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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 43. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 12:05:18
Today will be my last day on the earth. I am so ready to let go and let God as I just cannot take this pain any longer. No one listens and I got screwed up totally by the Stupid Lassise by the meds he gave me. I have no where to go no where to turn but to God.
I was very stable prior my story is endless.
I will share before I go so that others may learn
Posted by ToughTimes on September 3, 2008, at 12:16:43
In reply to Today is my day, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 12:05:18
By all means, call 911 or have someone take you to a hospital. We all have suffered from the pain of Anxiety and Depression. Taking your own life is not the answer.
Maybe the medication your on is making you feel this way. Call your Dr., get to an ER, or just call a friend.
Don't give up. We are here for you and there is hope even when you feel like there is none.
Be well !!!!
Posted by manic666 on September 3, 2008, at 12:34:42
In reply to Today is my day, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 12:05:18
read flat line baby its for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted by Phillipa on September 3, 2008, at 13:01:50
In reply to Today is my day, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 12:05:18
Hi Kattwoman I feel as you do lots of time why I'm still here don't know. But please share your story. I wonder if we have any similarities. I would like to help And if you like remember my babblemail is open to you to talk in private. It's not your fault. I'd like to hear your story before advising you. Please? Love Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on September 3, 2008, at 13:38:32
In reply to Today is my day, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 12:05:18
Your're not sharing. Kattwoman. Please where is the story?? Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on September 3, 2008, at 13:39:34
In reply to Re: Today is my day, posted by Phillipa on September 3, 2008, at 13:38:32
Posted by Racer on September 3, 2008, at 13:54:22
In reply to Today is my day, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 12:05:18
I know that you're feeling as though you are ready to die, but you know what? It doesn't sound as though you are. I'm going to tell you why I think that, in hopes it helps you stay here and get some help in real life.
You're posting here, which indicates to me that you're still trying to connect to people. You're reaching out, which you wouldn't be doing if you didn't want someone to reach out and help you. You've said you're going to tell your story, which -- again -- connects you to Life. That's a good thing -- reaching for that connection is the first part of what it takes to feel better than you do now.
It sounds as though you're trying to punish your doctor -- "see? You made me this bad, and now look what you made me do!" -- which is a wish that just ain't gonna come true. Even if it did, even if he felt as bad as you do now because you do what you're thinking of -- YOU won't know about it. And YOU are what's important in all this.
I've been suicidal, I've attempted suicide (but was found in time), and I KNOW deep into the core of my being that it feels as though you can't stand one more second of this pain. (I also know that I got annoyed beyond belief whenever someone quoted Corinthians to me, but that's probably idiosyncratic.) I'm not going to tell you that there's any easy answer, but I AM going to tell you that it is possible to feel better, and that there are things that allow one to get relief from this pain. What those things are vary between individuals, but there is relief available.
I hope that something here resonate with you, and that it helps you reach out IN REAL LIFE for the help you'll need to find relief from this pain.
Posted by Wittgensteinz on September 3, 2008, at 14:09:43
In reply to Today is my day, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 12:05:18
Kattwoman,
I've felt this way - just a few weeks ago, I myself attempted suicide. I took enough to kill me but luckily regretted later and got myself help. Please don't let it come to that. Being in hospital, losing control of your body, losing your dignity just makes things worse.
I know it might seem unreasonable as a complete stranger to ask you to stop, wait and get help - but these thoughts are overwhelming now, in this moment - but in the future, there's no reason why things won't feel very different. If you act on these feelings now, you'll never know - what a pity if there's another Pdoc out there who can help turn your life around? Please don't give up because of Stupid Lassie. There are people out here who listen, and who want to listen.
I totally regret doing what I did a couple of weeks ago - it did far more harm than good - I'm lucky I got some help - please don't let it come to this, please phone and get help - get to a safe place and let someone else take control until you are in a safer frame of mind.
There are a lot of good things in life you know.
I hope this isn't your last day.
