![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 81 to 105 of 147. Go back in thread:
Posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 15:32:21
In reply to two more links, posted by Joslynn on January 15, 2004, at 13:49:57
Darn you and your stupid links.....
Ok, so there are two things that were said during that session that I just kinda let go.
Number one. In my dream about him he referred to a vineyard, whcih didn't apply to me, which could because the town that I used to live in had a winery that shared my last name. He doesn't know this and I said that. He said that in my dream my illusion of him being my father figure and also my crush is dying. He said that the vineyard could represent the crush as in "Let's go get drunk and have sex." (not as in an offer, just that was his explanation) We went on to describe the second part of the dream.
Also, I think everyone knows that I have anxiety and I have "issues" with changing my clothes several times a day, ect. The more anxiety I have, the more effort I put in to looking nice. I had to reschedule early in the morning next week and he said, "Well, you don't have to get all dressed up just for me." This isn't so strange, as I have gotten all dressed up for him in the past. That particular day however, I looked nice because I was anxious about the session. It jsut bugged me.... Now I'm thinking to much into little stuff I think. Someone needs to do a ride along with me next week. Any takers?
Posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 15:51:11
In reply to Re: Ummm uh oh? » Karen_kay, posted by Penny on January 15, 2004, at 12:47:54
Penny,
It will be a year in February. And he's only been doing it for maybe a few years. Not long. He admits he's new at this. And he admits he makes mistakes. And I'm quick to point them out when I feel he's done something wrong. But, I honestly don't think he has in this case. Maybe I will approach the subject again jsut to let him know he shouldn't tell anyone else that sort of information. That isn't something you want getting out you know. He admits that he learns a lot from working with me. I only wonder if that's a good thing or bad? :(
Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2004, at 18:45:04
In reply to a link, posted by Joslynn on January 15, 2004, at 13:17:49
I liked the first link. I think my therapist would fare very well under it.
But some of the legal links bothered me quite a bit. If a therapist is going to go around terminating clients because they have feelings for them because they're afraid of being sued, they just shouldn't be in the helping professions. The therapist/client relationship shouldn't be an adversarial one, and the lawyers will make it into that if you let them. I would be enormously disappointed in my therapist if he behaved in a manner harmful to a client for fear of being sued.
There's very little more harmful to a client than abandonment. And abandonment for expressing your feelings is cruel beyond measure.
(But I would like to sit on my therapist's lap sometimes, and have him smooth my hair back. Nothing sexual and not that he or I would ever act on it, but wouldn't it be soothing?)
Posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 18:47:30
In reply to stupid links..., posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 15:32:21
I'm just upset to find my therapist fit the description... Also, there is another thing I remember that he said that bothers me and I just remembered it. I mentioned that I recently found out that my boyfriend opposes same sex marriages, and my therapist said, "Why does he have something against anal sex?" And of course in that situation I overdisclosed, but it led to a discussion on prolife/prochoice (where he asked if I were to become pregnant and possibly considered an abortion what would my boyfriend think and I said, "It wouldn't be his decision. It is my body and choice." He gave me a thumbs up for that.) But looking back I'm a little shaky about his joke...It would have been acceptable for me to have made such a comment, but I now realize I not there to listen to his innapropriate jokes. He's there to listen to mine. (insert half smile)
Posted by Penny on January 15, 2004, at 19:05:21
In reply to Re: Ummm uh oh? » Penny, posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 15:51:11
At 29 he would have to be new at it, if he has a Ph.D. in psychology. Those are typically long programs!
And I'm sure all therapists, no matter how much experience they have, make mistakes. Our discussions on this board are evidence of that!
And truly, Karen, it sounds like he really wants to do a good job as a therapist. But, to me, he needs a little guidance, hence the supervision idea. I think most/all therapists, no, I'll just say all therapists should occasionally undergo supervision of some sort. Because it's a tough profession. And it's intended to protect his clients and himself. Being so new at this, I would hope he is already being mentored or supervised by someone in a way, but if not, he really should consider it (IMO).
I think it's great that he's such a good fit with you, and I would imagine that he isn't so frank with his clients who aren't as laid-back as you are, but if he is, he's really opening himself to a lawsuit.
Anyway...I hope this came across the way I meant it! It's so hard to tell when writing.
P
Posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 19:09:19
In reply to Re: a link » Joslynn, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2004, at 18:45:04
(But I would like to sit on my therapist's lap sometimes, and have him smooth my hair back. Nothing sexual and not that he or I would ever act on it, but wouldn't it be soothing?)
