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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by messadivoce on May 25, 2005, at 20:32:25
I work as a temp at the university I just graduated from.
Every day during my lunch break I walk to the student union because there is a grocery store and a cafe. There is a sort of courtyard in the middle of it all and once when I was a student there and in therapy with my ex T (the guy), I ran into him in that courtyard. The health center was doing some sort of screening for alcohol problems and he was there. He was standing looking out onto the courtyard, holding a cup of coffee. When he saw me he smiled a huge smile and said hi.
Now when I pass that spot I feel like he's still there a little. It was the only time I ever saw him outside the office.
Every time I walk through there, I feel ridiculously like he's a little closer.
Posted by Jazzed on May 25, 2005, at 22:50:40
In reply to My T (what else?), posted by messadivoce on May 25, 2005, at 20:32:25
Therapy, to me, always sounds like a love affair. Wonderful and fresh at the beginning, full of emotions during the height of it, and then when it ends it's either messy, bittersweet, or a mutual agreement. I'm not sure I like that, but it just seems that way to me, which is why I don't know if I want to do it again.
I hope all the memories are sweet for you messadivoce!
Jazzed
Posted by 10derHeart on May 25, 2005, at 23:53:36
In reply to My T (what else?), posted by messadivoce on May 25, 2005, at 20:32:25
>>Now when I pass that spot I feel like he's still there a little. It was the only time I ever saw him outside the office.
I so get this. I have a similar story. About 18 months ago (still in therapy with ex-T. then), I went out to dinner with my daughter, which was temporarily living with me at the time ( she was 21 then) in a popular chain restaurant not far from my T's neighborhood. We're eating, and in walks my former T., and goes up to order. OMG!! He's hard to miss, as he's unusually tall. He looked absolutely gorgeous, BTW. I thought I was going to die, faint, cry and scream, and I don't know in what order.
He got his food, sat down to eat and apparently do some paperwork. He was sitting alone, straight across the main part of the seating area from me. Within a few minutes (enough time for my very astute daughter to tease me a little about my "crush" on him...) our eyes met. He smiled the *best* smile ever and mouthed the word "hi." I could hardly swallow my food, but thankfully, we were close to done and got up and left. He waved goodbye then, too, in a really warm and friendly way. Like he was so glad to see my daughter with me as he knew we're so close...
Anyway....I still frequent that place. And I always try to sit where I can look at that one, exact booth. To imagine that night. It used to about kill me with grief, but now feels pretty good. And when someone else is sitting there, I don't like it. Don't they know that's HIS seat, forevermore?!
>>Every time I walk through there, I feel ridiculously like he's a little closer.
I see absolutely, positively nothing ridiculous about it. Nope. Uh-uh.
Hope it's more a (partly) pleasant thing than a painful thing these days, Voce.
Posted by messadivoce on May 26, 2005, at 0:07:41
In reply to Re: My T (what else?), posted by Jazzed on May 25, 2005, at 22:50:40
Thanks Jazzed. You're right about what you said about therapy. I feel similarly to you when you say you don't know about returning.
I have good memories. And not-so-good-ones. Just like I would with a romance.
Posted by messadivoce on May 26, 2005, at 0:09:36
In reply to Re: My T (what else?), posted by messadivoce on May 26, 2005, at 0:07:41
Posted by JenStar on May 26, 2005, at 0:25:50
In reply to My T (what else?), posted by messadivoce on May 25, 2005, at 20:32:25
I don't think it's ridiculous. I think it's normal & totally OK...and I think most people have this kind of experience at some point in their life! If you really like someone a lot, and you see them in an unexpected place, it can make that place seem warmer and friendlier and more exciting (at least for a while!)
In college, I was sooo in love with this one guy. I was smitten absolutely with him! We used to work together in one of the labs, and the days he was there the lab was more vibrant, exciting, vivid -- it was as if possibility lurked around every corner. Even things like brooms and microscopes were lovely, sparkly, like little lab jewels.
When he was NOT there, the lab was dull, dreary, routine, blah.
