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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 56. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 18:18:24
i have always logged on to read this section of the website. i am in a lexapro social group and i usually post with them unless i have advice to give about something i feel i can help someone with. anyways, i noticed lately when i come to this section that there is always someone wanting someone banned or some post checked out by dr. bob. i used to love this section but i feel like i read the posts that people are sending to bob and i try so hard to see whats wrong with them and 96% of the time i find that the posts in question are breaking any rules at all. i feel like aside from cursing or making someone feel dumb or scared, that this website is for people to express there thoughts and how they feel. when you sign up you are suppossed to understand that you may not agree with what everyone says. i also noticed that dr. bob is pretty good with noticing bad posts and lately he finds nothing wrong with the posts in question. i think that if anyone tries hard enough they can turn any post into something bad. i am on anti-depressents and if someone posted me and said they were awful and only crazy people take them, i would not tell dr. bob, i would say thank you for your honest opinion, but we disagree. do you see what i am saying. now if someone said i hate people that take anit-depressents and they should all die, then i would be ready to take action. i guess i value eveyones opinion and i used to read posts on admin. everyone has different wriing styles and it is hard to interpret typed things b/c you are not face to face. it used to be that people that had gotten banned i totally agreed 100%, now it has become some sort of joke. i feel like someone that is upset by so many posts should be asked to leave this foram. i am in management in a hotel, and i learned that no matter what, there will always be those guests that check in and nothing you do will ever make them happy, and after you try and try and try there comes a time where you have to say, "sir/mam obviously we are not going to be able to make you happy, so i would be glad to make other arrangments for you at another hotel." i am tired of petty attempts to get people in trouble. i dont even see what is wrong with any posts. i hope i am not the only one annoyed with the admin section. it has turned into a tattle tail section. i had to voice my opinion b/c i have let it go for too long. like i said i am in a social group with about 8 woman on lex. we have become so close. i emailed them wedding pictures and everything. it is incredable. all, i am saying is if you are not happy with what is said on this site and you are constently being offended by peoples posts, then maybe this website is not for you. thanks for letting me vent.------jess p.s any replys would be welcome.
Posted by karen_kay on October 9, 2004, at 18:32:19
In reply to question for administration, posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 18:18:24
hey, did you just call me a tattletail? i feel very accused and offended right now. i'm telling mr bob!!! :)
Posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 18:35:34
In reply to Re: question for administration, posted by karen_kay on October 9, 2004, at 18:32:19
hey, i felt offended that you felt offended, i am not inviting you to my birthday party. lol :)
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 9, 2004, at 19:28:52
In reply to question for administration, posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 18:18:24
> i feel like someone that is upset by so many posts should be asked to leave this foram.
> i am tired of petty attempts to get people in trouble...
First, sorry, but please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
> i am in management in a hotel, and i learned that no matter what, there will always be those guests that check in and nothing you do will ever make them happy, and after you try and try and try there comes a time where you have to say, "sir/mam obviously we are not going to be able to make you happy, so i would be glad to make other arrangments for you at another hotel."
You just offer that, or you force them to leave?
Bob
Posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 19:36:07
In reply to Re: please be civil » newwife, posted by Dr. Bob on October 9, 2004, at 19:28:52
i felt as if my post was very nice and made very good points. this is exactly what i mean by taking writings out of context. no, i dont force people to leave. i said he should be asked to leave. asked means he can say yes or no. i never said forced to leave. why do i feel like i am being punished for a post that i spent an hour to write and an hour to be very careful with my wording. i have been a good poster for a long time and i am extremely upset with the outcome of this situation. maybe i dont need to be on this site anymore.
Posted by fayeroe on October 9, 2004, at 21:38:57
In reply to Re: please be civil » newwife, posted by Dr. Bob on October 9, 2004, at 19:28:52
> i am in management in a hotel, and i learned that no matter what, there will always be those guests that check in and nothing you do will ever make them happy, and after you try and try and try there comes a time where you have to say, ****"sir/mam obviously we are not going to be able to make you happy, so i would be glad to make other arrangments for you at another hotel."***
You just offer that, or you force them to leave?
