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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on January 11, 2004, at 22:10:54
Ok, I have been posting stuff on transference a lot today and my reason for doing so is because im going to be talking to my therapist tomorrow. Im so worried and anxious about this. I really dont know how to go about bringing this up with her. I dont even know if what I am experiencing or feeling is actually transference. What are the signs? I have full trust that she isnt going to terminate my sessions with her because I havent crossed any boundaries...but, Im going to be so embarressed if i go in there and she says it isnt what I think it is...it is obviously something if it is bothering me..you know? Maybe its just me worrying for nothing. Any suggestions??? Im just trying to keep calm...I shouldnt be so nervous about this..she is only here to help me..right?!Yet at the same time..I really want her to see me upset so she will get an idea of how much this is bothing me...some one please give me words of wisdom of how to handle this...:) thanks.
Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2004, at 22:28:24
In reply to Really nervous about talking to therapist..., posted by Pandabear on January 11, 2004, at 22:10:54
First, remember there is no time table. As Gardenergirl said, if you don't bring it up tomorrow you can always do it later.
Also, if using the technical jargon when you're not sure it's correct worries you, you can just describe your feelings for her. If she wishes she can tell you whether or not she thinks it's transference. It doesn't matter as much what it's called as how it feels and how it affects the therapy. Just speak from your heart in the words that feel right to you.
Transference means different things to different schools of therapy. If there's no universal definition amongst therapists, you needn't worry that you're using it incorrectly.
From what I understood in your post, you're concerned at how dependent you're feeling and how much she's come to mean to you? Those really aren't uncommon feelings and if she's been in practice for a while, she'll be familiar with them. Do you feel erotic feelings for her as well?
Let us know how it turns out?
Posted by Pandabear on January 11, 2004, at 22:43:17
In reply to Re: Really nervous about talking to therapist... » Pandabear, posted by Dinah on January 11, 2004, at 22:28:24
Thanks for calming my nerves. NO, no erotic feelings. She has just come to mean so much to me, I dont want to say anything that might make her think differently of me as her patient. She told me a while ago that if she wasnt my therapist and we had met out in public that the two of us would probably be great friends and at the time it was great to hear that but now Im hanging on to the fact that we will never be anything but "professional friends" (But that is just something I need to just get over) :) I am sure she has heard of transference and I am going to enter into the session just telling her Im not sure what is going on but that im having certain feelings...so we shall see. I will keep you posted...I had something totally different to talk to her about ...it seems like every time i want to talk about something ...something else gets in the way...AHHHH :)
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on January 12, 2004, at 0:36:12
In reply to Re: Really nervous about talking to therapist..., posted by Pandabear on January 11, 2004, at 22:43:17
DONT BE SCARED AT ALL .. IT IS REALLY COMMON AND I AGREE WITH DIANAH THAT IF U DONT DO IT TOMORROW U CAN DO IT LATER ON .... ONCE IT IS OUT AND U KNOW WHAT U R FEELING AND UR T KNOWS TOO IT WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER AND IT SOUNDS LIKE UR T IS BETTER TRAINED THEN MINE WAS ...DONT HAVE ANY WORRIES U WILL BE FINE BELIVE ME I HAVE BEEN THERE AND SO HAS ALMOST EVERYONE ON THIS BOARD!!!!! GOOD LUCK AND ILL BE THINKIN ABOUT U TOMORROW !!! LET US KNOW HOW IT GOES !!!!
Posted by lookdownfish on January 12, 2004, at 7:07:43
In reply to Really nervous about talking to therapist..., posted by Pandabear on January 11, 2004, at 22:10:54
my advice is to tell her what you are thinking and what you are feeling. you don't need to give it the label "transference" - just tell her what's on your mind. what you're feeling can't be correct or incorrect, it is just what it is. So tell her that she has become more important to you and you want to discuss what that means / how it makes you feel etc. Whether it is "actually transference" or not so important, I don't think - leave the theory to her. But I would be very surprised if this would result in a negative reaction. I really hope it goes well for you.
Posted by EmmyS on January 12, 2004, at 8:10:55
In reply to Re: Really nervous about talking to therapist... » Pandabear, posted by lookdownfish on January 12, 2004, at 7:07:43
You could try writing down your feelings, and if the words are too hard to get out...just hand her the piece of paper. After that you just have to point and grunt. :-)
That way at least get the conversation started. I say do it tomorrow. The sooner you start these hard chats, the sooner it's resolved. It's usually the anticipation that's the hardest part. Good luck.
Posted by naiad on January 12, 2004, at 11:53:54
In reply to Re: Really nervous about talking to therapist..., posted by EmmyS on January 12, 2004, at 8:10:55
I STRUGGLED to tell my therapist about my feelings for him. He could see how painful and difficult it was. But he says that not talking about it leaves the issue highly charged and distorted. I first told him last fall and the topic still comes up periodically, but less often and I certainly feel less intense about it. Transference still fascinates me, though.
Have courage and just tell her.
