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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sadmom on November 14, 2003, at 9:15:51
I had my usual Therapy appt on this past Wednesday. My Therapist usually has a wedding ring on and also ring or rings on her other hand. At my appointment she had no rings on at all. But I did notice she had on a bracelet. So now my imagination is running wild and I feel quite anxious until my next appt so I can see if the rings are back on or if they are still off. My abandonment fears are escalating, like I worry she's getting a divorce and she'll fall apart like I did and she won't be my therapist anymore. Or she'll move to be closer to her family because she'll need help if she's a single parent.
Has anybody else had this happen to them?
I wonder if therapists have any idea how minor changes in their appearance effect us.
Posted by Dinah on November 14, 2003, at 9:59:41
In reply to Therapist wasn't wearing rings, posted by sadmom on November 14, 2003, at 9:15:51
I understand *perfectly*. But if she wasn't wearing any of her rings, maybe there's another reason like she's getting them clean or she's having some skin problems.
If the rings stay off you could mention noticing that she's not wearing them? That could be a springboard to your fears.
Sometimes I find out I've built a castle out of air with my fears. Other times my therapist leavess me dangling a bit while I guess he works out whatever it is before telling me.
Posted by Poet on November 14, 2003, at 10:08:06
In reply to Therapist wasn't wearing rings, posted by sadmom on November 14, 2003, at 9:15:51
Hi Sadmom,
I notice what jewelry my therapist has on, too. She always wears rings on the same fingers. If she suddenly had on a wedding ring I'd be upset that she didn't tell me she was getting married. (She's divorced with grown kids.)
I think if your therapist was divorcing she would have taken off her wedding ring, but worn the others. Maybe she's having her rings cleaned? Or developed an allergy or contact dermatitis from the gold or silver or whatever the rings are made of? She wore the bracelet because she can't wear her rings?
Next Wednesday, if she isn't wearing the rings, then ask why. You don't have to tell her that you linked it to abandonment, you're just curious.
My therapist has no clue that I pay attention to what she wears and how I interpret changes. That's something the Perfect Therapy Patients Club should add to our rules for perfect therapists. There's a bunch of threads in the archives for October with the rules we made up, if you didn't see them.
Poet
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 14, 2003, at 12:10:25
In reply to Re: Therapist wasn't wearing rings » sadmom, posted by Poet on November 14, 2003, at 10:08:06
I take off my rings at night and put them back on in the morning. Every once in awhile I forget to put my rings on. It could be as simple as that. She could have been running late or gotten distracted and left her house without her rings.
Posted by Elle2021 on November 14, 2003, at 19:52:13
In reply to Therapist wasn't wearing rings, posted by sadmom on November 14, 2003, at 9:15:51
> I wonder if therapists have any idea how minor changes in their appearance effect us.
I'm not sure if they know how much their appearance effects us. I do notice the jewelerly my pdoc wears. He's a guy so, just a ring. Though I wonder if he is divorced because even though it's on his wedding finger, it looks nothing like a wedding band, and it is truly the most ugliest ring I have ever seen.
Elle
Posted by Still Hurting on November 19, 2003, at 0:36:02
In reply to Re: Therapist wasn't wearing rings » sadmom, posted by Elle2021 on November 14, 2003, at 19:52:13
Sadmom,
I can honestly relate. My former counselor wore two rings. One on her right hand and one on her marriage finger. This one day, she didn't have on either rings. I was astound. So with much anticipation I flew into her office the next week to see if she had her wedding band back on. She didn't. I wanted to ask, but I knew how sensitive she was to me asking personal questions. But by the third week she had these rings back on, so I just left it alone. But I can relate to you; just sitting there for the entire session wondering if your counselor is experiencing marriage problems and about to get a divorce.
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