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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Nerine on November 23, 2003, at 17:47:22
Hi Everyone,
I've been looking around these pages for a while and they seem pretty good. I'd really like some advice and this seems the place to come. Sorry this post will be so long!
My teenage daughter was diagnosed with severe depression about a year ago and was registered at a young person's unit. The unit seems good, though underfunded, and several p-docs have come and gone, all trying different drugs on her and saying not entirely consistent things. She's had a good support worker throughout, though, and the impression I get is that most of the staff are caring and committed. She's not got better or responded effectively to any drug yet, but she's not reached the end of the road, and currently valproate seems to be making a tiny difference.
During this period, to my surprise I was also diagnosed with depression by my GP. I say "to my surprise" because I was never taken seriously with mental problems by doctors when I was younger (feeling MUCH worse than I do now) and so I'd long since given up either thinking I had depression, or that any doctor would ever believe me if I did. And yet here I was at the age of 40, being diagnosed without even asking for help... (I went along to see her after persistent insomnia). She pressed me to take Prozac, and she was dead right - it's gone a long way towards helping me.
The big worry for me is that my GP also referred me to a CBT therapist, and then my daughter's support team asked me if I'd like some support therapy from them too. I was happy to try it, but it was hell, in both cases. I don't really know what's going on and to what extent the problem is mine, but that old "Cassandra" syndrome raised its head again - as I soon as I told either therapist about the stuff I really worried about (the fact that I don't just get low, I get very high as well), they diminished it and got unbelieving. I felt invaded, because they'd dragged the information out of me, then dismissed it. It seems everyone likes me when I'm telling them I feel fine, and no-one wants to know about the bad stuff - not even therapists!
I pulled out of both therapy relationships straight after - I had no idea how much their reaction was going to hurt. Worse still, my daughter started coming home saying they didn't seem to take her seriously any more - this was after her therapist had spoken to me. I'm terrified this "Cassandra" nightmare from my past has been passed on to her and they think she's histrionic or something. Before I spoke to them, they were going along a possible bipolar diagnosis for her - afterwards they started saying to her "it may not be an illness you have" and "are you sure you need drugs"?
I'm terrified that something I said has done real damage to her set-up. The thing is, she's got lots of determination which hides the worst of her feelings from others, but she is in a really bad way. I'm beginning to think she'll do something really serious to herself, because she's being backed into a corner to "prove" that she's as depressed as she says she is. They don't see her at home when she's shaking and out of control,and saying over and over again "I'd commit suicide but I don't want to hurt you and Grandma and Grandpa". I spend loads of time with her, having cut back at work as much as I possibly can, and I think suicide is a real possibility - not right now, but sometime in the future. In fact I think a suicide attempt is more likely than not. I don't feel I can go to the docs and tell them that, because my tiny intervention so far seems to have done harm, not good.
Sorry if this is a bit incoherent and raises as many questions as it answers - I'm not thinking very straight at the moment. If anyone has any advice, I'd really love the help - thanks!
Posted by judy1 on November 23, 2003, at 19:08:48
In reply to Newbie Advice, posted by Nerine on November 23, 2003, at 17:47:22
I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through such a difficult time. I think the biggest fear is suicide of course, if you feel she is in immediate danger (versus ideation, speaking about it) then you must get help for her. I've made several serious suicide attempts, the first in my teens- so I truly feel your intervention is necessary and I'm sure her social worker would feel the same. I mention the social worker because it sounds like she doesn't have any consistancy in her care, and developing a trusting relationship with a therapist is critical. If they are giving her depakote and it's helping, maybe she does have bipolar disorder, and since that has a genetic component- it's more than possible you have it also. If she was my child I would definitely address the suicidal thoughts first and go from there.
take care, judy
Posted by Dr. Rod on November 23, 2003, at 19:24:22
In reply to Newbie Advice, posted by Nerine on November 23, 2003, at 17:47:22
When my sons each had problems, I went with them to therapy interviews... I don't hear you saying that you go with her even though the two therapists otherwise work with you both... If they discouraged family therapy, seek out such therapy... Many therapists I hang out with demand it, at least in the beginning...
I am curious about your daughter's internal conflicts that cause her to consider that "permanent solution to a very temporary condition"... Also, who's opinion is she being impacted with??? A simple test of what's important and what's not is to suspend all opinions for 24 hours... You can then get some clarity as to which opinions are yours and which are being foisted onto you by someone else...
Note: opinion is information held confident without direct/immediate knowledge... Opinions are the story about what happened being told by someone who usually wasn't there... So if you are being manipulated by someone else’s stories, good luck!!!
Posted by TexasChic on November 24, 2003, at 11:13:42
In reply to Newbie Advice, posted by Nerine on November 23, 2003, at 17:47:22
Your daughter is crying out for help and you are the only one in the position to do it. You have to stop beating yourself up for what you 'might' have done and just keep trying. Try to think of mental health providers as applicants for the very important job of helping your daughter. If they fall short, move on – you're paying them after all. Please don't give up just because the first ones didn't work out like you would have hoped. For every doctor or therapist out there, there is a different theory and way of doing things. Just stay determined and you will be able to help your daughter. Keep us posted and good luck!
Posted by Nerine on November 26, 2003, at 4:59:18
In reply to Re: Newbie Advice, posted by TexasChic on November 24, 2003, at 11:13:42
Thanks very much, everyone. Judy, I don’t think she’s in immediate danger of suicide, but she regularly feels extremely low and hopeless, and I think even in her better states of mind she is losing hope of being fully understood by the professionals. She's weary after two years of seeing doctors and not finding a drug which works. There has been one occupational therapist who’s been with her throughout, though the rest of the team has changed a lot.
Dr Rod and TexasChic, they have update meetings every two months or so, which I go to. I’ve said at each meeting that I’m very happy to come along to anything to which they want to invite me, but there’s never been any mention of family therapy apart from this. My daughter doesn’t know anyone in the unit who does get family therapy – it doesn’t seem to be part of their programme for that age-group (17-18). After the last meeting when my daughter was very upset, I drove her back to the hospital and asked to see one of the team, and asked them about the state of play and explained I felt I wasn’t able to follow what was happening there. They’ve said they’ll keep me informed.
The thing is, we live in the UK and this is the standard treatment provided by our national health service. I don’t know if we have private psychiatrists, but I suppose we must have some - I’ll try to find out.
Dr Rod - could you explain your point about suspending opinions? Sorry – I couldn’t understand what you were recommending we do.
Posted by TexasChic on November 26, 2003, at 9:30:18
In reply to Re: Newbie Advice, posted by Nerine on November 26, 2003, at 4:59:18
Hm-m-m, I still think you need a different set of docs with a different program, but the national health service thing is definitely a stumbling block. No one treatment plan can possibly be right for all people. But that doesn't mean you can't use them as a resource to get the help your daughter needs. If I were you I would continue to research as much as you can on your daughters symptoms and the treatment she is relieving. Arm yourself with knowledge and don't let anyone railroad you or blow you off. Be pushy! Be the annoying person that gives them a headache. Don't worry about being nice, fight for your daughter. Good luck, I'll be rooting for you!
This is the end of the thread.
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