uncomfortable talking only about myself all the time, enough already, b-o-r-i-n-g. My T gently reminds me that is "our contract" (i.e. it's about me). It's a risk. But well worth the fight!
I think if you find a T you connect with, someone that intellectually challenges your thinking, you'll want to stay and get close to that person. That closeness is scary (for all of us that didn't have that as children). But if you accept it, you'll come to love it.
At dinner I started telling you that the first time I did therapy, I was quite young (18) and scared. I didn't want to like her, depend upon her, g-d forbid "need" her, etc. etc. When she went on vacation, I would say "no problem" and meant it. And I fought with her over everything.
Now, doing this again, I feel so completely different. I cringed when she announced her first summer vacation ("No, you can't leave me for 2 weeks) and I tell her how important she is, and how much I depend upon her. It feels so good to be able to tell someone that.
What I'm trying to say, those scary feelings are pushing you away from therapy. But they are worth exploring. The rewards are great.
Annierose
p.s. I like your new name for Spoc, "Sparkles" or "Spark" ... much more her
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 21:42:34
In reply to Re: you know what...... » rainbowbrite, posted by annierose on June 5, 2005, at 21:23:48
Hi annierose
yup sparkle suits her more.
well I guess I worry therapy will make me feel bad. But I guess the attitude that I have about it isnt going to help the situation if I do try again.
thanks
Posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:20:38
In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL » Poet, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 17:32:05
> I make it a social thing and completely steer clear of anything that could potentially bring a tear to my eye. I laughed a lot when I went...just didnt seem 'normal'
>Ah ha, that hits a chord with me! I don't want to be perceived as abnormal, bad, sick, or defective. I want to be in control, or appear to be in control of my life, and most of all I want to appear incredibly competent and itelligent to the people who matter most to me. Could that have anything to do with the way you "do therapy" poet? I definitely think it's worth giving therapy another shot, what have you got to lose? And there's so much to gain if you can just let down your cover for just a bit at a time.
This was a good topic, thanks Poet!
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:26:05
In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL » pinkeye, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 17:35:02
> Well see I hate talking about stuff that bugs me UNLESS it is currently a problem. I have thought about writing but?? when I write or talk about stuff I get down. Im starting to think I maybe am an emotionally detached person and that might be my problem. I hate any feeling of discomfort. does that make sense?
>
> ThanksIt makes a lot of sense rainbow. Who wants to feel bad?! I agree, I also want to deal with things as they occur, and once past, it's past, don't want to go there again. I think we protect ourselves by detaching, if we can, which is usually hard in the midst of whatever dilema we're in. I wish I could detach more.
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:28:47
In reply to i'm the biggest, posted by shrinking violet on June 5, 2005, at 18:16:09
If they can't handle it, they shouldn't be a T, ShrinkingViolet. Don't blame yourself, you are not bad, you were just in therapy with the wrong T, which is very unfortunate for you.
(((((HUGS)))))))
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:33:11
In reply to you know what......, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:50:31
Was the email from Fallen recent, or was it from b4 she left? I wish she'd come back. Did she get married?
And, as for this post and the last, I think the fact that you admit you say things and then regret them, even though they are your true feeling, says alot. And, I think that the fact that you want to hide your true self says a lot. Maybe that's where you start in therapy.
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:34:46
In reply to Re: i'm the biggest » shrinking violet, posted by pinkeye on June 5, 2005, at 18:24:12
> Maybe the key is finding someone who is able to get things out of us. Some of us suit some of us. Mabye if you go to someone else - older, younger, male - maybe then you would have opened up more.
>
> Therapy relationship - like any other depends on both the parties. Sometimes they are just not the right fit for us.You are SO right pinkeye. Nothing is more important in therapy than finding the right T for you.
Jazzy
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 6, 2005, at 10:36:19
In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL » rainbowbrite, posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:20:38
to me or poet?
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 6, 2005, at 10:38:57
In reply to Re: you know what...... » rainbowbrite, posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:33:11
It was very recent, last night. she thinks Im a dork about therapy :-)
>>I think the fact that you admit you say things and then regret them, even though they are your true feeling, says alot. And, I think that the fact that you want to hide your true self says a lot. Maybe that's where you start in therapy
Ugh! did I say that? :-)
You may be right....but I want to be perfect, and not be vulnerable LOL
you made a good point
Posted by Shortelise on June 6, 2005, at 11:36:04
In reply to Just curious about therapy failures LOL, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 13:44:48
About eight years ago, when I had first decided that I needed help dealing with my work anxiety, I went to a counselling psychologist who works with people in the business I work in. I told him about the problems I was having, talked in depth about how the anxiety was getting in the way of me doing my job, etc.
