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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 15:31:17
Anyone up for another writing assignment?
We talked today about support and why therapy makes you lonely. (He agreed that it absolutely does.) And what to do with the intense loneliness. But he asked a question that I couldn't answer in the moment so he made it homework.
Essentially is was, "What would make you happy?"
Not a definition of happiness but what "thing," what "change" would make you happy. And, according to him, this is fantasy land so it doesn't have to practical. I'm thinking of my answer. I'd like to here yours.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 1, 2004, at 16:23:18
In reply to Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 15:31:17
Why does therpy make you lonely? I haven't found that to be the case.
Posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 17:26:58
In reply to Re: Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 1, 2004, at 16:23:18
Ok, maybe it is just me but it seems more universal than that. Or maybe it is a stage in the therapy process. I can only speak from my experience.
For me, I think it is because there is all this "stuff" that I don't share with anyone else. And the need to talk about it is really strong right now. I also think it is because I can reveal how very fragile I feel to my Therapist and since most everyone else in my life depends on me in one way or another, I can't to them. So often I feel like I'm battling emotional waves all the while pretending to be calm and in control.
I also think that having someone really listen to you, and respond to what you are feeling, is rare. And it sets off this need to have it more than 1 or 2 hours per week. And if you aren't lucky enough to have people in your life with whom you can be really honest about what is going on and who can support you, then it feels lonely. At least to me. Maybe it is because of what I didn't get as a kid. I don't know. But when I talk about feeling lonely, my Therapist acts like this is a common feeling that is brought out in therapy. He also points out that for me, I probably always was but was too busy to notice. *sigh*
Posted by pegasus on June 1, 2004, at 17:34:00
In reply to Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 15:31:17
I agree with Miss Honey, I don't think that therapy made me lonely. I would say that it made me intensely want to explain everything in my life to my therapist. Sort of an opening of the floodgates feeling. I'd go around all the time thinking of things that I wanted to tell him. And that made me feed dependent. Maybe that's akin to loneliness.
But I think therapy also made me love and connect more with the important people in my life. So that's more of an anti-loneliness effect.
As far as what would make me happy, I have a list of things:
The love of my husband.
Children in my life.
Peace in my home, my country, my world.
Being in nature - and having lots of it to be in.
Freedom, independence.
BeautyThose things all make me happy.
Then, there's the other list of things I imagine would make me happy: My old T back. Getting rid of my anxiety. A better career. Lots of free time. A million dollars. A big house in a quiet neighborhood. You get the idea.
pegasus
Posted by antigua on June 1, 2004, at 18:02:08
In reply to Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 15:31:17
What would make me happy? Really, really happy?
To be well, totally well adjusted, accepting of who I am and how I came to be me. To know and understand all of what happened to me as a child. To know details, facts, and feelings so that I can let them all go. And to be truly angry at the right people in my life, to accept, to forgive and to move on to a better stage of my life. To not be trapped by my past and to repeating the unhealthy patterns of my upbringing. To be free from mental anguish, to have hope for today and tomorrow, to love the world I live in. To accept the choices I’ve made, and to stop punishing myself for my imperfections. To not expect other people to be perfect. To be brave enough to speak up for others, to care for those who can’t care for themselves. To write and to publish so that my voice can be heard.
antigua
Posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 19:11:33
In reply to Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 15:31:17
What would make me happy?
I've thought about this all day and all the usual stuff jumps to mind: winning the lottery, loosing 50 lbs., having a personal maid and cook, unlimited powers to heal and the ability to fly.
But when I get serious, I realize that I really do want to figure out the answer to this question in a very real way. I'm tired of wishing for stuff I can't ever have. So I know I won't be able to cure the illnesses that have visited my house. And no maid will ever stick around with three boys. And where would I fly to anyway?
What I think I need to be happy is to have someone consistently offer a safe haven from the trials of the world. To listen to me, to hold me and the nurture my soul. Someone who believes I can do anything and is still OK with me not doing it. Someone to fill the huge void I feel in my life.
It feels strange to write that, being a married woman with children. It feels like a criticism of my husband. It isn't meant to be. He does the best he can, loves me fiercely and thinks I'm a great mom. He is just too sick these days to offer much support, which, of course, isn't his fault. And my children filled that void for a very long time. But they are growing up and don't need me as much.
Ultimately, I guess I want my confidence restored that I will find my joy again.
Posted by karen_kay on June 1, 2004, at 22:41:15
In reply to Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 15:31:17
to know in my heart and in my head that without any doubt i have the ability and confidence to do ANYTHING i set my mind to.
