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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by kiddo on July 2, 2002, at 10:37:59
In reply to Re: I Will Find a Way to Live, posted by bookgurl99 on July 2, 2002, at 8:27:01
(Sorry to post under Kiddo's name.)
BookGurl
Have you considered treating your fear that you have an illness first, which perhaps could be showing your anxiety?
Just one of my many thoughts. There would be no harm done, right?
Whispering Willow
Posted by ShelliR on July 2, 2002, at 11:32:29
In reply to Got any effective methods for averting suicide?, posted by bookgurl99 on July 1, 2002, at 20:25:08
> This weekend I felt compelled to write out a plan. I'm not going to let myself carry it out, but still. Any good ways to stop the thoughts?
Along with that plan, could you write out another plan? This sometimes works for me. I write all the things I have not yet tried for my depression: the medication, type of therapy, people to spend time with who make me feel better, etc.
This list serves to balance the other list. Not a cheery, gooey list, but a real plan of possible medical and psychiatric resources: things that might work to alieviate your depression.
When I do that list, I realize that I am not at the end of the line; there are still options left that I haven't tried. So it is not the time to give up.Shelli
Posted by Mark H. on July 2, 2002, at 16:54:11
In reply to Re: I Will Find a Way to Live, posted by bookgurl99 on July 2, 2002, at 8:27:01
Bookgurl,
I think it is important and entirely responsible for you to explore the possibility of an endocrinological basis for your symptoms. I know a professional woman whose personality very gradually deteriorated until few people could remember whether she had always been so "out of it." Her health continued to fail while she was traveling overseas, and it was fortunate that a French physician -- sensitive to different causes than most American physicians -- immediately recognized her on sight as having Graves' disease and sent her home for treatment and rest. Within less than a year, she had fully recovered her strength, sanity and good health. Her regular physicians here -- and this woman had been a Hospice nurse with extensive connections in the medical community -- had completely missed it.
My advisor in college experienced something similar. Whether because she was exceptionally brilliant or despite it, her doctors kept giving her tranquilizers and telling her she was just being neurotic. A good internist finally took her seriously and located a perished ectopic pregnancy that had been producing potentially life-threatening toxins.
For some of us, the answer never comes. What the field of medicine doesn't know is still far larger than what it does know, and it is frighteningly easy at times to discover its limits. At those times, we must find our own ways to endure and adapt.
I very much admire your courage and spirit.
Please keep us posted.
Best wishes,
Mark H.
Posted by Vanessa on July 2, 2002, at 17:13:27
In reply to Re: I Will Find a Way to Live (Willow), posted by kiddo on July 2, 2002, at 10:37:59
There were 2 things I did when I was horribly depressed and often suicidal for 3 long years:
#1 I'd call a friend who had seen me in the depths, and hung on tight. I knew she couldn't relieve the pain, but she gave me a safe place
to cling to (kinda like a friend helping a woman in labor); #2 I took a risperdal. It didn't stop the pain, but it definitely took the edge off so I didn't feel so desperate and ready to jump ship.
I only started using risperdal after about a year and a half of depression; I wish I had had it from the beginning. It soothed things a bit, without making me feel drugged. I hope these suggestions and those from others help. Deep depression can be hell. Take care.
Posted by bookgurl99 on July 2, 2002, at 21:22:43
In reply to Re: I Will Find a Way to Live (Willow), posted by kiddo on July 2, 2002, at 10:37:59
Willow,
Y'know, the thing is, I am living with these symptoms. It was the symptoms themselves that led to the belief that I am ill. I have been treated like shit by doctors that started with the _assumption_that it was all psychological.
The thing is, people around me can see my loss of intellect. Even my therapist confirms that there has been a change in me. And I never had a stroke, drug use, alcohol use, or an accident to explain it.
I have tried in the last 4 months to _assume_ that the illness is psychological, but the memory loss is getting so much worse.
So yeah, I've thought of treating the anxiety.
Posted by bookgurl99 on July 2, 2002, at 21:25:09
In reply to Re: Got any effective methods for averting suicide? » bookgurl99, posted by ShelliR on July 2, 2002, at 11:32:29
Thanks for the list suggestion.
In an effort to direct my energies more positively, I picked up a book today on healing mild brain injuries. (I did not have a brain injury, but have similar symptoms, so I figured it would help.) It has lots of suggestions for activities on healing the brain. So I guess, in addition to purusing adequate treatment, I can try the activities in the book.
I will make a list. :D
Thanks., :D
Posted by bookgurl99 on July 2, 2002, at 21:38:02
In reply to Re: I Will Find a Way to Live » bookgurl99, posted by Mark H. on July 2, 2002, at 16:54:11
Mark,
I just had a horrid day. The endo I saw, without being aware of my symptoms or what I've been through, told me that my symptoms are caused by anxiety. She doesn't believe that h.e. exists, calling it a 'flavor of the week.' (This despite the fact that there are several cases similar to mine in the medical literature.)
