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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Dinah on April 30, 2004, at 11:28:16
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 8:27:23
Running might be the best alternative. I know that for me, anger is often a huge component of the urge to SI. And given your current situation, I'm guessing it plays a role in yours too. If you can run the energy of the anger out, that might help.
I also have some d*mn stupid ways of getting the anger out, but suffice it to say they are nearly as self destructive as SI is. In fact, I can never understand why my therapist gets so het up about SI and is ok with the stuff that does just as much harm. One relatively harmless (tho embarassing if I forget that I've done it) way I have is to write truly vile and filthy and horribly vicious things on my skin with a firm ball point pen, and then leave them on there so that I get the satisfaction of knowing they're there. But you really need to be careful to remember to keep your sleeves down or not to undress in front of an intimate other without cleaning first.
Posted by Poet on April 30, 2004, at 11:31:55
In reply to SI update ***may trigger, posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 22:43:54
Hi crushedout,
My form of SI is binging, exercise does help me. I like long walks listening to music. Going for a run listening to music might help you, I say go for it.
Poet
Posted by fallsfall on April 30, 2004, at 13:07:26
In reply to SI update ***may trigger, posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 22:43:54
When I'm having a hard time I can't go for a walk with my dogs because it gives me too much time to think. I have found that I can listen to a book on tape while I walk, and that is enough distraction.
I watch movies. I rent movies every week so I'll always have something to watch. I try hard to rent movies I haven't seen because they hold my attention better than ones that I have seen. And nothing too violent or scary or distressing - but it does have to have some plot to hold my attention. Movies are 1 1/2 to 2 hours which is usually long enough to get me into a different frame of mind. I rent the older movies and have a rent 1/get one free card, so I get 2 movies for 1.99, once or twice a week.
Ice cream is always good.
Guitar has also worked well for me.
Coloring can help. I use colored pencils in a geometric coloring book (or make my own geometric design) when I'm feeling like life is out of control - a very orderly task. Sometimes I like to color in a huge coloring book (Teddy Bears) that my daughter gave me with crayons (I have my own) - they smell great.
Sometimes I take a nap (but only if I can go to sleep quickly without thinking too much).
Sometimes I come online and plead for Babblers to meet me in Open and talk sense into me.
Stopping cutting is like staying on a diet in that if you mess up you shouldn't give up because you can always start again.
Good luck.
Posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 13:30:01
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on April 30, 2004, at 13:07:26
Thank you so much. I especially like the coloring idea. Never would have thought of it.
Posted by B2chica on April 30, 2004, at 14:55:20
In reply to GREAT IDEAS ***may trigger » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 13:30:01
CrushedOut, it sounds like we All understand the difficulty of stopping cutting. I do four things that sometimes help,
1. i journal- but i get very descriptive of what i want to do like second by second how i cut, where, how long, how deep how much blood etc.-sometimes it works sometimes it gets worse.
2. i draw it. i've made several arm drawings of them cut wide open, some have skin flapped over -but i keep it in charcol NOT color.
3. when i was in the hospital one of the nurses suggested putting drops of red food coloring where i wanted to cut-it looks about the same. she's right and it helps sometimes, but it's a lot thinner.
4. i run.B2c.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on April 30, 2004, at 22:15:56
In reply to alternatives, posted by crushedout on April 30, 2004, at 8:33:21
Yoga is good....you can rent YOGA tapes /dvd sometimes they are in the free rental area,,,Call your local Y and see if they have a message person I use to volunteer at a Y in the swim area...anyhow...they can be cheaper at the Y
> None of those options sounds satisfying to me. My T always suggests I take yoga, which makes sense.
>
> I think a massage would also be good but now we're getting into stuff I can't afford.
>
> What else?
Posted by Fallen4MyT on April 30, 2004, at 22:17:39
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger » Fallen4MyT, posted by crushedout on April 29, 2004, at 23:57:08
Any time...I wish I had more ideas but I really think the 3 things, something healthy in its place and calling her no matter what is good
> that's pretty sound advice fallen. thank you.
Posted by crushedout on May 2, 2004, at 18:24:18
In reply to Re: SI update ***may trigger » crushedout, posted by Fallen4MyT on April 30, 2004, at 22:17:39
Posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2004, at 10:47:44
In reply to i don't want to stop (nm), posted by crushedout on May 2, 2004, at 18:24:18
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:20:21
In reply to ((((crushed)))) (nm), posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2004, at 10:47:44
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:23:15
In reply to ((((crushed)))) (nm), posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2004, at 10:47:44
i'm afraid you guys will think i'm disgusting if i tell you this, but i cut myself in a really weird place last night. do you know what i mean? has anyone else done this?please don't hate me.
Posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2004, at 11:29:42
In reply to disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:23:15
Crushedout,
I'm sorry you are going through such pain. I'm worried about you. I can't answer your question, but I just wanted to make sure that you don't need any medical attention. I hope not, but if you do, please don't be embarrassed. Just get yourself whatever you need.And take care!
gg
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:35:34
In reply to Re: disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2004, at 11:29:42
don't worry, gg. i'm fine, really. no medical attention needed. but i appreciate your concern.
