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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 15:44:10
The entire session was based on a tangle of truths and lies. And I didn't even realize it until later.
I let my desire to look like a good girl overcome my usual truthfulness. After all, I know he knows I'm not a "good girl" and that he's okay with that. He accepts the uglier sides of me.
I wrote down the real truth, and I have another session Monday. The truth should be able to wait that long, right? I'm having this itchy crawly feeling of desire to confess all. But confessing all Monday should be fine, right?
Moreover, I think I had a reason for fibbing a bit. I'm feeling so fragile right now that even the temporary sort of anger that the truth will probably cause could overwhelm my coping skills enough that I wouldn't be able to talk about it at all. It's ok to strike while the iron is cold in these emotional matters, isn't it? Or is the whole purpose of therapy to strike while the iron is hot? I can't take that right now, I don't think. My cold has left me feeling low and overemotional. The slightest thing oversets me. I have the nervous system of a two year old and the common cold causes me to be as cranky and overwraught as a sick child.
It's ok to wait till I feel better to tell him, isn't it?
Posted by Dissociative Jane on July 31, 2003, at 16:19:44
In reply to I lied to my therapist today, posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 15:44:10
Dinah,
I don't know you but if i was your friend I would advise you to just "fess up" to your therapist on your very next appointment. He is there to help you and no matter what the "truth" is, just give it to him.
Now I DO know this is easier said than done but my guess is you will feel better once the truth is accomplished.
Posted by justyourlaugh on July 31, 2003, at 16:24:07
In reply to I lied to my therapist today, posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 15:44:10
yes dinah,,of course its okay...
i lie all the time to the docs...
but i recently told my pdoc why i ran with the kids and didnt tell anyone..the truth was admitting i am not well..i needed help...
instead of death,,i think i am looking for other ways to "go away"..
i am being more honest to myself...thats more important..it sounds to me like you have a good grip on reality and need not to worry about it...
touching hand,little squeeze
smile
j
Posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 16:29:14
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today, posted by Dissociative Jane on July 31, 2003, at 16:19:44
Actually, I couldn't take the stress of knowing I had lied, called him and left a message telling him I had lied and would tell him about it at our next session. And that if that wasn't soon enough to call me. If it was soon enough, not to call me.
I figure that way, I'm not really bothering him because he doesn't have to return the call unless it really is important that I lied. And since I don't think it is, since I told him the truth, he won't have to call at all, and all I've cost him is the minute to listen to the message.
Gosh, my thoughts are running in circles today. Must be the new prescription decongestants I started this morning.
Posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 16:32:36
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today » Dinah, posted by justyourlaugh on July 31, 2003, at 16:24:07
I'm glad you're feeling more like you can tell the truth to your doctors (and more importantly to yourself). I guess I should be proud that I told myself the truth, even if I did it after the session was over. That's an important step.
(And excellent use of verbal emoticons!! - {admiring smile})
Posted by fallsfall on July 31, 2003, at 16:32:54
In reply to I lied to my therapist today, posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 15:44:10
I know that you don't lie on a regular basis. Plus you said: "And I didn't even realize it until later." So it isn't like you sat there in the session and knowingly lied. Some part of you needed the break.
I'm glad you are planning to tell him on Monday. He probably will want to also talk about why you felt it was difficult to tell him the truth.
I think it can wait until Monday (I think it could wait until your next appointment, whenever that would be).
It's on your mind. You've written it down so you won't forget.
It's fine. Don't beat yourself up.
[I'm planning on omitting something that happened when I see my therapist tomorrow. If it starts to come up, I won't lie, but I'll tell him that talking about it with him could really upset me and his vacation is too close, so I'd rather defer it until he comes back. Omitting it is OK, isn't it?]
Posted by Dissociative Jane on July 31, 2003, at 16:35:28
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today » Dissociative Jane, posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 16:29:14
I wonder if your therapist will call you back?
I think my therapist is nicely "conditioning" me not to call her after sessions. The last few times I've called her in between sessions to tell her something, she says the following.....
"It's really important that we discuss this during our next session, please trust me, this is for your benefit"
Interestingly, i trust her and I believe she really does have my best interest in mind.
Posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 16:39:23
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on July 31, 2003, at 16:32:54
Omissions are just fine, I think. We can always decide our agendas for any given session and choose to discuss something another day. At least, I think we can. Don't let me know if we can't. ;)
Posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 16:50:03
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today, posted by Dissociative Jane on July 31, 2003, at 16:35:28
Mine seems to have fallen into the dialectical behavior therapy strategy of encouraging me to call rather than get all worked up. A lot of time I just leave him messages. Sometimes I just listen to his message. Most of the time, if he needs to call back at all, it's just a brief thing.
