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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart37 on December 1, 2013, at 21:42:36
i gotta write this while i have this emotion in me, but most of the day i've been in a bad mood, thats not my outer personality....i have to mask my bad moods, depressed, everything that is negative in my mind....but im getting this out because the need to release something.....the stuff i post here is not really attractive because i usally don't get responses, no matter how much effort i put into the post....its just something about me that doesnt click like that....its like posting a post on facebook with no one relating
so.....the way i do my posts now, is look for solutions and not be a boo hoo rjlockhart who wines all the time....by the way: booooo hooo hooo pass the tissue....
so stuck in the bad mood of feelinmg doomed all the time, find a higher power is the only way i feel i can tell people to overcome problems here on babble, your talking to a person that thinks he's the doomed person on this planet....nothing works, and that is learned behavior...undo it, and start a new way of thinking.....thats my solution to this......
sniff sniff.....
logging out...
r
Posted by rjlockhart37 on December 1, 2013, at 21:58:21
In reply to feel the worst trappedv feeling - absolutely ugly, posted by rjlockhart37 on December 1, 2013, at 21:42:36
boo hoo whats my name? boo hoo . whats my address boo hoo tx, whats the first word that came out of my mouth today? boo hoo...what do my friends say about me? boo hoo ... what does he say after boo hoo? boo hoo what does he say when he checks his bank account? boo hoo .. what does happens when he found out no one coming to his pity party? boo boo....
sniff sniff last words: boo hoo
Posted by alexandra_k on December 2, 2013, at 0:47:53
In reply to feel the worst trappedv feeling - absolutely ugly, posted by rjlockhart37 on December 1, 2013, at 21:42:36
It must get awful tiring feeling like you can't be yourself. I think... It is okay to cry sometimes. I used to cry an awful lot. I seek solitude rather than connection... Mostly... But I used to come here to get a lot of what I consider to be 'bad sh*t' out... And expressing it helped me...
I'm sorry you are feeling horrible. But... I'm glad that you felt that you could say how you felt here. That you don't feel like you have to put on a false front or pretend to be something that you are not...
I mean... I think there can be some truth to the 'act your way to feel different'. But that that is different from pretending to feel something that you don't. I find it hard to tell what I'm up to sometimes. Sigh.
Do you have something that makes you feel good about yourself? Something that you feel you are good / competent at... Or that gives you a sense of satisfaction or like you have done some good or anything like that? If you don't... Can you think of anything that might give you some kind of a feeling like that? Maybe if you could find something then that might help you feel better when you are feeling bad?
Posted by alexandra_k on December 2, 2013, at 20:01:20
In reply to Re: feel the worst trappedv feeling - absolutely ugly » rjlockhart37, posted by alexandra_k on December 2, 2013, at 0:47:53
how are you feeling now?
i...
i remember i've been through a few posting names now. with each one... trying to reinvent myself. something different. something better.
i felt like... the 'me' shone through. which was... horrible in a sense. i couldn't escape myself. try as i might there was me. right there. rearing its ugly head again. for all to see. obvious to all that no matter the posting name, that was me.
but then reassuring to me (somehow). that that was me. that there was a me. i was more integrated than i thought...
i...
sometimes the reinvention of myself was more about others than it was about me. because i was afraid about my anonymity irl. because i'd told someone irl about this site... or something like that... because i thought they would think less of me... taunt me... if they knew about some of the stuff i'd posted online.
do irl people really taunt you... give you a hard time about... some of the stuff that you post here? or is it more that you think they might? i think... there is a saying 'with friends like these who needs enemies'. there is also 'you can be your own worst enemy'. i think those might apply. to thoughts / realities like that.
i know how it can be to have a unsupportive environment irl. where people try and drag you down. where people have to have this idea / reality where you are down.
rj... don't take this the wrong way... you live with your parents - right? how do they do for nutrition and exercise? for... indepdendence. vitality. stuff like that. if they don't do so well then... er... how are you supposed to learn?
?
?
and...
will they let you?
?
