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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 12:27:28
my (temp) therapist just called me here at work. she got my letter that i sent (already!)
she insists on seeing me before friday, me, my husband and my pdoc and her all together! i am so scared. my husband doesn't know of my 'plan', of 'the date'. Anything! i know they're going to talk with him about it.
god. i'm so scared i can't hardly stand it.
i don't want him to know...if he knows, there's no way i can do it. it's not that i'm sure i want to, but...i don't know.
i'm scared and i can't believe she got that stupid letter already!-please, i just need any calm words right now. from my friends. from those that understand.
are you here?
b2c
Posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 13:32:12
In reply to i'm scared., posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 12:27:28
okay, we're here.
I was away for about five days while my sister was in town- staying at my place and have missed this story.
Would it help you feel calmer if you explained, chronologically, what the letter to T was about- from the beginning, so to speak; both to calm yourself down and to fill me in?
If you are totally freaked, and are mad at me for being lazy, that's okay, too- I'll try to get to it while I'm working.
I just think it may help to put it all down, in order, so the scattered panic feeling abates some..
-sunny10
Posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 13:55:22
In reply to i'm scared., posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 12:27:28
I really want you to allow them to see your pain and your fear. I hope you will give yourself permission to be you and not what you think they might want to hear.
Really, I think there is help and hope out there, just like you told corafree. It's as true for you as it was when you said it to her.
Please take care of you. I have to say that I haven't responded to your posts often because I truly do not know what else to say.I am just a girl like you. I can empathize with the feelings you are having. But I also know that while I was having them myself, I didn't know which way to turn, and I still don't when it come to those feelings.
I relied on others to help me when I felt like you do now. They helped me. They truly did.
Please let the professionals help you now, like I did. It is obvious from your T's quick response that she is truly interested in making sure you get the help you deserve; even if she cannot provide it herself.
Go to the hospital if they want you to. You have the right to let them help you. You deserve it. We all do.
I ache for you right now, B2C.
Please let them help you.
Please.
Posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 14:06:48
In reply to i'm scared., posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 12:27:28
B2chica,
Maybe it's time to let others in - to let them try to help you, to do what they can to alleviate the pain you are in, and to just be there for you to comfort you and love you no matter what. You are carrying around an enormous burden. Please let those who care about you do what they can to help relieve you of that burden. And, your babble family is here to provide you with love and support, so please don't forget that.
Strength to you. My thoughts are, and will continue to be, with you.
Tamara
Posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 14:15:59
In reply to Re: scared. » B2chica, posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 13:55:22
> I really want you to allow them to see your pain and your fear. I hope you will give yourself permission to be you and not what you think they might want to hear.
sunny10.
this is so true...so true. your words are good.
i am so used to 'covering up', maybe that's why this whole process has been so hard. ive spent my whole life 'covering' that i don't even know what's real anymore. i just...it's SO hard not too. Especially with my husband there. i Always cover up...i don't want him to see my pain. i want to protect him from that...i know it must not make sense -wanting to protect him, yet S. thoughts...-the good news is this 'forced' meeting with docs put me in such a tizzy that it made me tell one of my friends what was going on. omg, he SO completely understands this 'circle' of feelings. he told me. I'm so thankful to have him IRL. he told me it's ok to just take few mintes at a time. and every once and a while when i get 'caught up' in something here at work, then realize i wasn't thinking of S.-to enjoy that...god those are good words. it made me not worry so much about the majority of feelings but rather focus on the 'few'. the only reason i could really make it into work today is there is a tech(with my friend there) meeting i can't miss at 3:00, and actually want to attend. that's one hour away, then when that's done, i'll head home-get husband and head to doc.
i'm so scared. of what they'll ask me, of what they want, will do. what do they want from me. why am i so scared...breathe. i trust my pdoc. i do...i do. he won't hurt me.
(ok, that last part was for me.)thanks for the response sunny10.
i do need help. i know i do.
b2c.
Posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 14:18:16
In reply to (((B2chica))) » B2chica, posted by TamaraJ on February 23, 2005, at 14:06:48
>And, your babble family is here to provide you with love and support, so please don't forget that.
> Strength to you. My thoughts are, and will continue to be, with you.-you made me cry. (it's a good cry though-it is)
thank you t.
Posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 14:41:54
In reply to Re: (((B2chica))) » TamaraJ, posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 14:18:16
good luck this afternoon. Try to remember one thing- if you hide your feelings from your hubby to "protect him", you hurt yourself more which only hurts him because he loves you. It's a lose/lose scenario. Let him show you his love by letting him hurt. He has the right to feel his feelings, too. Let him use his feelings for you to help you out which will help him out in the long run, too.
I'm sending you strength as well. Maybe if you let yourself feel the strength that Tamara and I (and everyone else here who just hasn't gotten a chance to get to your thread yet!), you will be able to hold out your hand and get the help you sooooooooooo deserve.
big hugs, B2C, I only wish you could feel us wrap our arms around you and squeeze you tight. You can do this.
Posted by rubenstein on February 23, 2005, at 14:47:08
In reply to Re: scared., posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 14:15:59
You are doing all the right things
Let them take care of you
it is so hard to trust
but it sounds like they really care and will do what is truly best for you
YOu will get through this
We all get lost sometimes
you will be found again
Rachel
Posted by mair on February 23, 2005, at 15:05:38
In reply to Re: scared., posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 14:15:59
years ago I had one of these kinds of meetings, with my husband and my pdoc/T, very hastily called. For months I had been getting increasingly more depressed, and I had refused to let my husband in on what was going on. When my pdoc found out I had been writing suicide notes, he basically gave me no choice but to bring my husband in for a session.
In my case no one was suggesting that I go into the hospital, and when I met with my husband and my pdoc, no one ever mentioned the S word. My pdoc was amazingly adroit as to how he handled this - his basic message to my husband was just that my depression was very serious, more serious than my husband appreciated, and he needed to be aware of this so he could give me support when needed. What was helpful was just not having to keep up the pretense anymore that everything was going really well. I think that's the hardest thing and maybe the thing that drives you to feel so suicidal. One person on this Board, when writing about her own hospital experiences, said that it was critical to her healing that she admit that she couldn't handle everything herself. Sometimes it's best just to let others take care of you.
((((B2chica))))
Mair
Posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 16:15:57
In reply to Re: scared., posted by rubenstein on February 23, 2005, at 14:47:08
here goes...
i love you all.
b2c.
Posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 16:34:46
In reply to Re: scared., posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 16:15:57
hope it is going well- my thoughts are with you...
Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2005, at 17:49:34
In reply to Re: scared., posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 16:15:57
Mair's right. They're professionals and this is something they know how to do appropriately.
I think it's very encouraging that they're moving so quickly to help you. Do your best to let them help you.
Let us know how it goes?
Posted by Shortelise on February 23, 2005, at 20:50:04
In reply to i'm scared., posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 12:27:28
Hello, Chica.
Lots of us are scared so often. I breathe deep, and I keep my feet on the ground, flat against the floor.
I try to repeat something comforting. Sometimes it's: I will bake an apple pie. Sometimes: I am safe. Sometimes: I will feel better. I like the apple pie one, because I can think it through, think of how it is made, and take my mind away from the crap I get mired in.
I send you hugs, and encourage you to stay alive as long as you can.
Hugs and hugs,
ShortE
Posted by gardenergirl on February 23, 2005, at 21:05:58
In reply to Re: i'm scared. » B2chica, posted by Shortelise on February 23, 2005, at 20:50:04
I'm sorry I was too late to this thread to tell you before you left, but I'm thinking of you and sending you stength and calm.
I hope the meeting goes well. I'm so glad you mailed that letter.
Holding you in my heart,
gg
Posted by daisym on February 24, 2005, at 0:13:44
In reply to i'm scared., posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 12:27:28
It's time to let it all out. I hope things went well and you get the help you need and deserve. Even if it is a shock to hubby, he needs to know how he can help you, right?
You are in my prayers tonight.
D
Posted by sunny10 on February 24, 2005, at 7:57:34
In reply to Re: i'm scared. » B2chica, posted by daisym on February 24, 2005, at 0:13:44
Posted by sunny10 on February 24, 2005, at 7:58:21
In reply to Re:B2chica, How did it go? (nm) » daisym, posted by sunny10 on February 24, 2005, at 7:57:34
Posted by rubenstein on February 27, 2005, at 12:45:15
In reply to Re:B2chica, last one for you, sorry daisym (nm), posted by sunny10 on February 24, 2005, at 7:58:21
Just thinking about you
Rubenstein
Posted by TofuEmmy on February 28, 2005, at 10:40:04
In reply to Re: scared., posted by B2chica on February 23, 2005, at 14:15:59
I hope the meeting went well, and you are somewhere feeling safe and loved.
emmy
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