And it doesn't happen all the time. Just when I'm not doing well. I offered today to pay him some extra for the extra calls this week (I really do think it's the darn cold), but he declined. Really, it hasn't happened that much since we went to twice a week.
Posted by judy1 on July 31, 2003, at 18:57:32
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today » Dissociative Jane, posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 16:50:03
I'm really sorry you're not feeling well- but quite convinced that your 'feeling ill' is contributing to how you're viewing things. it sounds like your therapist knows you very well- encouraging you to call rather than obsessing sounds like a good plan. we all lie to our therapists on occasion, especially if you don't feel well enough to delve deeper into an issue. I've cancelled visits when I don't feel physically well, but I know you probably feel better seeing your therapist no matter how you feel. I hope your next appt. goes well and you feel better. take care, judy
Posted by Dissociative Jane on July 31, 2003, at 21:02:40
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today » Dissociative Jane, posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 16:50:03
Dinah,
Did your therapist reccomend you to see him 2x's per week
Posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 21:11:19
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today » Dinah, posted by judy1 on July 31, 2003, at 18:57:32
> I'm really sorry you're not feeling well- but quite convinced that your 'feeling ill' is contributing to how you're viewing things.
I'm quite positive you're right. In fact I suspect that by next week I won't even remember this week. I've been run down physically for three months because of the glucophage (diabetes medication) so the cold did way more damage than usual, emotionally and otherwise. I fell to pieces with the bank lady yesterday!
The really good news is that I've lost 15 of the 20 pounds my internist said I needed to lose to try to go off the gluchophage. I have an appointment in another two months. I should have lost the five pounds by then (I'm sure of it - the glucophage makes me feel too unwell to eat), and we'll try dropping the medication!
> it sounds like your therapist knows you very well- encouraging you to call rather than obsessing sounds like a good plan.
Yes, he does. And I think he's figured out through trial and error the things that work best (and worst) with me. :)
> we all lie to our therapists on occasion, especially if you don't feel well enough to delve deeper into an issue. I've cancelled visits when I don't feel physically well, but I know you probably feel better seeing your therapist no matter how you feel. I hope your next appt. goes well and you feel better. take care, judy
I'm relieved to hear I'm not alone. In fact, if I think back a while, I suppose I've lied to him before too. :)
I swear the man has the patience of a saint for not being overly annoyed with me when I get all needy and overwrought like this.
Thanks Judy. You take care too. Are you still having regular visits with your therapist?
Posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 21:12:33
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today, posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 21:11:19
Posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 21:19:59
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today Dinah, posted by Dissociative Jane on July 31, 2003, at 21:02:40
I'm trying to remember. It was late last year or early this year. I was making a lot of extra sessions, and not doing so well. Hmmm.... It might have been the Effexor fiasco of last July. I asked him if we could schedule twice a week until I felt better. He agreed, then thought I was doing so much better that he asked what I thought of continuing it. I still don't know what I think of it...
Was it your therapist's idea? Or yours?
Posted by Morgen on August 1, 2003, at 2:23:37
In reply to I lied to my therapist today, posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 15:44:10
Hi Dinah...
I can think of one time that I blatantly lied about something material to my therapist... and I felt horrible when I did it, and more horrible because I did it as what I felt was a matter of necessity because, not understanding that past child abuse (which is no longer and unable to continue) is NOT something they break confidences about... I was trying to protect someone.
Fortunately, my therapist knew it was a concern at the time, and had already been on the phone after our session to someone else she could double check with about her ethical obligations, and so when I called and left a vm for her recanting everything, she called me back to tell me that she wasn't obliged to disclose anything and she hoped that cleared up the problem. So, I was caught right out. She knew I was lying, but also cleared up any need to lie. It was a great experience.
But I've lied about a lot of less material things and, like you mentioned, most of them I didn't realize I was lying about at the time. Some of them were reflexive lies, which are I think equally less culpable -- you know, I comment that I'm just rambling on and on and she asks me why and I say I don't know but we both know I'm avoiding something that we were going to bring up in session that day. Stuff like that. Sometimes I feel guilty about those, but not often. I feel like when she knows anyway, no damage is done.
Now omissions... I think they are generally not bad, but some of them can be when they are really important. When I switch the subject of "how I'm feeling" to something else so that I don't have to mention the fact that I don't plan on seeing her again... that's pretty important. Fortunately, she caught that one too, eventually.
I'm glad you're seeing your therapist twice a week... I wish I was sometimes. So much comes up during sessions that I was just refusing to think about -- like someone else was discussing in another thread, I sometimes get pretty upset after my sessions -- last week being one example. Sometimes though, I feel much calmer. There's not really a pattern, it just depends on what we talk about I suppose, and how I was feeling.
ugh, long ramble again. Oh well, reading is always optional, so I guess we can all write away!
Good to be done with work and back enjoying everyone's posts.
