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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 76. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by maxime on November 12, 2010, at 21:53:57
I don't feel good ... at all. Not physically and certainly not mentally. Yes, the Parnate helps to a degree but I am still really depressed whilst taking it. It is still the best med that I have taken for my depression to date. Why can't I have total remission?
Physically, I feel like an 80 year old woman with all my aches and pains.
It is a combination of the depression and the pain that just makes me want to give up. It was bad enough having mental pain. But throw physical pain into the mix and you get ... suicidal plans.
It's all wearing me down. I have no energy to do anything. Yes, I get up and I get to work. Whenever it has come to work I have always been able to go (when I have a job of course). I don't know where that energy comes from.
I just feel like yelling to God and saying "FINE! YOU WIN!"
Posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 8:14:02
In reply to Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by maxime on November 12, 2010, at 21:53:57
No, bad planning. The big bridges here have guard rails. Too many jumpers. Well, I have my stash of pills. I have them stashed for a reason and I think this is it.
Too bloody hard. Useless. Painful. Alone.
Posted by polarbear206 on November 13, 2010, at 9:11:13
In reply to Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by maxime on November 12, 2010, at 21:53:57
Hi Maxime
How about switching to Nardil? Sounds as if the aches and pains are more atypical related? I can relate... I don't remember what all you have tried over the years? What is your sleep pattern like? Is your depression worse at a certain time of the day? Do you have good days, then suddenly crash? Sorry for all the questions...PB
Posted by Tomatheus on November 13, 2010, at 9:23:31
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » maxime, posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 8:14:02
> Well, I have my stash of pills. I have them stashed for a reason and I think this is it.
Maxime,
I don't know what to tell you other than to please reconsider taking your life. You seem to be in a bad place at the moment, so consider taking some time out to do something that you might find to be comforting. If that doesn't work, please consider calling a suicide hotline or an emergency number where they'd be able to hospitalize you if necessary. I'm very sorry to hear that you're struggling, and although I don't really know you I think that taking your life would be a very big mistake. Among other things, you're a key asset to this board, and a lot of people here (including myself) and elsewhere would feel hurt if you were to take your life.
Tomatheus
Posted by SLS on November 13, 2010, at 9:40:56
In reply to Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by maxime on November 12, 2010, at 21:53:57
Hi Maxime!
:-)
Nothing special. I just wanted to say "hi".
Posted by maya3 on November 13, 2010, at 10:13:51
In reply to Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by maxime on November 12, 2010, at 21:53:57
Hi Maxime,
How are you? I hope you are feeling better.
Take care,
Maya.
Posted by Phillipa on November 13, 2010, at 10:15:36
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » maxime, posted by SLS on November 13, 2010, at 9:40:56
Didn't you stop taking part of your cocktail?Phillipa
Posted by ed_uk2010 on November 13, 2010, at 10:39:02
In reply to Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by maxime on November 12, 2010, at 21:53:57
Maxie,
When do you start desipramine? It could help your depression and your pain.
Posted by floatingbridge on November 13, 2010, at 14:22:11
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by polarbear206 on November 13, 2010, at 9:11:13
Hi Maxie :( I didn't know today was going so poorly.
Sometimes I think I would have done better being raised Jewish instead of Catholic. At least I could shake a fist at God and on any given day, ten family members would join me. Seriously.
If God is worth his-her salt, she can take it....IMHO.
Or then, I think of Monty Python's department of complaints. Today I've accidentally got into the 'getting hit on the head's lessons.
I'm sorry sweetie :(
Have you considered Polar Bear's thoughts?
Hugs.
> Hi Maxime
>
> How about switching to Nardil? Sounds as if the aches and pains are more atypical related? I can relate... I don't remember what all you have tried over the years? What is your sleep pattern like? Is your depression worse at a certain time of the day? Do you have good days, then suddenly crash? Sorry for all the questions...PB
Posted by floatingbridge on November 13, 2010, at 14:29:12
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by ed_uk2010 on November 13, 2010, at 10:39:02
Ed's, too.
((((*))))
> Maxie,
>
> When do you start desipramine? It could help your depression and your pain.
Posted by SLS on November 13, 2010, at 15:12:13
In reply to Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by maxime on November 12, 2010, at 21:53:57
> I don't feel good ... at all. Not physically and certainly not mentally. Yes, the Parnate helps to a degree but I am still really depressed whilst taking it. It is still the best med that I have taken for my depression to date. Why can't I have total remission?
Who says that you can't?
I know, I know.
