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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rocky-Exentric on November 10, 2008, at 7:56:00
40 male. been on medications (several) for the past fifteen years. had 8 ECT too. still I want to die...I flushed that remaining pack of stablon which my doc said will be my last resort. now I am only left with enough Xanax bars and Lorazepam 2mg pills. I want to die at any cost but xanax and lorazepam both keeps me at least going. don't be afraid of knowing my current dose. Three bars of xanax (6mg) and lorazepam 2mg for three times. Still my heart is pounding.
I know people here are very sympathetic, but please have a look on the medications I took for the past fifteen or so years to get the hell out of depression---
elavil, tofranil, nardil, parnate, prozac, zoloft, paxil, cipralex, adderral, ritalin, molindon, stelazine, thorazine, seroquel, zyprexa, notiptyline, desipramine, cymbalta, effexor, luvox, feliz, diazepam, provigil, focalin, even weed...
nothing helped me beyond seven days. whenever any new medication has been obtained, my enthusiasm skyrocketed only to recognize it is nothing but another trash.
Now i have a good amount of alprazolam and lorazepam left. I take xanax 2 mg tid along with ativan same dose. this keeps me going, but I am not sure how far and how long i can. so far for heavens sake no tolerance has been occurred, but I know it is only a matter of time.
Today when was standing at the balcony, I thought seven stairs height might not kill me so why not go little up and try. then I thought of the meds I had with me. shouldn't it be reasonable to wait at least i develop tolerance to those?
Addiction... buvaaaaaaaa... who cares. but do you have any suggestion to save me from the inevitable fall? I will fall for sure but can't I at least lengthen it using my favouite bars and Ativan?When I started using meds before 15 years apart, my dose of xanax was 0.25 bid. still i didn't take it. the same myself now take 6mg of of it not enough; same amount of lorazepam too.
It is life. But how long it will be?
Posted by azalea on November 10, 2008, at 9:15:30
In reply to Slow with Benzos or should I end it up altogether?, posted by Rocky-Exentric on November 10, 2008, at 7:56:00
Looking at your list of meds, I'm wondering if you've tried Lithium. It is quite useful as an augmenting agent and sometimes as monotherapy.
>
> 40 male. been on medications (several) for the past fifteen years. had 8 ECT too. still I want to die...
>
> I flushed that remaining pack of stablon which my doc said will be my last resort. now I am only left with enough Xanax bars and Lorazepam 2mg pills. I want to die at any cost but xanax and lorazepam both keeps me at least going. don't be afraid of knowing my current dose. Three bars of xanax (6mg) and lorazepam 2mg for three times. Still my heart is pounding.
>
> I know people here are very sympathetic, but please have a look on the medications I took for the past fifteen or so years to get the hell out of depression---
>
> elavil, tofranil, nardil, parnate, prozac, zoloft, paxil, cipralex, adderral, ritalin, molindon, stelazine, thorazine, seroquel, zyprexa, notiptyline, desipramine, cymbalta, effexor, luvox, feliz, diazepam, provigil, focalin, even weed...
>
> nothing helped me beyond seven days. whenever any new medication has been obtained, my enthusiasm skyrocketed only to recognize it is nothing but another trash.
>
> Now i have a good amount of alprazolam and lorazepam left. I take xanax 2 mg tid along with ativan same dose. this keeps me going, but I am not sure how far and how long i can. so far for heavens sake no tolerance has been occurred, but I know it is only a matter of time.
>
> Today when was standing at the balcony, I thought seven stairs height might not kill me so why not go little up and try. then I thought of the meds I had with me. shouldn't it be reasonable to wait at least i develop tolerance to those?
> Addiction... buvaaaaaaaa... who cares. but do you have any suggestion to save me from the inevitable fall? I will fall for sure but can't I at least lengthen it using my favouite bars and Ativan?
>
> When I started using meds before 15 years apart, my dose of xanax was 0.25 bid. still i didn't take it. the same myself now take 6mg of of it not enough; same amount of lorazepam too.
>
> It is life. But how long it will be?
Posted by Phillipa on November 10, 2008, at 10:42:30
In reply to Re: Slow with Benzos or should I end it up altoget » Rocky-Exentric, posted by azalea on November 10, 2008, at 9:15:30
I have tolerance to benzos after 38 years and still try and continue and will do so. Phillipa
Posted by HyperFocus on November 10, 2008, at 12:49:11
In reply to Slow with Benzos or should I end it up altogether?, posted by Rocky-Exentric on November 10, 2008, at 7:56:00
Firstly I've had mental illness for 18 years and I've suffered terribly but I'm not ready to take the fall yet. A lot of times I think about the fall. I can't tell you what you should and shouldn't do with your life but just know that there are a lot of people here that have sufferred as you and they still cling to the hope that one day they will get better.