But even at it's "blah-est" the lab still seemed to resonate with his presence, even after he quit. My heart would still sometimes leap as I walked thru the door, almost expecting to see him. Sometimes the scopes will still look sparly and pretty like they did when HE was working there!
I know THAT probably sounds a bit weird! I eventually got over my crush and the lab turned back from a diamond mine into a lab again. But it's kind of fun, the way the world turns magical when someone you like walks thru it...
JenStar
Posted by JenStar on May 26, 2005, at 0:28:23
In reply to Re: My T (what else?) » messadivoce, posted by 10derHeart on May 25, 2005, at 23:53:36
hi 10der Heart,
that's a cool story!would you ever sit in "his" seat?
Or if you saw him again, would it be OK to go up and say hi?Wishing you lots of happy booth viewing...
JenSTar
Posted by messadivoce on May 26, 2005, at 0:37:58
In reply to Re: My T (what else?) » messadivoce, posted by 10derHeart on May 25, 2005, at 23:53:36
Awww 10der, you are so sweet.
It doesn't hurt like it did. I don't feel like I miss him so much that I'm going to throw up. It's somewhere between aching and wistfulness.
Posted by Deneb on May 26, 2005, at 0:39:21
In reply to My T (what else?), posted by messadivoce on May 25, 2005, at 20:32:25
Wow, you guys are so lucky to be able to feel that way about another person. :-)
It sounds like a wonderful feeling. I'll say to enjoy every moment of it.
I don't have a T, but my p-doc is sort of like my T. I would be terrified if I saw her outside of her office...I wouldn't know whether to ignore her or to hide...I'll probably do both. I get uncomfortable if I learn things about her private life. I start to worry about her. I'd rather think that she were a rock.
Posted by Deneb on May 26, 2005, at 0:41:07
In reply to Re: My T (what else?) » messadivoce, posted by Deneb on May 26, 2005, at 0:39:21
Posted by Jazzed on May 26, 2005, at 4:00:57
In reply to Re: My T (what else?) » messadivoce, posted by 10derHeart on May 25, 2005, at 23:53:36
Hi messadivoce,
How come you don't go to that T anymore?
He sounds great.Jazzed
Posted by Tamar on May 26, 2005, at 4:07:31
In reply to My T (what else?), posted by messadivoce on May 25, 2005, at 20:32:25
Wow! I know that feeling of being close to someone because you saw him somewhere.
I keep hoping I’ll run into my ex-T so I can have a similar T-was-here experience. Oh, and a big smile would be nice too.
But I’m also a little afraid of running into him, because knowing my luck I’ll be all scuzzy jeans, unwashed hair, and a shirt that the baby’s puked on. About the only time I pray these days is when I say, “Please, God, don’t let me meet him at the swimming pool.”
Oh, happy T-space.
Posted by Daisym on May 26, 2005, at 12:57:04
In reply to Re: My T (what else?) » messadivoce, posted by Tamar on May 26, 2005, at 4:07:31
I'm not sure how I'd feel about seeing my therapist outside his office. I haven't had the experience except once we drove by each other, so it was a big nothing. I keep thinking I need to ask what he would do because if he ignored me I'd be really hurt but I know that is part of the confidentiality agreement.
Therapy complicates everything, doesn't it?
Posted by messadivoce on May 26, 2005, at 15:27:00
In reply to Re: My T (what else?) » 10derHeart, posted by Jazzed on May 26, 2005, at 4:00:57
I saw him for a year at my University clinic. I could have gone back the next year, but he was doing his pre-doc internship for his Pys.D and went to another school to do his post-doc.
Posted by messadivoce on May 27, 2005, at 11:04:31
In reply to Re: My T (what else?) » messadivoce, posted by Tamar on May 26, 2005, at 4:07:31
<About the only time I pray these days is when I say, “Please, God, don’t let me meet him at the swimming pool.”>
I would have KILLED to see my T in a swim suit!!!
Yum.