Bob
There is nothing in her post to indicate that anyone is forced to do anything. This is a case where I suspect a little sarcasm was used and I feel that the poster deserves an apology. And I understand totally what she's saying about how this site has changed. What this poster said is nothing compared to what else has been said here and nothing was done. I could go on and on but I'm angry and I don't have enough invested here to continue this. Pat
Posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 21:40:29
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by fayeroe on October 9, 2004, at 21:38:57
i have been waiting all night to hear that. i feel so much better that you agree with me. thanks for making me feel better cause i was feeling pretty bad. you are very nice for taking up for me. thanks
Posted by verne on October 9, 2004, at 21:41:58
In reply to question for administration, posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 18:18:24
I think you made some excellent points. I suspect there's a silent majority that would agree but doesn't want to get involved out of self-preservation. (which I understand completely)
Expressing oneself on this topic (I can't be more specific for fear I will offend someone) can be exhausting - like tiptoeing through a mine field.
verne
Posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 21:44:54
In reply to Re: question for administration » newwife, posted by verne on October 9, 2004, at 21:41:58
i appriciate your opinion. thank you very much, :)
Posted by gardenergirl on October 9, 2004, at 22:21:52
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by fayeroe on October 9, 2004, at 21:38:57
Yes, I also perceived a flavor of sarcasm in Dr. Bob's reply. I felt sad when I read it.
gg
Posted by fayeroe on October 9, 2004, at 22:36:54
In reply to Re: please be civil » fayeroe, posted by gardenergirl on October 9, 2004, at 22:21:52
It disturbed me greatly. I feel a PBC could be directed to Bob....as in "please don't say anything that will cause another to feel put down or made fun of".......
Posted by fayeroe on October 9, 2004, at 22:41:43
In reply to Re: please be civil-thanks pat, posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 21:40:29
you're very welcome. as someone else said, it's like walking through a mine field here now. and i wanted you to know that others understood what you are about. i suspect that you are a very good management person in the hotel where you work. and i think the hotel is d***** lucky to have you!!!!!!
Posted by Dinah on October 9, 2004, at 22:41:54
In reply to Re: please be civil » fayeroe, posted by gardenergirl on October 9, 2004, at 22:21:52
I looked it up in the dictionary to make sure.
"Main Entry: sar·casm
Pronunciation: 'sär-"ka-z&m
Function: noun
Etymology: French or Late Latin; French sarcasme, from Late Latin sarcasmos, from Greek sarkasmos, from sarkazein to tear flesh, bite the lips in rage, sneer, from sark-, sarx flesh; probably akin to Avestan thwar&s- to cut
1 : a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain <tired of continual sarcasms>
2 a : a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual b : the use or language of sarcasm <this is no time to indulge in sarcasm>"Overall, sarcasm doesn't seem to be part of Dr. Bob's regular repertoire. In fact, he always strikes me as so very very literal that sarcasm never enters my mind as an interpretation. However, the brevity of his remarks often leads to differences in interpretation. Perhaps he could clarify.
To me it seemed like the sort of gentle question my therapist often asks. I think there's a term for it, not sarcasm, something else. But my college philosophy is too far behind me to remember it.
Posted by fayeroe on October 9, 2004, at 22:51:01
In reply to I didn't read any. » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on October 9, 2004, at 22:41:54
Sometimes the emperor doesn't wear any clothes. I feel that this is one of those times.
Posted by Toph on October 9, 2004, at 22:52:50
In reply to I didn't read any. » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on October 9, 2004, at 22:41:54
>
> To me it seemed like the sort of gentle question my therapist often asks. I think there's a term for it, not sarcasm, something else. But my college philosophy is too far behind me to remember it.
>Perhaps the word you are looking for Dinah is *inappropriate.*
Posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 22:56:04
In reply to Re: please be civil-thanks pat » newwife, posted by fayeroe on October 9, 2004, at 22:41:43
you are so nice, i do love my job and i hope they are glad to have me. thanks for such support, it means alot to me.
Posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 22:57:47
In reply to Re: I didn't read any. » Dinah, posted by fayeroe on October 9, 2004, at 22:51:01
sometimes dr bob is not in the right and this is one of those situations, i refuse to believe anything else. he put words in my mouth and took my writing out of context. read it once more, maybe u will change your mind. if not, once again everyone is entitled to there own opinion.
Posted by Dinah on October 9, 2004, at 23:00:27
In reply to Re: I didn't read any., posted by Toph on October 9, 2004, at 22:52:50
I wasn't being particularly defensive of Dr. Bob. I don't think thinking someone's style is literal rather than sarcastic is a case of enormous positive transference.
I just read it differently, that's all.
And no, that's not the word I was thinking of. It's some technical thing.
Anyone who wishes to is free to disagree with me. I just put forth a different possibility.
And I suggested that Dr. Bob clarify.
I'm not going to argue the point.
Posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 23:01:18
In reply to Re: I didn't read any., posted by Toph on October 9, 2004, at 22:52:50
that word works for me along with wrong, hurtful and judgemental. did i mention that he said i said something that i never wrote? hmmmm, not sarcasm...wrong, yes. he was totally wrong. i did nothing disrespectful or uncivil. i have never been called uncivil and i wont allow it. i am not wrong for making a comment on what i thought was the forum that you were allowed to do so.
Posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 23:02:33
In reply to Re: I didn't read any., posted by Dinah on October 9, 2004, at 23:00:27
that fair, i understand your point now. thanks.
Posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 23:09:46
In reply to Re: I didn't read any.--dinah, posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 23:02:33
i hope i did not offend you, i just wanted to understand your view. i hope there no hard feelings. theres none on my end. have a good one. this is my last night of posting anyway, so this ordeal doesnt need to be dragged on. thanks danah
Posted by Toph on October 9, 2004, at 23:31:38
In reply to Re: I didn't read any., posted by Dinah on October 9, 2004, at 23:00:27
I'm not sure what transference has to do with anything since there is no therapeutic alliance here, and I too don't want to argue, Dinah. But I see Bob's guestion about kicking the hotel patron out as a non-sequitur and therefore clearly sarcastic and inappropriate. One thing is clear, newwife felt accused and put down.
Posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 23:36:01
In reply to Re: I didn't read any., posted by Toph on October 9, 2004, at 23:31:38
i agree once again. i am so glad you agree and i am not over reacting. if i am oh well.
Posted by gardenergirl on October 9, 2004, at 23:54:01
In reply to Re: I didn't read any., posted by Dinah on October 9, 2004, at 23:00:27
Hi Dinah,
Thanks for giving your reaction. I know you've read many many more of Dr. Bob's posts than I have, and your radar has to have been finely honed by all that experience.I may be off base, but I was thinking about the "technical thing" you mentioned. I can't think of what it's called, either...darn it...perhaps exaggeration for effect? I am thinking it fits in with other paradoxical interventions. Anyway, if we are thinking of the same thing, and I don't know for sure that we are, so have the salt ready :)...then I think of it as playing "stupid" in order to challenge a statement. I do this very occasionally, and you have to be very deadpan and seriously curious in your approach otherwise it comes across as disingenuous. If we are thinking of the same thing, then I am guessing this technique would not work in this media, as the nonverbal that goes along with it is just as important to the effect of the intervention. It's similar in some ways to Linehan's irreverence. You need the same kind of sort of genuine curiousity while simulaneously knowing that you are exaggerating.
So, if I am way off base, forgive me for taking up so much time...:) I hate it though, when I use a technique and I don't know what it's called. :( Makes it much harder to 'splain to supervisor about how my gut said to do it. :)
Take care,
gg
Posted by newwife on October 9, 2004, at 23:57:36
In reply to Re: I didn't read any. » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on October 9, 2004, at 23:54:01
i am very interested in your post. i dont understand it, do you mind explaining it b/c i am so interested i can hardly stand it. do you mind doing that. it would be really nice of you. thanks, jess
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