![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lonelygirl on May 18, 2004, at 0:21:11
My last session with my psychologist was Tuesday. It wasn’t too bad, but not great either. I only cried a little! He started by asking about some of the things we had talked about last week, so the first 15 minutes or so were pretty normal. Then he asked me for feedback on what worked and what didn’t work. I feel bad, because I knew he was going to ask that (earlier, when I had intended to quit after the mandatory number of sessions, he told me to think about it before what was going to be the last session), but I hadn’t really prepared a good answer. I said that it was helpful to approach things in a rational way, and when he helped me schedule my time to get things done. I said I felt like the cost-benefit analysis was a little condescending, because I already had a pretty good idea in my mind about the costs and benefits and what outweighed what, so it didn’t really help much to go through it again. I thought that once I had done it once, I kind of “got it,” and wouldn’t have minded skipping over that the rest of the time.
He asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about, and I said that as a matter of fact, I was hoping he would go over my diagnosis with me. Luckily, he didn’t have my file in his office, so he had to leave for a minute to get it, and I took the opportunity to sneak a peek at his photo of his wife that’s on the shelf above where I sit (she’s wearing a lab coat with her name on it in the photo, so I found out her name this way).
First, he explained the way the counseling center works. He said they only make a diagnosis at the initial consultation, and because of their focus on the student population and school-related problems, they do things a little differently than other places, in that they don’t really direct treatment based on the diagnosis. Then he went through the initial diagnosis he made. There was nothing particularly surprising, except perhaps things he might have missed. I asked him (since he said he made the diagnosis the first time I saw him) if he would change anything about that now. He said he would have diagnosed a depressive disorder (he had listed that as a “rule-out”). Also, he put nothing for axis II, and he said that he thinks I have some passive-aggressive tendencies (though he acknowledged that it is no longer an officially diagnosed personality disorder). He also read through his notes from the consultation. I’m not sure if it meant anything that he read them to me rather than letting me look at them myself.
I also asked him for some parting advice. He said that his hope for me is that I will see that I have some good qualities that make me likable and attractive, and that he got to see that when getting to know me and he thinks that others will, too, if they can get to know me. (Somewhere around this point, he told me that he will miss me.) He suggested that when I get a job, for example, I am going to go into the cafeteria and have to decide whether to sit with a group of people or sit by myself, and he thinks I should take a chance and sit with people, even though it might seem scary. He said I might just have to do it on the faith that he might be right.
He suggested that when I move out of my parents’ house, I should get a roommate. I said, “No way!” but asked him why he thought so. He said that he thinks it’s not good to be isolated -- that isolation can be “crazy-making.”
He thinks I should find another therapist where I move, not because he thinks I need it, but because he thinks I benefit from it. This was when I started crying, and he asked me what it was about what he said that hit me so hard, and I said that I don’t like anyone but him. He thanked me, and said that he knows this was an important relationship for me, but even though it will be hard for me to lose this relationship, that maybe it should give me some hope about the possibility of other relationships.
He said that if I fail any of my classes, I better get back there and finish my degree, because if I don’t, I will be kicking myself for the rest of my life (at that point, I was worried about passing 2 of my classes, but I since found out I got C’s in both).
I think that was about it for advice, and then time was up. He said he would like it if I would drop him a note or call him to let him know how things are going. I asked if I still can’t e-mail him (the counseling center’s policies prohibit e-mail between counselors and clients) and he said I can’t. I gave him my card and he thanked me, but put it down on his desk and said he was going to read it a little later. Maybe he was afraid that I was going to profess my undying love for him or something. Heh.
And that was it. No hug, : ( just a handshake and pat on the back. It was kind of unsatisfying. He helped me through my last semester of school, and I graduated, so I guess I don’t really “need” him any more for that, though I would have liked to work on other things with him too. I will definitely miss him, but I still have one more chance to talk to him (when I call to tell him I passed my classes).
Ok, that’s enough of that. Long and boring. But I wanted to write it all down in part for my own benefit, so I can remember.
Posted by bell_75 on May 18, 2004, at 6:28:05
In reply to Final Session, posted by lonelygirl on May 18, 2004, at 0:21:11
:) I'm so proud of you for getting through this (not that I doubted you for one second). It takes a strong person and I've seen from reading this and talking to you (m_from_oz on babble chat)that you are.
I see alot of resembelence in what you said about your T and mine in that I think our parting session will be similiar. I think its different for a male/female t/client relationship in that you cant have the same intimate comfort of a hug or just...something less 'business-like' than a handshake. I know with my T it will just be a handshake because i cant see how if its never happened before that its going to happen at the last session. I know he'd feel akward about it in some way. But its okay too because I feel sometimes that words or gestures aren't needed and we understand how the other is feeling in regards to being empathetic or gratitude on my behalf.
