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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on October 28, 2004, at 11:07:47
He's my baby. I've had him for 11 years and treated him for kidney failure since he was 6. It's going to destroy me.How do I prepare myself for this? I'm breaking up with my boyfriend who often drives me crazy so I'm not sure I should lean on him. But can I get through this alone?
Just looking for advice. Thanks.
Posted by partlycloudy on October 29, 2004, at 6:51:05
In reply to i might have to put my cat to sleep soon, posted by crushedout on October 28, 2004, at 11:07:47
So sorry you have this ahead of you, crushed. I had 2 brother kitties, one with diabetes, who were lucky enough to have seen 17 years each. They died with a year of each other. The vet was extremely suppoprtive and offered lots of help.
It helped me to gather the belongings that were their most favourites - like eating bowls, toys, and even a blanket - and I said goodbye to those items as well. I thought of it as putting aside the things that they would need to reach the rainbow bridge.About a year later, I had a friend do a photo collage piece of some of my favourite pics, and I made a memoriam to the boys in that way.
It's still not easy. My heart goes out to you.
Posted by crushedout on October 29, 2004, at 10:10:59
In reply to Re: i might have to put my cat to sleep soon » crushedout, posted by partlycloudy on October 29, 2004, at 6:51:05
vet appointment's in two hours. the cat is in terrible shape.i dreamt that we were at the vet and we knew he had to go. it was just me and him and we kept kissing each other goodbye (it's a dream oK?). i was crying in my sleep and in my dream. this is awful.
Posted by partlycloudy on October 29, 2004, at 10:35:37
In reply to i think it may be today, posted by crushedout on October 29, 2004, at 10:10:59
It's ok, I understand kissing skinny little cat lips.
I'll be thinking of you both, crushed. I wish your kitty peace.
Posted by crushedout on October 29, 2004, at 14:43:29
In reply to i think it may be today, posted by crushedout on October 29, 2004, at 10:10:59
Thanks, pc, for your sweet posts.we put him down today. i feel absolutely devastated. i'm sure you understand.
Posted by Dinah on October 30, 2004, at 14:13:32
In reply to he's gone and i'm devastated, posted by crushedout on October 29, 2004, at 14:43:29
I know how you feel. A big cyberhug and a shoulder to cry on if you need it.
There were a few things that helped me with Harry.
First of all, I allowed myself time to do nothing but grieve. I happened to have an appointment with my therapist that day and insisted that I didn't want to do anything but feel really sad at that time, regardless of other stuff going on in my life.
I talked about Harry to anyone who would listen, telling all the Harry stories I could think of. Then I went through all my old photos for ones that might have Harry in it, and scanned them into the computer so that I have a Harry (and other dogs) slideshow for my screensaver.
In other words, I did everything I could to memorialize him and to do the things you would do for a human. I allowed myself to focus completely on his life and my loss.
And then life stepped in and my world is in chaos, and it's hard to constantly think about the loss. I have to be honest about that. I'm so busy trying to fulfill my obligations and keep some sort of structural integrity for myself. But my arms feel so empty. I avoided the house for a while, because he was just always *there*. I miss his head on my arm as I type.
So, would you like to tell me a few stories about your cat? I'd love to listen.
Posted by Shar on October 30, 2004, at 17:14:02
In reply to Re: Oh Crushed, I'm so sorry » crushedout, posted by Dinah on October 30, 2004, at 14:13:32
I'm very sorry to hear about your cat. I hope you will, as Dinah suggested, allow yourself to grieve, and also engage in a lot of self-care. I like Dinah's idea of telling stories, or maybe even journaling/blogging/writing about your fur baby. I did a lot of journaling, and got all the pictures together I could (as Dinah suggested).
I would also recommend the website www.petloss.com, where they have the story of the rainbow bridge--an interpretation of where pets go after they die. Plus, you can post a memorial to your pet there. To see the story, you have to scroll quite a ways down on the home page.
I hope you will take good care of yourself, and I'm very sorry for your loss.