Posted by rjlockhart37 on December 3, 2013, at 21:53:21
In reply to Re: feel the worst trappedv feeling - absolutely ugly » rjlockhart37, posted by alexandra_k on December 2, 2013, at 0:47:53
i'm not really feeling horrible, just a trapped a bit, over the years i've noticed a pattern in postings, i do the SOS type of post, just....don't be alarmed at my posts, there not that horrible, right now im doing ok, im not horrible but i feel trapped at times, but this has been going on a long time, so need to find solutions instead of dwelling on the pain, it doesnt get anyone any where...how i see it when someone has pain, well emotional pain its good to deal with it, but if you sit down and have tea and coffee with the pain, that will just increase it, thinking of diffrent ways to feel sorrow....gotta get out of that type of thinking....there's a movie called The Hours, its the most depressing movie because the characters in the movie, just dwelled on sadness, and i understand that we need to have sadness, but getting through it, instead of becoming a part of it....is best....
i do cry once and while, not boasting about it, i don't do it in public, or around anyone, i just let it out under the pillow, no pity party about it, thats how i deal with the emotional let out....and then its over with, i forget about it.....
what makes me feel good about myself is listening to music....sitting in a chair hearing music and do visalization to a new part of my life...becomeing charasmatic, having a life, thats what i do, ill listening to music to open a new channel of emotions, postive emotions...not music that makes me go down in sorrow.....
but i do know of ways to release the pain, and i do it alone, sitting around and feeling sorrow is usally when im alone, not around other people...because its negative energy, thats why i want to teach people here on babble about improving their life....also mine...
i can really relate to your posts, i admit i've scrowlled through a couple of them, and im not a big reader, but i've seen what you have wrote.....similar to me too...lol
lets make it a point to move up, and deal with the pain and successfully heal it and move on....sounds like a project maybe here on babble we can do....:)
r
Posted by rjlockhart37 on December 3, 2013, at 21:59:16
In reply to Re: feel the worst trappedv feeling - absolutely ugly, posted by alexandra_k on December 2, 2013, at 20:01:20
my parents do everything, they pay for my medical expenses, and that was a big mistake of mine in the past to write such ugly things about them, when they where backing me up, what it all was about was they modified my internet activity because of babble, and also they ripped me of dextroamphetamine....i got in huge fights and said every word in the book, every cussing phrase, up round up and down, all of it....so i have to admit thats the past, and even how much i want to hate the past, it can't be changed, and it has to have a release till the present.....
my parents give me food, pay for living with them, they may not give me money, but still just the basics is what they provide....not really much more than that.....but i have to say i am thankful for what i do have, instead of cussing everythime i think of the past, and controlling behavior they do......there is some of that, but i have the oppurtunity to move out....all i need is just a bit of money and a car....its simple, its not a difficult task and i made it one in the previous years.....
im getting a job soon, im in school, and have to keep my time active....
but how are you feeling alex? do you relate with some of the posts that i've written?
r
Posted by alexandra_k on December 5, 2013, at 23:31:34
In reply to Re: feel the worst trappedv feeling - absolutely ugly, posted by rjlockhart37 on December 3, 2013, at 21:59:16
yes... sometimes i think i do understand. not perfectly... not totally... you should of course feel free to say 'no - my situation is different and you do not understand at all!'. but... on some level... i think i kinda sorta semi understand a bit sometimes.
i understand feeling like crap. like i'm worthless. like i'm not likely to be much better at any point soon.
sometimes i have suggestions. things that helped me. because sometimes i get it into my head that i'm a little bit further along. a little bit older. a little bit wiser.. a little bit... better. but really... i expect i'm full of sh*t muchly. and... everyone has to, needs to, must... walk their own path. and there it is.
a lot of the time... i find myself thinking... that if you could seriously get yourself into a martial art or a sport or something... where maybe a bunch of guys would be a bit dubious about you to start with - you would be a bit dubious about yourself to start with... but then... you find some way to channel that into a big 'F*CK YOU!' and you really channel everything... your doubts and fears and frustrations and insecurities and worries and hopelessness-es and your... everything... your everything... into succeeding at... x. whatever x is. that that is the key for you. self-respect. other-respect. everything. and it doesn't matter what x is. it just matters that you pick an x and go for it. and stay working on it. until... kudos is achieved. your own and other peoples (same deal really).
but, ur, maybe that is just me.
This is the end of the thread.
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