Anyways, this isn't about me lol I'm just saying I can see how you're final session can relate to what mine will be like (within the next few months)
And dont degrade your posts, hun. They're important to babble and its babblers because we all help each other out and its great to have an avenue to get this out. *hugs* Thats the great thing about PB, theres alotta love :)
I've often wondered about whether my T would let me email him or not (seeing as he knows im net savvy) but im beginning to understand why it may be policy that emails cant be exchanged. Sometimes people are too revealing with their emotion because of the comfort of it not being face to face or that its available 24/7 so the person may think they're just sending friendly emails but they turn into ten a day.
I dunno, but i think my T wouldn't allow it either. Which is strange but they've got to keep to their boundaries or lose their job i guess.*hugs* You're a brave person and you made me smile. Congrats on passing too. Thank you for sharing and I hope we see you soon in Open.
Take care
Bell xoxo
Posted by fallsfall on May 18, 2004, at 6:49:37
In reply to Final Session, posted by lonelygirl on May 18, 2004, at 0:21:11
Dear Lonelygirl,
That sounds like a really nice last session. I'm so glad that you had the chance to connect with him, and that he had the chance to get to know you. He sounds like a really good therapist. I hope that you can remember this therapy with warm feelings - that you let him get a little close to you and that the outcome was good (i.e. you felt like you had a connection, and (secondarily) that you graduated). He does care about you - let that feel good.
You know, you let us get a little close to you, too. And we care about you, and we're glad to know you.
I'm looking forward to hearing how things go from here! You've done a really good job, lonely.
Falls.
Posted by ghost on May 18, 2004, at 7:20:44
In reply to Final Session, posted by lonelygirl on May 18, 2004, at 0:21:11
I almost cried :)
I'm sorry he didn't hug you. I can't imagine what it'd be like to be that close to someone and not get a hug, but it's hard for me to imagine being that close to someone period. i'm so glad you had this experience, though. such a positive one.
don't read too much into the card-- I always want to read cards later in private so it's like a little suprise. I'm sure he meant no offense. :)
be proud of yourself. you finished college-- you sought (and were successful in) counseling-- you're a strong, beautiful, brave woman, and you deserve nothing but good things, which I am sure will come to you. I think your T is right about the cafeteria thing. I think we can all benefit from that tidbit. (And seriously, stay in touch. I've got some job leads and I might be able to internally pass your resume along. network, network!)
i'm going on a short trip this week, to visit some friends in indiana, and won't be returning till the end of the week (when i'll be packing to go on another trip, then another), but i wanted to post and let you know how proud i was of you. and i was happy to read about your last T session-- even if it wasn't as satisfying asit could have been.
take care,
ghost
Posted by Dinah on May 18, 2004, at 10:02:32
In reply to Final Session, posted by lonelygirl on May 18, 2004, at 0:21:11
Lonelygirl, it sounds like a lovely final session. Though I can see how it would feel a bit anticlimactic. Maybe we get through part of our grief without them?
I hope you listened to him about other relationships. He said that he had grown to find you likable and attractive, and so have so many of us at Babble. We're not unique you know.
((((Lonelygirl))))
Posted by gardenergirl on May 18, 2004, at 11:02:23
In reply to Final Session, posted by lonelygirl on May 18, 2004, at 0:21:11
LG,
It was great to see you in Open last night. I'm so proud of you for the way you handled this. I never would have thought about asking about dx. (Maybe I'm afraid to hear it! :)Good luck with the job hunt. Talk to you soon.
gg
Posted by DaisyM on May 18, 2004, at 12:45:17
In reply to Re: Final Session » lonelygirl, posted by gardenergirl on May 18, 2004, at 11:02:23
LG -
I hope to see a new Babble name soon. I think your Therapist gave you great advice. It takes such courage to put yourself out there. And I know you have it...look at how many hard questions you asked in therapy!
Congrats on graduating. No small feat! You should be so proud of yourself. I know you want to share the success but remember, YOU did it!
Now the job hunt. We're still here. Tap the support. And, selfishly, I'll ask that you keep giving yours. We need you!
Smiles!
Posted by pegasus on May 18, 2004, at 12:48:17
In reply to Final Session, posted by lonelygirl on May 18, 2004, at 0:21:11
Hi lonelygirl,
Thanks for the recap. It sounds like it went pretty well. I think all of his advice sounds good, and I hope it'll be helpful for you.