My psychiatrist believes me, and my therapist believes me that something organic is going on. (Or at least have led me to think so.) Why can't these doctors talk to each other?
But I am going to try to get a G.P. that my mother is very close to, to order a SPECT scan for me, which will show if I _do_ have lowered brain activity. This way I can rule it out if it is not the cause, and start treatment if it is.
I have wanted to kill myself, but now I can't just because I can't give a jerk like her the satisfaction of writing me off as a nutcase.
bookgurl99
Posted by Phil on July 3, 2002, at 6:57:52
In reply to Re: I Will Find a Way to Live » Mark H., posted by bookgurl99 on July 2, 2002, at 21:38:02
A pretty remarkable story of a very successful, the Dreyfus Fund, gentleman who became very depressed in his mid 40's.
It was the late 1950's and his doctors weren't getting anywhere. Dreyfus had a dream about electricity and electrical impulses in the body. He asked his doctor for Dilantin and was virtually back to normal almost immediately. He didn't have any problem with side effects and has stayed well on the med for decades.
He quit two very successful businesses to devote his time to research and to get the word out to doctors around the world. I saw a university that had a Jack Dreyfus Chair in psychiatry.
Not saying to take Dilantin, obviously, but gut instinct is our best guide.
And, it's a pretty motivating story. Mr. Dreyfus was a pre-Babbler, pointing out to his doctor that he thought it would work. His doctor agreed. Out of 10,000 meds, he chose Dilantin.
The rest is history.
I think we owe it to ourselves to find doctors who listen, who don't blow us off, and don't look at us like we're crazy when we have a 'feeling' about a treatment. I think this story illustrates that we all have hope of finding our way.Good Luck Bookgurl
Phil
Posted by bookgurl99 on July 4, 2002, at 15:32:08
In reply to Jack Dreyfus and Dilantin » bookgurl99, posted by Phil on July 3, 2002, at 6:57:52
Phil,
thanks for your note.
I do have a 'feeling' about this, particularly because the people around me confirm my symptoms.
Today I contacted the University of Chicago hospital system. They have a doctor/professor who studies immune system-central nervous system interactions, and may be able to help me out. I think that I may be one of the lucky ones, if I just hang on a bit longer. :D
It's really scary to lose cognition, but I can fight my way back --
bookgurl99
Posted by Zo on July 5, 2002, at 16:28:42
In reply to Got any effective methods for averting suicide?, posted by bookgurl99 on July 1, 2002, at 20:25:08
I asked my pdoc, who knows meds inside out, the best thing to stop a tailsping, and he said,exactly as Mark wrote, Pop one or two and go to sleep, and you will feel *so* much better in the morning. He was right.And to take one, if it was during the day.
I do an ice cube, as the same time, and a little self-EMDR (just breaking the gaze helps the switch) and/or cover one eye for a bit, then the other. . .
There's no reason to start spiralling up or down, tho it took me forever to be able to directly ask, How can I avoid this. I had accepted it for so long. I was Bipolar II, and most often didn't have "happy" manic--only heard from God a few times, and He told me to color code my books. . .too much work---so it seemed for years and years that I was only Depressed.
Now I realize I cycled every singly bloody day. Whew. In retrospect, I am exhausted!
Zo
Zo
Posted by Phil on July 5, 2002, at 17:19:50
In reply to Re: Zyprexa too » bookgurl99, posted by Zo on July 5, 2002, at 16:28:42
Posted by ShelliR on July 5, 2002, at 19:34:23
In reply to Got any effective methods for averting suicide?, posted by bookgurl99 on July 1, 2002, at 20:25:08
bookgurl,
One more thing I would check out is lyme disease. It's more prevalent than one might expect. Lorraine posted on this board for months, sharing all the different drugs she was trying, and all the different immune tests she was given. Some abnormality, but nothing definitive. Just to make sure everything was covered *she* asked them to do a test for lyme disease. Quess what? They now predict that she had had the disease for about eight years. Lyme disease mimics many other illnesses, including depression and although everyone thinks they will see a tick or bite, most people do not realize that they actually have it.
So with your symptoms, I think it's worth checking out--just to make sure. I asked for a lyme test last time I was hospitalized and they refused.
Anyway, if there's any chance....
Take care,
Shelli
Posted by bookgurl99 on July 5, 2002, at 23:01:10
In reply to Re: Got any effective methods for averting suicide? » bookgurl99, posted by ShelliR on July 5, 2002, at 19:34:23
Well, through some agressive effort, I was able to get an appointment with a neuro-immunologist in Chicago. I will see him in October, which seems really long from where I sit -- but I think getting in is the first thing. I've talked online with 3 of his patients; he does not assume that symptoms are psychologically related at first glimpse, and runs a number of tests to figure out what's going on.
In the meantime, I'm trying to just live as well as I can. I believe that I'll get well in time.
