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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by SLS on November 15, 2010, at 5:26:42
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » Maxime, posted by Maxime on November 14, 2010, at 17:59:41
> Sundays are always the worst days of the week mood wise for me.
Do you tend to sleep later on Sunday mornings? If so, the disruption of your circadian rhythm (phase delay) can very easily explain your feeling worse that day. The trick is to wake up at your regular time, and stay awake for at least 15 minutes. Subjecting yourself to bright lite during this time might be important, but I am not sure. After being fully awake for 15 minutes, you can then return to bed and wake up late without feeling so bad.
- Scott
Posted by B2Chica on November 15, 2010, at 11:54:11
In reply to Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by maxime on November 12, 2010, at 21:53:57
can you add neurontin for pain? (gabapentin?)
the reason my pdoc put me on that was cuz i was self-medicating with pain meds, and he said gaba works on pain receptors. and is for anxiety.
it is great for me.
i am SO glad to get off the xanax.Best wishes...
ps.. stay away from bridges please.
Posted by maxime on November 15, 2010, at 20:42:59
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » Maxime, posted by SLS on November 15, 2010, at 5:26:42
Yes Scott, I sleep in on Sundays. It's the only day of the week I can. If I wake up, I won't go back to sleep. Sigh. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. But I will try it this coming Sunday.
Posted by Cydnie on November 15, 2010, at 20:45:02
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by B2Chica on November 15, 2010, at 11:54:11
Oh God,Maxime, please babble chat me if you want, I promise that I believe so much I think I can empathize,and hope so much no one triggers that again. I've been a cutter too, and am also a chronic pain sufferer, but I want to talk about the cutting because this has always been so hard to deal with. You worried me when you wrote you cut deep. Please if you want to babble chat, tell me, and you can share your triggers, I would never want to do that. You are very much not alone, please write on. I'm here, and listening. We're all here. I don't know what the trigger was - I wanted to write to you quickly before my DH comes back. Please write in. Please keep writing!
Posted by maxime on November 15, 2010, at 20:45:38
In reply to Re: FML!!!! *trigger about self injury* » Maxime, posted by floatingbridge on November 14, 2010, at 20:19:49
I went to the ER to get my wound looked at. No gory details except to say that I got 15 stitches. The doctor was really nice and didn't make any comments about how I got the wound. Most doctors like to make snide remarks.
It really hurts right now. But I guess I deserve the pain since I did this to myself.
Posted by maxime on November 15, 2010, at 20:47:22
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by B2Chica on November 15, 2010, at 11:54:11
Hi Chica, I have tried Neurontin twice I think and both times the edema was so bad that I ended up in the hospital for a few days. Same with Lyrica.
I am glad you are off the xanax ;)
Posted by maxime on November 15, 2010, at 20:59:23
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by maxime on November 15, 2010, at 20:47:22
I received an email from my pdoc today. He said that the PDOC who is doing the rTMS is not accepting new patients. I cried so hard when I read that. One of my chances was just squashed. He is the only PDOC in my city who does rTMS.
My pdco also said that I could try the Desipramine.
Feeling really down and alone tonight. I hate night. Why does night have to exist?
Posted by floatingbridge on November 15, 2010, at 22:28:32
In reply to Re: FML!!!! *trigger about self injury* » floatingbridge, posted by maxime on November 15, 2010, at 20:45:38
I'm glad you received good treatment.
>
> It really hurts right now. But I guess I deserve the pain since I did this to myself.We don't deserve pain. No one does. It just happens because we are human.
(((big hug)))
Posted by hyperfocus on November 15, 2010, at 23:20:42
In reply to Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by maxime on November 12, 2010, at 21:53:57
Just want to say I hope you feel better. I don't have anything to offer besides what other babblers have said but I just want you to know I'm rooting for you. I know what it's like to feel like life isn't worth living - I've been in that place many times, believe me. It will pass, I promise.
Have you considered amitriptyline? It's an effective AD and sleep aid and very good for certain types of pain in small doses. You'll need an expert to manage you if you take it together with your Parnate though.
Posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 5:57:12
In reply to Re: FML!!!! *trigger about self injury* » floatingbridge, posted by maxime on November 15, 2010, at 20:45:38
> It really hurts right now. But I guess I deserve the pain since I did this to myself.
Do you believe that you deserve the illness that compelled you to act in this way?
I am curious to see how you reply to this question.
- Scott
Posted by morgan miller on November 16, 2010, at 16:40:38
In reply to Re: FML!!!! *trigger about self injury* » maxime, posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 5:57:12
> It really hurts right now. But I guess I deserve the pain since I did this to myself.
You haven't done anything to yourself. None of this is your fault. I really wish you could get in to see a therapist, any therapist.
Posted by floatingbridge on November 16, 2010, at 17:58:58
In reply to maxie » maxime, posted by floatingbridge on November 15, 2010, at 22:28:32
> We don't deserve pain. No one does. It just happens because we are human.
