![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Still Hurting on December 24, 2003, at 22:45:57
My heart still desires to find itself locked up in her arms. My therapist meant all to me. Her voice spoke gentle to me, as her eyes spoke with compassion, her body spoke concern. I struggle and struggle and struggle. I don't want to end up in court, prison, etc. Yet, I still find myself dreaming and longing to be in her presence. Will this fantasy ever leave. I want to be free, then I don't want to be free. I know where she leaves and I have her home number but I am trying desperately to leave her alone. I sent her a book of In Session by Deborah Lott, while I am reading it to. I pray that sending her the book doesn't get me in trouble. I just don't know what more thoughts to process in order to get me away from this desperate desire of receiving her love. Can somebody please help me.
Posted by fallsfall on December 25, 2003, at 11:19:45
In reply to Can/Will I ever get over Her?, posted by Still Hurting on December 24, 2003, at 22:45:57
Still Hurting.
I understand your hurt. It runs so deep.
Please don't contact her - in particular, don't contact her outside of her professional setting. This means don't go to her house. Don't call her home phone. Don't wait in the parking lot next to her car. I know the urge is very hard to deny.
I don't remember your particulars, but do you have a new therapist? If you don't, please get a new therapist as soon as you can.
I haven't seen my old therapist in 6 months, but the pain is still very real. My new therapist has made this time bearable and now we are working on understanding why I am in such pain over the old one. We took a break and worked on other things for a while - that was really important.
Please find a new therapist and let them help you work this through. It is too hard to do by yourself.
Best of luck
Posted by Dinah on December 25, 2003, at 12:55:35
In reply to Can/Will I ever get over Her?, posted by Still Hurting on December 24, 2003, at 22:45:57
Fallsfall is right. But there might be medication that can help too. There may well be an obsessive quality to your feelings for her that can be addressed by the proper medication. Do you have a psychiatrist, and has (s)he made any recommendations?
I'm sorry you're in so much pain.
Posted by Speaker on December 25, 2003, at 15:17:08
In reply to Re: Can/Will I ever get over Her? » Still Hurting, posted by Dinah on December 25, 2003, at 12:55:35
You will get past this...your grieving right now and that is good, just don't take action on your feelings. The others are right - you must not contact her and it is best if you can get another T. to help you. It is such an intimate relationship we develope with T and the loss is tremendous. It's natural to grieve (terrible but natural) but you shouldn't try to do it alone. It is always easier to grieve someone that dies as there is no temptation for contact. I will keep you in my prayers.
Posted by naiad on December 26, 2003, at 11:12:36
In reply to Re: Can/Will I ever get over Her? YES, posted by Speaker on December 25, 2003, at 15:17:08
You sound like you are really hurting. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I, too , have intense feelings for my therapist. Keep reading In Session. It helped me to know that I was not alone. I still don't completely understand transferance but I do know that there is a reason that I have it. Hopefully your new therapist will help you to discover the root of your needs. Best of luck and take care.
Posted by Still Hurting on December 26, 2003, at 22:15:52
In reply to Re: Can/Will I ever get over Her? YES, posted by naiad on December 26, 2003, at 11:12:36
I think I've finally got a breakthrough on this mess. Today I realized that when we go therapy we place our souls into the hands of our therapist in order that they can change and rectify our broken lives. We transform from a heart of stone to a heart of clay in their hands as we tell them our treasured secrets. Now what's supposed to happen is we lean on them for season in order to gather strength, but in due time, the power we gave them, soon comes back to ourselves, as we learn to take control and power over our lives constructively. Transference seems not only inevitable but necessary. Transference seems to assist the therapist in helping to make necessary behavourable changes in our life. But if that is so true, why do they run so? But see, we aren't supposed to stay stuck on transference. In time, we are supposed to gain back our soul, emotions, and strength that we placed into their hands. Therapy is not forever. It is just for a time in order to gain the strength that you lost due to a broken and stressful season in your life.
Posted by LostGirl on December 27, 2003, at 22:19:32
In reply to Re: Can/Will I ever get over Her? YES, posted by Still Hurting on December 26, 2003, at 22:15:52
You are on the right track now.
I am still not over mine over 2 years later, because it ended due to him screwing up, not due to it taking its natural course with a natural, planned termination.
Both my parents have died since then, and their losses can't compare with the loss of him - and he's still alive.
There is something in the context of your spilling your guts to someone in such a safe and protected environment that causes an attachment that is at the same time artificial (you don't really know them) yet very powerful. It's like a cruel joke - all the conditions lead you to feel something like a powerful love, only it is a love that is doomed and unless handled with the utmost care and ends in the most planned way, can be excruciating. I never had illusions about anything outside his office, and yet I can't get over this attachment either. I live near him, and he works out of the home, and have even had chance sitings of him or the wife which freak me out for days.
I do believe time will help us.
Posted by Still Hurting on December 29, 2003, at 1:07:28
In reply to Re: Can/Will I ever get over Her? YES, posted by LostGirl on December 27, 2003, at 22:19:32
You know what I've decided to do? Tomorrow I will call my ex therapist and ask her to meet with me and my current therapist for closure to this drama. Today I saw her. It is interesting, it's like she senses me or something. As I was walking into the market, she was standing next to her car whilst looking all around for me. It's like she knew I was there. I spotted her looking for me so I waved, surprising she waved back. But nevertheless, as much as therapist believe in closure, I'm going to see if she will provide closure for me in this mess. See if you can get closure in your's too Lost Girl. Wish me luck.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.