Secondly there are whole classes of drugs you haven't tried - i don't see any atypical APs or mood stabilizers in your list. Is it possible you need a second diagnosis? A lot of BPII people get misdiagnosed as unipolar depression and anxiety and go for decades without proper treatment. So if you're looking for a next step to take, try getting another diagnosis - maybe you aren't being treated for the right thing.
>
> 40 male. been on medications (several) for the past fifteen years. had 8 ECT too. still I want to die...
>
> I flushed that remaining pack of stablon which my doc said will be my last resort. now I am only left with enough Xanax bars and Lorazepam 2mg pills. I want to die at any cost but xanax and lorazepam both keeps me at least going. don't be afraid of knowing my current dose. Three bars of xanax (6mg) and lorazepam 2mg for three times. Still my heart is pounding.
>
> I know people here are very sympathetic, but please have a look on the medications I took for the past fifteen or so years to get the hell out of depression---
>
> elavil, tofranil, nardil, parnate, prozac, zoloft, paxil, cipralex, adderral, ritalin, molindon, stelazine, thorazine, seroquel, zyprexa, notiptyline, desipramine, cymbalta, effexor, luvox, feliz, diazepam, provigil, focalin, even weed...
>
> nothing helped me beyond seven days. whenever any new medication has been obtained, my enthusiasm skyrocketed only to recognize it is nothing but another trash.
>
> Now i have a good amount of alprazolam and lorazepam left. I take xanax 2 mg tid along with ativan same dose. this keeps me going, but I am not sure how far and how long i can. so far for heavens sake no tolerance has been occurred, but I know it is only a matter of time.
>
> Today when was standing at the balcony, I thought seven stairs height might not kill me so why not go little up and try. then I thought of the meds I had with me. shouldn't it be reasonable to wait at least i develop tolerance to those?
> Addiction... buvaaaaaaaa... who cares. but do you have any suggestion to save me from the inevitable fall? I will fall for sure but can't I at least lengthen it using my favouite bars and Ativan?
>
> When I started using meds before 15 years apart, my dose of xanax was 0.25 bid. still i didn't take it. the same myself now take 6mg of of it not enough; same amount of lorazepam too.
>
> It is life. But how long it will be?
Posted by Rocky-Exentric on November 10, 2008, at 14:53:52
In reply to Re: Slow with Benzos or should I end it up altoget » Rocky-Exentric, posted by HyperFocus on November 10, 2008, at 12:49:11
Even if I determine to fight, how long it would be possible for me? Please I am taking huuuuuuge doses of xanax and ativan. 6 mg of Xanax Daily plus the same amount of ativan to get along.Do you think I have a life? Hey guys.. My doc doesn't think so.
BTW. I tried all those atypical too along with mood stabilizers. i forgot to mention them. Lithium, Tegretol these mood stabilizers along with many atypicals like geodon, seroquel, zyprexa
My doc has left my case and he says I am treatment resistant and will not expose me to another ECT that would be ninth. He simply lets me bars and ativan as much as I want. So I am on this huge dose. I know I can never back to normal. but how long these stuffs are going to help me?
alprazolam nasty addictive stuff..My dose is 2 mg every four hours. the rest of the hours I take lorazepam 2mg. total bingo.......... I am on 12 mg of benzos. Two very strong benzos. and I wanna believe I have a life...,
Posted by B2chica on November 10, 2008, at 15:04:30
In reply to Re: Slow with Benzos or should I end it up altoget » HyperFocus, posted by Rocky-Exentric on November 10, 2008, at 14:53:52
there are still many you have not tried:
abilify, trileptal, topamax, depakote, pristiq, lexapro, celexa, several other TCA's u didnt list.and sometimes augmenting one AD with another is needed.
hang on, it's out there.
also, check your diet and exercise too. how much sunlight do you get a day, i know this actually makes a little difference for me.and you can fight for as long as you want. i've been doing it since i was 14.
you can do it. stick around here.best wishes
b2c.
Posted by softheprairie on November 10, 2008, at 21:08:15
In reply to Slow with Benzos or should I end it up altogether?, posted by Rocky-Exentric on November 10, 2008, at 7:56:00
Wow. I'm blown away. Your list of meds tried reminds me of poster SLS; perhaps it could give you hope that he was able to find relief this year. I think you're a strong person for holding on so far.
Posted by rvanson on November 10, 2008, at 23:06:39
In reply to Slow with Benzos or should I end it up altogether?, posted by Rocky-Exentric on November 10, 2008, at 7:56:00
>
> 40 male. been on medications (several) for the past fifteen years. had 8 ECT too. still I want to die...