I hope to be surprised one day. You never know what drugs will become available in the future.I never expected to respond at all to agomelatine. However, I experienced two 3-day improvements that were unmistakable (to me) as being antidepressant responses. My doctor and I are perplexed as to why my responses last for exactly 3 days, no matter which drug is being used. If agomelatine can produce a positive reaction in me with my stubborn brain - even for 3 days - I have to imagine that it might be an effective treatment for other people.
Regarding your somatic pains, I hope desipramine works for you. Some researchers are of the opinion that it is the mixed NE/5-HT reuptake inhibitors that are most effective for pain. Cymbalta might be the best of these drugs for pain. Of course, any of these drugs would be absolutely prohibited for you to take in conjunction with Parnate. If I found myself in your situation, I would try desipramine. It might act synergistically with the pro-serotoninergic properties of Parnate. If nothing else immediately available helps, you might need to return to nortriptyline or try a low dosage of amitriptyline if hyperprolactinemia does not become a problem. Have you ever tried doxepin? A friend of mine once responded robustly to a combination of Nardil and doxepin. Doxepin can help with insomnia and anxiety, and is thought to be safe in combination with MAOIs.
"Combinations of MAOIs and TCAs may occasionally be used in specialist practice; but not all specialists have sufficient knowledge or experience to do this safely; it is uncertain how much is to be gained from the technique. The main danger is serotonin syndrome which can be fatal. This is likely to be caused by:-- MAOIs (including RIMAs such as moclobemide) when they are combined with 'SSRIs', or any TCA which is also a serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SRI) i.e. clomipramine and imipramine. Dual action drugs are also dangerous viz. venlafaxine, sibutramine or milnacipran (see other serotonin toxicity notes for details). TCAs that are essentially only noradrenaline reuptake inhibitors, which is in fact most of them-- see (5) are quite safe when combined with MAOIs. So adding a small dose of amitriptyline, nortriptyline or doxepin to improve sleep (via H1 blockade, and perhaps 5-HT2A/C blockade) in a patient on MAOIs is most unlikely to cause any major side effect problems and does not give rise to any risk of serotonin syndrome."
http://www.psychotropical.com/maois_full.shtml
- Scott
Posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 18:25:30
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by polarbear206 on November 13, 2010, at 9:11:13
Hi PB, thanks for your post. I have tried Nardil a few times and I couldn't handle the sedation. It also gave me really bad edema within a couple of days. I was like a walking zombie. I never even got to the weight gain part.
I don't sleep very well most nights despite being exhausted and in pain. My depression is worse at night. It's when I feel at my worse and it's when there is more of a chance that I will harm myself.
I never really have good days. Every once in a while I will have a better day, I am always for grateful for it.
With the time change it gets darker earlier now. Maybe that is part of the problem right now. I don't deal well with dark. It's not SAD. It's just that some really bad things have happened to me in dark.
Posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 18:30:23
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » Maxime, posted by Tomatheus on November 13, 2010, at 9:23:31
Thank you Tomatheus. Usually when I feel this way I do call the Crisis Crisis. They know me there because I have gone to stay there when things get really crappy.
I went second hand clothes shopping today after work because it's something I usually enjoy. But today it just frustrated me. Usually I love going through all the crap and finding that one gem that is hidden. Today I didn't have the patience.
My students could tell that something was wrong with me today. They suggested that we finish early so that I could home and rest. But I told that while I appreaciate their kindness, I wouldn't feel right ending the class early. It's a hard class ... it's 5 hours ... but I made it.
Posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 18:31:03
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » maxime, posted by SLS on November 13, 2010, at 9:40:56
> Hi Maxime!
>
> :-)
>
> Nothing special. I just wanted to say "hi".Hi right back at you! :)
Posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 18:31:58
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » maxime, posted by maya3 on November 13, 2010, at 10:13:51
Thank you Maya, unfortunately I still feel pretty crappy. Maybe things will be different when I wake up tomorrow morning.
Posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 18:34:56
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by Phillipa on November 13, 2010, at 10:15:36
> Didn't you stop taking part of your cocktail?Phillipa
Yes, I stopped the Nortriptaline about a month or so ago. Do you think it's from that? I guess that is possible. I never even thought of it. Good point Phillipa. I know the pain increased A LOT when I came off the Nortrip. but I never paid attention as to whether or not my depression was getting worse. But maybe my depression got worse because of the pain? I feel like I am going around in circles. It's like the chicken and the egg?
Posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 18:37:41
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by ed_uk2010 on November 13, 2010, at 10:39:02
Ed, I have to make an appt. to see pdoc. Usually I see him on Fridays when I can because that is my day off. But this coming Friday I am taking all the classes to the US to do some shopping. We will be gone all day. Maybe if I call him he will make an exception and prescribe something without seeing me first.
Posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 18:47:28
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by floatingbridge on November 13, 2010, at 14:22:11
Hi FB, I like your idea of lodging a complaint with Monty Pythons Department of Complaint. You made me laugh actually. I love when people make reference to Monty Python.
Yes, I have thought about what PB wrote but I have been on Nardil twice (maybe 3 times) and it just made me comotose and my legs had really bad edema.
I am seriously considering going back to Cymbalta. It helped with the pain. It helped my depression but not as much as Parnate does ... which isn't much really at this point.
Pause. Cry. Suck it up.
I really wish my pdoc would give me more input. But I think he feels at a loss with me. We have tried so many things (many were contraindicated). He has always been supported when I ask him if I can try a certain med. I think he finds it amusing that I come in with a bunch of articles from medical journal to support why I want to try a med.
What I would really to try? Deep brain stimulation. I would rather try that then ECT.
Posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 18:53:47
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » maxime, posted by SLS on November 13, 2010, at 15:12:13
Thank you for all that info Scott.
My doctor feels the same way you do. If you are capable of feeling better, even if only for 3 days, it means that you DO have the ability to feel better and that one day you might. He is always very positive when I respond well to a med if only briefly. I don't know if ability is the best word but I can't think of anything else.
Posted by Lou Pilder on November 13, 2010, at 19:08:31
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge?, posted by floatingbridge on November 13, 2010, at 14:22:11
FB,
You wrote,[...Sometimes I think I would have done better being rxxxxx yyyyyy....At least I could shake a zzzz...ten fffff mmmmmm would jjjj mm....].
I am unsure as to what you are wanting to mean here. If you could post answers to the following, then I could have the opportunity to respond accordingly.
A. Why would being jjjjjj put you in the catagory of {at least}?
B. Could you not sssss a ffff at ggg if you were a non-jjj? If so, (redacted by respondent).
C. What is the significance, if any, as to why you wrote about the ten family members?
D. redacted by respondent
Lou
Posted by SLS on November 13, 2010, at 19:23:19
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » floatingbridge, posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 18:47:28
> What I would really to try? Deep brain stimulation. I would rather try that then ECT.
I am still reluctant to be transformed into a cyborg. I am afraid of people drilling into my skull, probing around in my brain, and routing wires into my chest. We'll see how this procedure evolves. Maybe one day...
I am becoming more interested in rTMS (repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation) now that it is showing efficacy in people who have been resistant to drug treatment. There is no guarantee, of course. However, I would rather fail to respond to externally applied magnets first than to be subject to invasive brain surgery.
- Scott
Posted by floatingbridge on November 13, 2010, at 20:48:01
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » floatingbridge, posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 18:47:28
Maxime,
rTMS. I'm with SLS on that.
Though I surely have wanted my brain replaced many times....
Are you on a waitlist for rTMS?
Posted by floatingbridge on November 13, 2010, at 21:10:16
In reply to Lou's request-photrdhephahm » floatingbridge, posted by Lou Pilder on November 13, 2010, at 19:08:31
Hi Lou,
Good to hear from you. You know, when I wrote that comment about Catholics and Jews, I wasn't sure if it was in good taste. I'm sorry if you or anyone took offense.
The practice of any faith seems to be colored and affected by one's family's
practice. My Catholic family believed that God was an authority beyond question, though if you begged his mom, she might put in a good word.Some years later I came upon a different way of relating to God through mostly Jewish friends. Their families didn't feel
that a disagreement with God would break the relationship.I imagine it is possible that any faith can be practiced that way, with reverence, if one chose.
My post was based on subjective experience and nothing more.
I haven't been feeling too well these days, and so I'm not here very often. I hope this post helps clear up misunderstandings. Oh, and the number ten was rather random. Or wishful thinking. I'm not sure there are ten left.
Best to you, Lou. Hope you are well.
fb
Posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 22:30:47
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » Maxime, posted by floatingbridge on November 13, 2010, at 20:48:01
> Maxime,
>
> rTMS. I'm with SLS on that.
>
> Though I surely have wanted my brain replaced many times....
>
> Are you on a waitlist for rTMS?
>I guess you and Scott are right. It's just that I feel so desperate right. SO desperate. My Pdoc was supposed to get info to see if I could get rTMS done at the psych hospital. I think I will send him a email reminder.
Posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 23:14:19
In reply to Re: Why do I feel like jumping off a bridge? » polarbear206, posted by Maxime on November 13, 2010, at 18:25:30
It's amazing how receiving one nasty Babble Mail can set a person off. So much for so many months without cutting. I cut again tonight pretty badly. I am SO TIRED of this sh*t!
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