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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by vwoolf on December 23, 2004, at 13:08:07
I have been thinking back to how things were last year at this time. I remember the holiday last year, and some of the thoughts that were going through my mind over the break, and it feels amazing how much has changed. At that time I really thought I was going crazy, and was full of ideas of suicide and self destruction. Now, although I still go through rough patches, I feel softer, gentler, as if there is so much ahead. Even though there are huge problems in my life, around my marriage and work and old age, the future feels exciting and I am enjoying the journey. Therapy has had a huge part to play in this.
What has it been like for you?
Posted by annierose on December 23, 2004, at 16:05:25
In reply to How have things changed since last Christmas, posted by vwoolf on December 23, 2004, at 13:08:07
It's always good to take stock and reflect. Personally, I had a difficult year, BUT, I am back in therapy, which I never would of believed a year ago today. And I am so happy to be where I am NOW. My husband and I had a rough 2+ years of parental illnesses, family business troubles and our daughter was so unhappy. Now, the worse seems to be passed us and we can look forward together to 2005. I can't wait!! Bring it on!
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 23, 2004, at 16:18:19
In reply to How have things changed since last Christmas, posted by vwoolf on December 23, 2004, at 13:08:07
This has been a harder Christmas on me than last year in a few ways. It is also better in some ways. I am so happy this year is kinder to you...I recall a year when I lost both my sister and brother and had other issues and I know how nice it can be to have a better year like yourself. I really am glad for you.
> I have been thinking back to how things were last year at this time. I remember the holiday last year, and some of the thoughts that were going through my mind over the break, and it feels amazing how much has changed. At that time I really thought I was going crazy, and was full of ideas of suicide and self destruction. Now, although I still go through rough patches, I feel softer, gentler, as if there is so much ahead. Even though there are huge problems in my life, around my marriage and work and old age, the future feels exciting and I am enjoying the journey. Therapy has had a huge part to play in this.
>
> What has it been like for you?
Posted by lifeworthliving on December 23, 2004, at 16:29:03
In reply to Re: How have things changed since last Christmas » vwoolf, posted by Fallen4MyT on December 23, 2004, at 16:18:19
i'm much more comfortable this xmas than i was the last. the year was difficult enough that i probably won't ever drink wine from 2004 - lol. it's hard to articulate my "discomfort" i just know it was very unsettling and i never imagined i would feel better, get better, or even want something better for myself, etc. i'm handling the absence of my therapist in a way that let's me know it's all a process, it's all coming together, that i'm a whole person, not a pile worthless parts... that is significant to me. i also have 11 months of no bulimic behavior (at least not the most destructive ones) and that's big for me after more than 20 years of enslavement. the hard won sense of peace i'm sometimes aware of now, the kind that makes even breathing noticeably easier, has been worth all the work.
life
Posted by Dinah on December 23, 2004, at 17:54:02
In reply to How have things changed since last Christmas, posted by vwoolf on December 23, 2004, at 13:08:07
I can't even think about it.
My standard feel good phrase is "At least no one died". But this year three people (if you count Harry, as I do) I'm close to died.
"You've got your health." Not so much really. I guess the increase in migraines was understandable. But my neurologist wants me to get forthwith to an eye doc to rule out glaucoma. She saw changes in my eye pressure. My underarm skin seems to be attacking itself and it's constantly painful. I've been noticing a bit of numbness to my feet, but I think I've got that licked by changing the type of shoes I wear. I overall feel not so very good. I guess my health could be worse though. Hopefully I don't have glaucoma.
Money? Don't ask. I dealt with stress by overspending.
Marriage? Don't ask.
Stress? I am so far behind in my work and everyone's angry and I just get paralyzed thinking about it. I know, one tiny piece at a time. But somewhere down the line I'm going to have to seriously consider whether my health can stand the stress of this job. And then I'll remember my bills, and the medical plan that pays for my therapy and the stress of interviewing and I know I'll be here till they kick me out.