Shar
Posted by crushedout on October 31, 2004, at 11:16:44
In reply to Re: Oh Crushed, I'm so sorry » crushedout, posted by Dinah on October 30, 2004, at 14:13:32
Dinah,
Thank you so much. I'm worried that I have not been grieving enough. Right after I put him down, I came home, collapsed on the couch, and wailed. I cried so hard, but it might have only been for 5 minutes. Then my ex-boyfriend starting get all the kitty's stuff together (litter, etc.) to throw out and I started helping him with that. It seems so cold to do that, but our thinking was that it would be too painful for me to have to go home and see all that. Maybe that's not allowing me to grieve enough. I don't know.
In any case, I kept crying quietly (and sometimes not so quietly) throughout all of this, and for hours afterwards. Everywhere I went, I had tears on my cheeks, and the world felt bleak and empty of meaning. I felt as lonely as I've felt in years, or maybe ever. To go home to a truly empty house -- I haven't done that in over 11 years. To not have a cuddly kitty waiting at the door to jump into my lap and purr, that's just hard to imagine.
I haven't been home since then, and I've kind of tried to forget about him, but of course I can't completely. But I do just keep telling myself that it was the best thing for him, and he can't feel anything now (ok, the crying starts again). I think I need to grieve more. I'm scared to go home. I guess this therapist drama is also serving as a useful distraction from my grief, although it also must compound it in some way.
There's no right way to do this, right? It'll all come out in its own time, won't it? I can't really run away forever.
Anyway, I don't feel strong enough to tell stories yet. Maybe soon. It's sweet of you to offer to listen, it really is.
Thanks, Dinah.
Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2004, at 20:45:07
In reply to Re: Oh Crushed, I'm so sorry » Dinah, posted by crushedout on October 31, 2004, at 11:16:44
I did the distraction thing too. Started reorganizing my study. Then of course parents and work and my own family.
We do what we need to do to get by.
At least you have the satisfaction of knowing, as I do, that you gave him the best life he could possibly have.
Posted by partlycloudy on October 31, 2004, at 22:55:45
In reply to Re: Oh Crushed, I'm so sorry » crushedout, posted by Dinah on October 31, 2004, at 20:45:07
I am so sad, and so sorry. This is now behind you, and you have to pretend that everything is all right - that you dont feel his presence anymore.
Truth is, is that for me, the memories where vivid and intact. We could recreate entire meals here to mimic what we had experienced; but it was like a funeral.
Your grief will take its time. For me, sometimes a shaft of sunlight on the floor would be enough to send me off. Sometimes i would want tactile reinders of his presecence, We are all different in what triggers us, and what actions set us free of our past.
I'm still here for you.
Nancy
Posted by Dinah on November 1, 2004, at 18:30:13
In reply to Re: Oh Crushed, I'm so sorry » Dinah, posted by crushedout on October 31, 2004, at 11:16:44
I suppose I should be honest and admit I'm in the process of evaluating whether I should adopt a special needs puppy.
Everyone thinks I'm nuts. That the last thing I need is something else I have to take care of. But I think it'd be good for me to have something to care about. It seems different to care about these sweet little creatures than it does my infuriating parents or demanding bosses.
Posted by crushedout on November 1, 2004, at 23:17:58
In reply to Re: Oh Crushed, I'm so sorry » crushedout, posted by Dinah on November 1, 2004, at 18:30:13
why do you say "honest" and "admit" as if we would judge you? do you feel guilty, like you're moving on too quickly from harry?
Posted by Dinah on November 2, 2004, at 7:41:15
In reply to puppy » Dinah, posted by crushedout on November 1, 2004, at 23:17:58
More that pretty much everyone is angry with me that I'm taking on a special needs puppy when everything is so stressful in my life already.
I'm not saying Harry wouldn't mind :). He was a very jealous king of the house. But I'm secure in the knowledge that a new puppy will in no way replace him in my heart.
Posted by crushedout on November 3, 2004, at 23:36:34
In reply to Re: Oh Crushed, posted by partlycloudy on October 31, 2004, at 22:55:45
Did I forget to thank you for this lovely message, Nancy? If I did, thank you.
Posted by partlycloudy on November 4, 2004, at 9:46:36
In reply to Re: Oh Crushed » partlycloudy, posted by crushedout on November 3, 2004, at 23:36:34
I think you did. I can't remember anything, though, so - you're quite welcome...
Posted by crushedout on November 5, 2004, at 0:29:46
In reply to Re: Oh Crushed, I'm so sorry, posted by Shar on October 30, 2004, at 17:14:02
This is the end of the thread.
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