>
> (((big hug)))
>Hi Maxime
How is your day going? I wanted to temper my post a bit. My intention was to take the 'blame' out of the equation. As your friend, I stick up for you. You do not deserve pain, part of being human is to know pain, and being human we can set our intentions toward diminishing pain. Kindly as one would treat a child.
((((*)))))
Posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 18:01:54
In reply to Re: FML!!!! *trigger about self injury* » maxime, posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 5:57:12
> Do you believe that you deserve the illness that compelled you to act in this way?
>
> I am curious to see how you reply to this question.
>
>
> - ScottHi Scott, this is so hard to answer. In the 1990s I was a victim of a ramdom act violence. I was raped and beaten beyond recognition. I still have not fully dealt with what happened and I suffer from PSTD. When I received a BabbleMail from someone saying that their husband was very mad with me and wanted to Babble Mail me, I freaked out! Flashbacks to the event. Zoned out and cut myself.
I do feel responsible for what happened to me that dark night in the 1990s. I was walking in a dark and secluded area. I should have known better than to walk in an area like that. If I hadn't been there, I would not have been raped and beaten.
Now I have PSTD and for I don't feel responsible for that. I can't. Even though I feel responsible for the event that caused the PSTD in the first place.
Does any of this make sense because it sounds confusing to me.
Maxie
Posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 19:48:22
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » maxime, posted by hyperfocus on November 15, 2010, at 23:20:42
> Just want to say I hope you feel better. I don't have anything to offer besides what other babblers have said but I just want you to know I'm rooting for you. I know what it's like to feel like life isn't worth living - I've been in that place many times, believe me. It will pass, I promise.
>
> Have you considered amitriptyline? It's an effective AD and sleep aid and very good for certain types of pain in small doses. You'll need an expert to manage you if you take it together with your Parnate though.Thank you for rooting for me. I appreciate it so much.
I have considred Amitripyline. The only reason why I don't want to try it is the weight gain. I was taking Nortriptaline and gain A LOT of weight. I used to be underweight before I started the Nortriptaline back in September. I am now very overweight to the point where my GP is worrying about weight! I wonder if it would cause weight gain in a small dose?
Posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 19:57:04
In reply to Re: FML!!!! *trigger about self injury* » SLS, posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 18:01:54
> > Do you believe that you deserve the illness that compelled you to act in this way?
> >
> > I am curious to see how you reply to this question.
> Hi Scott, this is so hard to answer. In the 1990s I was a victim of a ramdom act violence. I was raped and beaten beyond recognition.Oh my God!
Oh, no.
Oh my God!
I am so very, very sorry.
> I still have not fully dealt with what happened and I suffer from PSTD.
> When I received a BabbleMail from someone saying that their husband was very mad with me and wanted to Babble Mail me, I freaked out! Flashbacks to the event. Zoned out and cut myself.
Gosh. No wonder.
> I do feel responsible for what happened to me that dark night in the 1990s.Okay. I'm listening...
> I was walking in a dark and secluded area. I should have known better than to walk in an area like that. If I hadn't been there, I would not have been raped and beaten.
Do you view everything in life as being cause-and-effect?
It is absolutely true that your decision to travel along a certain path led you to harm. However, it was not your decision to be harmed. That decision was made by the perpetrator. It is on him, not on you. You cannot place the responsibility for the behavior of another on yourself. I doubt you will relieve yourself any time soon of the responsibility for the profound changes this event had in your life. After all, it was your decision to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, right? Wrong. You had no such intentions to be attacked. Was there a lapse in judgment? Perhaps. I don't know what information you were working with at the time. Was there a sign saying "Do Not Enter - Rapist"?
You are blaming yourself for creating the cause that led to the effect. Why do you not blame the rapist as being the true cause of the effect?
In retrospect, and with the advantage of time to deliberate your decisions, you might now conlude that you exercised bad judgment. At the worst, it was an honest mistake. You did not decide to be raped when you chose your path. The rapist did.
> Now I have PSTD and for I don't feel responsible for that. I can't. Even though I feel responsible for the event that caused the PSTD in the first place.
>
> Does any of this make sense because it sounds confusing to me.It makes perfect sense to me. I believe that you are a member of the majority of rape victims who blame themselves for the rape. How tragic.
If you haven't already researched the self-blame phenomenon for rape victims, it might be worth the research to help you to better understand your feelings.
- Scott
Posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 20:37:13
In reply to Re: FML!!!! *trigger about self injury*, posted by morgan miller on November 16, 2010, at 16:40:38
> > It really hurts right now. But I guess I deserve the pain since I did this to myself.
>
> You haven't done anything to yourself. None of this is your fault. I really wish you could get in to see a therapist, any therapist.Yes, I do need a therapist. I am trying to get into a free program for low income people. I called about 3 weeks ago. I should do a follow up call this week. But if something is free there will be no doubt a very long wait for the service.
Posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 20:47:05
In reply to Re: maxie, addendum » floatingbridge, posted by floatingbridge on November 16, 2010, at 17:58:58
> > We don't deserve pain. No one does. It just happens because we are human.
> >
> > (((big hug)))
> >
>
> Hi Maxime
>
> How is your day going? I wanted to temper my post a bit. My intention was to take the 'blame' out of the equation. As your friend, I stick up for you. You do not deserve pain, part of being human is to know pain, and being human we can set our intentions toward diminishing pain. Kindly as one would treat a child.
>
> ((((*)))))Hi FB. You a good and loyal friend. Thank you.
My day was okay. My classes went really well. I love all the seniors so much! I really care about them. If they don't show up for more than two classes I always phone them to make sure that they are ok. I listen to them talk about their aches and pains and why they couldn't make it to class. Not all of my students are "true seniors" meaning some are 55 which imho is NOT a senior. I am not as close to them as I am the older ones. They tell me how much they love my classes and how much they are learning (and they really are doing well) and often I get hugs at the end of the class. I am really grateful for my job. When I am thinking of suicide or even planing it I try to think of how much it would upset them because I know it would.
I am really tired and sad. Even my PJs aren't cheering me up.
Posted by morgan miller on November 17, 2010, at 0:03:54
In reply to Re: FML!!!! *trigger about self injury* » morgan miller, posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 20:37:13
Sorry I keep mentioning therapy, I'm sure you are already frustrated as it is that you are having a hard time finding a free therapist. I hope you get in on this free counseling service soon.
Hang in there!
Morgan
Posted by floatingbridge on November 17, 2010, at 1:09:58
In reply to Re: FML!!!! *trigger about self injury* » Maxime, posted by SLS on November 16, 2010, at 19:57:04
Maxime, you are very brave for posting. I am so, so sorry to hear you were so brutally assaulted. I am blown away and feel a little ill, but that's o.k. I rather you post openly. I'm here.
I have so many questions, so much...anger and outrage. But this is not the time or place or even my business, because you need to tell your story in your own way and time to whomever you decide. But I firmly believe you must tell it. I feel that your life really does depend on it. And I value you. I want you here.
Oh my God, sweetie. You just are not at fault. Scott said it so well.
What does one do after living trough the nightmare? I don't know. I hope you
find out.Blessed hugs.
Posted by Maxime on November 18, 2010, at 19:58:44
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » hyperfocus, posted by Maxime on November 16, 2010, at 19:48:22
REALLY bad day today. Got stressed and everything went downhill. Almost drove off the road ... but didn't see the point of that. Now driving off the road and hit a large tree at a high speed might work. Or I might just end up a vegetable. I wish there was someone to help me.
Posted by Maxime on November 18, 2010, at 20:02:20
In reply to maxie » SLS, posted by floatingbridge on November 17, 2010, at 1:09:58
I don't want to tell my story any more than I already have here on the boards.
Posted by floatingbridge on November 18, 2010, at 20:16:54
In reply to Re: maxie » floatingbridge, posted by Maxime on November 18, 2010, at 20:02:20
Hi Maxime,
I apologize for stating advice so dramatically. I feel everyone has the ability and right to find their own way. I can understand not wanting to discuss certain events--I really can :(
Sorry to hear your day was so awful. I wish for a better day for you tomorrow.
Posted by Maxime on November 18, 2010, at 21:24:30
In reply to Re: maxie » Maxime, posted by floatingbridge on November 18, 2010, at 20:16:54
> Hi Maxime,
>
> I apologize for stating advice so dramatically. I feel everyone has the ability and right to find their own way. I can understand not wanting to discuss certain events--I really can :(
>
> Sorry to hear your day was so awful. I wish for a better day for you tomorrow.You have nothing to apologise for. I just saw this post. Prior to seeing it I just wrote you a long BM in response to the one you sent me. But when I finished I got the message that your BM was turned off. :( I will try again when and if you turn your BM back on.
Sigh. I wish the abbreviation wasn't BM.
Posted by Deneb on November 18, 2010, at 22:33:52
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by Maxime on November 18, 2010, at 19:58:44
Hey Maxime,
I just wanted to give you some support. You sound like you're in a really bad place. It will get better. ((((Maxime))))
Posted by emmanuel98 on November 18, 2010, at 23:03:13
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » Maxime, posted by Deneb on November 18, 2010, at 22:33:52
Maxime - I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Is there anything that pulls you out of this, even temporarily -- work, exercise, TV, reading? Please try to hang in there and use distactions as they suggest in DBT. Do little things mindfully, Walk and focus on that. Count your steps. Breathe deeply -- count in for five, hold for five and exhale for five. I don't know if any of this will help. I had a hard time using DBT techniques when I was in the depths of it. But it might just give you a little breathing space.
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