Posted by messadivoce on May 27, 2005, at 11:06:32
In reply to Re: My T (what else?) » messadivoce, posted by JenStar on May 26, 2005, at 0:25:50
Loved your post. My boyfriend just graduated with a BS in chemistry and jokes about two people he knows who fell in love over a mass-spec machine. We call it "nerd love" even though our love is just as nerdy. We fell in love over statistics tutoring. ;-)
Posted by messadivoce on May 27, 2005, at 11:08:47
In reply to Re: My T (what else?), posted by Daisym on May 26, 2005, at 12:57:04
<I keep thinking I need to ask what he would do because if he ignored me I'd be really hurt but I know that is part of the confidentiality agreement.>
Is that something you signed? I'm pretty sure that generally, if you meet your T in public, they wait for you to say "hi" first. Basically taking their cues from the client. I would say hi to my T depending on who was with me and where I was, and if people would be able to connect the two of us to a therapist/client relationship.
Posted by Tamar on May 27, 2005, at 13:18:30
In reply to Re: My T (what else?) » Tamar, posted by messadivoce on May 27, 2005, at 11:04:31
> <About the only time I pray these days is when I say, “Please, God, don’t let me meet him at the swimming pool.”>
>
> I would have KILLED to see my T in a swim suit!!!
>
> Yum.
>Oh, I would kill to see my T in a swim suit. But then he'd also be seeing me in a swim suit. Argh!
At the beach, on the other hand, there's the possibility that I could meet him coming out of the water all dripping wet while I was just arriving, fully dressed and looking for a good place to spread out my towel...
You know, I actually can't help these kinds of thoughts popping into my head. It feels as if my mind is plotting against me. I find it a bit disconcerting! I hope I'm not the only one...
Posted by messadivoce on May 27, 2005, at 13:49:17
In reply to Re: My T (what else?) » messadivoce, posted by Tamar on May 27, 2005, at 13:18:30
<I hope I'm not the only one...>
Oh no.
No.
You're not the only one.
Far from it.
Trust me.
:-)
Posted by 10derHeart on May 27, 2005, at 23:55:34
In reply to Re: My T (what else?) » Tamar, posted by messadivoce on May 27, 2005, at 13:49:17
That's for sure!!! Mmmm.....
<sigh> <daydream> <sigh>
Posted by 10derHeart on May 30, 2005, at 14:42:18
In reply to Re: My T (what else?) » 10derHeart, posted by JenStar on May 26, 2005, at 0:28:23
> hi 10der Heart,
> that's a cool story!
>
> would you ever sit in "his" seat?
> Or if you saw him again, would it be OK to go up and say hi?
>
> Wishing you lots of happy booth viewing...
>
> JenSTarSorry, Jen...I apparently forgot to answer you. Oops...
Hmmm, I guess I could sit there. Never thought of it, really. Interesting. I think I can reminisce better looking toward that way, though.
Gosh, a big part of me wishes he lived around here so at least there'd be a remote chance I'd see him again :-( He lives on the West Coast now, and I live in the midwest. But, I am very blessed - we have been in touch by email for over 8 months. He helped me through a rough transition after he left, before I decided to find the T. I have now. He's quite wonderful, actually.
You just never know. He lives in a city I have ties to - some friends live there, and my daughter's brother-in-law, too. It's not out of the question I would visit that city one day again. If so, I think I would ask him if we could meet for a few minutes - nothing extensive or remotely therapeutic (although the experience would be for me, anyway) - just like 20 minutes near his work or something. I suppose he might refuse, and that would be sad, but I would ask. He's such a delightful, calming, positive person to be around.
Writing this, I see it's better he is so far away physically now. The feelings aren't yet all the way put in their proper place, so to speak. The bonding with my current therapist and my moving on with the other aspects of my life is much better served, I think. But, I can say that a lot easier than others who miss their T's terribly because I get to talk to him a couple times a month (more sometimes) by email. I know I have an incredibly wonderful situation, and I will be eternally grateful he was so willing to handle things this way.
(that was so long...sorry)
Thanks for asking!! :-)
This is the end of the thread.
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