Oooh, I think I'm not in a good place to assess things right now.
I have a delightful son. I have a wonderful, delightful son. My son is absolutely terrific.
Of course, none of this is therapy's fault, unless you count it a fault that it keeps me up and running when maybe I should just lie down and quit.
I'm going to shut up now.
Posted by Aphrodite on December 23, 2004, at 18:08:35
In reply to Re: How have things changed since last Christmas, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2004, at 17:54:02
(((Dinah)))
It has indeed been a very rough year for you, and you are still so emeshed and close to the greatest parts of that pain.
Sons are indeed wonderful, aren't they?
Could you please also count that I ventured on this board in April. You were the first person to respond and welcome me and have been a wonderful, caring, and validating friend ever since. When I look at this Christmas versus last, I realize that I would not be in much-needed therapy if during one of my abrupt terminations, you gently told me how my pride was causing me self-destruction. That rang so true, and I went back. I am so grateful.
I know that doesn't ease the pain of your year, but I just want you to know your presense has made a difference in my 2004.
Posted by Dinah on December 23, 2004, at 21:06:59
In reply to Re: How have things changed since last Christmas » Dinah, posted by Aphrodite on December 23, 2004, at 18:08:35
It definitely helps, Aphrodite. It definitely makes a difference to me.
And I hope you know you've repaid any kindness from me many times over.
I think I'm just not in a cheerful mood tonight. I could reframe everything so that the year wasn't half bad.
I lost Harry, but we had months and months longer than anyone had thought possible, and we used those months very well.
My daddy died, but he died with almost no pain and no fear, at home where he wanted to be. I'll miss him, but he's free of the body that had failed him so. And we did have some time between the time he almost died and the time he did die, and we used that time very well.
My marriage will endure this bad stretch because we have the commitment to make it through the bad times to where times are better again.
Money I can't find any positives to.
My job does pay well and gives me flexibility a lot of the time. And my one boss really surprised me by being a great source of strength at the end of Daddy's illness.
Babble is a great source of support and wisdom, and I've made many friends here that I really treasure.
My therapist has really mellowed lately, even if it probably is countertransference. I feel more connected on a human level than I ever have felt.
Ask me Monday evening and I'll see if I can be positive about my health. I need to worry till then, because I have this superstition that worry serves a protective function. :)
Posted by just plain jane on December 27, 2004, at 19:52:32
In reply to How have things changed since last Christmas, posted by vwoolf on December 23, 2004, at 13:08:07
I am no longer living in the home of a dear, but emotionally abusive man. I have moved back to my own home and from that experience learned I do not belong under anyone else's roof. I am psychologically unable to tolerate others' controlling behavior. And glad to know it and glad for it. I put up with so much cr@p from so many people all my life that I had "WELCOME, ANYTIME" imprinted on my forehead.
My son and I have forged a friendship that transcends the parent-child relationship. It helps that I am still, as he says, "an eighteen year old guy" in my head, in some ways.
I am indeed still the youthful tomboy vulgar smart@ss at times. (Like, when I am awake). And I can accept that I will never think like a "normal" woman.
That said, I can also accept that, for the foreseeable future, a romantic relationship is a non-concern. Oh, I do love the freedom of the realization that I do NOT have to fulfill some stupid "requirement" of society by being involved with someone.
I no longer feel compelled to explain or defend myself with my family, or anyone else, about anything. I know now that a) they won't get it, and b) they won't care anyway. Such a relief to toss that one out the window.
My financial situation has improved times three and is now secure. I am driving a four year old mint condition vehicle, as opposed to the mid-'80s rustbuckets I've had for the past ten years. I was able to acquire land that i have dreamed of all my life and will be able to afford fencing and equipment to manage it. And so much more on that subject it's scary at times, having never been materialistically inclined in the least.
Ok, I could go on, but Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms has been far overrated.
just plain jane
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