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2004, at 12:07:44
In reply to disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:23:15
No one's going to hate you, but I am concerned that the behavior is escalating. You need to talk honestly about this with your therapist.
And please be careful about infection. All sorts of flora and fauna you know.
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 12:14:19
In reply to Re: disturbing confession ****likely trigger » crushedout, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2004, at 12:07:44
thanks, dinah. i'm so embarrassed. I kind of wish I hadn't told you guys. I don't know how i could tell my t this.
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2004, at 12:41:29
In reply to Re: disturbing confession ****likely trigger » Dinah, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 12:14:19
Nothing to be embarassed about. She knows you have body parts. Besides, isn't humiliating ourselves before our therapists what therapy is all about? Sorry, rough session leaking through. :(
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 14:15:09
In reply to Re: disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2004, at 12:41:29
what happened? (if you want to talk about it)
Posted by Fallen4MyT on May 3, 2004, at 15:33:36
In reply to disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:23:15
Oh Gosh Crushed I could never hate you..I have never cut in that kinda area..and I KNOW what you mean but..I do have a friend that did a while back and she said it had an erotic excitment...anyhow her T was told but didnt comment much on it and said its not the same as SI/cutting....I asked MY T on her and he said..he had heard of it....please tell your T...You dont want to make it a habit and get like infections and stuff
>
> i'm afraid you guys will think i'm disgusting if i tell you this, but i cut myself in a really weird place last night. do you know what i mean? has anyone else done this?
>
> please don't hate me.
Posted by Aphrodite on May 3, 2004, at 15:45:35
In reply to disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:23:15
How could anyone hate you for suffering?
Please tell your therapist -- put it in writing if you have to.
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2004, at 16:35:02
In reply to ((((Dinah)))), posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 14:15:09
A Big Old Fight. :(
Nothing I won't live through. But there was something I didn't want to tell him and I told him anyway and felt sort of violated by his insistance. He got angry with me and I can't take anger and I caved. Fortunately, I'm relatively certain that he didn't understand the entire meaning of what I said. He insisted that the session run overtime and I *think* I corrected the misperception he had about what I meant.
I'll live. I'm just kind of annoyed that he was so insistent. And embarassed.
Believe me, it feels much better and less embarassing if you volunteer information.
Posted by Raindancer on May 3, 2004, at 17:19:39
In reply to disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:23:15
Dear Crushed, No-one will hate you, just be sad about your pain. Do take care of yourself. Thinking of you.
Raindancer
((((Crushed))))
Posted by Ilene on May 3, 2004, at 19:55:55
In reply to disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 11:23:15
>
> i'm afraid you guys will think i'm disgusting if i tell you this, but i cut myself in a really weird place last night. do you know what i mean? has anyone else done this?
>
> please don't hate me.I don't hate you. I don't think it's disgusting. I think the same things as the other people who've posted--you need to take better care of yourself.
I hope you are feeling better.
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 22:33:16
In reply to Re: disturbing confession ****likely trigger » crushedout, posted by Ilene on May 3, 2004, at 19:55:55
Thank you all for your concern and for not finding me disgusting. I really kind of wished I hadn't posted that. I feel stupid. But you're all very nice.I feel guilty also for worrying you all. I'm really fine. Just twisted and evil.
I know I should tell my T but I'm afraid she will fire me. Or just get mad. Or it'll screw stuff up somehow. Also, I have so many other things I need to talk to her about (like working through the transference, needing another session). But I see her tomorrow morning. I'll try to at least do *something* productive with the session. I know I should tell her. I'm scared.
Posted by Ilene on May 3, 2004, at 23:03:29
In reply to Re: disturbing confession ****likely trigger, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 22:33:16
>
> Thank you all for your concern and for not finding me disgusting. I really kind of wished I hadn't posted that. I feel stupid. But you're all very nice.
>It's okay to feel stupid.
> I feel guilty also for worrying you all. I'm really fine. Just twisted and evil.
>Twisted? I think everyone is a little twisted. But evil? Evil is when you injure other people, not yourself.
> I know I should tell my T but I'm afraid she will fire me. Or just get mad. Or it'll screw stuff up somehow. Also, I have so many other things I need to talk to her about (like working through the transference, needing another session). But I see her tomorrow morning. I'll try to at least do *something* productive with the session. I know I should tell her. I'm scared.
I don't know much about your T. Has she said she will terminate you if you continue to SI? Does she get mad at you about it?You're right, you should tell her. It's pretty important. You told us, you can tell her. I think it's bothering you a lot and you will feel better if you tell her, even though it's scary.
Take care of yourself, and have a good session.
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2004, at 23:24:35
In reply to Re: disturbing confession ****likely trigger » crushedout, posted by Ilene on May 3, 2004, at 23:03:29
Hi Ilene.I like you.
Well, my T sort of threatened me with termination once I think it was partly because I cut myself. I wasn't so sure how seriously to take it. Her exact words were: "I can't work with that."
Then she's gotten mad at me plenty for cutting, yes. Sometimes I actually wonder if I cut in part because I *want* her to terminate me. But of course it would also devastate me. I've sort of told her this.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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