Posted by pegasus on June 1, 2004, at 23:29:21
In reply to Re: Therapy Writing Assignment » DaisyM, posted by karen_kay on June 1, 2004, at 22:41:15
That's a good one Karen. That one would make me happy too. I'm sure of it.
pegasus
Posted by fallsfall on June 2, 2004, at 9:01:55
In reply to Re: Therapy Writing Assignment » DaisyM, posted by karen_kay on June 1, 2004, at 22:41:15
> to know in my heart and in my head that without any doubt i have the ability and confidence to do ANYTHING i set my mind to.
To accept in my heart and my head that I am a good person even though I *CAN'T* do everything I set my mind to.
Posted by fallsfall on June 2, 2004, at 9:03:28
In reply to Re: Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 19:11:33
>>What I think I need to be happy is to have someone consistently offer a safe haven from the trials of the world. To listen to me, to hold me and the nurture my soul. Someone who believes I can do anything and is still OK with me not doing it. Someone to fill the huge void I feel in my life.
This is what I need, also. You put this beautifully.
Posted by tinydancer on June 2, 2004, at 10:15:11
In reply to Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 15:31:17
I was sort of thinking about this exact issue, recently. There was an article about 2 women, living in the city, one east side, one west side. One was very poor and one was very rich. At the end of the article they had little bios and one of the questions they asked was what made them happy. The poor woman said, "My son and sunny days." The rich woman said, "Making a sale (on a house)." Interesting. Not to generalize, but it just made me start to think a little.
But to answer your question:What would make me happy is to re-gain my confidence. To be able to believe in myself and have some self esteem. All the rest would come if I could achieve that. Ah, it sounds so easy!
Posted by Aphrodite on June 2, 2004, at 10:22:16
In reply to Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 15:31:17
Balance.
Sometimes I equate happiness with blissful ignorance or an inability to see things for what they truly are. I am very much the sensitive type -- I ache for all suffering, take others' problems on as my own, and basically brood a lot and want to save the world. At times I fear "getting well" would mean to lose my ability to care about others and the deeper things in life.
So, I don't want to be Pollyanna, but I would like to be me -- not-at-all superficial, still ponder deeply, but be able to find joy in life and not feel guilty about it or like I do not deserve it in the midst of great global suffering.
Think any doctor could whip that out on a prescription pad for me?
Posted by Dinah on June 3, 2004, at 9:47:29
In reply to Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 15:31:17
I don't think that therapy makes me feel lonely. I see it as a pressure valve, a way of keeping me on even keel. As time goes on, it's less central to my life in terms of constant thought and the like. It's absolutely central to my life in providing the stability to do as much as I can in the rest of my life.
I don't know that there's anything external that could make me "happy", or even anything internal. I'd love to have enough money fall into my lap that I could quit work while still being able to pay for the essentials that my work pays for (essentials being relative, I suppose - like therapy). I'd love to feel happy with my appearance, though I suppose that's in my power, so I'd love to have the self control and willpower to lose weight, exercise, etc.
But I think I've figured out that wherever I go and whatever I do, I take me with me. And I think that sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm not, and that's just the way things are. And that my happiness set point is a bit lower than many people's. Maybe I could wish for a higher happiness set point?
Posted by joslynn on June 3, 2004, at 13:12:46
In reply to Re: Therapy Writing Assignment » DaisyM, posted by Dinah on June 3, 2004, at 9:47:29
I think that if I would just let go and trust God more I would be happier, but for some reason, I can't seem to let go of the illusion that I have to figure it all out on my own.
I also think that being able to quit my "day job" and dedicated my time to creative pursuits and volunteerig would make me happy. But I stay at a regular, salaried job for the health insurance, which I need for meds, and to be able to pay my rent.
Posted by B2chica on June 3, 2004, at 14:27:59
In reply to Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 15:31:17
> Anyone up for another writing assignment?
> Essentially is was, "What would make you happy?"i would love to fly, save individuals from pain, and make clouds....i would LOVE the job of making the clouds!
realistically?
understanding and accepting the guilt and shame i feel (for almost every part of my life).
And to FINALLY completely acknowledge and accept my responsibility in what has happened in my life, while growing up. For certain actions and the pain and shame i feel inside.
b2c.
Posted by LG04 on June 3, 2004, at 16:37:44
In reply to Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 15:31:17
Daisy, I am curious about the first thing you wrote...that therapy makes a person feel lonely...why is that? What did your therapist say about it and what do you think about it? Can you elaborate a bit on your discussion with him about this topic?
LG
Posted by Poet on June 3, 2004, at 22:36:23
In reply to Therapy Writing Assignment, posted by DaisyM on June 1, 2004, at 15:31:17
Hi Daisy,
I can't remember ever feeling joy or happiness, so I would change all my negative thoughts into positive ones.
Poet
Posted by DaisyM on June 4, 2004, at 18:20:06
In reply to Re: Therapy Writing Assignment » DaisyM, posted by LG04 on June 3, 2004, at 16:37:44
I answered that a little above to Miss Honey...I'll try again with a new thread.
Daisy
This is the end of the thread.
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