**Umm, no. I can honestly say I don't even find the thought of this soothing. I can't get past the sexual thought that is associated with sitting on a member of the opposite sex's lap though. I could say that him holding me and smoothing my hair back would be soothing, until I look up and he kisses me...... Darn it....
Posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 19:29:08
In reply to Re: Ummm uh oh? » Karen_kay, posted by Penny on January 15, 2004, at 19:05:21
I think it came across just swell! :) And I'm fairly certain he seeks supervision of some sort. On my way out of the session this week, I made the comment, "I'd like to speak to your supervisor. Of course it would only be to tell him/her what an excellent job you're doing." And he made the comment that, "No news is good news in that department." He's the youngest therapist in the building, so I highly doubt they would throw him out there to the wolves. (me being a wolf :)
Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2004, at 19:35:49
In reply to Re: a link » Dinah, posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 19:09:19
He's the opposite sex??!!! :-O
I think of him as a mommy.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 19:57:36
In reply to Re: a link » Karen_kay, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2004, at 19:35:49
Of course your therapist isn't the opposite sex. Your therapist doesn't have a gender. I was only referring to other therapists. Now, if I ever in the future make the mistake of calling your therapist a man, please forgive me. I tend to forget that sometimes there are gender neutral therapists out there and you happen to see one of them.
Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2004, at 19:58:58
In reply to Darn it, I'm Sorry Dinah :(, posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 19:57:36
Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2004, at 19:59:36
In reply to Darn it, I'm Sorry Dinah :(, posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 19:57:36
Did I tell you I found out in one of my dreams that he was a eunuch?
Posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 20:10:12
In reply to Re: Darn it, I'm Sorry Dinah :( » Karen_kay, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2004, at 19:59:36
Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2004, at 20:12:44
In reply to He was what? (nm) » Dinah, posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 20:10:12
I had called him a few times that week on unrelated matters and had added a quarter hour to his fee. He wanted to refuse but I told him it was the least I could do since I had castrated him in my dreams (well, I didn't - he just was).
Posted by Penny on January 15, 2004, at 20:18:26
In reply to Re: a link » Joslynn, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2004, at 18:45:04
> (But I would like to sit on my therapist's lap sometimes, and have him smooth my hair back. Nothing sexual and not that he or I would ever act on it, but wouldn't it be soothing?)
I think it would be soothing. I can picture myself sitting at my T's feet, with her in her chair, and laying my head on her lap...she's a good mom.
sigh.
P
Posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 20:29:42
In reply to Re: Did I spell it wrong? » Karen_kay, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2004, at 20:12:44
Oh girl, Wow! Now I promise never to refer to your therapist as a gender. I couldn't find the word in my dictionary and the only time I tried to use the spell check here my computer froze up, so I don't trust it. Do you honestly think my therapist runs the risk of terminating our therapy (either now or in the future?)? That's the only concern I have. I wouldn't terminate, I just wouldn't want to see him do it. I don't have ethics, but I know he does.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 20:32:39
In reply to Re: a link » Dinah, posted by Penny on January 15, 2004, at 20:18:26
Just couldn't put my head on his lap, couldn't sit on his lap, couldn't put my face anywhere near his lap.... Sorry, I just couldn't do it. Unlike Dinah's therapist, I like to assume mine has a penis...
Posted by Penny on January 15, 2004, at 20:42:33
In reply to Nope, nope nope.. » Penny, posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 20:32:39
> Just couldn't put my head on his lap, couldn't sit on his lap, couldn't put my face anywhere near his lap.... Sorry, I just couldn't do it. Unlike Dinah's therapist, I like to assume mine has a penis...
Well, I'm pretty sure mine doesn't - she's a woman, and she has given birth before, so...but in your case - no way!!! And no way with my pdoc either!!!
oh my.
P
Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2004, at 20:43:52
In reply to Re: Did I spell it wrong? » Dinah, posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 20:29:42
I think he would be wrong to terminate you. If he thinks he's in trouble and needs supervision he should get it. I can think of very few circumstances where I approve of a therapist unilaterally terminating (and don't you love that expression - so appropriate) a client.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 20:45:58
In reply to Re: Nope, nope nope.. » Karen_kay, posted by Penny on January 15, 2004, at 20:42:33
Now Penny, you're getting me all wrong here. It's not that I wouldn't like to do it. It just wouldn't be soothing and comforting. It would be soothing and comforting in a different way..... Why do you make me think these bad thoughts????