He was very offhand. Are you working right now, he asked. No, I said (I work on contract and when I am working I wouldn't have time to see a therapist.) It was as if he hadn't heard a word I said. He told me to come back when I was working. Idiot! I work 16 hours a day for a few days, then I wait for the next call... how...??That was a failure. I never bothered to return to him.
ShortE
Posted by messadivoce on June 6, 2005, at 12:21:49
In reply to Just curious about therapy failures LOL, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 13:44:48
Well, I'm glad that people here can laugh at their therapy "failures". I had my own therapy failure when I was 16. I was experiencing the hallmark signs of depression/sucide and my folks found me an MFT. Being ignorant I didn't know what questions to ask, I just went with the process. My dad is in the clergy and there is a deep suspicion of psychologists/therapists in my denomination, so this woman was "safe" b/c she ascribed to our beliefs.
She certainly avoided certain issues (such as family history) and focused mainly on stuff I was experiencing at school and church. I think it would have only taken one or two probing questions to get to the heart of my sadness, but there were unspoken boundaries in there about what we would and would not talk about. I thought, okay, maybe this is the way therapy is supposed to work.
I think I got a moment of clarity that she was not the right T when before a session, I ran into someone I knew in her waiting room (she shared a waitingn room with other Ts). I went into my session feeling uneasy and embarrassed about seeing this person, and mentioned it at the beginning of my session. I told her I was embarrassed that someone knew I was here in therapy and she actually ROLLED her EYES at me and then refused to even discuss it!! Had she had any discernment at ALL she could have picked up on the guilt and shame I felt about...everything.
She terminated me 2 months later, claming I was okay again, but unfortunately she didn't leave me with any "tools" (except bad CBT techniques) and I soon lapsed back into depression. Only this time I got better at hiding it, and it was a good 3 years before I was able to admit to myself that it was NOT normal to, for example, cry over the spaghetti while I was cooking it.
That was my therapy failure. But even though I may get a C for effort, she gets an F.
That was when I found my 2nd T, and I did absoutely no research on therapy, but it turned out okay. Mostly because he was the right one for me. I lucked out. But I think it was God, too.
Posted by partlycloudy on June 6, 2005, at 12:52:47
In reply to Just curious about therapy failures LOL, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 13:44:48
Rain, I am so glad you started this thread. I know my current therapist is a dud, as nice as she is. I'm back from our wonderful babble trip and feel more depressed than ever and had a panic attack at the grocery store this morning... and my therapist didn't offer me another appointment because I'm doing "so much better", eh?
So far no therapist has really addressed my depression and anxiety except for the portion of EMDR treatment that helped with performance anxiety at work. Oops. Except, I'm not working anymore so I guess the treatment didn't really get to the heart of THAT problem.
I do understand that maybe I've been seeing T's that might help when you're in a crisis, but not for addressing long term life issues.
At least we know it's not us!
partlycloudy working on a better name.
Posted by shrinking violet on June 6, 2005, at 13:03:35
In reply to Re: i'm the biggest » shrinking violet, posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:28:47
She *was* the "right" T. I don't mean "perfect," as there are no super-perfect-just-the-right T out there (some who think they are, but that's different!). She was definitely the right PERSON, at the very least. I remember my T asking me once, if I thought there was a "super T" or something along those lines out there for me. I told her no. I didn't mean that no T's are any good (which is how she took it), I just meant something like that "perfect" people don't exist, whether T's or not, and I'm such a horrid client that no t could deal with me. Then we seguayed into something, I can't remember how, and I told her she always reads me wrong. And boy that was a stupid thing to say, she said it must be hell sitting with someone every week who reads them wrong. She asked if I had any responsibility in her feeling that way. I told her yes. She was glad I said that. Then not long after that, in the same session, she said we should have one or two more sessions and that's all. This was back in March. So, yeah, it IS/WAS me. All b/c I couldn't manage to say what was really in my head, and in my heart, and in the pit of my stomach, and squirming in my chest. Instead I sat there, and let her project onto me, and it got worse and worse. And now I'll never fix it, and I'll never forgive myself for it. :-(
Yeah, um, advice: Don't go reading detailed notes you've made on specific sessions when you're still raw from an experience like this. *cry*
Anyway, I just wanted to defend her some. I feel like too many people are "bashing" my T lately and it isn't fair (not here, per se, more in-real-life, but it spills over, I guess).
Thanks,
sv
> If they can't handle it, they shouldn't be a T, ShrinkingViolet. Don't blame yourself, you are not bad, you were just in therapy with the wrong T, which is very unfortunate for you.
>
> (((((HUGS)))))))
> Jazzy
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 6, 2005, at 13:52:54
In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy » rainbowbrite, posted by partlycloudy on June 6, 2005, at 12:52:47
Thanks everyone for your input, im going to try to soak it all in and figure out what I should do. Ick therapy!
you know, partlycloudy i think it was our names that made it rain heheThanks guys
rain
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