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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
I had the honor to meet a bunch of babblers this past weekend and I realized that I am more comfortable talking with you guys on line or in person than with my T. I decided to make a list of what I like about my T, thinking maybe I can convince myself to trust her like I trust babblers.
My T is
Patient, Compassionate. Never pushes. Laughs. Likes to talk about movies when I don't want to talk about anything emotional. Can be direct, but only when she's worried about me *you aren't going to...are you?* Means it when she says if she's said or done anything that hurts me to let her know. Always talks to me on the phone or calls me back. Doesn't let the clinic send me bills, just gently reminds me that it's time to settle up. Tells me she cares about me and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
What do you like about yours?
Poet
Posted by pegasus on June 5, 2005, at 17:23:14
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
Poet, your T sounds very sweet and helpful. I know what you mean about being more comfortable talking to babblers than to your T. I think that's true for a lot of us. I wonder why that is? Maybe because our relationships with babblers are less loaded? Less invested or less riding on it?
Things I like about my T: She's not afraid to make suggestions when I'm stuck, but she is fine if I don't take them. She's very kind and gentle. She feels like a peer, and doesn't condescend to me. Her office is wonderful, and full of art supplies I can use. She's very accepting, and really listens to everything I say. She's really good at tying all of the things I've mentioned in one session together into a theme, even when I didn't see it at the time.
pegasus
Posted by Daisym on June 5, 2005, at 18:45:41
In reply to Re: What do you like about your T? » Poet, posted by pegasus on June 5, 2005, at 17:23:14
I really like that he is a good combination of gentle acceptance but willing to challenge me on things.
I like that he is honest about how he is feeling. He told me while ago he was feeling very protective of me, which was making it hard for him to stay nuetral about my husband. Last week I asked him if the intensity of things I was bringing into therapy right now were scary for him, especially these unnamed feelings for him. He said "yes, sometimes, but I can handle it."
I like that he accepts small, symbolic gifts and cards.
I like that he swears occasionally.
I like that he teases me.
I like that he uses my name to make a point.
I like that he is never late for appointments.
I like that he recognizes that something important or stressful happened at work if I come to therapy with my red shoes on. And I like that I can take them off and curl up in the corner of his couch.
Posted by annierose on June 5, 2005, at 21:31:54
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
Hmmm ....
I like that she is prompt. Never late, and has never had to cancel in over a year.
I like her smile. I like when I make her laugh.
And I like her use of humor, when appropriate.I like that when I ask a question, I can feel her thinking of a proper reply.
Even though she is psychodynamic, she isn't too much of a blank slate.
I like when she doesn't answer my question, with another question.
She is responsive to my needs.
She is extremely supportive of me, in so many ways.
I think the list could go on and on ....
Posted by littleone on June 5, 2005, at 21:49:06
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
He's always nice to me, even when I just grunt at him or say nothing.
When I need it, he can be a good drill sergent and when I need it, he can be gentle. Sometimes he gets these a bit wrong, but I trust him to get it right most of the time.
He keeps cracking little jokes, even when I don't laugh at them.
He never lies to me. And he knows me well enought not to hide things by reframing. I always see through that.
He's the first person *eveer* to understand me.
He says he likes me. I don't believe this one yet, but it was nice of him to say it. Although, he *should* say it more often :)
He sits forward (closer to me) when he's talking about really hard/important stuff. He works so hard on our connection.
He lets me sit in the hallway if the waiting room is crowded. And doesn't make me feel weird about it.
He's happy to use a variety of techniquest when talking isn't working, eg playing cards, drawing.
I know he has my best interests at heart, even when I don't.
He really believes that I will make great progress in therapy, even if I don't. It's kinda nice to know he's barracking for me.
He smiles at stuff in my writings, even if he doesn't know I'm peeking at him.
I'm pretty sure I could tell him anything without him getting weirded out/freaked/antsy/angry. I'm pretty sure he could handle anything I threw at him. It's just me holding me back.
This was a good idea Poet. It made me feel a bit more connected to him. I'll have to remember to try this in future.
Posted by sleepygirl on June 5, 2005, at 23:10:48
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
He always takes me seriously, even when I don't.