Witti
Posted by SLS on September 3, 2008, at 16:34:31
In reply to Today is my day, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 12:05:18
Am I to assume that you are horrendously depressed? I know that feeling all too well. I felt frustrated, angry, depressed, anxious, demoralized, helpless, and hopeless. No energy. No motivation. No rewarding activities. Numbness. Emptiness. Doomed
> Today will be my last day on the earth. I am so ready to let go and let God as I just cannot take this pain any longer. No one listens and I got screwed up totally by the Stupid Lassise by the meds he gave me. I have no where to go no where to turn but to God.
God can wait. You know that.
I know he wants you to keep trying, even if you don't. I don't think it is your time yet because you have not stopped reaching out.
There are just too many treatments available for you to give up yet. I had been on 60 different psychotropic medications before I found a combination that worked. This is what it all comes down to, right? Will you find something to relieve you of your pain and allow you to function well enough to return to society. It does happen.
Humor me. How about listing which drugs and drug combinations you have tried already? Maybe there is a clue to be found in such a list. In fact, make three lists.
1. Drugs that made you feel somewhat better.
2. Drugs that made you feel worse.
3. Drugs that had no effect at all.If you haven't combined Wellbutrin + Lexapro + Lamictal + Geodon, I would like to know why not? You might do well to add nortripyline into the mix. In fact, you could combine Parnate with nortriptyline safely.
Is there much anxiety?
Is there much anger or hostility?I believe that people have rights. You certainly do. There is a difference between autoeuthanasia and suicide. Because your mental state is so altered, you most likely cannot objectively weigh the pros versus cons of ending your life. It is critical to understand the there is a neurobiological substrate for suicidality. Suicidal feelings can happen all by themselves. You don't necessarily have to have logical reasons to feel suicidal. These feelings are being generated by the brain automatically and not voluntarily. The addition of anxiety and anger to severe depression almost always leads to suicidal ideations.
It is not your fault that you are ill and suffering incredibly at this moment. I can guarantee you that this bad time will pass. You will then be in a better position to evaluate your next move.
Make your lists and post them. See if one of our members can make suggestions based upon your treatment history. Would God be satisfied that it is your time when you haven't tried some very different treatments that are available right now? It seems that He has given you the strength to make it this far. I'm sure, once this bad time passes, you will think differently and more constructively.
Hey, you did it to yourself. You found some people who care about you without their even having to know you. We can be a pretty convincing crowd.
You know, you really should stick around long enough to see what people will come up with. Biology, psychology, philosophy, spirituality.
God can wait. He is already with you even though you don't feel you are with Him. He gave you strengths and weaknesses. Try not to overlook His gifts to you. I believe in a promised land. Let's try to get there together.
Drugs work.
Can you imagine if the last drug you try and respond to was chosen first instead? You would never have been "treatment resistant". Unfortunately, you are plagued by a lack of a biological or psychometric diagnostic test that would indicate the best treatments to get you well. That leaves mostly trial and error. Neuroscientists are working very hard to change things. New drugs are on the way. New tests are in development. New understandings are arrived at every day.
I have a question for you: If God told you that you must not commit suicide, and that it is not your time to leave yet, what would you like to see happen to you. How would you want your life to change?
Keep thinking positive and constructive - you know - the way you used to. Time and pain and fighting have worn you out. Rest for awhile. You will be better able to continue with life.
What questions do you have of me?
- Scott
Posted by ricker on September 3, 2008, at 16:47:22
In reply to Re: Today is my day » kattwoman, posted by SLS on September 3, 2008, at 16:34:31
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Please remember, no matter how bad you feel now, it will pass!!
You may believe that the reason for how you feel is valid, and it may be. Everyone has a right to their own feelings, good or bad.
But always remember, there are so many more reasons to live. I can't add any more than the previous posters, many of us have been severely depressed, suicidal, but, we are still here!
You can be here with us, believe that you will feel better. We believe in you.God bless and take care.
