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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kakalak on November 2, 2011, at 10:53:44
I am considering taking a medical leave from work. Earlier this year I took 12 weeks off for the birth of my child. Since I've been back at work my depression and anxiety are at their worst. Not sure if it was a relapse, if the meds pooped out, or it was a hormonal change. I've been aggressively treating the problem but it's taking longer than I ever expected and despite my efforts I am not getting better.
Because I really can't afford to take an unpaid leave, I requested working part-time or working remotely a few days a week. Both were denied. My employer is unaware of my illness but I have been missing several days (unpaid) of work each month so they must know something's going on. I'd like to keep my illness confidential as I am certain it will be misunderstood and limit my ability for future promotions (legal or not - it's the truth). In the almost 10 years I've been at my job no one has taken a medical leave for anything other than maternity or a planned surgery. I'm sure it will be a big deal so I only want to do this as an absolute last resort.
I'm a bit confused about the FMLA and don't want to ask HR. Since I already took 12 weeks this year for the birth of my child, am I unable to take anymore time within a 12 month period?
Anyone been here, done that? How did it work? How were you treated by your employer and co-workers upon your return?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Posted by Phillipa on November 2, 2011, at 11:00:27
In reply to Medical Leave - Advice Needed, posted by kakalak on November 2, 2011, at 10:53:44
Would looking into you state employment help? I don't know what to say. Can your doc help? Phillipa
Posted by B2chica on November 2, 2011, at 12:52:34
In reply to Medical Leave - Advice Needed, posted by kakalak on November 2, 2011, at 10:53:44
been there. the way FMLA was explained to me you cant take more than 12 weeks off for a specific need. so maternity leave 1, illness 2.
so i understood that as long as it was a different reason AND i had enough sick/vacation time then i could use fmla more than once in a year.Also, i have experience the hormonal shift in spades. When i'm pregnant and nursing i'm fine. as SOON as i stop nursing i DROP like a HUGE rock. and quicker each time. the first time i think it was exactly a month after i stopped nursing. this last time it was about the same. each time i thought i was 'cured' or at least better before it hit again. now i know its just a hormone shift. i think for me has to do with dopamine? partly due to nursing thing...anyway.
The only thing is taking FMLA Especially taking it more than once in a year. i believe your employer or at least HR need an explanation as to why. You can say Medical leave but to be honest. i talked with my boss' about it. they were/are great about it. i do believe the one boss had some built up idea of what my mental illness was. but i explained more to him and he realized that he really didn't understand and the more i kept him in the loop, the better, more understanding about leave he was.
i Dont know that your boss will be the same. and honestly most likely not. but on the other hand. They kinda Need to know at least a little.ALso, about everybody and their dog these days has "depression" as its socially known.
Even though everyone that is clinically depressed is more complicated than that. its easy enough to just blanket explanation as i have clinical depression and my doctors need to find the right medication. you will be on trials of meds that will give you terrible side effects and it would be better all around if during that time you could work 1/2 time, or take the duration (one month off and then start up part time until med trials is over.This worked really well for my boss' and i.
I Truly hope the same works for you.please feel free to babble mail me as well if have more questions.
Best wishes.
B2c.
Posted by kakalak on November 2, 2011, at 15:51:23
In reply to Re: Medical Leave - Advice! » kakalak, posted by B2chica on November 2, 2011, at 12:52:34
Thanks so much B2C. Your advice about what to tell my employer sounds perfect. I'm holding out as long as I can.
Curious about your situation. Were you on meds during your pregnancy & while breastfeeding? I stopped taking Depakote (for chronic headaches) and Buspar (for anxiety) prior to getting pregnant but remained on Effexor (for depression) the entire time under the close care of my pdoc. During my pregnancy the headaches almost disappeared. The anxiety was there but was manageable until a few weeks postpartum and my headaches returned too. The tipping point, total relapse, for me was at 12 weeks postpartum which coincided with my return to work. Unfortunately the depression & anxiety got so bad I had to stop nursing to switch meds. I was distraught about the whole thing and I couldn't tell if I got worse once I stopped breastfeeding.
I always hoped to have 2 children but I don't think I could ever go through this again if I knew it was a directly related to pregnancy. I knew I was at a greater risk for ppd, but never thought it'd be like this. I guess I thought that if I continued to take my meds I'd be OK.
Posted by creepy on November 2, 2011, at 19:33:11
In reply to Medical Leave - Advice Needed, posted by kakalak on November 2, 2011, at 10:53:44
Do you have a therapist you can ask about this?
You may even want to consult an attorney that specializes in employment law in your location.
I would consider this seriously, as it seems that you are. You dont want to jeopardize your job, nor do you want to suffer needlessly. Ive lost several jobs in part due to mental illness, it really hurts. Feels like Im being victimized all over again each time.
Hope you get this worked out soon
Posted by mellow on November 2, 2011, at 22:58:43
In reply to Medical Leave - Advice Needed, posted by kakalak on November 2, 2011, at 10:53:44
If your company has an employee assistance program I would start there. Sometimes they can do some of the foot work for you and start the process.