Posted by Penny on January 12, 2004, at 14:12:09
In reply to Really nervous about talking to therapist..., posted by Pandabear on January 11, 2004, at 22:10:54
I was experiencing a lot of those feelings with my former T when she was pregnant - and it was strange - I knew she was pregnant before she told me, but not because she was showing, but because I sensed something. And it turned on all of my fear of abandonment stuff, even though she did return after her maternity leave. But that was an extremely painful time - feeling so very attached and dependent upon her.
I wrote her a letter and then read it to her in our session. I cried while I wrote it and had a hard time reading it, but I managed to make it through. And I'm glad I did, because she handled it exactly how I'd hoped she would. She told me that she thought the letter was very affectionate and that she did care about me and really wanted things to get easier for me and so on. I'm sure I have the details written in my journal. Anyway, she totally understood my transference issues (if that's what you want to call it), and my fear was that calling it transference somehow 'cheapened' my feelings in a way - made them seem less real, not that they felt less real, but I had a fear that perhaps it meant they didn't mean as much. But she disagreed. Whatever you want to call those feelings, she agreed they are powerful and meaningful and they can be good fuel for therapy.
Here's the thing - it's been nearly a year since I last saw my former T. I moved and continued seeing her occasionally on the weekends and found a new T, who shares some commonalities with my former T but is quite different in other ways, and this has been one heck of a year, and so much has happened, but I have formed (I think) a healthy attachment to my current T. And I KNOW I wouldn't be able to feel this way for my current T had I not worked through so much with the first T. My attachment to my current T isn't as dependency-related, right now anyway. But these attachments, IMO, go through ups and downs - sometimes I think I couldn't live without her, and other times I'm okay if I don't see her for a couple of weeks. It just depends.
Anyway, I hope your session went okay with your T today. I completely understand how strong such feelings are and how crazy they can make you feel sometimes! But it CAN get better. IMO it means you are doing something important with your T. Let us know how things went.
P
Posted by Pandabear on January 12, 2004, at 21:09:18
In reply to Re: Really nervous about talking to therapist... » Pandabear, posted by Dinah on January 11, 2004, at 22:28:24
Ok so, I talked to my therapist about my feelings and she was really great about it. She said that I am obviously getting something from her that I am not getting from someone else...so we are going to figure that out. She does however think that My OCD is coming into play and that it is probably because my Lamictal is not where it needs to be...so Im probably going to up the dosage. She has agreed to see me twice a week until I meet with my psychiatrist....in Feb. The only concern I have now is that last year my insurance ran out and I was having to pay out of pocket each session....SOOOO, now i have to space out my sessions and I have already used several...Im going to run out quickly which means im going to be paying again....I cannot run out because if I do i dont know how i will handle not being able to talk to my therapist. It stinks that therapist are there to talk to yet if you cant afford it...you are up the creek without a paddle...:) I cannot handle only seeing her once a month which means that my sessions are going to go quickly...But anyway, It was good to be able to talk about things with her and we will continue to work through it..Thank you for everyone that has offered their words of wisdom to me...it is great to know that there are others out their that are experiencing the same thing as me.....thanks!
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on January 13, 2004, at 14:54:11
In reply to Re: Really nervous about talking to therapist..., posted by Pandabear on January 12, 2004, at 21:09:18
I AM SO HAPPY 4 U THAT U SHARED UR FEELINGS WITH HER !!!! DID IT HELP U ONCE U TOLD HER ? I AM ALSO GLAD UR T WAS UNDERSTANDING OF IT UNLIKE MINE UGH UGH GRRRRRRR !!!! BUT LET ME KNOW HOW U R FEELING SINCE U LET HET KNOW!!! BUYHBYES
Posted by Dinah on January 13, 2004, at 17:00:46
In reply to Re: Really nervous about talking to therapist..., posted by Pandabear on January 12, 2004, at 21:09:18
I'm glad it worked out for you. It really does take a big weight off to share. Now you need to talk to her about your scheduling problems!
Posted by gardenergirl on January 13, 2004, at 19:13:04
In reply to Re: Really nervous about talking to therapist... » Pandabear, posted by Penny on January 12, 2004, at 14:12:09
> Anyway, she totally understood my transference issues (if that's what you want to call it), and my fear was that calling it transference somehow 'cheapened' my feelings in a way - made them seem less real, not that they felt less real, but I had a fear that perhaps it meant they didn't mean as much. But she disagreed. Whatever you want to call those feelings, she agreed they are powerful and meaningful and they can be good fuel for therapy.
It sounds like a very good experience. I agree, the word "transference" has such an intensity to it, and people automatically assume things. But you're absolutely right. It's the feelings and the relationship that matter, not what you call it.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 13, 2004, at 19:17:14
In reply to Re: Really nervous about talking to therapist... » Penny, posted by gardenergirl on January 13, 2004, at 19:13:04
Oops, should have read all the posts in the thread before jumping in.
Way to go, Pandabear! I'm glad you felt able to bring it up. I feel for you about paying out of pocket. It really stinks that decisions about something so important to well being are dependent on money.
In my dream world, we could all have all the therapy and massages we wanted, no cost! Of course, since I am studying to be a T, I would need to somehow earn an income. Maybe alternate dinners at my clients homes? Just kidding!
Take care everyone!
g
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