Rick
Posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 19:57:09
In reply to Re: Today is NOT my day » kattwoman, posted by Racer on September 3, 2008, at 13:54:22
> But you see I have everything right here right now and am in a motel where no one will find me until it is done. I am not ill. You may think that I am but actually I am in alot of pain and misery. I am very smart. I am an eduacated person. This is not a "Threat" of any kind. Why would it be a threat when I know all the pain will be gone by 11pm!!
I loved my life, my family, children, husband , grandchildren and my home. I loved my animals.
All was so good the last 12 years od my life. Before that lots of pain, an abuser for my first marriage. Sexual, physical and mental. He did things to me that created nightmares for years.
I had already suffered a childhood of sexual abuse. Ran away at 15 years old due to teh sexual abuse of my step brother and step father. No one would listen then, no one beleived. Now they all know and the two abusers were punished.I want peace. I want my family to be happy.
No you do not know how I feel.
I have been ill with mediacl problems and last year a stupid Dr pulled me off the only med I had ever been on for sezuires. It was a benzo and I am a nurse and did not even realize that it was also used for anti anxiety. When he ripped me off of it he then put me on several other pycho meds and screwed me up totally for over 5 months. All I could do was sleep. I could not eat, work, play with my son and my grandbabies. I will never forget it . It was enourmous pain and sweating and wanting to end my life. I had never felt this before. After I put myself in the hospital he again was in charge as he is the only psych here and he is in charge of all. He will not allow anyone to be on benzos or ADHD meds as some of the children are. He has been downgraded for the past year and no one will come into this community to work as a Phych as he has had them all fired and he is the only one left. I did go to my family Dr finally and she said the mixture of meds that he put me on was lethal due to my blood condition. Yes I tried to find a lawyer to sue him No one would take the case as he works for a huge Hospital that has many lawyers of thier own. Since that time I had been stable until I got ill again, I have done some things in the past two weeks that I am not at all proud of.I know that you're feeling as though you are ready to die, but you know what? It doesn't sound as though you are. I'm going to tell you why I think that, in hopes it helps you stay here and get some help in real life.
>
> You're posting here, which indicates to me that you're still trying to connect to people. You're reaching out, which you wouldn't be doing if you didn't want someone to reach out and help you. You've said you're going to tell your story, which -- again -- connects you to Life. That's a good thing -- reaching for that connection is the first part of what it takes to feel better than you do now.
>
> It sounds as though you're trying to punish your doctor -- "see? You made me this bad, and now look what you made me do!" -- which is a wish that just ain't gonna come true. Even if it did, even if he felt as bad as you do now because you do what you're thinking of -- YOU won't know about it. And YOU are what's important in all this.
>
> I've been suicidal, I've attempted suicide (but was found in time), and I KNOW deep into the core of my being that it feels as though you can't stand one more second of this pain. (I also know that I got annoyed beyond belief whenever someone quoted Corinthians to me, but that's probably idiosyncratic.) I'm not going to tell you that there's any easy answer, but I AM going to tell you that it is possible to feel better, and that there are things that allow one to get relief from this pain. What those things are vary between individuals, but there is relief available.
>
> I hope that something here resonate with you, and that it helps you reach out IN REAL LIFE for the help you'll need to find relief from this pain.
Posted by Phillipa on September 3, 2008, at 20:12:19
In reply to Re: Today is NOT my day » Racer, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 19:57:09
Kattwoman what a sad story. I truly emphathize with you. I also was a nurse for over 14 years. What medical condition with your blood caused the horrible effects? Don't worry about what you did over the past few weeks. They are not important you are important. If you'd list the meds and disease maybe I could help you figure out how to search for another doc and get well. I'm hearing you do definitely have a plan and the means with you. As I've babblemailed you we can talk in private if you like. Scott has been through so much as well as the others who have responded to your thread. I feel it in my old bones that we can help. In fact I know it. Think of those precious children and your animals how devastated and lonely they would be without you. Will you post again or babblemail me? Love for real Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on September 3, 2008, at 21:05:07
In reply to Re: Today is NOT my day » Racer, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 19:57:09
Kattwoman okay post the rest here for all to read. I'm wondering if he put you on atypical antipsychotics instead of benzos like xanax, valium, ativan, klonopin. And that cause a rise in blood sugar? Phillipa
Posted by Racer on September 3, 2008, at 21:52:27
In reply to Re: Today is NOT my day » Racer, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 19:57:09
> >
> No you do not know how I feel.