>
> I flushed that remaining pack of stablon which my doc said will be my last resort. now I am only left with enough Xanax bars and Lorazepam 2mg pills. I want to die at any cost but xanax and lorazepam both keeps me at least going. don't be afraid of knowing my current dose. Three bars of xanax (6mg) and lorazepam 2mg for three times. Still my heart is pounding.
>
> I know people here are very sympathetic, but please have a look on the medications I took for the past fifteen or so years to get the hell out of depression---
>
> elavil, tofranil, nardil, parnate, prozac, zoloft, paxil, cipralex, adderral, ritalin, molindon, stelazine, thorazine, seroquel, zyprexa, notiptyline, desipramine, cymbalta, effexor, luvox, feliz, diazepam, provigil, focalin, even weed...
>
> nothing helped me beyond seven days. whenever any new medication has been obtained, my enthusiasm skyrocketed only to recognize it is nothing but another trash.
>
> Now i have a good amount of alprazolam and lorazepam left. I take xanax 2 mg tid along with ativan same dose. this keeps me going, but I am not sure how far and how long i can. so far for heavens sake no tolerance has been occurred, but I know it is only a matter of time.
>
> Today when was standing at the balcony, I thought seven stairs height might not kill me so why not go little up and try. then I thought of the meds I had with me. shouldn't it be reasonable to wait at least i develop tolerance to those?
> Addiction... buvaaaaaaaa... who cares. but do you have any suggestion to save me from the inevitable fall? I will fall for sure but can't I at least lengthen it using my favouite bars and Ativan?
>
> When I started using meds before 15 years apart, my dose of xanax was 0.25 bid. still i didn't take it. the same myself now take 6mg of of it not enough; same amount of lorazepam too.
>
> It is life. But how long it will be?I cant say but if you can remain on this dose I suppose a long time, its up to you in the long run.
Did your doc use ECT for depression?
The reason I ask is that if only Benzos help you, you have an anxiety disorder and I have never heard that ECT is effective for GAD or other anxiety disorders.
Posted by rvanson on November 10, 2008, at 23:19:27
In reply to Re: Slow with Benzos or should I end it up altoget » HyperFocus, posted by Rocky-Exentric on November 10, 2008, at 14:53:52
>
> Even if I determine to fight, how long it would be possible for me? Please I am taking huuuuuuge doses of xanax and ativan. 6 mg of Xanax Daily plus the same amount of ativan to get along.
>
> Do you think I have a life? Hey guys.. My doc doesn't think so.
>
> BTW. I tried all those atypical too along with mood stabilizers. i forgot to mention them. Lithium, Tegretol these mood stabilizers along with many atypicals like geodon, seroquel, zyprexa
>
> My doc has left my case and he says I am treatment resistant and will not expose me to another ECT that would be ninth. He simply lets me bars and ativan as much as I want. So I am on this huge dose. I know I can never back to normal. but how long these stuffs are going to help me?
>
> alprazolam nasty addictive stuff..My dose is 2 mg every four hours. the rest of the hours I take lorazepam 2mg. total bingo.......... I am on 12 mg of benzos. Two very strong benzos. and I wanna believe I have a life...,
Have you ever tried an opoid drug like vicodin, or even stronger?This might be something to think about as these were used long before benzos and other meds came along.
Also, may I ask if you use alcohol in any form
? I am just wondering, not that it would help you in the long run, as its toxic over time, but just so I can know if it helps for awhile like it does with me when I imbibe in it once in a while now.
Posted by yxibow on November 11, 2008, at 0:26:35
In reply to Re: Slow with Benzos or should I end it up altoget » Rocky-Exentric, posted by rvanson on November 10, 2008, at 23:19:27
> Have you ever tried an opoid drug like vicodin, or even stronger?An opiod or a recreational drug is a nice trip for a day, if it doesn't blow your disorder out of the sky, but long term is rehab. Not a good idea unless under the guise of an addiction specialist psychiatrist who is trained in this -- most psychiatrists will not do this, they dont have the CME credits or DEA training.
> Also, may I ask if you use alcohol in any form
> ? I am just wondering, not that it would help you in the long run, as its toxic over time, but just so I can know if it helps for awhile like it does with me when I imbibe in it once in a while now.
It can be hepatotoxic and the usual warnings of mixing with benzodiazepines will double or triple the CNS depressant effect. Not a good idea.
Yes, there is some GABA effect from alcohol, but it also is a CNS and a depressant in general.Not to say that someone who isn't taking a lot of medications can't tie one on here and there but caution, caution.