Posted by Penny on January 15, 2004, at 20:53:16
In reply to Re: Nope, nope nope.. » Penny, posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 20:45:58
Posted by Joslynn on January 15, 2004, at 21:06:49
In reply to Re: Nope, nope nope.. » Penny, posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 20:45:58
Hi, I didn't mean to scare anyone with those links. I purposely chose a couple links that were strongly worded regarding boundaries, just to show the other side.
Just because something feels flattering does not mean it is in our best interests as clients. When my shrink made that comment alluding to his wife not communicating well, I was actually kind of flattered to be confided to, then later realized, wait a minute, he went a bit far with that and he knew it, I could see it in his face. And he quickly corrected it. I would love for him to stroke my hair though! Until I ran screaming out of the room, that is...
Note to Karen: While I'm sure you are beautiful, and I know you are definitely entertaining, you are more than that too. Just remember, you don't have to be beautiful or tell funny stories to impress your therapist or us. It's fine to enjoy being attractive and funny (I've beent told that I am both and get a kick out of it sometimes) but you are worth so much more than that too, just because you are alive and you're you.
One time, I said to a short-term male therapist (to whom I was not remotely attracted) that I was sick of people saying, "What do you have to be depressed about, a pretty girl like you?"
He replied something like, "Yes, you're a pretty girl, but you're so much more than that. You're not just a pretty girl. You're a wonderful person. You're you." He was one of those kind of non-sexual, teddy bear people who could say stuff like that and have it come across the right way.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 22:07:21
In reply to sorry links were scary!, posted by Joslynn on January 15, 2004, at 21:06:49
I'm not at all trying to impress anyone with my funny stories. That's honestly just plain Karen. If you knew me in real life, that's just how I am. I have a real knack for getting myself into situations with my mouth, but I always have stories to tell at least. And I do go through phases where I'm not quite up to par either. That happened a week ago, but I'm usually quick to recover, thanks to everyone's help :)
And though I think I'm pretty darn cute now, I didn't used to. Used to be, I couldn't even look in a mirror. I didn't even think I looked human. But, that's been eons ago. Funny, I call my sister now just to tell her how cute I look on any given day and she just loves it because she knows how much I used to just hate myself. I don't completely value myself based on my sense of humor and looks. Not at all. I'm also intelligent, punctual, have an appreciation for the arts... I could go on all day, but I wouldn't want to bore you.....Also, I don't feel the need to entertain anyone. I enjoy my own posts actually and I enjoy contributing. But, if I don't feel like posting or am not in the mood to be humorous, I'm not. I've had many a rotten therapy session.
I do have my off days (weeks, and yes for a while even years)..
Posted by DaisyM on January 15, 2004, at 23:23:46
In reply to Re: Hey, you found a BD present for me! » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 7:20:07
Don't you have a dusty copy of the Joy of Sex around somewhere? Or did I misread that?
Posted by crushedout on January 15, 2004, at 23:40:26
In reply to Re: a link » Dinah, posted by Penny on January 15, 2004, at 20:18:26
> I think it would be soothing. I can picture myself sitting at my T's feet, with her in her chair, and laying my head on her lap...she's a good mom.Oh, I want to do that, too! I'm crying because I can't ever.
Posted by Joslynn on January 16, 2004, at 9:35:47
In reply to Re: sorry links were scary! » Joslynn, posted by Karen_kay on January 15, 2004, at 22:07:21
Hi Karen, I didn't mean to make it sound like I think you value yourself just for your looks and humor. Looking back at my post, I used way too many "you" messages, which I actually don't like to do.
I hope it didn't sound like, "now you young ladies, take a lesson from my wizened experience I have gain in my 34 years" LOL.
So, to keep to the I messages...in therapy, with both my female therp and my male shrink/pdoc, there is part of me that does want them to think I am pretty. And I also like to make them laugh, and know that I can. Once I almost made my pdoc spew coffeee all over his expensive computer.
But then, there's this other part of me that knows some of the best times have been when I've been ugly and crying with them.
Looks...I know what you mean about feeling unattractive, then feeling attractive. When I was a child, I was kind of cute but had the frizzy hair glasses chubby thiing. Then I went through puberty, growth spurts, boobs!, shape of face changes, contacts etc and suddenly, I was pretty. But then I would compare myself, look around the room and decide, was I the prettiest girl or not, who was prettier and why, etc. I was definitely treated differently as time went on...not so much by friends, but getting better treatment from strangers, in stores, etc.
Now, in my 30s, there are tons of young twenty year olds much cuter than me, and I can just look at them and be happy for them and glad that I'm not in my 20s anymore, because emotionally they were hard times.
Well, I am getting way off topic...
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.