He hardly ever cancels appointments.
He is extremely patient.
He's accepting and responsive to my needs even when I think they are ridiculous.
He pushes me very gently when I'm scared to death, but I need to work on something anyway.
Acknowledges and understands when I'm going through a hard time.
Lets me be angry, even at him.
Sticks around.
Posted by happyflower on June 5, 2005, at 23:21:08
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
I like his very soothing voice on the phone, for some reason it seems different than face to face. I bet little babies love him and that voice! He just has a way to calm me down when my mind is out of control.
I like the little boy charm in him. He is sometimes just so cute on how he grins when he is being playful. He has a very fun side to him. He reminds me of my son.
I like that he is comfortable enough with me to be his genuine self. You can tell when someone is acting, and he doesn't, you get the real deal with him.
I like that he hasn't given up on me when I am being very difficult. He admits I am challenging because I keep him on his toes, but yet he says working with me is rewarding.
I like that he is like my cheerleader in my life for the things I want to do. He is very encouraging to me on my future goals in life.
I like that I can trust him and tell him almost anything now. I like him because he has helped me change my life so much already and I am so thankful. I am confident that I will be a better person now thanks to his help.
Posted by cricket on June 6, 2005, at 10:09:14
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
Thanks Poet. This is a great thread for me. I really do need to focus on things I like about my T because sometimes there seems to be so much I don't like.
Let's see. I like when he talks a lot. It doesn't matter what the topic is (as long as it's not about me) but when he is blabbering away I feel safe. Somehow it's just the right level of attention on me.
I like that he shows up even when he's very sick and probably should be home in bed.
I like that he's short and skinny but has a funny fat belly.
I like that he almost always wears the same clothes and never seems to comb his hair.
I like that he doesn't give me the creeps. Not sure why since almost all male authority figures do, but not him, not one bit.
I like when he calls me by name, especially if I am in a trance.
I like when he prays.
I like when he laughs.
Hmmm. I will have to think of more. I am so tempted to start a thread that is What I don't like about my T? But not today. I have to see him tomorrow and don't want to shut down.
Posted by cricket on June 6, 2005, at 11:06:13
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
Okay, I thought of one more and this may perhaps be the hardest one to articulate properly.
I like that he doesn't want to take care of me.
Sometimes, I rail against this inside. I hear how so many of you have therapists who soothe them, who ask for check-in calls, increase appointments, etc. and sometimes I long for this too. I want someone to say, "it's going to be alright, I'm here now, I'm not abandoning you, etc."
But guess what, if my therapist ever did any of that, I would have bolted long ago.
Posted by B2chica on June 6, 2005, at 11:32:08
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
he's funny,
likes similar kinds of books and movies as me.
he and i LOVE to talk about philosophy and jung pops up quite often.
he knows that when we talk about deep stuff i need time to come "back up".
he's VERY supportive and not judgemental (that i can tell anyway).
he's also very encouraging to me.
oh, we both love art.
he has a VERY sensitive voice, he knows when to use it too.
i actually come out of session learning something about myself.
Posted by messadivoce on June 6, 2005, at 12:27:38
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
This list actually applies to my former T, seeing I don't have one at the moment.
he always smiled hugely when coming to get me for my session
his unwavering confidence in me, even when I had no confidence in myself
his ability to shut up and listen when I was having trouble telling him something
the way he would absently examine his thumbnail when talking
*him* :-)
Posted by rubenstein on June 6, 2005, at 13:21:28
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
What a cool thread...I need to talk about these things
MY T is gentle
and kind
he makes me laugh even in the most oddest of times
he doesn't let me ne wishy-washy
he cares about me
he enjoys learning about me and my interests
he is reliable
he makes me feel safe
he understands me
he is real with me
he is honest with me
and I think he truly likes talking with me
and I am so greatful for all of those things
rubenstein
Posted by fallsfall on June 6, 2005, at 14:48:46
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
His English accent
That he understands my motives behind things
That he doesn't let me push him around
That he doesn't give up on a discussion until we have resolved it
That I am positive that he has my best interests at heart
That his gentle, genuine caring comes blazing through his blank slate
That he knows changing schedules is a big deal
That he knows vacations are the end of the world
That he really doesn't mind when I call him
That he lets me be dependent
That I told him some wicked embarassing stuff and he kept a straight face, showed reasonable concern, but didn't freak out
That he rejoices in my progress
That he'll see me as long as I want
That he has really been able to help me.Sometimes it is hard to tell him stuff - harder than telling Babblers - because I know that he will get to the bottom of it. It is like when I tell him stuff I know I'm giving up the right to pretend it doesn't exist anymore. So if I talk to him about something I know that I'll have to be honest with myself about it. That can be scary. I know that I can't bulls**t him. That he will see through it. So telling him stuff means *I* have to deal with it - but that *is* why I'm in therapy - to deal with these things.
Posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 15:39:21
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
What I like about my T! What a wonderful exercise! (Well, of course he’s an ex-T, but I still like him!)
I like his integrity and his honesty.
I like feeling that he cares about me.
I like the absolute certainty that he would never ever take advantage of me.
I like his incisiveness.
I like that he laughs at my jokes.
I like that he is almost always right.
I like his voice (I’m sure he has a beautiful singing voice but we never did any singing in therapy!).
I like his name.
I like that his presence became a symbol of safety to me.
I like his boyish smile.
I like his earnestness.
I like that whenever I felt physically uncomfortable he would try to fix it (by offering me a pillow or a glass of water or whatever).
I liked his big, warm hands the one time he touched me, when we shook hands as we said goodbye for the last time.
Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 16:03:18
In reply to Re: What do you like about your T?, posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 15:39:21
I liked his no pretension attitude and grounded and matter of fact viewing of life. I could say almost anything and he wouldn't think it is anything bad. Everything is allright and ok.
And I liked his positive attitude. He never made a big issue out of anything - Somehow I thought with all the kind of dirt people talk to him, he still managed to see the positive side of things. That was the main thing for me.
And he admits things honestly. He admitted he doesn't necessarily like all his patients. He admitted many times he didn't know how to help me. He admitted he is not very good with therapeutic talking. He admitted he gets very angry. He admitted he pretends many times that he likes his patients.
So all these honesty was a very big thing for me.
And I like because he is normal.. He is not extremely warm or extremely caring or out of the world smart or always there or anything.
And I actually liked he made mistakes, but then tried to correct himself. He didn't diagnose me properly first but then later acknowledged that I was depressed. And now also I think he missed out several parts of me - all the emotional problems. But I like him. Because I think he tries to learn and correct himself. And that is the main quality that I like.
Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 16:22:27
In reply to Re: What do you like about your T? » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 16:03:18
And he was one of the first to start this 50 mins therapy sessions in my place. And he really listened and tried to understand and genuinely help out. And he didn't charge me - instead asked me to donate the money to some charity. I like all that social awareness. And he went to some kind of mental institutions and tried to help kids. And didn't care too much about money and no fooling around, and wanted to genuinely help. Very sincere and honest person.
And I actually realized he didn't like psychiatry that much and I like he retired from practice soon after he started barely - within a couple of years. I think he made a good decision not to stick to psychiatry. I don't want him to get burdened with all these stories from different people and always having to view the negative sides of life.
Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 7:05:37
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
At the moment, I can't recall.
I'm sure it will come to me sooner or later.
Posted by Shortelise on June 7, 2005, at 13:35:33
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:40:18
I don't right now.
I know what I have liked about him.
But right now, I don't like him much.
I feel a little ashamed about this. Because he is not being as I want him to be, I don't like him? That's Not Nice.
ShortE
Posted by Poet on June 7, 2005, at 20:32:28
In reply to What do you like about your T?, posted by Shortelise on June 7, 2005, at 13:35:33
Thanks for the great responses.
I know I should trust her more and hopefully reading and rereading what you like about your T will continue to help me as I continue the never ending saga of Poet Vs. T.
Dinah, you will remember what you like about your T, I know you like him. ShortE it's okay not to like your T, too. They get us angry and that's not so bad as anger is an emotion, and not hiding emotions is good. Right?
Poet
This is the end of the thread.
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