Morgenada
Posted by Dinah on August 1, 2003, at 8:16:37
In reply to Half truths and confessions...., posted by Morgen on August 1, 2003, at 2:23:37
You're right. She does sound like an insightful and caring therapist. I'm glad you'll be able to move on from her retaining that image of her. :)
Posted by judy1 on August 1, 2003, at 22:45:11
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today, posted by Dinah on July 31, 2003, at 21:11:19
Are you still having regular visits with your therapist?
-actually I had an appt scheduled for Thursday, but when I showed up she told me she had messed things up and asked if I wouldn't mind rescheduling. Now you have to realize I just drove 40 miles, and going to my therapist is an emotional struggle for me. But I said no problem (liar that I am) and rescheduled for 2 weeks because my husband will be out of town and I have the kids and a bunch of other stuff going on. to be honest, I'm angry and will probably cancel that appt. I'm pretty self-destructive that way. hope you're feeling better- judy
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2003, at 8:58:13
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today » Dinah, posted by judy1 on August 1, 2003, at 22:45:11
I don't blame you for being angry. I would be too. I just act out differently, I suppose. I'd get more clingy rather than cancel. I'm sorry about that, Judy.
Maybe you could keep the appointment and be honest about your anger?
Posted by judy1 on August 2, 2003, at 9:55:09
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today » judy1, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2003, at 8:58:13
It's funny Dinah, with my old shrink I would have let him have it and gone out and had a car accident or something (which I suppose is still self destructive). My therp can be really helpful sometimes, but every visit is emotionally draining for me, who would look forward to feeling like that? But of course my present status isn't the picture of mental health- internal dialogue here :-). It's interesting that you would get more dependent, would you still express your anger? I have a lot of trouble with that- I think sometimes if I let some anger out I will be completely out of control with rage that has nothing to do with her. I'll let you know if I decide to go, my feelings change constantly. take care, judy
Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2003, at 14:02:16
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today » Dinah, posted by judy1 on August 2, 2003, at 9:55:09
Hmmm. I would get more clingy because mixing up my scheduling and not telling me until I got there would be an abandonment issue. That would cause anger for a lot of reasons, but mainly because it would stir up abandonment fears. When my abandonment fears are stirred up, I get way more clingy. That's why my therapist encourages phone calls between sessions, etc. Because it's counterproductive to him to stir my abandonment fears.
And yes, I would have told him how angry I was, probably in a phone call to his machine as soon as I left his office. Then I would have called and retracted the anger, then I would have called and retracted the retraction. Ok, I've gotten a little better about it now. I'd probably have done it all in one call now. "I'm angry and feel abandoned, I'm scared of telling you I'm angry for fear you'll abandon me, but I'm still angry that I can't count on you." Does that count as progress in therapy? :) And in the next session we'd discuss it as necessary.
Let us know what you decide.
By the way, aren't some of the sessions not harrowing? I think the irregular positive rewards of therapy keep me going through the rough sessions. A lot of sessions leave me feeling stirred up and agitated. Really wrung out. Draining as you say. But often enough, sessions are restorative and affirming and leave me wrapped in a blanket of comfort. Don't you ever have those sessions? If not, I can see why you take long breaks. Those are the payoff for the hard work ones.
Posted by judy1 on August 3, 2003, at 14:08:22
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today » judy1, posted by Dinah on August 2, 2003, at 14:02:16
Abandonment issues were my number one issue with my ex-shrink who then proceeded to abandon me after a suicide attempt. Well I survived... But it has taken me 2 years to trust another therapist, and I don't think I have that 'transference' thing going on since I can easily go 1/2 year w/o seeing either my therp or shrink. I truly don't think about either of them unless I'm having an especially difficult time then it's usually my husband pushing me to call.
Yes, some of the sessions are positive, but no I don't ever get a warm and fuzzy feeling. I think my ex-shrink did a real number on me because my drs. both genuinely care about my welfare and I just maintain my distance.
lots to think about.
take care, judy
Posted by Dinah on August 3, 2003, at 14:50:43
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today » Dinah, posted by judy1 on August 3, 2003, at 14:08:22
Judy, I am so sorry about what your previous therapist did to you. They can do so much good when they're good professional people, but they can do ever so much harm otherwise.
I can only imagine how hard it is for you to trust again. It took me five years to trust my therapist, and I never had had to deal with betrayal in my past. I can't imagine how hard it would be to trust another one if this one abandoned me.
Take care of yourself, Judy.
Posted by judy1 on August 3, 2003, at 17:22:31
In reply to Re: I lied to my therapist today » judy1, posted by Dinah on August 3, 2003, at 14:50:43
thanks for the kind words Dinah. It really is sort of scary the power we give to our therapists. I wish I could feel some of the strong feelings you have for yours, maybe one day I'll let my guard down. take care, judy
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