>No, of course I don't know how you feel. I'm sorry if you got the impression that I was trying to minimize your pain, because I wasn't at all. I was trying to tell you something about my story, and I was helped by the thought that I wasn't really wanting to end my life, so much as escape the overwhelming pain and distress I was feeling. It didn't do much to relieve the pain at the time, but it did keep me alive until I could find something that helped.
I hope you do not choose to carry out your plan. The story you wrote here sounds terrible, and I'm very sorry that happened to you.
And I still think there's hope for you, if you're still here.
Peace.
Posted by Marty on September 3, 2008, at 22:16:34
In reply to Today is my day, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 12:05:18
> I got screwed up totally by the Stupid Lassise by the meds he gave me.
---
Lassise ? Benzo ? oh dear. Please check the 'Babblemail' I've sent you.. you got to check your email at the email address you gave when you created your account on this site. You gonna like this ......If you can't go check your email and read what I wrote you, tell me .. you wont regret this...
/\/\arty
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on September 3, 2008, at 22:53:00
In reply to Re: Today is NOT my day » Racer, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 19:57:09
Hi...
Yep, I certainly don't know how you exactly feel, just as others don't. Everybody is quick to give advice, and nobody means no harm, they are trying their best. I've been through a few things that many people don't know about as well, and I'd like to share the story. Everybody has a unique story, though, and we really can't say one is worse then another, even though it may feel like it.
I had just spent the previous summer on a beautiful camping trip with my girlfriend, who I was going to marry, and our baby daughter. Life was just grand then. Then on a very cold, blustery January day, I found myself sitting in a car wondering if I should drive off of a pier, or just jump into the water of Lake Ontario. The sun was turning black, the world around me just dying more. That last same summer, I thought if there was a God or something, they where evil and merciless. Coming home from Toronto one evening, my girlfriend and baby daughter where in a car accident. I remember clear as a bell, the report sheet the police brought, that had "no survivors" written on it. The rest is such a blurry of pain, I've blocked a lot of it out. This is really hard for me talking about this, but I bring it up to maybe help connect in some way with people in pain.
Again, I am not saying one story is worse or bad then another, because pain is very universal. And, there is a heck of a lot of it. Only you can ultimately decide if you want to end your life or not. People can talk and talk and talk. The one thing that stopped me, was there where a few close people around me who loved me deeply. So, I grabbed onto that. I don't know if you can do that or not...maybe you do have the people, maybe not. Even just one person, as I have no friends anymore, just family. I am not going to say.."Don't do it because...."..as it doesn't matter what I think. My only other little trick was I used to (and still do) say that "..something will come up".
Again, it may or may not work for you. And if it doesn't, that is okay too.So, I hope the best for you, even though I realize the best often doesn't happen. If you can, find even the tinniest thing to clench onto. Your feelings are absolutely valid. If you want to chat some more in a non-judgmental environment, please keep posting, or you can babblemail me if you wish.
Take good care...