Posted by bookgurl99 on July 5, 2002, at 23:23:31
In reply to Re: I Will Find a Way to Live » bookgurl99, posted by Mark H. on July 2, 2002, at 16:54:11
Posted by ShelliR on July 6, 2002, at 11:58:25
In reply to Re: Lyme disease, hmm. » ShelliR, posted by bookgurl99 on July 5, 2002, at 23:01:10
> Well, through some agressive effort, I was able to get an appointment with a neuro-immunologist in Chicago. I will see him in October, which seems really long from where I sit -- but I think getting in is the first thing. I've talked online with 3 of his patients; he does not assume that symptoms are psychologically related at first glimpse, and runs a number of tests to figure out what's going on.
>
> In the meantime, I'm trying to just live as well as I can. I believe that I'll get well in time.Hey Bookgurl,
Thats awesome that you got yourself an appointment with a neuro-immunologist. And a great idea that to talk with former patients online. I guess they said good things.
Congratulations, also, on ripping up your suicide list. Confidence and hope will get you through until you get to see this guy.
Take care,
Shelli
Posted by leor on July 7, 2002, at 10:11:11
In reply to Thanks all for posting. I will find a way to live. » Mark H., posted by bookgurl99 on July 2, 2002, at 0:32:03
Please take a look at this webapage for people
experiencing suicidal thoughts.
I have found it to be an excellent source of help
during a crisis.http://www.metanoia.org/suicide
I located it on a list of links that
my psychologist created it`s URL isThere are some excellent resources on here
for those in crisis and-or searching for treatmentGood luck!
Blessings,
Leor
Posted by omega man on July 10, 2002, at 18:18:52
In reply to Got any effective methods for averting suicide?, posted by bookgurl99 on July 1, 2002, at 20:25:08
my plan is to take of all my clothes and run round the streets screaming "heeeeelllp"...
Posted by LostBoyinNC1 on July 10, 2002, at 22:51:24
In reply to Got any effective methods for averting suicide?, posted by bookgurl99 on July 1, 2002, at 20:25:08
ECT is the most effective treatment for averting suicide.
Posted by Bookgurl99 on July 11, 2002, at 7:59:36
In reply to Re: Got any effective methods for averting suicide?, posted by omega man on July 10, 2002, at 18:18:52
Posted by suji on July 13, 2002, at 1:25:05
In reply to Re: Got any effective methods for averting suicide?, posted by Mark H. on July 1, 2002, at 23:52:24
Just happened upon this thread today and read everything with a kind of awe that we can actually reach and help each other like this... Mark H., I have cut out and saved your wonderful suggestions for those awful moments--I was literally moved to tears by your image of caring for yourself: showering, putting yourself to bed, etc. This is simply awe-inspiring! I'll never forget it, thank you.
(And I, too, have decided that I simply couldn't kill myself and leave the house such a mess, all sorts of weird, personal stuff to be found, my dead body to be found by some unsuspecting, unfortunate soul, friends having to tell their kids---ohmigod --this method really does work too!)
bookgurl99-- My thoughts are with you--good luck in your journey and keep checking in with the good folks on this site....
Mark, again, thank you--I have a feeling you touched more souls than you'll ever know with your post...
Blessings,
:=) (=:
suji
Posted by Mark H. on July 14, 2002, at 23:06:57
In reply to Some of the best advice I've ever seen! » Mark H., posted by suji on July 13, 2002, at 1:25:05
Dear Friends,
Thank you all for your encouraging responses and outpouring of kindness, and especially to Bookgurl for her courage to choose life.
With appreciation and respect,
Mark H.
Posted by judy1 on July 15, 2002, at 13:08:08
In reply to Re: Thanks Bookgurl, Suji, Phil and Everyone, posted by Mark H. on July 14, 2002, at 23:06:57
It is such a pleasure to read your posts. I remember being triggered a couple of years ago by something you wrote (it was minimal and I'm extraordinarily sensitive) but now I look forward to reading and learning and truly enjoying everything you write. You have an amazing gift. Thank you so much- judy
Posted by Dinah on July 15, 2002, at 16:06:13
In reply to That Mark H. is one smart fellow. (nm), posted by Phil on July 5, 2002, at 17:19:50
And a heck of a nice guy too.
Thanks Mark.
Dinah
Posted by bookgurl99 on August 20, 2002, at 23:43:32
In reply to Re: I Will Find a Way to Live, posted by bookgurl99 on July 2, 2002, at 8:27:01
I decided not to kill myself. I made it. Yay!
Posted by _alii_ on August 21, 2002, at 0:50:19
In reply to Hey it's by birthday!, posted by bookgurl99 on August 20, 2002, at 23:43:32
> I decided not to kill myself. I made it. Yay!
bookgurl99,
A hearty yay from this end of the continent too. Glad you are still here even though we have not yet crossed paths. Congrats dear.
Namaste.
_Alii_
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