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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 8 to 32 of 44. Go back in thread:
Posted by pinkeye on March 1, 2005, at 13:15:46
In reply to Re: Session - Stuck? » pinkeye, posted by Speaker on March 1, 2005, at 12:08:44
It is perhaps not the same to ask and get it - but I would rather ask and get it than sit in silence and do nothing about it and get frustrated.
> Pinkeye,
>
> That is a very good suggestion. I always feel if I have to tell someone its like "asking your husband for flowers and then getting them" it's just not the same. However, in this case it may be what I need to do. I'll try to adjust my thinking. Thanks!
>
> Marie
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 14:44:20
In reply to Session - Stuck?, posted by Speaker on February 26, 2005, at 13:34:04
> This weeks session was very different. I wasn't going to go and then decided I needed to work on deciding what I was going to do. My T told me he thinks I am stuck and that I have taken a step back (Duhhh...not calling back makes me question trust) and I agreed. I said maybe I have done all I can do with him...he said he doesn't think so. He has no clue even though I tried to explain that I don't trust that we are a team as he puts it when I can't depend on him. The csa is tortursum enough without having to wonder if he is really there for me or just analyzing me.
That was I think why I started phoning my last therapist between sessions and when he wasn't there I was leaving all kinds of emotional thinking behind on the machine. I was wanting to build the trust. You're really strong for not doing that, not even considering it. I just want to stand up and cheer for you, Speaker - you know exactly what your feelings are, and you're communicating with your T even though you haven't fully trusted him yet. Yay. I think, from my personal therapy experiences anyway, that you're right on target in needing to make this a big deal AND in being able to tell your T how you feel.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 14:47:58
In reply to Re: Session - Stuck? » Speaker, posted by Daisym on February 26, 2005, at 14:09:27
Wow. You leave me in awe, absolutely. Together you and your T are an incredible team.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:04:05
In reply to Re: Session - Stuck? » pinkeye, posted by Speaker on March 1, 2005, at 12:08:44
I agree with everything Pinkeye said, speak up and let your needs be known and hopefully if he's a good enough person he'll be honest about whether he can meet your needs or not. Or even if he can try, that would be good. Only by him being available to meeting your needs for you initially will you learn to be able to meet them for yourself eventually. IMO, from what I read and interpret anyway. You may end up not needing him the way you think you do now, if he lets you know he's available. But you wondering is not good.
Posted by Aphrodite on March 1, 2005, at 15:18:09
In reply to Session - Stuck?, posted by Speaker on February 26, 2005, at 13:34:04
I'm going to be very blunt, and you are free to shoot holes in my post or at me because I admit up front that I am responding through the filter of my own experience.
That said . . .
My T has a working diagnosis with me of complex PTSD, repeated traumas like you have had. It is not the same as PTSD; it's very different and complicated (hence the word "complex"!) An expert in PTSD is not an expert in complex PTSD.
I could not work with a T who lacked the empathy in the way you have described your T. The fact that he did not respond effectively at the death in your family is a huge red flag to me. Events like that trigger so much in a trauma client.
The healing for me comes from the relationship I have with him. I *know* and I *feel* his care and concern and his position as my ally. It took awhile to trust and depend on it, but I never questioned it. I just had to work on being able to receive it. But if I ever doubted his fully being "in it" with me and being there when things start to unravel whether that is in session or 3 a.m., I could never do this work. I could never heal. More than his expertise or degrees, it is the fact that he is there for me that allows me to reexperience all this in a way that is different from the first time around. If I felt unsure of this or was insecure about his concern, it would be retraumatizing.
Again, this is my take and what I need. I need a consistent, loving presence to speak and heal and I can barely do it then. Do you think your T can bridge that distance, and be close and connected enough for you to feel safe in this work?
Posted by Speaker on March 1, 2005, at 18:01:33
In reply to Re: Session - Stuck?, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:04:05
I went for therapy today and told my T about an event that I have tomorrow that causes great anxiety. He quickly said why don't you give me a call when you are done...(shock, awe, disbelief) and I hadn't said a word. I believe my prayers were answered! However, I will try to bring this up and let him know how I have been feeling so it doesn't continue.
Thanks,
Marie
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 18:21:56
In reply to One step forward, posted by Speaker on March 1, 2005, at 18:01:33
That sounds wonderful. Good for him.
Posted by Aphrodite on March 1, 2005, at 18:25:42
In reply to One step forward, posted by Speaker on March 1, 2005, at 18:01:33
That's more like it! I'll be interested to know how he responds. (And good luck with whatever is stressing you.)
Posted by Shortelise on March 1, 2005, at 18:29:46
In reply to One step forward, posted by Speaker on March 1, 2005, at 18:01:33
So he is hearing you, is he?
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 19:59:59
In reply to One step forward, posted by Speaker on March 1, 2005, at 18:01:33
Hey! Maybe's he's trainable after all!