If not it may be worth it to take some time off unpaid even if you don't think you can afford it. Look at your bills on paper and see what is possible on the most frugal level. I don't know what your family's situation is but could you cut things like cable tv, sell a car etc? Could you possibly make it without your income/benefits? Your sanity is worth it!
It would be better to leave your job on good terms and just say that you want to be at home with your child so you could seal a good reference for when you want to enter the work force later on after you have healed emotionally. You have the perfect excuse to stay home right now being a new mother and I would do that before pushing hard for a paid leave and perhaps messing up your employment record if your employers aren't understanding. A few month of resting and bonding with your child could be exactly what you need.
Please don't think I am patronizing you. If this is totally not possible then you can ignore my advice. I'm just throwing out another alternative you may not have thought about. I wish you the best. I know the female hormone stuff is terrible after child birth. I hope you have some family support at home and find some peace in this really hard time.
mellow
Posted by kakalak on November 3, 2011, at 8:54:14
In reply to Re: Medical Leave - Advice Needed, posted by mellow on November 2, 2011, at 22:58:43
I wish I could stay at home with the baby. This is the root of my heightened anxiety & depression. Unfortunately it is not an option as I need my company sponsored health insurance. Because I have pre-existing conditions I can't get health insurance on my own and I can't go without because I can't afford the meds & pdoc visits. Husband is self-employed so I can't get coverage on his insurance and we don't qualify for government assistance. We make too little for me to stay at home and too much to get help. It's a vicious cycle and I'm sure you can all relate.
It was great advice and I really appreciate it. This forum has been so helpful the past few months. I find it very difficult to discuss these things with family and friends because they cannot relate and I end up feeling worse. It's so refreshing to be able to bounce around ideas, get unbiased opinions, and ask questions.
Thank you. Really.
Posted by B2chica on November 4, 2011, at 13:14:47
In reply to Re: Medical Leave - Advice!, posted by kakalak on November 2, 2011, at 15:51:23
i was not on meds. both preg were planned due to the meds i was taking. Both preg. AND nursing were just fine. it was after i stopped nursing that mood dropped.
dont feel badly about stopping nursing. first of all nursing even a little is great for kiddo, secondly you need to be well, to be a good mama.
i dont know your whole situation but dont rule out a second baby. my first baby i had hyperemesis and was on IV for 3.5 months. i never thought i could do it again. luckily my second i didnt have it.
but i could have because so much time elapsed between the two pregnancies.
also, because of the drop. course i'd been inhospital so much for my MI that i had no fears of it. so after first preg. and nursing when mood dropped so quickly i went into hosp to get on meds and get them working quickly.
second preg. same thing except i was more able to do outpatient. which means i was in hospital during day till 3:30 then home and i did it longer it was almost exactly one month that i was in there to straighten out meds and my mind.You just never know what a woman is capable of until you need to be. :)
Best wishes to you.
Posted by B2chica on November 4, 2011, at 13:21:52
In reply to Re: Medical Leave - Advice Needed, posted by kakalak on November 3, 2011, at 8:54:14
from personal experience i would advice against quitting job right now even if you could afford it. i too basically have to stay employed due to benefits. but i know that i would have So many more struggles if i was a stay at home parent. part of me wishes i could be a stay at home mom. but i know that coming in to work helps tremendously keeping me stable. it has consistency. a purpose to get up, get dressed and go out. also i have people that i need to report to. and that may notice if i'm slipping. And i do have work friends. which is Tremendous help to me. as they Do know fully of my issues and one it gives me someone to talk to. and 2 it gives me breathing room, which i would not have at home. Also, when they are really little, they wont really know who's taking care of them during the day vs at night as long as they get food. :) and TRUST ME, they will ALWAYS know who mommy is...
So please dont feel bad about going back to work. i know most first time moms struggle with this greatly. but trust me. right now, i'm sure its a good choice for you. Later if things change financially or other. you can choose to stay at home. but think of the stress the teaching, learning, and socialization that they get when you are not with them. and think of the sense of accomplishment you get from working outside the home. So when you DO spend time together you get MUCH better quality of time.
(((hugs)))))
b2c.
Posted by Raisinb on November 5, 2011, at 10:57:05
In reply to Re: Medical Leave - Advice Needed, posted by kakalak on November 3, 2011, at 8:54:14
Kakalak what is your diagnosis? If it is bipolar it qualifies as a targeted disability under the ADA, which means that employers are required by law to make "reasonable accommodations" for you. That requires you to disclose to your employer though, and the decision to do that depends n your situation, only you can know if that will work or not. There is a lot of legal precedent where people sued their employers and won, but you probably do not want to go through all that.
If its just depression, I am not sure it falls under the ADA so that might be a little more complicated.
Posted by kakalak on November 8, 2011, at 14:35:25
In reply to Re: Medical Leave - Advice Needed, posted by Raisinb on November 5, 2011, at 10:57:05
I'm not positive but I think my diagnosis is recurrent major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I should probably know that. Regardless, it is not bipolar.
Thank you for the info. The whole process seems daunting and like a no win situation. I am going to try my hardest to avoid going this route.
This is the end of the thread.
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