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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DaisyM on November 5, 2003, at 10:21:16
I find that because the past few weeks have been so tough and awful (last week I was in 3 times and on the phone once)I wanted this week to be better -- but not for me, for my Therapist. I am convinced that he must be getting tired of me being so sad about everything. Monday I tried to steer clear of the painful topics and talk about more areas where I still feel in charge (or can pretend to be) so he could feel like I was getting better or at least trying to feel stronger, but we ended up in a dark place anyway.
But life remains hard, I'm sad and anxious, there have been two very stressful events in the past 2 days and tonight my son told me that he use to think I was supermom before he knew I had my own problems and my own counselor. Wow, that hurt -- not that he meant it that way.
I promised myself this week I would get through it on my own, no crisis calls and no sad and whining on Thursday night. It is just impossible.
Can I ask him to do all the talking instead?
-D
Posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 10:46:37
In reply to Wanted a positive Therapy session, posted by DaisyM on November 5, 2003, at 10:21:16
Hi Daisy,
Asking her to do the talking doesn't work with my therapist. What she says is "you're in control of what we talk about, not me." Then we play stare down until I crack.
I don't think your therapist is getting tired of your sadness. If anything he feels bad that he can't help you feel better quicker.
My therapist keeps reminding me that therapy is a slow, painful process: deep emotional wounds take a long time to heal. Your therapist probably feels the same way.
Try to keep talking about the painful things, I know who am I to give advice, I play stare down more than I talk.
Poet
Posted by fallsfall on November 5, 2003, at 21:08:46
In reply to Re: Wanted a positive Therapy session » DaisyM, posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 10:46:37
Daisy,
If you tell him that you are afraid he is tired of hearing you complain then he will tell you if you are right or not, and why. That might make you feel better.
If you put on a happy face when you aren't happy, then he can't help you as much.
Posted by DaisyM on November 6, 2003, at 14:40:09
In reply to Re: Wanted a positive Therapy session, posted by fallsfall on November 5, 2003, at 21:08:46
You are both right but that doesn't help me not feel like a complainer. Honesty has its limits. I've said this to him before, he usually tells me that my feelings are old and from past experience with complaining. He always says bring my whole self into sessions, happy and not.
Maybe I am tired of everyone around me complaining so I am projecting this outward. I just know that I wanted to have a good week, and it has been terrible. :(
Posted by karen_kay on November 6, 2003, at 14:54:40
In reply to Re: Wanted a positive Therapy session, posted by DaisyM on November 6, 2003, at 14:40:09
I'm sorry you had a terrible week. Just remember that when you've had a bad week, it tends to get better. And hang in there! Sending you support! Also, I usually htink that when I'm just telling my therapist about all the negative aspects in my life there is Always another client worse than I am, one who is consistently negative. But, maybe I am that consistently negative client. Maybe I'm not helping. Karen
Posted by DaisyM on November 6, 2003, at 18:44:20
In reply to Re: Wanted a positive Therapy session, posted by karen_kay on November 6, 2003, at 14:54:40
...he did want to know if what I was really asking was for him to put more of a positive spin on things -- I asked if there was a positive spin??? then said I didn't think so. It was more me being worried about being selfish.
Then we had a great talk all around the subject of supermom and my need to take it all on from everyone and how to maybe not feel so selfish about setting limits and saying no. (OK, even he admits this is really hard.)
I still wish I felt better - :(
-D
Posted by Dinah on November 6, 2003, at 20:53:47
In reply to Session wasn't so bad but..., posted by DaisyM on November 6, 2003, at 18:44:20
Please forgive me if you've told me before. How long and how often do you see him?
I rather suspect we all worry about boring our therapists with the same old, same old. With me, it's my endless circular arguments which he's learned to shortcircuit by agreeing that I might be right.
What sort of therapy do you do with him? Do you know what orientation he has? I think mine is working on the idea that I need reparenting, or something like that. A corrective emotional experience?
Posted by DaisyM on November 6, 2003, at 22:03:02
In reply to Re: Session wasn't so bad but... » DaisyM, posted by Dinah on November 6, 2003, at 20:53:47
Dinah,
My Therapist is a psychotherapist but not in the "he never talks" sense. He does ask a lot of questions about how I am feeling "right now" and we explore "our" relationship sometimes. He does joke and he is pretty gentle. He flips from pushing to being supportive during a crisis. I see him twice a week "for now." We went to this in September when we really started to de-construct past events. :(
He recognizes that the therapy discussions may actually be causing the crisis aftermaths -- so he is generally available by phone or for extra sessions. I have pretty good insurance so they don't limit stuff.I don't think he is bored, but I worry that it is too much negativity --too many "my life sucks" statements. He tries to help me focus on what I did that "worked" or made me feel stronger, better, etc. I have to admit that when he does that I feel like he thinks I'm better than I think I am or I can't sustain feeling strong and then I don't want to admit this.
My son has a CBT -- who I love and adore but he is totally into "admit it bothers you and move on." Works for kids and anxiety but I don't think it would work for the mess I'm sorting out.
Most of this depression is about grief -- we've identified this key -- both current (my hubbie is really ill and really angry about all that this means) and past - my childhood was kind of a mess and I am just beginning to revisit and admit this.
Add all this with a mid-life crisis! Maybe my Therapist should charge double! I guess I just really like him so I don't want him to see me as the "problem" client. Not the role I'm use to playing.
-D
Posted by Dinah on November 7, 2003, at 18:58:21
In reply to Re: Session wasn't so bad but... » Dinah, posted by DaisyM on November 6, 2003, at 22:03:02
I understand. Although I think I'm getting used to the role, as opposed to my former competent one. It's been close to ten years now since I've felt competent.
From what you said here and in your post to Karen, it sounds as if you have an empathetic and competent professional on your side. Which means he just wants what's best for you.
And you're dealing with a lot. Just reconstructing the past is more than enough to do at once. Having a husband that is ill makes it even that much more remarkable that you are doing as well as you are. Give yourself a lot more of the credit you deserve.
This is the end of the thread.
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