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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by All Done on April 16, 2004, at 10:11:56
Hi there!
My husband and I started seeing a family therapist a few months ago to help us get through an extremely rough patch that involved my mom. She also attended a session with us. After we worked on that some, the sessions rather quickly morphed into strictly couple’s therapy. Neither of us had a problem with this although my husband does get a little hesitant about going sometimes. Maybe I feel it is more beneficial than he does? We've discussed it, though, and we both view it as a kind of “maintenance” for our relationship.
Anyway, because my husband travels some, we’ve cut the visits down to one ever three weeks to a month. Our therapist just called and said she could only get us in at a time that is fairly late in the evening and it would be difficult for us to get a sitter for our son. The only other option she has given us is one hour earlier but on a Friday. Perhaps even more difficult to get a sitter.
I’m not sure what to do. We both like her, but I don’t know that either of us is attached. Getting a new couple’s therapist (maybe closer to home, as well) would mean telling our "story" all over again *and* convincing my husband that the switch is worth it.
I’m really not sure what I should do. Any thoughts or advice for me? BTW, it might also help you to know that it took me over six months to decide to leave a hairstylist of mine that was really inconvenient for me to get to and two years later, I have yet to find one half as good :(.
Thanks everyone!
All Done
Posted by Dinah on April 16, 2004, at 12:27:02
In reply to Should we switch our couple's therapist?, posted by All Done on April 16, 2004, at 10:11:56
Seems reasonable to me, if you don't feel any particular connection.
Of course, there appear to be more bad than good practitioners out there. :(
Posted by Penny on April 16, 2004, at 12:36:51
In reply to Re: Should we switch our couple's therapist? » All Done, posted by Dinah on April 16, 2004, at 12:27:02
> Seems reasonable to me, if you don't feel any particular connection.
>
> Of course, there appear to be more bad than good practitioners out there. :(It is looking that way, isn't it? Makes me wonder...
P
Posted by All Done on April 16, 2004, at 13:00:02
In reply to Re: Should we switch our couple's therapist? » All Done, posted by Dinah on April 16, 2004, at 12:27:02
I guess I have to weigh what is worse. The frustration of scheduling with her or the frustration of finding a new (good) therapist. Ugh.
I guess I should add that there is kind of a connection. My individual T recommended her and I suppose I would have to address the issue that I feel like I would be disappointing him by not seeing her anymore. Hmm...as always, I'll talk to him about it.
Posted by All Done on April 16, 2004, at 13:06:21
In reply to Re: Should we switch our couple's therapist? » Dinah, posted by Penny on April 16, 2004, at 12:36:51
I'm hoping a couple of things.
1. We don't hear about the good stories as much because people come here looking for advice and support with the bad ones.
2. If I look for a new couple's T, I now am a bit more informed.
Again, I'm hoping...
Posted by Penny on April 16, 2004, at 13:30:25
In reply to Re: Should we switch our couple's therapist? » Penny, posted by All Done on April 16, 2004, at 13:06:21
Ya' know - I'm not so worried about those of us with therapy experience finding "good" therapists. I know they are out there - the T I used to see did couple's therapy, and after I left, I actually referred some friends to her when they asked me for a recommendation. So I have no doubt that, since you know what questions to ask and what you are looking for, you would find a good one.
What does make me concerned, however, is the number of folks on this board I see who perhaps have never been in therapy before who are seeing therapists who are crossing boundaries they shouldn't cross and who aren't as professional as they need to be. I told my T the other day that I was so glad she's good at what she does. My former T was good as well, but made a mistake that I suspect is common. Not boundary crossing - her boundaries were pretty strict - but dealing with me and my transference issues. But she seemed to pick up quickly that her way of dealing with it wasn't working all too well, and she changed her method quickly, after which, all was right with the world again :-)
I do wish that more soon-to-be therapists and new therapists were enlightened to what appear to be common problems in practice methods. I'm planning, when I become a T, to work with only children and adolescents, so inappropriate (romantic) relationships with my clients won't be a concern anyway, but there will still be the transference and countertransference stuff going on, and I think that I will be better prepared for the possibilities as a result of this board.
Sorry to go completely off the topic of this thread!
Good luck with your decision, All Done.
P
Posted by terrics on April 17, 2004, at 10:20:53
In reply to Should we switch our couple's therapist?, posted by All Done on April 16, 2004, at 10:11:56
Have you tried to find a babysitter? Maybe it won't be as difficult as it looks. If you can stay with someone who is good perhaps it is not worth risking a change. terrics
Posted by cubic_me on April 18, 2004, at 7:23:45
In reply to Should we switch our couple's therapist?, posted by All Done on April 16, 2004, at 10:11:56
What is your husband's view on getting a new therapist? I think it's a good idea to talk it through with him, and with your current therapist and take it from there. I can understand how frustrating it must be.
Posted by All Done on April 19, 2004, at 0:54:00
In reply to Re: Should we switch our couple's therapist? » All Done, posted by Penny on April 16, 2004, at 13:30:25
> Sorry to go completely off the topic of this thread!
No problem, Penny. I understand your frustrations and I always welcome the opportunity to hear from you - about whatever :).
> Good luck with your decision, All Done.Thanks!
Posted by All Done on April 19, 2004, at 1:01:02
In reply to Re: Should we switch our couple's therapist? » All Done, posted by terrics on April 17, 2004, at 10:20:53
> Have you tried to find a babysitter? Maybe it won't be as difficult as it looks. If you can stay with someone who is good perhaps it is not worth risking a change. terrics
terrics,
I suggested to my husband that maybe we should get a neighborhood teenager to watch our son. That way, we wouldn't feel guilty about relying on the kindness of a family member or friend like we've been doing up until now. He feels our son is a bit too young for a teenager. So, I'm going to suggest that maybe we find a more experienced (read older) sitter that we will pay. We'll see what he thinks...
BTW, you sound like my T - so practical at times :).
Thanks!
All Done
Posted by All Done on April 19, 2004, at 1:10:05
In reply to Re: Should we switch our couple's therapist? » All Done, posted by cubic_me on April 18, 2004, at 7:23:45
> What is your husband's view on getting a new therapist? I think it's a good idea to talk it through with him, and with your current therapist and take it from there. I can understand how frustrating it must be.
cubic_me,
Well, I believe that's my biggest problem. I'm relatively sure he will resist finding someone new. He goes to the current therapist and feels it is beneficial, but sometimes he questions if we even need to keep going. But since I've been know to be unable to read his mind, I will talk to him about it. I guess I just want to have all of our options lined up before suggesting anything to him.
I talked to my T yesterday and he seemed to focus more on why I stated that I don't feel much of an attachment to the couple's therapist. Ahh, the joy of psychodynamic therapy ;).
Thanks!
All Done
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