-- Jay
Posted by Rocky-Exentric on November 11, 2008, at 2:49:59
In reply to Re: Slow with Benzos or should I end it up altogether? » Rocky-Exentric, posted by rvanson on November 10, 2008, at 23:06:39
ravenson
my doc electrocuted my brain while i was vegetated. it helped but had to undergo eight. wold you believe it?
and of course i took opiods too. vicodin, oxycontin tramadol... they are wonders of one week then all splash....
i think my brain chemistry has been altered due to ECT. My current doc too with me in this. that's why he won't do another ect for me. but nice soul doesn't have any problem in letting me enough or more than enough xanax and ativans.
i feel lonely because i haven't seen anyone like me. taking 12 mg of two strong benzos. only to keep going... has anyone taken this much amount ever in their life? and could anyone live a normal life?
my life revolves around these two meds now. my timer reminds each doses.
But please... this is pure hell. I can function but knowing there is not a life at all for me is ***$#$$#
any sympathetic heart?
Posted by rvanson on November 11, 2008, at 6:05:19
In reply to Re: Slow with Benzos or should I end it up altogether? » rvanson, posted by Rocky-Exentric on November 11, 2008, at 2:49:59
> ravenson
>
> my doc electrocuted my brain while i was vegetated. it helped but had to undergo eight. wold you believe it?
>
> and of course i took opiods too. vicodin, oxycontin tramadol... they are wonders of one week then all splash....
>
> i think my brain chemistry has been altered due to ECT. My current doc too with me in this. that's why he won't do another ect for me. but nice soul doesn't have any problem in letting me enough or more than enough xanax and ativans.
>
> i feel lonely because i haven't seen anyone like me. taking 12 mg of two strong benzos. only to keep going... has anyone taken this much amount ever in their life? and could anyone live a normal life?
>
> my life revolves around these two meds now. my timer reminds each doses.
>
> But please... this is pure hell. I can function but knowing there is not a life at all for me is ***$#$$#
>
> any sympathetic heart?I am here help you, if I can, and I am empathic
to the plight of humans like myself, which means its in my nature to help anyone that I can without harming them with opinions not based in fact. I base what I say here on studying medical books, just like the P-docs do.I agree with your doctor. I am not a medical professional at all, but I am over 50 years of age and have suffered from depression/anxiety for at least half my life and I have studied psycho-pharmacology for the last 20 years, so as a layman, please do not use ECT ever again.
It can be helpful for people with severe depression to the point of suicide, but the memory loss and defects can cripple you even further, IME.
Honsestly, when Xanax first came on the market in 1981 a dose of 6Mg was the high side but some people did well on that. I will admit that you are on a very heavy dose of benzos, but be glad for that as many docs would never Rx that kind of dosage.
I am currently on 3 Mg of Xanax myself, but cannot tolerate Ativan as it affects my memory and Xanax does not. I was on only 2mg per day but I lost a close family member recently and I had to dose up to get enough sleep, for now.
I wish I could advise you further but I am at a loss as you have been on more meds then I have, and that's quite a few over a 28 year period.
Some things that come to mind that MAY help and wont hurt is to try some B vitamin complex and try and see if some foods you eat or drink disagree with you.
I know those are simple things, but if I miss my B complex tablets, I notice a distinct negative higher anxiety level on the next day or so.
One more med you might try is Solian, but its an overseas medication which is hard to come by.
Right now you have to take each day as it comes. If you do not have to increase your dosage then that would be a good sign.
Posted by HyperFocus on November 11, 2008, at 16:19:39
In reply to Re: Slow with Benzos or should I end it up altoget » HyperFocus, posted by Rocky-Exentric on November 10, 2008, at 14:53:52
What are your symptoms - could you describe them in detail? Don't just say "I'm depressed" or "I'm anxious" or "I'm psychotic" try to verbalize as precisely as you can what and how you feel. I'm not a med expert but there are a lot of people here who could offer you suggestions for treatment based on your symptoms. Different drugs and different drug combinations work on different symptoms.
As for your doctor, get a new one and a new diagnosis. No doctor who abandons his patient is worth the name.
>
> Even if I determine to fight, how long it would be possible for me? Please I am taking huuuuuuge doses of xanax and ativan. 6 mg of Xanax Daily plus the same amount of ativan to get along.
>
> Do you think I have a life? Hey guys.. My doc doesn't think so.
>
> BTW. I tried all those atypical too along with mood stabilizers. i forgot to mention them. Lithium, Tegretol these mood stabilizers along with many atypicals like geodon, seroquel, zyprexa
>
> My doc has left my case and he says I am treatment resistant and will not expose me to another ECT that would be ninth. He simply lets me bars and ativan as much as I want. So I am on this huge dose. I know I can never back to normal. but how long these stuffs are going to help me?
>
> alprazolam nasty addictive stuff..My dose is 2 mg every four hours. the rest of the hours I take lorazepam 2mg. total bingo.......... I am on 12 mg of benzos. Two very strong benzos. and I wanna believe I have a life...,
>
>
This is the end of the thread.
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