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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on December 3, 2004, at 13:11:25
When someone gets angry, I have trouble remembering what happened to make them angry or the sequence of events leading up to the anger. I just remember the anger, everything else is peripheral.
It's not that I lose the memory. It's more that I get distracted by the anger and never encode it.
My therapist says this isn't normal, while I've always thought it was so normal that I never bothered mentioning it.
Do y'all forget to remember stuff when you get distracted?
Posted by vwoolf on December 3, 2004, at 13:28:06
In reply to I don't believe my therapist, posted by Dinah on December 3, 2004, at 13:11:25
Nope, same as you. Whenever things get emotional, my rational thoughts go haywire and I can't remember anything. I am useless every time there is any conflict.
Posted by sunny10 on December 3, 2004, at 13:29:56
In reply to Re: I don't believe my therapist, posted by vwoolf on December 3, 2004, at 13:28:06
me, too.... It's like I wasn't even there OR, worse, I remember things incorrectly (or so people have said). Perhaps I am transferring whenever I am scared by the emotion??
Posted by daisym on December 3, 2004, at 14:36:26
In reply to Re: I don't believe my therapist, posted by sunny10 on December 3, 2004, at 13:29:56
I'm exactly the opposite...I remember every little detail, like it gets frozen and encapsulated. And then I go over it and over it to see where I could have headed that anger off at the pass. (It's a control thing...)
The only place I have a hard time remembering things past the emotions is in therapy. Sometimes sessions are just balls of twisted emotions, anything said is virtually lost at that point. Of course, I'm not very emotional anywhere else.
Posted by Dinah on December 3, 2004, at 15:03:56
In reply to I don't believe my therapist, posted by Dinah on December 3, 2004, at 13:11:25
He really needs to learn the difference between normal for one population subset and normal for another. :)
(I think we're the lucky ones, Daisy.)
Posted by daisym on December 3, 2004, at 15:33:23
In reply to Ah hah! I knew I was right., posted by Dinah on December 3, 2004, at 15:03:56
I'll disagree because once I learn the trigger for someone, I rarely get trapped in any kind of unexpected response from them. So remembering helps me egg shell walk and that was a really valuable skill to have when I was a kid. Still is, in some areas of my life.
If I couldn't remember what led up to it, I wouldn't know how to not repeat it.
Again, it's a control thing.
Posted by Shortelise on December 3, 2004, at 15:52:37
In reply to I don't believe my therapist, posted by Dinah on December 3, 2004, at 13:11:25
When things get emotional, I am sometimes unable to understand what people around me are saying because I forget from one word to the next what has been said. Sometimes it is so bad I literally can't understand what is being said. As though I can't hear well enough to understand.
I've heard it said that some people faint when they do because they are confronted with a situation they don't know how to deal with. For example, a person might faint when confronted with an injury, but after learning first aid, no longer faints and instead treats the injury.
WHen I don't have the.. the what? The data, I guess, to deal with any given emotional situation, I bug out. No doubt about it.
What is normal for you IS normal.
And who is this therapist who uses the term "normal"?? There is no such thing, is there?
Hugs,
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on December 3, 2004, at 21:09:07
In reply to Re: Ah hah! I knew I was right. » Dinah, posted by daisym on December 3, 2004, at 15:33:23
Hmmm... Funny, but I have learned those skills as well. I must have just learned it differently. I think with my parents the chain of events didn't predict a similar outcome, so I didn't need to concentrate on that to learn to avoid trouble. With my parents it depended more on their mood, so I protected myself by learning to constantly monitor small changes in mood and zig and zag myself in relationship to those changes.
I can certainly see though that if similar circumstances brought similar results, it would be very self protective to be aware of what preceded a problem.
Posted by Dinah on December 3, 2004, at 21:12:42
In reply to Re: I don't believe my therapist, posted by Shortelise on December 3, 2004, at 15:52:37
lol. I suppose there isn't, is there? I should call him on that I suppose. Except I like to know if there's something I probably shouldn't mention in casual conversation with people I don't want to know I'm a bit off.
I was just remembering that a long time ago my therapist told me that I regressed or decompensated or something to a preverbal level during conflict. And that that's why it was hard for me to speak coherently or listen and comprehend. So I suppose he shouldn't be surprised by this. Maybe he's forgotten. I should remind him.
Posted by Shortelise on December 4, 2004, at 13:02:07
In reply to Re: I don't believe my therapist » Shortelise, posted by Dinah on December 3, 2004, at 21:12:42
Dinah, the idea of regressing in certain situations is a new one to me, and an important one.
I think this may be what my therapist calls a "trap door". Something that unexpectedly opens up beneath my feet and I fall.
Thanks for this concept - it enriches my understanding of it, as you might see by the thread I just started.
And btw, I like people who are a "bit off". In fact, I think most people are. But the interesting people in the world all are a little "off". That's where the "normal" thing is silly.
I get so mad at my T when he lets me down. I count on him to get it. And there are times when I don't want to have to explain, and that's childish of me I know, but just to be understood when I need very much to be understood is priceless. And he does it often.
ShortE
Posted by multitask on December 4, 2004, at 13:31:14
In reply to I don't believe my therapist, posted by Dinah on December 3, 2004, at 13:11:25
I usually have no problem tracking why a person became angry, especially my t (or anyone else). I am very hypervigilant and for me it's about being very aware of my surroundings and the gauging the emotions of those around me. I pretty much consistently feel fearful and that alone makes me encode everything that is occurring. I do tend to miss the normal social cues though. I guess because I don't have enough experience with them.
Posted by gardenergirl on December 4, 2004, at 21:57:27
In reply to Re: I don't believe my therapist, posted by multitask on December 4, 2004, at 13:31:14
Dinah,
I've been thinking about your post, and I'm not sure what my own experience is like. I tend to cry when I get angry, something I hate hate hate. I suppose it does interfere with my ability to process the details of what is going on, but I think I do tend to get the gist of it. But then I might be more likely to repress the emotion, especially the hurt that often underlies anger, so maybe by keeping my attention on the details, this helps me not feel the hurt?Just some thoughts. But we all do this in our own way. Your T's use of the word "normal" is interesting. I'm with those who look at "normal" as what's normal for the individual. Then, a deviation from that idea of normal is interesting. Cause we're all so different, "normal" and "average" become kind of meaningless.
gg
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