Good luck with him. I think those fixer uppers have a special charm.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 22:29:30
In reply to Re: One step forward, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 19:59:59
Glad things are going a bit better. Take care of yourself. And do call if you need him.
gg
Posted by daisym on March 2, 2005, at 0:51:17
In reply to One step forward, posted by Speaker on March 1, 2005, at 18:01:33
I'm glad to hear it! I hope whatever it is, it isn't too stressful.
Hey...maybe he reads Babble?!
Posted by Speaker on March 2, 2005, at 9:04:23
In reply to Re: One step forward, posted by daisym on March 2, 2005, at 0:51:17
Now that's a STRESSFUL thought...but it did enter my mind :).!!!
Marie
Posted by Shortelise on March 2, 2005, at 12:13:20
In reply to Re: One step forward » daisym, posted by Speaker on March 2, 2005, at 9:04:23
Is there anyone among us who HASN"T wondered if his/her T reads us here?
I figure mine wouldn't have the time - he's a busy guy.
:-)
ShortE
Posted by pinkeye on March 2, 2005, at 13:42:48
In reply to peeping T's, posted by Shortelise on March 2, 2005, at 12:13:20
the title was so very funny :-) I think mine wouldn't - just for the same reason I try not to go to discussion boards related to my work. Already I spend 8 hours with my work, so why spend more time with the same thing, I like going to other kind of discussion boards because it takes my mind away from my regular work. I know my ex T used to go to discussion boards completely unrelated to psychiatry/therapy - I think he wanted a change.
Posted by annierose on March 2, 2005, at 18:09:34
In reply to Re: peeping T's » Shortelise, posted by pinkeye on March 2, 2005, at 13:42:48
Wouldn't it be interesting if there was a similar psych board for therapists to ask questions about their clients? and for mutual support? Sure would be interesting to read what they say about us? ... although scary too ... especially if we see ourselves.
Posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 19:49:29
In reply to peeping T's, posted by Shortelise on March 2, 2005, at 12:13:20
I suspect many don't have the time; most, actually, I'll bet. I think if a therapist wants to be effective, though, and he knows his client is on something like this, he or she would be curious anyway. But finding the time and energy to go beyond curious is a huge stretch, really.
Posted by daisym on March 2, 2005, at 21:07:05
In reply to Re: peeping T's, posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 19:49:29
Are you guys kidding?!!!
I have three kids, a sick husband, a fulltime job running a business, I consult, teach and train on the side, travel for my job and go to therapy 3 or 4 times per week. I'm on two state level advocacy comittees and three local ones. And I have time to be here.
And yes, my house is reasonably clean, I grocery shop and do laundry each week, cook dinner every night (almost) and bake typically once per week.
And yes, I do sleep. Some.
So...I doubt "too busy" would be a reason to not visit.
Sorry, the too busy made me giggle.
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2005, at 21:26:53
In reply to Re: peeping T's/being busy, posted by daisym on March 2, 2005, at 21:07:05
Posted by pinkeye on March 2, 2005, at 22:21:14
In reply to Re: peeping T's/being busy, posted by daisym on March 2, 2005, at 21:07:05
My God Daisy.. Are you some sort of a Super Woman? :-)
Posted by daisym on March 2, 2005, at 23:28:34
In reply to Re: peeping T's/being busy » daisym, posted by pinkeye on March 2, 2005, at 22:21:14
I hope that didn't sound like I was bragging. I've been told I'm "hyper" (by a pdoc) and I've been told I'm intense.
Actually I think I'm a prototype for a new cartoon character: Anxiety-Woman! Motivated to clean whole kitchens in the middle of the night...able to bake three types of muffins in a single sitting...anything, anything, anything to keep moving so it doesn't catch up with me.
I don't recommend it.
Posted by Susan47 on March 3, 2005, at 0:29:44
In reply to Re: peeping T's/being busy, posted by daisym on March 2, 2005, at 21:07:05
You have so much energy!
Posted by Susan47 on March 3, 2005, at 0:32:14
In reply to Re: peeping T's/being busy, posted by Susan47 on March 3, 2005, at 0:29:44
I'm exhausted, too, just reading all that. I really do not know how you do it. People like you have always amazed me and made me realize how far I could go if I picked myself up and dusted myself off... there goes the old boot-strap method talking again.
Posted by pinkeye on March 3, 2005, at 13:42:59
In reply to Re: peeping T's/being busy, posted by daisym on March 2, 2005, at 23:28:34
you were not bragging. why don't you stop some of the stuff that you are doing and take more time to relax?
Posted by littleone on March 3, 2005, at 14:39:26
In reply to Re: peeping T's/being busy » daisym, posted by pinkeye on March 3, 2005, at 13:42:59
> you were not bragging. why don't you stop some of the stuff that you are doing and take more time to relax?
Obviously I can't comment on Daisy's behalf, but I know from my own experience that often it isn't simply a case of taking time to relax pinkeye. It's more like you are driven relentlessly. I guess like a form of denial. Taking time to stop and relax would mean that the garbage in your head/past/whatever would catch up with you and that is simply not an option.
If it really was as simple as taking time to relax, don't you think she would have already tried that instead of forking out big $'s on her T.
Sorry, obviously this is an sore spot for me. I don't like feeling like my problems are minimised.
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