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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on August 25, 2004, at 17:36:22
.....little one, where have you gone, my baby my own?
When my oldest (20) was a baby I rocked him to sleep with an album from the lullaby lady Pat Carfra. Every song on that album was precious and I wept every time I played it. I cried and cried with him in my arms every night. I think that was postpartum depression?
Gotta write, I can't pick up the phone and make phone calls to youknowho. Am feeling extremely emotional (walk in the rain) and need to need to need to vent.
Posted by Susan47 on August 25, 2004, at 22:28:25
In reply to Where are you going, my little one...., posted by Susan47 on August 25, 2004, at 17:36:22
My brain keeps going back to the past, back to the past, back to the past.. so much that I wonder if it's tying up loose ends in order to die. Weren't we meant to live only so long?
Posted by Dinah on August 26, 2004, at 9:09:42
In reply to Re: Where are you going, my little one...., posted by Susan47 on August 25, 2004, at 22:28:25
Well, my father always thought that we were only meant to be forty.
And I not infrequently want to die. But not because I think we're supposed to. More because I'm a huge coward about facing pain.
But I think we were meant to live as long as we can and stay as healthy mentally and physically as we can so that we can contribute as much as we can.
Speaking as a fortysomething facing losing one of my parents, I know that kids don't stop needing their moms at twenty. And grandkids! You can dust those songs off for the grandkids - and without the postpartum depression. (I would sit in the rocker, singing to my son, as tears sped down my face. Postpartum depression is horrible, as it adds all these feelings about how you're supposed to feel having a baby, and all these societal expectations of how important bonding is, and sleep deprivation of course, and loads them on top of the depression. :( I'm sorry you had to go through it, and in a time period when it wasn't as well recognized as it is today.
Posted by Susan47 on August 26, 2004, at 9:28:36
In reply to Re: Where are you going, my little one.... » Susan47, posted by Dinah on August 26, 2004, at 9:09:42
Thanks for talking. I need to hear what you said. I feel for every woman going through (is PPD the correct acronym for this?) postpartum depression.
I feel for you, too, with the tears speeding down your face. It's so so bittersweet; I used to be afraid of my baby for a long time. He would be lying in his crib and I'd watch him sleeping and wonder if he was psychopathic or evil (his dad was psychopathic).
Posted by JenStar on August 26, 2004, at 12:08:27
In reply to Re: Where are you going, my little one...., posted by Susan47 on August 25, 2004, at 22:28:25
Susan,
Maybe you're going back to the past in order to 'settle some stuff up' so you can MOVE ON. ON instead of OUT.Maybe you're just feeling nostalgic and hoping to remember sweet things to cheer your current depression.
Maybe you KNOW you should be doing some things to help bump yourself out of your depression...but that requires activity...and you're not feeling very active...so you're procrastinating?
Hey - I like you and so do many others here.
Please keep us updated on how you're feeling. I hope you feel better soon.JenStar
PS - I still think you should really try out my idea of an "all orange, all the time" outfit day. See what happens! (smiles, hopefully!)
PPS - what are you doing to help yourself feel better? Can you tell us your current plans?
Posted by Susan47 on August 26, 2004, at 12:58:30
In reply to Re: Where are you going, my little one.... » Susan47, posted by JenStar on August 26, 2004, at 12:08:27
JenStar, I don't know you but I love you. You cheer me so much. I just emotionally stuck, but sometimes it feels too real. I don't know if it's therapy or a natural process of aging (I remember this happened to my father) but smells and sights, even sounds now, are triggering parts of my brain that are much younger in thought and feeling. I don't understand it, it's real experience, not imaginary.
A few times in my life I've experienced sight and sound hallucinations, most recently a couple of weeks ago (I think, I still have to check and find out if it was real, I have to call my financial advisor and ask). I know that sounds crazy but believe me, it makes sense.
Okay, I'm going to school part-time come September, preparatory to working in a hospital environment. Certain skills I need. In the meantime, I've decided I don't really want to work but have to, so I'm going to do the thing that requires the least psychological commitment I can think of, for now. A physical labour job that makes peanuts (although I can't believe the miserly wages they offer for college grads even).
I have to buy something orange.
It will make me feel better.
Posted by Susan47 on August 26, 2004, at 12:59:42
In reply to Re: Where are you going, my little one...., posted by Susan47 on August 26, 2004, at 12:58:30
...environment? Ack. I'll be fine I just need to get my life sorted out to go with who I really am, not pretended to be for safety's sake.
Posted by JenStar on August 27, 2004, at 0:37:33
In reply to Re: Where are you going, my little one...., posted by Susan47 on August 26, 2004, at 12:58:30
Susan,
I'm glad I can help! It always cheers me too when I read posts from you.What do you think is causing/caused the hallucinations? Any ideas? I hope that doesn't come back!
take care.
JS
Posted by Susan47 on August 27, 2004, at 8:39:09
In reply to Re: Where are you going, my little one.... » Susan47, posted by JenStar on August 27, 2004, at 0:37:33
I really know nothing about hallucinations... any information anybody has about why they happen would certainly be welcomed.
This is the end of the thread.
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