I hope you'll give yourself permission to really miss him and grieve for the loss of an important relationship, and not feel bad about doing that. And I really hope that you'll be able to continue therapy at some point in the future. It sounds like it was really helpful for you! Maybe next time, you'll be able to stay as long as you want to. Ending therapy for external reasons is so hard!
Congrats for graduating! It's great that you weren't even very close to failing those classes that you were worried about. Now you're a college graduate, and will never have to worry about passing classes again if you don't want to. Yay!
pegasus
Posted by Aphrodite on May 18, 2004, at 17:27:28
In reply to Final Session, posted by lonelygirl on May 18, 2004, at 0:21:11
It sounds like he ended on a very good note. I hope you will update him on your progress. I think it would be hard to do his job at a college knowing that you won't have the time to work with someone thoroughly and for as long as they need.
Congratulations on your graduation. I do hope he set you on a course for success. It sounds like he helped you shift how you think about therapy and hopefully, how you feel about yourself.
Posted by All Done on May 18, 2004, at 17:35:11
In reply to Final Session, posted by lonelygirl on May 18, 2004, at 0:21:11
Hi, lonelygirl. Congratulations on your graduation!!! Good luck with all that's ahead of you, too. You'll do fabulous, I'm sure :).
I'm glad it sounds like your last session went okay. It must have been hard for you, but you were strong enough to tell him how you felt about him and that was a good thing. I'm sure he loved the card, too.
Take care. Hope to hear from you soon!
All Done
Posted by SandyWeb on May 18, 2004, at 19:24:17
In reply to Final Session, posted by lonelygirl on May 18, 2004, at 0:21:11
Hey LonelyGirl,
Wow, you have a flare for words. It was like reading a story. *smile* If you ever want to leave the engineering field, I'll purchase your first novel.
And isn't it great?? You now have letters after your name! WooHoo!!
Thanks for chatting with me in Open. You're a good girl. I wish you all the best, hun.
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by lonelygirl on May 20, 2004, at 18:02:19
In reply to Final Session, posted by lonelygirl on May 18, 2004, at 0:21:11
Well, I probably talked to him for the last time ever today. He had requested that I let him know how things (i.e., my grades) turned out, and I found out on Tuesday that I not only passed everything, but didn't get anything worse than a C. I tried to call him on Wednesday morning, but he was in a meeting. I asked the administrative assistant when would be a good time to call back, but he said around 3 pm, which was 6 pm my time, and my mom and sister were home by then so I didn't want to call. I tried again today, and once again, he was in a meeting, but they told me when to call back and I did.
He said I had "perfect timing," since he just walked in the door returning from his meeting (well, that's what time the administrative assistant told me to call!) and saw a message that I had called earlier (they asked for my name before they tried to transfer the call, and then realized he wasn't there). I told him the good news about my classes and he said he had been wondering about it, and sounded suitably pleased.
He asked me if I went to graduation (we had discussed this in my second-to-last session; I didn't want to go and he thought I should) and how it was (long and boring). He asked me if I'm back in [my state, which he actually remembered]. He wished me luck in my job search and said that he was so glad to hear I passed my classes. I thanked him for helping me, but unfortunately, I couldn't get the words out that I wanted to say (that I was on the verge of giving up, and it was only because he didn't let me that I didn't). I wanted to write it on the card, but at that time, I wasn't yet sure that I had passed everything.
It was a little awkward; I have talked to him on the phone only a few times, and only for things like making appointments. He didn't mention the card I gave him, so I guess he must not have liked it : (. After I hung up the phone, I felt sort of a second wave of sadness, that this was probably the last time I talked to him (at least the last time I *saw* him, I was still looking forward to this call).
Posted by Aphrodite on May 20, 2004, at 19:24:51
In reply to Called him today, posted by lonelygirl on May 20, 2004, at 18:02:19
That had to be so hard. I felt the pain in your post. I'm sure not mentioning the card was an oversight -- I can't tell you how many times I've thoughtlessly failed to reference a kindess someone made to me and then regretted it.
Of course he remembered details about you; you shouldn't be surprised. I wish I had some wonderful words to comfort you -- just know I understand. I hope you can find a new therapist if that is something you think you need and can help you as you go through this transition in your life.
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2004, at 11:35:04
In reply to Called him today, posted by lonelygirl on May 20, 2004, at 18:02:19
(((Lonelygirl)))
I doubt his not mentioning the card meant he didn't like it. It would have been nice if he had, but not doing it doesn't mean anything negative.
It's a loss, Lonelygirl, and I'm glad you're giving yourself permission to grieve it.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.