Jay
Posted by Phillipa on September 3, 2008, at 23:04:34
In reply to Re: Today is my day » kattwoman, posted by Marty on September 3, 2008, at 22:16:34
Kattwoman I've sent you babblemails also. And who is feeding your pets as if you're anything like me they are like children to you. And that means helpless if there is no one to care for them. And what about your children and grandchildren? I will babblemail you again. But I'd love to talk more. Love real name Jan
Posted by manic666 on September 4, 2008, at 3:18:09
In reply to Re: Today is my day, posted by Phillipa on September 3, 2008, at 23:04:34
ok here it is for you, you kill yourself you kill your kids. thats what you do. you think your kids grandkids,husband, will get over it. all there lives, your gonner leave them with that. they may all spiral into depression an only you can stop that.this is bad when i ovedosed the look on my kids faces the terror there dad the guy who brought them up kissed them loved them wanted to leave them. my wife crying what about me you selfish ba/tard what do i do without you.all caused like you by a crap doc who stopped my ativan 8 to 10 mg in on go. i to tried to get him in court an go srewed by my own lawyer.i came out hospital totally screwed an drinking a bottle of vodka or brandy a day to stay alive no one new not the wife the kids i could not get drunk thats how bad my brain was.hey but somthing must of happened cos im here. so think on kill yourself an kill your family. its that simple, xxx manic666
Posted by Abby Cunningham on September 4, 2008, at 11:01:17
In reply to Re: Today is my day, posted by manic666 on September 4, 2008, at 3:18:09
What really scares me is that you Manic and Katt were both yanked off a benzodiazepine which is a cruel, heartless thing for any doctor to do---where do they get their education????? It can do horrible things to your mind and body to be taken off a med. that is so addictive to some people!!! I am so sorry this happpened to you.
Katt there is hope....I wish I could talk with you in person. Babblemail me if you would like to talk.
> ok here it is for you, you kill yourself you kill your kids. thats what you do. you think your kids grandkids,husband, will get over it. all there lives, your gonner leave them with that. they may all spiral into depression an only you can stop that.this is bad when i ovedosed the look on my kids faces the terror there dad the guy who brought them up kissed them loved them wanted to leave them. my wife crying what about me you selfish ba/tard what do i do without you.all caused like you by a crap doc who stopped my ativan 8 to 10 mg in on go. i to tried to get him in court an go srewed by my own lawyer.i came out hospital totally screwed an drinking a bottle of vodka or brandy a day to stay alive no one new not the wife the kids i could not get drunk thats how bad my brain was.hey but somthing must of happened cos im here. so think on kill yourself an kill your family. its that simple, xxx manic666
Posted by muffled on September 4, 2008, at 16:08:20
In reply to Re: Today is my day, posted by Abby Cunningham on September 4, 2008, at 11:01:17
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20080719/msgs/850256.html
Posted by Marty on September 4, 2008, at 16:13:03
In reply to she ok, posted by muffled on September 4, 2008, at 16:08:20
There's knowledgeable people here that will help you figure out what's not working for you and what you really need. You will be amazed by how much some people here knows about those drugs... And BTW, if returning on the benzos is what you need to be happy .. that's an EASY thing to do when you know the How and Who. You don't even need money.
/\/\arty
Posted by Phillipa on September 4, 2008, at 23:35:25
In reply to Kattwoman: Comeback ......, posted by Marty on September 4, 2008, at 16:13:03
Kattwoman I would love to chat with you and hear the whole story. I hope you're okay. Love Phillipa
Posted by satsumas on September 6, 2008, at 13:14:46
In reply to Re: Kattwoman: Comeback ......, posted by Phillipa on September 4, 2008, at 23:35:25
Katt sorry to hear of your pains. I'm just posting so I can suggest two books that you may be interested in reading that I have found a great comfort both emotionally and intellectually in my own times of suicidal thinking:
"Dark night of the soul" by St. John of the Cross (16th century spanish mystic)
and (read first): C.S. Lewis' "The problem of pain"
Posted by Phillipa on September 6, 2008, at 20:01:04
In reply to Re: Kattwoman: Comeback ......, posted by satsumas on September 6, 2008, at 13:14:46
Kattwoman thinking of you as are so many others. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 7, 2008, at 15:00:56
In reply to Re: Kattwoman: Comeback ......, posted by satsumas on September 6, 2008, at 13:14:46
> "Dark night of the soul" by St. John of the Cross (16th century spanish mystic)
>
> and (read first): C.S. Lewis' "The problem of pain"I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature at this site:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
The first time anyone refers to a book, movie, or music without using this option, I post this to try to make sure he or she at least knows about it. It's just an option, though, and doesn't *have* to be used. If people *choose* not to use it, I'd be interested why not, but I'd like that redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020918/msgs/7717.html
Thanks!
Bob
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